Arylie FF: Full circle, Chapter 21, note updated on Pg 94 - Page 62

Originally posted by: egle

I gotta be honest here. I got to the second paragraph and I had to take a break before reading more.

This chapter hits a little too close to home. I'm losing a friend to cancer and life after death is something I've contemplated in the quietness of the night for the last few years. Perhaps faith or religion is a crutch to allow yourself a reprieve from the fear of the unknown, but what of those who don't subscribe to these beliefs?

I can see that you've given this a lot of thought as well. Perhaps it's because of your profession or maybe experiences, but the fact remains that the questions you've made Malini ask are universal. And they don't have just one answer.

It's shocking yet not, how children accept the concept of death faster than you'd think. That has been my experience as well. Neel's resilience, I suspect, is what will help heal Aditya, Imlie and Aryan post Malini's death.

Nicely done, M.

My situation is little different, but, one of my family member and one my my cute friend is also facing and fighting cancer currently. I am so worried about them. Since, I can't do anything I can only help by praying to god, to bless them with happy life and to get well soon. But, most importantly, I am scared to ask them how much pain they are feeling, are they all right, because it makes them remember they are sick, and they loose control over their emotion. I can't see them cry, so I am afraid to talk to them, and cry to myself thinking their situation. But, the child Neel, is real strong, he accepted the situation calmly, and satisfied the curiosity that build in him.

Originally posted by: RSBS

My situation is little different, but, one of my family member and one my my cute friend is also facing and fighting cancer currently. I am so worried about them. Since, I can't do anything I can only help by praying to god, to bless them with happy life and to get well soon. But, most importantly, I am scared to ask them how much pain they are feeling, are they all right, because it makes them remember they are sick, and they loose control over their emotion. I can't see them cry, so I am afraid to talk to them, and cry to myself thinking their situation. But, the child Neel, is real strong, he accepted the situation calmly, and satisfied the curiosity that build in him.

RSBS: I am so sorry that your loved ones are going through such a difficult phase in their life. In my experience, instead of the questions, it is more important for them to know that the door is open if they want to talk. Communicate just that with them. That if they ever feel they need to express, you will be there, a silent, non-judgemental presence. I promise you, no words are needed. Just a handhold, a hug and a cry. Humans connect on a very basic level with touch. That is all they need, to know you are there, to listen should they choose to vent. Some people will take the opportunity and some will not. It is okay, for them not to want to talk either. And it is important for them to know that too.

I also promise you this, do not be afraid of your emotions, cry and let them cry with you. You will come out on the other side, feeling drained at first, but then lighter and stronger. If you can, find a support person who will be there to listen to you, too. I had no one, so I became my own support system ....I think it worked.

As for Neel, he is not calm, he is a mess of emotions, unable to sleep, unable to stop thinking of how he can fix it in his own little ways, maybe he can be a good boy, maybe turmeric milk....his emotions will get topsy turvy in the next couple of chapters. Children, will react calmly, act normally until they don't and just as that storm comes on, it subsides too. The important part there, is to be Present. Let them know, you love them. Is acting out acceptable? If they start throwing glass vases because they are angry and hurt, is that acceptable? No, it is not. But our role as caregivers is to show them what is, and a safer way of venting. Punch pillows, a soft couch, scream, throw a plush toy at a blank wall....and, like Aryan did in this story, keep their mind and body busy.....in this case he is using martial arts to do so. Another safe place to kick and punch under supervision.

Once again, I am grateful to you for sharing your fears and anxieties, for feeling that this was a safe space to do so. You have it in you to help yourself and your loved ones. Offering your silent presence can be your best gift. Don't be afraid of emotions, face them head on. Once you do, you will find your center again and learn to remain steady no matter what. ❤️❤️

Originally posted by: RSBS

My situation is little different, but, one of my family member and one my my cute friend is also facing and fighting cancer currently. I am so worried about them. Since, I can't do anything I can only help by praying to god, to bless them with happy life and to get well soon. But, most importantly, I am scared to ask them how much pain they are feeling, are they all right, because it makes them remember they are sick, and they loose control over their emotion. I can't see them cry, so I am afraid to talk to them, and cry to myself thinking their situation. But, the child Neel, is real strong, he accepted the situation calmly, and satisfied the curiosity that build in him.

