Love - Slow Burn - Page 2

Originally posted by: Donnybrook

I met hubby in high school. He liked me first. He had told his friends who were common with some of mine that he had fallen for moi. About a few weeks later, he asked me out to which I declined and said I wasn't interested in dating anyone at the moment. He had then asked if he could ask me "later in life", and I thought dude you'll be over this crush in a few.

Jump forward several months to close to a year I guess, he asked me again. I wasn't really sure about my feelings, so I asked him if we could go out as friends to places and just see where things go.

I won't bore you with the extra details, but with all this "slow burn" here we are entering our 30s, married for almost decade. Though I think I may be more smitten (lol) by him than he with me. But I think we take turns lol.

Your love story has always made me believe in love even when I was in my hater phase.

Originally posted by: Maroonporsche

In your case we should actually light a life size 7 foot candle and you wont give up until that burns out 😆

Where that 7 foot candle at? My commitment phone ass will buy a house with a backyard just to watch it burn at this point

Originally posted by: return_to_hades

@ Bold. That is NOT LOVE. That is HARASSMENT.

Only in movies do people manage to win someone over with relentless pursuit. In the real world pursuing someone who has turned you down is considered stalking and harassment. To the person being pursued, it is scary, traumatic, and can lead to mental health issues. In the rare case someone relents, it usually ends up being an unhealthy relationship.

Actually, men pursue women in real too, not only in movies. It happens all the time. They ask women out, some ask the same woman twice.... thrice, etc. too. and vice versa, though the latter happens a lot less often than the former.

And people don't draw hard lines of boundaries to shut others down unless they do something totally inappropriate or find the person so repulsive that they don't want to associate with them in any form at all.

Have there been times I had to take drastic measures to get away from some "relentless" pursuers? Yes. I wasn't at all trying to encourage people to pursue someone relentlessly if the other person has shown no interest in them or clearly said no. I am not a fan of anyone imposing or being forceful with me either.

But there are times when two people click instantly, develop a friendly relationship and are very fond of each other, albeit one of them starts crushing too and wants to take it further if only the other person reciprocated. There are no concrete "right" and "wrong" ways of making something happen in that scenario, now is there?

I guess it's still important to emphasize some things in all caps in a forum cuz you never know what kinda message people take home from posts here.

Originally posted by: Donnybrook

I met hubby in high school. He liked me first. He had told his friends who were common with some of mine that he had fallen for moi. About a few weeks later, he asked me out to which I declined and said I wasn't interested in dating anyone at the moment. He had then asked if he could ask me "later in life", and I thought dude you'll be over this crush in a few.

Jump forward several months to close to a year I guess, he asked me again. I wasn't really sure about my feelings, so I asked him if we could go out as friends to places and just see where things go.

I won't bore you with the extra details, but with all this "slow burn" here we are entering our 30s, married for almost decade. Though I think I may be more smitten (lol) by him than he with me. But I think we take turns lol.

That's a very cute story!

I think once you're lovestruck, you're up a creek without a paddle and there's no turning back. 💘 No point arguing who fell first and how. 😆

This song in DDLJ is totally about Raj and especially Simran realising their love for each other.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hw_HpTI_Wkw

Kareena finally having the realisation in the climax of Mujhe Kuch Kehna Hai.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uD3rig1B18

This scene in Hum Tum where Rhea waits for Karan to turn back while they depart, showing that she has already fallen in love with him but he hasn't.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ALihPbbDlA

In Bollywood movies many times it's love at first sight from guy's side and slow burn from the girl's side.

Originally posted by: SmittenKitten

Actually, men pursue women in real too, not only in movies. It happens all the time. They ask women out, some ask the same woman twice.... thrice, etc. too. and vice versa, though the latter happens a lot less often than the former.

And people don't draw hard lines of boundaries to shut others down unless they do something totally inappropriate or find the person so repulsive that they don't want to associate with them in any form at all.

Have there been times I had to take drastic measures to get away from some "relentless" pursuers? Yes. I wasn't at all trying to encourage people to pursue someone relentlessly if the other person has shown no interest in them or clearly said no. I am not a fan of anyone imposing or being forceful with me either.

But there are times when two people click instantly, develop a friendly relationship and are very fond of each other, albeit one of them starts crushing too and wants to take it further if only the other person reciprocated. There are no concrete "right" and "wrong" ways of making something happen in that scenario, now is there?

I guess it's still important to emphasize some things in all caps in a forum cuz you never know what kinda message people take home from posts here.

I wasn't saying that men don't pursue in real life. But in real life, the woman doesn't always come around and it can be more creepy than romantic. Only in movies is the pursuit, or even stalking depicted as romantic.

Men have been conditioned to pursue a woman relentlessly to showcase their dedication. Women too have been conditioned to not immediately show interest, lest they be perceived as immoral or loose. This does create a grey area.

That grey area is further greyed by the notion of "inappropriate." That pursuit is harmless as long as it is not inappropriate. But appropriate and inappropriate are subjective. What may be fine for one woman may be inappropriate for another. There is also the fact that good-looking men or wealthy men get more leeway than most men. Race also plays a factor in these stereotypes. Black men are more likely to be perceived as inappropriate and threatening. East Asian men are more likely to be perceived as harmless.

That is why I strongly believe this is a social area where we need to start moving away from the grey to hard lines. No means no. And no games like playing hard to get. People should be as honest and transparent with each other as possible.

Originally posted by: return_to_hades

I wasn't saying that men don't pursue in real life. But in real life, the woman doesn't always come around and it can be more creepy than romantic. Only in movies is the pursuit, or even stalking depicted as romantic.

Men have been conditioned to pursue a woman relentlessly to showcase their dedication. Women too have been conditioned to not immediately show interest, lest they be perceived as immoral or loose. This does create a grey area.

That grey area is further greyed by the notion of "inappropriate." That pursuit is harmless as long as it is not inappropriate. But appropriate and inappropriate are subjective. What may be fine for one woman may be inappropriate for another. There is also the fact that good-looking men or wealthy men get more leeway than most men. Race also plays a factor in these stereotypes. Black men are more likely to be perceived as inappropriate and threatening. East Asian men are more likely to be perceived as harmless.

That is why I strongly believe this is a social area where we need to start moving away from the grey to hard lines. No means no. And no games like playing hard to get. People should be as honest and transparent with each other as possible.

I don't know about women being conditioned to not show interest even when they are interested. That sounds way too old school and regressive. Thankfully, I don't come across women like that often and when I do, I can only roll my eyes. Imagine someone who is clearly interested in a guy and shows all the telltale signs of interest but denies actually being interested in the person? It comes across as hypocritical and they're the same kind of women who also sl*tshame other women around them who don't live with such regressive value systems and make no bones about their interest in others.

Anyways, I agree for the most part ... except it's easier said than done in the dating scene full of people and their eccentricities.