Katha was in her bedroom, alone with her thoughts and fears. She was horrified and shaken to her very core. She had seen Viaan injure his palm on the broken glass earlier that day and everyone, including herself, had run to help.
But what she felt when she saw his pain was more than just concern. She felt an intense pain in her heart, as if she felt his pain in her own body. It had scared her.
She was crying now, unable to control the tears that were streaming down her face. She didn't understand what was happening to her. How could she be feeling such powerful emotions for someone who had hurt her in such a way?
Katha thought back to the moments leading up to her pain. She thought of Viaan's sweetness and his loving words. She recalled his actions and the way he begged her for forgiveness.
He had been so sincere and apologetic.
Katha shook her head, trying to erase the memories. It was unfair to her late husband, she thought.
But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't help but feel something for Viaan.
Katha buried her head in her hands and let out a sob. She didn't know what to do. She was scared and confused. She didn't want to feel this way, but she couldn't help it. She was falling for someone who had hurt her so deeply.
Katha decided to fight against this new emotion before it got the best of her. She told herself that it was just a temporary weakness, a momentary lapse of judgment. She told herself that she was still loyal to her late husband, that she still loved him with all her heart.
She told herself that she was still angry at Viaan, that she still hated him for what he did to her. She told herself that she was still independent and strong, that she didn't need anyone to complete her.
Katha looked at herself in the mirror and took a deep breath. She wiped her tears with the back of her hand.
"Katha, you are stronger than this. You have survived so much. You have lost Adi, you have fought for Aarav, your life, your happiness. You have worked hard, you have sacrificed, you have succeeded. You don't need anyone else. You certainly don't need Viaan Raghuvanshi. All these feelings you think you have are mindgames. It's not real. Snap out of it. Snap out of it, Katha. You don't love Viaan Raghuvanshi."
The next day, Katha was sitting at her desk, working on her laptop. She was trying to finish a report that was due by the end of the day. She was also trying to forget the events of the previous night, her panic, her tears, that confession that wasn't one.
She heard a knock on the door and looked up. She saw him standing there, smiling at her. He was wearing a crisp white shirt and a navy blue blazer. He was holding a folder in his left hand and a coffee cup in his right hand. He had a bandage wrapped around his palm.
Viaan Raghuvanshi.
Katha attempted averting her eyes from his hand, trying to stop her rapidly beating heart all at once. What was this? What was the meaning of this? He was looking at her like she meant something, his gaze so passionate, so fervent and yet warm, gentle in that manner that only he could pull.
It scared her. It frightened her that she was conscious of his gaze.
Katha tapped her desk nervously with her fingers, eyes stuck to laptop screen like there was something fascinating there.
"Is there anything I can help you with, sir?"
"Ah yes, Katha. Your help is so much needed."
She bit her lower lip at how even his compliments seemed to mean something.
Was he doing this on purpose? Did he not know?
Katha glanced at him from the corner of her eyes but Viaan didn't give her the chance to see his face.
He looked down hard at the folder in his hand, trying to stop his smile to no avail. What was this giddiness, excitement that he felt this hallowed morning?
"Ahem." He tried to smooth things over.
"Hi, Katha. How are you?"
"I'm fine." She didn't ask about his hand. He didn't push it.
Viaan handed her the folder.
"It's the new list of hires. We have to go through them and decide who to interview."
"Okay. Let's do that."
She put the folder on her desk and gestured for him to sit on the chair opposite her -which he did.
"So, what are you looking for in the new hires?"
"Someone who is patient and hardworking."
"That's important. Anything else?"
"Someone who is creative and innovative. Someone who can think outside the box and come up with new solutions."
"Like Earthcon ki Rooh?" he mumbled this.
"Huh?"
"Nothing."
Katha's eyes paused on him for a second before going back to the folder.
"We also need someone who is passionate and enthusiastic. Someone who loves their job and gives their best."
Viaan clicked his tongue in approval.
"That's it. I like it. You know,Katha?"
You know, Katha?
