Theory-Psychology101 of Anuj

I have a theory:
Anuj never loved Anupama. They say he "Loved" her for 26 years and that his love is so "Special"

Here is the Theory:
Anuj still has feelings of deep rejection of himself, due to the fact that his parents rejected him and he was orphaned as a child. He holds onto a deep pain of being rejected by his parents.

In college- He was not interested in finding a wife and getting married. That was too scary for him, for he would have to face these deep seated feelings of Rejection he had for himself as a child. He didn't want to become a parent. So what did he do? He held on to the "Idea" of Anupama for 26 years. Rather than actually get married and have children- (He was subconsciously scared to revisit the dynamics of Parent/Child again) he held on to the idea of this woman... therefore he had a perfect reason to never actually get married and have kids.
Once he met Anu- If you look back at early episodes, he really didn't get to "Know" her. He would just say "Whatever my Anu does is fine" That's not how you get to know someone.

Once Chhoti Anu came into the picture--the part of his heart that had been feeling rejected since Childhood opened wide up and all his pain came out--suddenly he saw Anupamaa for who she REALLY was-- and she was someone who wasn't prioritizing Chotti Anu. Anuj, subconsciously took this as a rejection of himself, and therefore rejected Anupama-- Because he felt rejected by her. Now he's trying to "Fix his own childhood issues" but giving love to Chotti Anu.

So- My theory is that he never actually loved her. There is no way he could have. Who did he love for 26 years? An idea. Not a real person. So when they say there love is so strong, it doesn't make sense. Especially since, instead of getting to know her as a person, he was just infatuated and enthralled during the entire courtship. As a result, he gave her false ideas as well. He basically told her she could do ANYTHING she wanted and he would never leave her... so when she DID- He left her. Bolo.

Thoughts?

True, he never loved her…it was all a sham. He was only in love with the idea of being in love.

He evidently has abandonment issues,

• His birth parents abandoned him and since he remembers the orphanage well enough, he was adopted with awareness of the same.
• But then his adoptive parents died too,
• He wasn't able to woo his crush in college,
• He made a blunder of marrying his sister to an abuser.
• Then his sister snapped ties with him too, and would meet him only at her own discretion.
• He finally married his crush but realized that she can never be fully his, to the extent that she even loves her abusers as much as she loves him. How exclusive can he feel?? And he also cannot do anything to fix her problems and stop her from crying because she doesn't let him.
• He was never completely accept by his step-children.
• His relatives turned out to be gold diggers whom he could never fully trust again.
• He got a child who was the only person he could call fully his but then he saw her live a half-baked life with occasional insults and perpetual anxiety but again his hands were tied.
• Then the child left her apparently at her own free will and he is remotely inclined to believe that it's because he didn't give her what she deserved much like Mukku.

He is clearly punishing himself by seperating himself from Anupamaa for letting things happen to CA because he was helplessly in love with Anupamaa, as well as the fact that he can be fully dedicated to CA only when he is away from Anupamaa.

He is also obstinate now to win for once. Notice how many times her referred to Anupamaa and CA as his win and kept repeating that he "cannot lose to Maaya".

Being with CA is also a way of him winning for once.

I highly doubt makers have put so much thought into his (or any) character sketch. They just come up with mumbo jumbo and call it #1 show making us scratch our heads.

Originally posted by: SmithaRam

I highly doubt makers have put so much thought into his (or any) character sketch. They just come up with mumbo jumbo and call it #1 show making us scratch our heads.

Ahhh there is really no doubt here.

But quite intriguing to read these theories that some people come up with after scratching their heads. Even with all the incoherent mumbo-jumbo, how the human brain fills in the gaps and make connections to form something of a coherent theory or explanation!

I definitely agree on the same chain of thoughts, but let’s not forget the makers are writing scripts in a way ‘Here AnupaMAA shows some swag and tells this’ type of skill. I really wonder if they thought through all these before landing up here.

Amazing summary by Niharika one more time. 👍🏼

Young Anuj loved young Anupama..

Then life happened..

While Anupama moved on in her life with Vanraj (without an inkling of Anuj's feeling towards her), made compromises, did everything for her home and family but finally divorced Vanraj. However, she, for whatever reasons, could never let go of the Shahs completely. Although at surface it was her kids, Baa and Bapuji whom she loved, yet at the Freudian level she couldn't stop loving Mishteer Shah ever..

Anuj, on the other hand continued with his one sided love for that version of Anupama he had known in college. When they finally had a chance, she was a totally different version than the one he has been portraying in his mind for 26 years.. The moment realities unfolded, it was obvious that he was in love with the idea of being with love..

When they united, I don't believe Anupama started loving him. Nope... not at all. First of all, her love for Shah's were paramount, there was no space for anyone there, not even her own mother... She revelled in respect, companionship and free leash she got being with him..

While she never prioritised him, he let go of her because of heartbreak he felt when he had to let go of CA. However, he has always tried to understand her insecurities and even accepted all the toxicity.

Her constant gaslighting and then CA's departure broke his back..

Yes, their relationship with each other was not there own. There were so many third parties involved. And in a relationship two is a company, three is a crowd. The crowd obliterated whatever little love Anuj had for Maa as much as her own toxicity did.

There was no unconditional love from either side....

Originally posted by: hinz

True, he never loved her…it was all a sham. He was only in love with the idea of being in love.

I said the same repeatedly. Even now, make him realize that and end his role. Let them separate and live. I feel even Anupama doesn't love him. She was also in love with the idea of a man who loved her for 26 years and who would wag his tail at her one whistle.

I can say this about anuj love - hes an obsessive lover and its a mental disorder

Obsessive lover sees a person falls in love but stays in love for years even if rejected

anuj loved anupama at first sight was rejected as she married another man but stayed in love 26 years

although like SRK in darr he never stalked her - the stalker is extreme kind of obsessive lover like darr SRK or anjam SRK

OK anuj is not so obsessive like SRK in darr but definetly this is a menatl health condition he has about being obsessed by anupama before and after marriage

He could never accept fact that anupama married another man and never moved on in life stayed 26 years in same place although he dated others

Obsessive love disorder is a condition that causes you to experience obsessive feelings you might mistake as love for another person. A person with obsessive love disorder will indulge in these feelings, regardless if they are reciprocated or not.

Problem is malvika and GK kaka instead of taking him to doctor and counselling encouraged his behaviours. Devika too encouraged this mad obsession with anupama