Anupama AU- what If Samar realised his family's toxicity

Samar had been uncharacteristically silent since last few days.

Not that anybody noticed. Samar was a classic case of middle child syndrome. Chronically ignored by his family who favoured his ambitious older brother and a cute acting younger sister. Samar grew up learning to fend for himself, never asking for anything for himself. From an outsider's point of view, he was mature and responsible for his age. His only solace in his family was his mother, who somehow understood his artistic flair and encouraged him to pursue his dreams.

Things changed for better when he met Nandini. She came into his life like a breath of fresh air, chasing away the dark clouds of loneliness that had plagued him since his childhood. They had gotten engaged with their respective familie's blessings.

Things became bit tensed, when Nadini's aunt was revealed to be his father's affair partner. Samar and Nandini's marriage was swept aside in the impending drama, which got worse after Kavya got Married to Vanraj. The atmosphere within the family became so negative it was suffocating.

Samar was glad get out of the house when nandini invited him for a coffee. He was looking forward to escape the drama and just enjoy some quality time with his fiance, but the date turned out to be something serious.

Nandini was not only Samar's fiance, she was also his co-worker. They both taught dance at his mother's dance academy, though Nandini had another job and was only there part time. So she was exposed to the family drama as much as Samar was.

"Do you think baa wanting to throw kavya masi out of the house is right? ” she asked him as they sipped their coffees.

" I can't say.. But her staying there is not helping either. " Samar replied honestly.

"From what I observed, Baa's behavior is not exactly epitome of politeness either. " Nandini replied, her tone sour.

" It's baa and dadajis home after all. If they don't want somebody in the house, they can ask them to leave. " Samar said, his anger just simmering under the surface.

Nandini took a deep breath and kept her coffee aside. She prepared herself for what was most likely to be the end of her relationship.

"You know Samar, Indian law actually gives protection to the married woman of the family. You can't just throw out your daughter in law because you have differences. At worst, Kavya masi can file a case of domestic abuse against Baa. "

"What! She wouldn't dare. I will not spare her if she does something like this. " Samar roared.

"Just like you terrorized her last time and you ended up with a FIR on your record. " Nandini said cautiously.

Samar didn't know what to say.

" I am glad our marriage got delayed a bit Samar. It has given me more time to get to know you, and your family as well. I have been observing your family dynamics silently since our engagement, and I don't like what I see. "

Samar couldn't contradict her. His family atmosphere hasn't been the best, but it was all Kavya's and Mr. Shah's fault.

" I understand conflict and not seeing eye to eye sometimes, but here everything is quite abusive. Anupama mam had divorced your father, but she is still living in the house. What bothered me the most was how everyone is still treating her like a maid, and you are not even saying anything. "

"No one thinks that mom is a maid Nandini. She just loves taking care of everyone and the house. You know her nature is caring. " Samar defended his mother.

"Just because she likes it doesn't mean only she has to do it Samar. She just had cancer treatment. Dr. Advait told her to look after her health. But she was still saddled with housework and taking care of everyone else. Tell me one thing, Baa has always bossed everyone around. Why didn't she order Anupama mam to rest? Why didn't she ask to hire another maid? Instead Kinjal bhabhi was expected to do the work while she had such a big project going on at her office. When she lashed out because of the pressure, all of you just lectured her and told her that she is wrong. "

" But she was wrong Nandini. Someone has to look after the family. " Samar still wasn't getting the point.

"Why can't everyone take care of themselves? Why aren't responsibilities devided equally? Why is Baa allowed to verbally abuse everyone around her but we are not allowed to answer her back. You know why Kavya masi is treated like a villain? Because she is gutsy enough to call out the abuse that's happening in the family. "

" What exactly is the point of this conversation Nandini? Even you will be a part of the family soon. " Samar asked.

"It's just that Samar. I don't think I can live in such a family. I will lose my mind. " Nandini said, point blank.