He was talking in that off-hand, lazy voice he never knew he used, when he found something amusing.
It caused a tremor to go through her, the things that he did, how her name seemed to be song on his lips.
They settled there and sounded beautiful,waxed lyrical.
It hurt how much she thought they did. It was breaking her heart that a part of her liked to hear it.
Viaan, oblivious to her inner turmoil, went on.
"The best hire we ever had was the last one. I wish everyone who joins us turns out that way."
Katha looked at him and felt her heart skip a beat. She realized he was talking about her. She realized he was complimenting her.
She looked away and felt her heart tremble. She realized he was making her feel something. She realized he was affecting her.
Viaan, who saw this, thought she was offended. Shit, he scolded himself. He had lost himself again.
"Katha, I am so sorry." His voice was now serious and earnest.
She hated all sounds of Viaan Raghuvanshi.
There was no one that didn't sound beautiful.
Katha cleared her throat, willing to return to normalcy.
"Let's focus on the task at hand. We have to review these resumes and shortlist the candidates. We have to conduct the interviews and select the best ones.
We have to train them and assign them to their projects. We have to do this."
The silence at the end meant that was his cue to leave.
Viaan caught on quick.
"Oh sorry, sorry. I'll be on my merry way."
He felt so embarrassed on her behalf. His low-end flirting must have weirded her out.
As he exited the office, Viaan couldn't help thinking that he'd get major-league scolding from Ehsan and Batman.
As the afternoon wore on, another guest visited Katha. Unexpected at that.
Teji Raghuvanshi.
Katha stood up to welcome her in. She was her boss' mother. That was the lie she told herself to hide her panic upon remembering their last encounter.
She wondered if she could say the same things all over.
"Hi, Katha. How are you?" Teji was a pleasant breeze. It was like the conversation in the kitchen that day had been a dream.
Katha nervously tried to match her.
"Hello, Aunt Teji. I am fine. Please have a seat," Katha said, smiling politely.
"Hello, Katha. Thank you for your time. I won't take long. I just wanted to talk to you about something," Teji said, sitting on the chair opposite Katha's desk.
"Sure. What is it?" Katha asked, feeling curious.
Teji took out her phone and showed Katha a picture of a girl. She was a stunning beauty with long black hair and green eyes. She was wearing a black suit and a pearl necklace.
As she did, her eyes focused on Katha's face for any shift.
"This is Naina. She is a famous lawyer who is the daughter of a friend of mine. She is smart, talented, and successful. She is also single and looking for a partner."
Katha felt a pang of unease.
"What does she have to do with me?"
Teji sighed.
"Katha, I know you are not interested in Viaan. You have made that clear to me and to him. But he is still in love with you. You know how men can be. He is still hoping that you will change your mind. He is still hovering around you, trying to win you over."
She paused a bit before going on.
"You...don't have feelings for him, right?"
"No. Of course not." She stifled the tremor in her voice.
"That's good."
The words and the dazzling smile on Teji's face after imprinted itself on Katha's heart. She tried to ignore the lump in her throat.
"W-what do you want me to do?"
Teji looked at her with pleading eyes.
"I want you to convince him to go on a blind date with Naina. I know he will listen to you. He trusts you and values your opinion."
Katha felt an inner panic.
"Why me? Why can't you do it?"
Teji shook her head, the look on her face telling. "You know how that will turn out. He won't listen to me. He will think I'm interfering in his life. He will think I'm trying to push him away from you."
She grabbed Katha's hands, surprising the other woman.
"Katha, this is a chance for Viaan and you to be happy. You know his feelings can have no reward and they burden you. So, convincing him to meet up with Naina is a way out for the both of you. You understand the pain of a mother, right?"
"Y-yes."
But even though Katha said yes, every cell in her body was in discomfort, in a frenzy limbo of panic and refusal.
Katha looked at the picture of Naina again and felt her heart squeeze painfully. She imagined Viaan with her, holding her hand, kissing her lips, loving her soul - her rooh.
Earthcon ki rooh.
