Whatever happened to honesty?

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Posted: 2 years ago
#1

I finally saw TJMM yesterday on Netflix. I had my expectations low, considering it is a Luv Ranjan film. I was pleasantly surprised that the woman is not shown as the scheming villain. I mean, it's a low bar. The film does have its problems. There is a significant amount of time the woman appears to be callous and heartless until she finally gets to explain her decisions.

The initial love story was also super cringe. The guy is super clingy even after the girl wants to keep things casual. I mean, he pretty much guilts her into a relationship. It is reminiscent of 500 Days of Summer, where the guy creates a fantasy true love relationship with a girl who wants to keep it casual and doesn't see long-term potential. There were many better ways to do a summer/vacation fling turned into a romance-type narrative that wasn't so cringe. Also, the breakup service business is a super cringe plot device.

But I digress.

*spoilers ahead*

I face-palmed for the majority of the movie because I was like, just be honest. Tinni is rightly overwhelmed by his family, who doesn't give their relationship space. It's always a big hangout without any intimate date nights as a couple. They're making big decisions like changing her gynecologist, telling her to quit work, and her future living space after marriage. This sudden loss of intimacy, privacy, and autonomy would take aback most people.

I understand and appreciate that she didn't want him to choose between her and his family. But that was a false dichotomy, to begin with. Why not just be honest with your partner? What is the point of a committed relationship if you cannot honestly share your concerns when something goes wrong? Most of the issues she had could have been resolved with an honest conversation. Everyone was oblivious to crossing the line and willing to make changes when they realized the issues. More importantly, the biggest issue was a doofus boyfriend who didn't realize that a romantic relationship requires balancing family time and couple time - and she just needed to tell him that.

Relationships are not a zero-sum game where one wins and the other loses. It's usually a compromise where if each partner gives the right amount, both feel better. How can you assume it's one or another without opening the discussion? And if your partner is unwilling to compromise or the terms are dealbreakers, you break up and move on.

Similarly, when he finds out that she wants to break up with him - he doubles down into a childish tit-for-tat instead of confronting her. He dares to call her a liar when he completely hides his side hustle from her. As a matter of fact, the only reason he is unwilling to confront her is because he doesn't want to expose his side hustle. You claim to love and want to marry this person but don't dare to be honest - wtf? If he had been honest about his breakup side hustle when he started dating her, she would have had no choice but to be honest with him instead of using the service. And he had a golden opportunity to be the bigger person and start a conversation, but he squanders it in childishness.

I get that it's a movie for fun, and the whole thing is a plot device for misunderstandings. It's just exasperating, though. It lets people think that relationship problems can fall in place without honest communication - which is just not true.

With sharper writing, the movie could have been much better. The romance could have been less cringe. And it would have been just as amusing to see a couple struggle through communicating their needs and compromises. Because who said honest conversations are smooth sailing? I mean think of all the sitcoms where couples have to navigate problems and misunderstandings in their relationships.

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Posted: 2 years ago
#2

A film where they would communicate would probably be more drama heavy than comedy and would need a better writer than Luv. I don't really think that's the issue with the film. This particular style of comedy relies on silly plot contrivances and isn't really about realism.


Honestly, I am not even sure how many couples really communicate with each other. I feel like the average person would behave like Shraddha and try to get out of the relationship without bringing up the actual issue. Of course with much simpler tactics. I feel like I have seen enough relationships, where nobody is willing to communicate.


I do agree with the other issues though. Luv's films rely on a horrible female lead to make the whiny male lead likable. Tini is not really malicious, do there's no reason to root for Mickey. Add to that how underdeveloped Tini's side is. Both her friend and family. It just makes the film even more lopsided in her favor.

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Posted: 2 years ago
#3

It’s a very dumb movie but not showing the woman to be the villain is very refreshing. Low bar, but lll take it.