"Nandini... ", Samar tried to assure her, " This is just a bad patch we are going through. Once kavya and Mr. Shah are gone, everything will be fine. And Baa is elder, bado ki daant ka kya bura manna? "

" Bade agar hamare bhale k liye daante to vo unka haq hai Samar. But what Baa is doing... Is pure abuse. You think I come from a broken family. But my family was filled with joy. We didn't judge each other. We had healthy conversation without the constant fear and anxiety. I have also seen other normal families Samar, and Shah family is not normal. I think.... I am not suited to be a Shah babu. "

Samar was now scared, he didn't want to lose her. Not now, when he had so little support. He expressed so in front of her, ready to grovel at her feet.

Nandini calmly handed over him a book. Samar read the title, "Don't rock the boat. "

Nandini hugged Samar, she held him close, rubbing his back. Once Samar has calmed down, she told him,

"I didn't say I don't want to be with you. But if you want us to be together I want you to do two things. Read this book, and attend premarital couples counselling with me. Can you do that for us? ”

Samar readily agreed, anything for his love.

Initially Samar didn't understand the purpose of the book, but as he started reading it in depth, he realized how much the metaphor matched with his own family situation.

The boat referred to the peace or status quo of the household. The most abusive member was the boat rocker, who always disturbed the boat with their tantrums. Whole family gets disturbed because of constant motion of the boat, then comes another member who tries to stabilize the boat. They use all their strength, even at the expense of their own well being to keep the boat stable. Other members enjoy the peace. If the stabilizer gets tired, or wants out, other members don't let them leave, because they don't want to stabilize the boat themselves. Meanwhile the boat rocker just keeps throwing tantrums.

Samar realised his baa and Vanraj were boat rockers their whole life. Anupama spent her energy keeping everything stable.When someone refused to play the game and called out Baa and Vanraj, they became villains. Most of the time Bapuji convinced them to take a step back for the sake of peace.

Once he was done reading the book, he started attending counseling with Nandini. Under the careful guidance of the counselor, they spoke in depth about their insecurities, Samar's indifference about his unhealthy family dynamics, Nandini's hesitancy about marrying into the family and finally, Samar's much unhealthy attachment to his own mother. After all, who refuses a well paying job, specifically when the family is in debt, just because they don't want to leave their mother.

After gruelling 3 months of counselling, Samar finally understood what Nandini has been trying to explain. His family was not a good environment of any married person to live in.

He finally decided, he will forge his own path away from all that negativity. He will leave the shah house and build his own identity. Consequences be damned.

And so began a new journey for Samar, his path wasn't going to be easy, but he was determined.

Loved it. The boat rocker analogy is very apt for mawaali jhuli

Your thought provoking look at family dynamics makes for a very interesting read :)

Part 2

Samar decided to make an announcement in front of the family. Not because it required a fanfare, he just wanted to deal with them all at the same time. Hi didn't want to repeat same thing with everyone.

He gathered them all in the living room post dinner. When they were all situated in their seats, he began.

" Mom, I want to move out of the house. "

As expected, cacophony of noises bombarded his eardrums. Everyone wanted to say something to him, just Kavya remained silent.

"Look, I know it's a bit sudden. But I have been thinking about it since last few weeks. Commuting to the academy and then clients homes takes a lot of my time. If I start living near the academy, it will be more convenient. Plus, It can get a bit too crowded here. Some space will do us good. "

But his overprotective and possessive mother wasn't ready to listen to the reason. Dealing with the families abuse had conditioned her to believe that everything was her fault. Her anxiety issues didn't help either.

Anupama started crying softly, " Tu ghar me honewale jhagdo se tang akar aisa bol raha hai na Samar. I am surry beta. I will make sure things stay peaceful. You don't have to move out. "

Baa as always decided to make everything about her, " Are maine tujhe ek do baar daant kya laga di tu ghar chor ke jana chahta hai. Ye sari aag jarur us nandini ne lagai hai. Mai to pahle hi bol rahi thi ki ye rishta mat karo. "

If it was old Samar, he wouldn't have thought of answering back to baa. But that wasn't the case now.

Samar silently counted backwards from 10,focusing on his breaths. He started speaking again once he calmed down.