She didn't know how to feel, especially seeing the beautiful girl in the picture. She and Viaan would make a good couple.
She composed herself and told Teji yes, remembering her resolve.
She told herself: "I can do this."
But as it turned out - she was bloody liar.
Katha ended up staying late after this in the office. She recalled everything and for some reason started crying. She felt messy inside and in turmoil. She felt guilty and conflicted. She felt sad and lonely.
She didn't hear Viaan walk in. He had come back to the office to get some files he had forgotten. He had heard her crying from outside the door. and rushed to her worried.
Katha was sitting on her chair, sobbing quietly. Viaan saw her face wet with tears, her eyes red and swollen.
He saw her shoulders shaking, her chest heaving.
He felt his heart tighten at the sight. Why on earth was the light of his life crying alone in the dark? If only he could just hold her, touch her soul like she had done his.
Viaan's only wish was to love this woman.
He thought that would be enough. He thought wrong. Viaan wanted to do more. Just a little bit.
"Katha, what's the matter? Are you okay?" His voice was deep, warm, concerned.
She looked up and saw him standing there, looking at her with worry and care. She saw his handsome and charming face. She saw his wounded and bandaged hand.
"I'm sorry, sir. I didn't hear you come in. I'm fine. It's nothing."
Katha hurried to wipe her face. Viaan frowned just by looking.
He walked closer. "Don't lie to me, Katha. I can see you're not fine. It's something. Please tell me what's wrong."
Katha looked away. "It's nothing, Mr. Raghuvanshi. It's just some personal stuff. You don't have to worry about me."
"Please let me worry about you, Katha. Please let me help you. Please let me be your friend."
Viaan's hand reached out. They paused. And then they went on, as if possessed by a higher power.
He touched her face gently with his hand and wiped away her tears with his thumb.
"I can't see you hurt, Katha. It's killing me inside that you're so miserable. I'd rather take all your pain away."
She looked at him and felt her heart melt. She felt his warmth and his tenderness. For a moment, Katha wanted to just be.
She felt so vulnerable and she allowed him to hug her. She leaned into his chest and wrapped her arms around him.
He was shocked that she allowed him to hug her. He was excited that this could mean progress for them.
He hugged her back and whispered in her ear.
"I am here for you, Katha. I am always here."
She felt a surge of emotion at his words. They were like music to her ears, making her feel cherished and wanted. She looked into his eyes and saw the sincerity and passion in them. She couldn't resist him any longer. She let him pull her closer, wrap his arms around her.
She felt his warm breath on her hair, his soft kisses on her cheeks. She closed her eyes and sighed, feeling a wave of bliss wash over her. She had never felt this way before.
But then, a sudden fear gripped her.
What was she doing? How could she let herself fall for him?
She couldn't do this to Adi.
She couldn't do this to Aarav.
Her feelings were a sin. They were wrong. She hated that she had them.
Thoughts of her and Viaan Raghuvanshi that she would never have had before.
There was no future here.
She had to stop this madness before it was too late. Before she lost herself and found it hard to live outside this man. She knew if she lingered, that may be her new reality.
Viaan Raghuvanshi was such a force that way, even in ways he didn't know.
Katha pushed him away with all her strength and stared at him with panic in her eyes.
"I can't do this, I can't do this," she repeated, shaking her head.
He looked at her, confusion in his eyes.
"What's wrong? Did I do something wrong?" he asked.
Did he end up scaring her in a heated moment of passion?
Viaan wanted to remedy things quick.
"Katha..."
He reached for her - but she dodged his hand.
Katha just grabbed her bag and ran out of the office, leaving him behind. She ran as fast as she could, trying to escape from him and from her own feelings.
What should she do? What to do?
She ran all the way out front and got into a tricycle, straight for home. She just wanted to get away from him and from her own feelings. She felt like she had betrayed herself and her late husband.
How could she love another man after losing him?
And Viaan Raghuvanshi, out of all people?
How could it be him? Why was it him?
Anyone but him to make her feel so alive and wanted.
