the character of chirag stands out to me especially for the drama's complex take on someone who drinks. often, it is very simplistic in dramas and movies -- they are bad, horrible people or they can be magically reformed with the right wife. neither is realistic or true.
society as well as media often has a very black and white take on someone who drinks -- which seems a bit of farce considering India is one of the fastest growing markets for liqour. 🤷
Looking at the glass 🍷
the problem is that many people are not able to differentiate the different type of drinkers and thinks everyone who drinks in the same paint brush. because of that, lot of work with rehabilitation as well as dealing with social issues (arising from the use of alcohol) is not addressed in more effective way.
I remember a conversation with my brother about the differences in drinking culture in India vs abroad. he is currently working in Europe and it is very normal to meet your colleagues for a beer or two. no one gets drunk and a beer is seen more like a fruit juice that we have with food. it is just a way of socializing -- the same way we would meet friends over coffee.
however, in India, bars are filled with men who are often using drinks as a crutch to deviate their minds from their unhappiness -- this could be their marriage or job stress or just life in general. so the drinking culture in India and the way people use alcohol is very different.
Different glasses 🍹
because many men especially (though we now have women as well drinking a lot) overdrink to the point of passing out, we have one picture of what a drinker would look like in dramas and movies instead of the complex reality on the ground.
we have:
social drinkers -- those who drink at the occasional party they attend. so basically one drink or some sort of fruity cocktail
weekend drinkers -- those who wind down by having a drink after long week. could be hard liqour or something like a beer or two while they watch a sports match
everyday drinkers -- basically they drink everyday and see it as a way of winding down. they can be hard drinkers or just a soft one. it all depends. some of them just like to have something with their dinner at night and it is more like dessert whereas others drink really heavily.
hard drinkers -- they need to have alcohol on a regular basis and can hold their drink (meaning they don't get drunk). it takes them many glasses to really get drunk (passing out)
alcoholics -- they need to have alcohol and cannot hold their drink (they get totally sloshed). they are addicted.
there are a variety of different situations and type of drinkers but in India, it is not often seen that way. instead of differentiating, there is a tendency to label everyone as an alcoholic. we also don't recognize that not every alcoholic or hard drinker acts the same way.
for example one common negative perception is that they are all wife beaters, stealing money, a mean drunk etc. while that is certainly a problem in some households, that is not necessarily the same for all. in some households, the alcoholic can have loving but complex relationships with their family members; he can be a fully functioning member of the household who is contributing economically and taking care of the household but also not able to hold their liqour -- that is chirag essentially.
chirag comes across as more of a hard drinker -- meaning he can stop his liqour at any point but chooses not to do so. he does not need the help of rehabilitation in order to stop drinking.
The tangled web ❤️🩹
what is also lost in many dramas/movies but touched upon here in this drama is how the perception of the drinker among family members impacts their ability to stop drinking.
here, we have chirag labelled as a drinker and all the negative connotations that apply. his own mother intensely dislikes him and blames him for harming her golden son arjun. however, is that what happened?
chirag reveals that he only had one drink -- so he could hardly be labeled drunk (if he was stopped by the police) and still had control over his senses. this wasn't a case of drunken driving. instead, it was the truck driver who pushed their car into the divider. however, the label of him being a drinker means he is blamed for the accident even though he didn't have anything to do with it.
this blame drives a stake into his heart and continues to impact him. so he drowns his sorrows and a sense of vacuum into the bottle. we have him reaching to the bottle every time madhumati critcizes him.
rajjo describes it best when she avoids arjun -- "this is called getting tired. sometimes a man gets tired by trying and nobody wants to understand him. they just want to put the blame and accuse him. we lose hope because of this. the heart pains a lot. there is no mood to fight. feel like going somewhere far."
there is a complex relationship between how family members react and how that impacts a drinker and their ability to stop drinking. now, when we look at it from the other side of family, it is not simply a case of them not being supportive. they are frustrated, angry, disappointed and also feeling so many complex emotions such as being unloved.
The wife of shadows ❤️🔥
kalindi is relegated to being a second class daughter-in-law because of chirag. she is not given the respect by madhumati (the mom) or other family members. she also feels unloved and distant in her marriage. there is this unrealistic filmi idea that somehow a wife should transform her husband into a man. however, him drinking has nothing to do with her -- he needs to make that decision for himself.
it is not like kalindi can stop chirag from drinking. but she is relegated to a secondary bahu status in the family precisely because of that. in turn, this creates resentment within kalindi and a sense of alienation. on chirag's part, he feels hurt that she didn't support him at that time whereas she feels that she was unable to do so. this is actually really realistic and that conversation is done so well.
in many households, the men blame their wives and feel they need to give some unrealistic well of support while the women are exhausted and frustrated and feel unable to support. many women feel they have been robbed of a voice or an identity because of their husband's drinking. so rather than step forward, they are forced to hide in the shadows of the extended family.
I really appreciate how the show kalindi as a whole person and just someone who is just cheating. what is the motivation for her unhappiness and her leaning on rocky? why does she feel so lost in her marriage? we see how the accident and chirag's drinking has created a rift between the two of them that they are now like railway tracks -- separate but together.
while kalindi may not hate chirag, she does make subtle comments here and there which show her resignation. during the "do you know your spouse" competition, she answered chirag's favourite food as daaru (alcohol) -- it wasn't necessarily a dig but rather voiced as a sad fact. chirag does not even fight it and simply just nods sardonically.
rather than deal with the issue, we see madhmati gloss over it by immediately moving on to arjun and urvashi -- this also happens. extended family members are unsure how to deal with the impact of alcohol on relationships and so try to put a smiley face on it all. they sweep the unhappiness underneath but all can still see the dirt on the floor even if you pretend it is not there.
we also see how the parents being so distant from each other means the child sia is essentially being raised by her relatives. this actually happens in many alcoholic households where the parents are so focused on their own drama that the child can feel unheard, unseen.
More than just a side
as I pen this note, I realize how well done this arc is and I am genuinely surprised. it is not rhona dhona but at the same time, it is very realistic, humane and done with notes of compassion. it brings out true notes of how alcohol impacts families and the complex emotional journeys that many Indian families go through. any problem including alchohol not only affects the person but also the family.
so, really appreciate the creatives here for creating complex side characters and doing their homework in creating a more complicated ground reality for both chirag and kalindi. nothing is black and white but there are whole shades of grey. it actually is rather accurate and there are no false notes to how the issues and impacts on family are presented. at the same time, they are keeping it light, emotional and entertaining.
chirag is someone who keeps his dignity despite his drinking problem. he listens to arjun and is far more perceptive than people give him credit. he sees rajjo and also sees how arjun feels about her even if he will not admit it. at the same time, chirag is not there simply to support arjun. he has his own arc and demons and am looking forward to seeing if the creatives will fulfill on this potential. they have kept it realistic but also treated both chirag and kalindi as human. for that, a huge clap! 👏😘
Cricket
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Hindi TV Shows
