Is this true about us ? - Page 3

Originally posted by: DB_reloaded

yes u women never apologise

are u the dominating alpha types?

Originally posted by: FingerFetish

On the contrary I was the one who always apologised (even when I wasn’t wrong) and wouldn’t sleep all night because I was too busy crying my heart out. I was gaslit to believe I was the bad person and my desperation to hold onto the toxic relationship and make it work meant I had to bite my tongue and let go of my self respect.

When I finally decided enough is enough, he was ready to opera sing his apologies but it was too late by then.

Sounds like a classic case of a Narcissist that you dealt with. Good on you to dump him.

Originally posted by: shubh.shubh

are u the dominating alpha types?

no i stand up for my rights

Yes, I always apologise. But then I make him guilty for making me apologize and then he gives me a treat and we live happily ever after.😆

Going by most opinions here - I know it's skewed in the favor of women 😆

But it's case by case obviously. It's true that women tend to be more emotional, so they are quicker to apologize. That doesn't mean guys don't want peace or don't feel guilty about things.

As a Man, I can tell that the conditioning that the society gives us (especially Men) of looking at apologies or display of tears and crying as a sign of weakness - that gets the best of us. So we're either slower to come forward with the apology or the hardened ones never apologize, or sometimes - we genuinely don't know that we're at fault, as men percieve / interpret things a bit differently from women.

It got me too, though I am known to be the softer one amongst my buddies. It got me into a viscous cycle of trying to be 'Man enough' to fit into the social circle.

But that eventually ended when I realized that I am not going to be sorry for being just human or expressive. My friends now are mostly women and maybe a handful close male buddies.

Having said that, have I ever apologized to a girl? Heck yes.

I liked this girl a lot, 7 years ago. She was/is a total Queen. Classy, feminine, unassuming, kind and yet she knew her boundaries and didn't take shit. She is a friend and I had/have a huge crush on her. I had an inkling that she liked me too and felt safe around me. I wanted to speed up things and get her to confess that she likes me, so I tried making her jelous in a party one night(my bad!) by saying that I wanted to date this other girl who was part of the same workplace.

I was young and naive at that point - influenced my a toxic male cycle and bred the wrong advice. That deffo hurt her and pushed her away. She lost the trust and distanced herself from me. I didn't know why she did that. At that time (being naive/ foolish) I percieved that as - her not being interested in me and that it may have caused her to move on and to stop talking. I kept thinking about her every now and then through the years, though I saw a couple girls inbetween.

It was only a year ago when I happened to work with someone who knew her, that she started asking him about me. Eventually she reached out through text, to my huge shock and surprise and resurfaced memories from 7 years ago. She expressed how terribly upset she was with me for that party and the jelousy game. (all while expressing it in a kind and classy, factual manner). That's when I realized she liked me too.

Obviously I sincerely apologized and made up to her. Went and met her, spent time with her when she visited my city. Who knows, if we get a divine opportunity again to work things out, she's the one then.

But point being - Men apologize too. Guys just don't interpret things the same way women do. Being vulnerable and expressing your concerns, is very attractive to the right guy. The right guy can handle you i.e anger & emotions included. With Narcs? nothing works. They love gaslighting.

Originally posted by: sanityinfinite

As a Man, I can tell that the conditioning that the society us (especially Men) of looking at apologies or display of tears and crying as a sign of weakness - that's gets the best of us.

I read this line 10 x and will now proceed to faint dead away in shock. Excuse me

Originally posted by: FingerFetish

I read this line 10 x and will now proceed to faint dead away in shock. Excuse me

Is that a good or a bad thing?😆 that you had to read it 10X times?

Originally posted by: sanityinfinite

Is that a good or a bad thing?😆 that you had to read it 10X times?

It was a shock thing. I’m still in shock. I thought you were a girl. I’m still processing this.

Originally posted by: FingerFetish

It was a shock thing. I’m still in shock. I thought you were a girl. I’m still processing this.

Thank goodness. 😆 That's a better thing to be shocked about. I thought I may have written something truly horrible.

I am a true blue guy lol I've had this question come up to me by a few folks, because my profile says I am 'female'. Heck no. That's on I-F. 😆I don't know how on earth that got chosen and I've tried 10 dozen times to get the setting to help me choose the correct gender.

Dang! These "henpecked husband, wife is always right" type jokes are damaging and misogynistic.

As humans, men or women, husband or wife, we are all equally capable of making mistakes. At some point, we do realize we were wrong and should apologize. When that comes varies. Some people know right away. Some people can take days (even years). What people do also varies. Some people apologize right away. Some never do, even if they are wrong. Some people are good at apologizing. Some are a blubbering mess, never getting the right words.

This is a rough generalization, but I have noticed that men tend to apologize far less. Sometimes it is ego and masculinity. They're afraid of appearing soft. Sometimes it is simple as not knowing how to. One of the running gags in 'The Middle' is Mike's inability to apologize or show vulnerability. The show handles Mike and the Heck men wonderfully.

All in all

- if you're wrong, you definitely should apologize

- it's also good to apologize for hurting someone, even if you did nothing wrong

- apologies should be sincere

- apologies should ideally be in person, unless you live far apart