Katha began to sob.
Why was it him? What was the meaning of all this?
Katha reached her home and paid the rider. She got out and ran to the door, fumbling with her keys. She opened the door and slammed it behind her. She leaned against it and slid to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. She felt like her world was falling apart.
She didn't know what to do.
A hand pressed itself against her lips, so as not to wake up Neerja and Aarav.
If they found her like this, she wouldn't know what to tell them. What to tell Aarav.
Should she tell him that the reason for her tears was another man who had disrespected her, his mother, nonetheless?
Should she say that she felt destroyed just thinking that this man will turn to another?
Or could she just tell her son that she is foolish and this will pass?
But will it?
It sounded like a joke.
Here she was, her mind doing flips and one of them was where she told Aarav of Viaan and he hated it.
Her heart squeezed tight. It felt like she couldn't even breathe.
Here, she was surrounded with all the photos of her and Aditya.
But her heart was framing new ones.
Katha thought that if she had to give up Viaan, it would hurt enough to die.
It will hurt so much that she will be angry at Aarav.
Perhaps, she will run away and go seek comfort in Viaan's arms. She will tell every bystander that she had sacrificed enough.
Can't she just be happy for once?
Katha shuddered, the horror of what was going through her mind.
No, no. She couldn't dance around this.
She didn't trust herself if she allowed that man to keep chipping at the wall she had built between them.
This complicity had to stop.
Katha reached for her phone and sent a hurried text to Viaan.
In there were all the details that Teji had transferred to her on Naina.
This is Naina. She is a great girl. Your mother approves of her.
She pressed send.
Katha anxiously looked at her screen, her feelings all tangled.
What was she expecting? Why was she expecting?
She got a notification that he had read it.
But there was no reply.
There was no fevered confession that she was used to, or affirmation of faithfulness that Viaan had conditioned her to.
She pressed her hand to her eyes, forcing back unshed tears.
It was better this way.
Or perhaps, it wasn't.
Katha felt she had turned a compulsive liar.
The next morning at the office, they had a meeting. Viaan led it.
She felt a twinge of sadness just sitting in her chair.
Why?
He was looking at her so differently from the usual. Viaan nodded and smiled politely but there was no warmth in his eyes. He was aloof and distant, like a stranger.
She felt a surge of regret and confusion.
Katha felt regret - and she recognized it as soon as she did, the emotion overpowering her senses.
There was a panic that arrested her, watching him walk out at the end.
There was no gentle gaze at her, no short reminders that she shouldn't overwork herself.
Katha had never realised until now just how much of a fixture Viaan had made himself in her life.
And in her heart.
Well, she thought, keeping back tears in her office, that it was good like this.
She is hurt now, but this feeling will pass. It will be something she would laugh over later.
But if she felt that way, why had she brushed her hair and looked in a compact mirror for smudges when she was going to send in a report to his office?
Why do all that? Why, Katha?
Katha walked to his office, holding a report in her hand. She knocked on the door and waited for his permission to enter.
"Come in," he said.
She opened the door and stepped inside. Viaan looked up from his laptop to her. His expression was neutral.
"Good morning, sir," she said.
"Good morning, Katha," he said.
She walked to his desk and handed him the report.
"Here's the report you asked for, sir," she said.
Viaan took the report and glanced at it.
"Thank you, Katha. You did a good job," he said.
She smiled nervously. It was all so formal.
"Thank you, sir," she said.
She turned to leave, but he stopped her.
"Wait," he said.
She stopped and looked at him.
"Yes, sir?" she asked.
To her surprise, Viaan got up from his chair and walked to her. He closed the door behind him and locked it. He moved behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He whispered in her ear.
"If you want to kill me, just go ahead. But don't you ever send such rubbish to me. Katha," his voice was so soft, "I love you. I love you so much. How am I supposed to feel when you send such things to me?"
Viaan pressed his lips against her shoulder. He whispered, his voice low.