"Mom, Baa, I am not a child. This decision is my own. It's true that the atmosphere of this house in not good for anybody. I just want build a life for myself peacefully and independently. I know you all love me. On my birthday everyone proved that. But when Kavya asked me why I wasn't celebrating with my friends, I realized I didn't even have any friends. "

He remembered that day. He didn't even receive a happy birthday wish from his old friends from school and college. When he asked a few of them they were brutally honest. Samar was so wrapped up in his family that he never kept contact with his friends. Add in his families tendencies for creating drama at every single gathering, no one wanted to witness it either. His therapist asked him to just observe other youngsters of his own age. They were busy building careers, finding love, winding down with friends at parties and also taking care of their families. Samar on the other hand, was facing a lot of stress, mostly because of his family.

Vanraj chose to speak out at that moment. He had his moments as a father, but his ego was much bigger.

"Jane dijiye isko. Just because he is earning a few bucks he thinks life is easy. Once he will understand how cruel the world can be he will come back with his tail between his legs. "

Samar just started at Vanraj. It was ironic, after all he didn't need to go out to see cruelty. His family had shown him enough.

" Mr. Shah, for your kind information I am earning enough to support myself, pay mom's medical bills and still have a good chunk in savings. " Samar went near his mother and showed her some statements he had prepared. " Maa, you got busy as soon as we returned from the resort. You forgot about the medical bills, but i have been paying them regularly. See, I even got insurance for myself so that Nandini and I have a secure future. "

Anupama looked at the statements, she had really forgotten her medical expenses.

" How did you manage to do this Samar? " It was Kinjal. This was just one expense, how many other things did they forget?

Samar replied, " I started taking additional classes online. Plus Nandini and I are also doing choreography at different events. We don't care what the event is? Whether ota a wedding or a college function, we have been doing it all. "

Anupama was proud of her son. He was doing so much at such a young age.

Samar wanted to wrap it up quickly. He looked at everyone and talked with finality in his tone.

"I am not asking you about moving out. I am telling that I am moving out. Living near the academy is easier for me and much better for my health. I want to focus on building my career and my future with Nandini. This house has too much stress, I firmly believe that if we all have some space from each other it will be much better. I will keep visiting on weekends and festivals. I am not breaking any contact, but I want to be independent. "

Toshu finally asked him, " Have you any place in mind? I can help you getting settled in. "

Samar was surprised a bit, but Toshu was still his elder brother after all.

" Yes, I have a place. Just need to move my stuff there."

"Cool, we will go there when you ready. " Toshu replied before hugging his little brother. He whispered in Samar's ear so that nobody else could hear. " Please tell me how did you reach this decision. I want to change Kinjal's mind about staying here. "

Samar whispered back, "I will give you my book. "

Next day, he moved out of the Shah house. While he was leaving his childhood home, he still felt lighter.

Again - yet another solid one! You seem to have retained the essence of the original character sketches, at the same time, your stories seem to be a reflection of looking at these characters through a lens of realism, logic and sensitivity - with the theme of progressiveness, how the show should have been.

I also find the analogy used with reference to the behavioral dynamics of Shah family quite illuminating - I like how it conveys that the root cause is just never addressed - only temporary band aids are used.

Thank you. Don't rock the boat is an idiom about relationship conflict. There are many books published with this title, but the one mentioned in this story is fictional.

Such a lovely piece of work❤️

Your writings are soul satisfying❤️, especially when we are faced with such absurd show

On a different note, I think I'm going to read this book now😆

Just read your reply to Soul and there goes my wish to read this book🥺

Aww... Thank you dear. If you want you can read "why does he do that? ". It is a very interesting reads about identifying abusive spouses and how to deal with them.

Originally posted by: Loveforworld

Aww... Thank you dear. If you want you can read "why does he do that? ". It is a very interesting reads about identifying abusive spouses and how to deal with them.

Is there a book that deals with the issue you described in the book? Pretty please😳

There are some books about abusive families

1. Adult children of emotionally immature parents.

2.but it's your family.

3.adult survivor of toxic family members

4.why had nobody told me this before.