I know most couples don’t really communicate but when you don’t see long-term potential what’s the point of communicating! You communicate to solve something, and when the person knows they don’t want anything real/long-term with the other party, I see no point In communicating. I’ve been in a situation where the other party tried to coerce & emotionally manipulate me into a relationship b/c they’re very delusional & decided “they’re in love with me” and it was so so confusing b/c I had only been completely honest about it being all casual, since day 1. Maybe it’s a trigger but tbh, I would walk away too.


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Posted: 2 years ago
#4

Originally posted by: semantic.error

A film where they would communicate would probably be more drama heavy than comedy and would need a better writer than Luv. I don't really think that's the issue with the film. This particular style of comedy relies on silly plot contrivances and isn't really about realism.

Maybe Luv Ranjan would treat it as drama. But a significant chunk of sitcoms in the west rely on mishaps that happen even when couples communicate.

Originally posted by: semantic.error


Honestly, I am not even sure how many couples really communicate with each other. I feel like the average person would behave like Shraddha and try to get out of the relationship without bringing up the actual issue. Of course with much simpler tactics. I feel like I have seen enough relationships, where nobody is willing to communicate.

If people genuinely love someone and want to live with them, they find a way to address their issues. It's not always honest, direct communication. But it's dropping hints or asking a friend etc. Breakup is the last resort.

But in general, you're right. People don't communicate. I have theories.

- movies seem to promote that indirect methods are the best solution

- conflict and disagreement is seen as negative

- raising an issue or complaining is often seen as a personal attack

- even if people want to communicate, they don't know how, no one taught them to communicate

- finally, in Indian society, there is a huge onus on the woman to adjust and accept, especially if the in-laws are caring

Communication is a relatively modern phenomenon. Therapy, mental health, and mindfulness are all new concepts to help a repressed society learn to communicate instead of repressing their feelings.

Originally posted by: semantic.error


I do agree with the other issues though. Luv's films rely on a horrible female lead to make the whiny male lead likable. Tini is not really malicious, do there's no reason to root for Mickey. Add to that how underdeveloped Tini's side is. Both her friend and family. It just makes the film even more lopsided in her favor.

Yes. There is a whole chunk of the second half where Tinni is almost invisible. It is all about Mickey and how hurt he is. But in my head I was screaming - but what is going on with Tinni. What is her side? Why aren't you showing what she is experiencing?

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Posted: 2 years ago
#5

This movie was so cringe..I had to drop it in 30 minutes...

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Posted: 2 years ago
#6

Honesty ran off

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Posted: 2 years ago
#7

Originally posted by: Mallika-E-Bhais

It’s a very dumb movie but not showing the woman to be the villain is very refreshing. Low bar, but lll take it.

Man, I cannot believe how pleasantly surprised I was regarding this. Low bar indeed.

Originally posted by: Mallika-E-Bhais

I know most couples don’t really communicate but when you don’t see long-term potential what’s the point of communicating! You communicate to solve something, and when the person knows they don’t want anything real/long-term with the other party, I see no point In communicating. I’ve been in a situation where the other party tried to coerce & emotionally manipulate me into a relationship b/c they’re very delusional & decided “they’re in love with me” and it was so so confusing b/c I had only been completely honest about it being all casual, since day 1. Maybe it’s a trigger but tbh, I would walk away too.

I wish that was the case. Honestly, Tinni was coerced into the relationship. When we first meet her - rich laadlas are a dealbreaker for her and she wants to keep it casual. It is Mickey who incessantly pursues and guilts her. So as soon as something goes wrong she takes the escape hatch. I would have loved to see something like 500 days of Summer where Mickey realizes he pursued a one-sided relationship based on a fantasy in his head.

But IMO, even if you don't see long-term potential, it's good, to be honest. I am breaking up with you because x,y,z.

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Posted: 2 years ago
#8

Originally posted by: EXOL

This movie was so cringe..I had to drop it in 30 minutes...

Haha. I have such a low bar for Luv Ranjan that I was pleasantly surprised.

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Posted: 2 years ago
#9

I can’t believe I wasted my money on this crap.

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