"I feel scared, Katha and I can't help it. I feel panic and it consumes me, Katha. If I scared you last night,I am sorry. I don't want to hurt you or pressure you or scare you with my actions. I just couldn't hide my feelings for you anymore."
He went on.
"Katha, I'm sorry, okay? But don't run away like that. Don't send me such messages anymore. They scare me, Katha. I am afraid that one day I would wake up and you will never have arrived at Earthcon. I suffer everyday remembering how I hurt you. I don't know if I can endure this too. Don't send me such messages again, okay? Scold me, tell me you are angry but don't send them to me. I have no eyes for anyone except you, Katha. I can't imagine it."
His voice had broken - and Katha quickly felt her shoulder wet.
Somewhere along the line, Viaan had choked up and was sobbing.
"I need you, Katha. I need you in my life." He kept repeating.
She felt a jumble of emotions as he spoke. Katha felt conflicted because she knew the routinue.
She knew that she should turn around and let him know that she is sorry, but he is wasting his emotions on her. She should be angry, for holding her so close and saying such scandalous things.
She should be irritated. She could slap him and no one will blame her.
But she couldn't.
Because she had the weirdest expression on.
It just didn't fit that in such a solemn mood, Katha was trying to fight back a smile.
The corners of her lips were curving up and she was doing her best to suppress it.
In thirty minutes or even next week, she will scold herself for today.
She wasn't even hesitating or split.
Katha was just amused at herself, how happy she was in this moment.
No.
Katha didn't have her compact mirror on hand, but she knew that she looked nothing short of a junkie high on something.
She was biting her lips, thrilled.
Her eyes were alive. And when they, the room called her mind, thought of the man right behind her, there was a heavy, sweet burden in her heart.
It was like every part of her body was rebelling against rationale.
"Katha?"
Somewhere along the time spent, Viaan had moved back a bit, his hands were on her shoulders.
His voice was some sort of gentle warning. He wanted to turn her around.
Katha didn't resist.
She pursed her lips and adjusted her expression in that time. She had to be serious. She had to be rough with him.
"Pfft!"
But in the end, she couldn't so it. She couldn't help laughing through her own tears, seeing Viaan's handsome face so puffy. His eyes were bloodshot.
Katha snickered. She placed a palm over her mouth.
"Look at your face like a hippo's. Hahaha!"
Viaan was stunned.
He had never seen Katha act this way to him.
It had shocked him, but he held on and smiled. His shock turned into peace. He looked lovingly at her while she made fun of his messed up look.
Katha, in a fit of excitement, had pointed at his face.
Viaan grabbed that hand and placed it on his face.
"I want this. If you don't mind."
His heart was beating so fast at this reckless act of boldness. Katha was no longer laughing.
But she wasn't angry either. She wasn't scolding him for this or for his earlier words.
It gave him hope, he that was almost at the end of his wits.
"Katha, I-I love you."
"What did you say?" she whispered like it was the first time.
"I said I love you. I want to be your husband and the father to your son. I don't want to be apart from you."
Viaan rushed it all out like there was no tomorrow.
Looking at this man who was so fervent even in his panic, Katha knew how she felt.
It was the same emotion as yesterday. But it felt like she'd die if she did nothing except run away.
Katha took scared, tiny steps forward and as she did, she wondered if he could hear her heartbeat loud.
She wanted to say that she could hear his. His was so loud it could deafen her.
She was scared to say that she could hear his. She didn't know if people could do that to someone they had no concern for.
Katha didn't have to walk all the way.
Viaan gently reached out and pulled her into his arms. He used the other free hand to push her hair backward.
"Katha, I love you."
Just when they were so close, a voice popped into the background. It was a voice full of tears and betrayal.
"Mumma?"
Katha panicked and pushed Viaan away. Aarav was standing at the door to Viaan's office, Teji and Kailash, his grandfather right behind him.
The latter looked like he was seething but all her focus was on Aarav who was crying now, so much so that she didn't see the look of horror and understanding on Viaan's face.
Batman is Aarav?! Goodness, no. No no no.
Debate Mansion
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Book Talk