I echo M's sentiments. They likely are never going to forget the fact that they are sick. Whether they are smiling, crying, going about their day to day activities, it's going to be in the back of their minds at all times. And it's a lonely place to be. If you can reach out to them to show that you're there to listen in any capacity that they need, whether it's to talk about the illness or otherwise, then that's the best thing you can do for them. The gift of a safe space, a non judgemental audience and acceptance of their feelings without an advice to change their point of view. A hug, should they require it. Tissues, if they need it.

❤️

Originally posted by: egle

Lisa- I can't imagine the strength needed to have shared your experiences with us. *hug* I'm sorry you've experienced such a loss. Being left behind with no answers, no memories, is a feeling I quite well understand.

I got a lot of "there's a reason why this happened, it was God's will". No. Just no. No reason is good enough for the person not to be there, no reason is valid enough for us to have been deprived of an opportunity to make memories with them. I'm in the camp of better to have loved, than never to have loved at all.

That said, M's responses regarding karmic debts and finding peace in letting go of the need for answers is a journey I'm on. It's not for everyone. It's not easy. I can't even say that it works because it comes in waves. There are days when I can reconcile myself with the loss and still, so many days when the bitterness, the sheer longing of everything that could have been makes me want to curl up and do nothing. When the battle that rages is within yourself, how exhausting it is to try to figure out which side is winning.

Sometimes allowing yourself the space to accept, as you have, that you'll never have closure ends up being the only form of peace for that trauma.

Sorry for jumping into this conversation willy nilly Lisa, M and Pooja. You guys have had such a sweet, respectful conversation about such a heavy topic that I'm going to take back everything that's been said with me as I work through all these feelings.

❤️

@bold 1: Sometimes seen as a cop out because there does not seem any rationale behind it. Is it really God's will? I think all God wants is for you to come back to Him/Her. That is his only will. Everything else is a set of actions and reactions. Two things are eternal: god and our souls, since we are part of god. Think of a spark from a fire, or a ray of the sun. Everything else is modifiable.

@egle, I strongly urge you to also read the book Bhagavad Geeta: The Song of God by Swami Mukundananda. What I love about this version is that it does not limit itself to quoting from just traditional hindu scripture, aka the Vedas, but he will take verses from many different philosophies and weave it into the message of Shri Krishna. It is simply beautiful. I have heard his lectures on YouTube as well and some of them are eye opening. He is eloquent and intelligent. I promise you, I am not soliciting or asking you to follow one philosophy, but he is indeed a good writer, succinct and intelligent.

@bold 2: I have been there. I am sure, that my experience was similar to yours but unique just as yours is unique to you. In my case, I can say it is very much a work in progress. You are right, it is a struggle every single day when you are in that dark space. It took me 18 years to be precise. I'd say of those, maybe the last 2 were really when I was propelled into my own personal realizations. 18 long years of contemplating, theorizing, readjusting my core values and beliefs. One may take a whole lifetime or two or ten or a hundred, baby steps are important and someday they will become leaps in our understanding of the overarching purpose of lifetimes. Each lifetime a chapter in the book of our soul.

@bold 3: You are right, sometimes you just have to accept that closure will not be possible, not in this lifetime. That too is okay, isn't it? I have lost loved ones before this realization about our karmic roles hit, hurt people that I will never meet again by virtue of the hurt I caused, that I may never get the chance to apologize to again. So, I say the ho'oponopono prayer of forgiveness, beg for forgiveness from those energies (souls) hoping that on some level we still connect and can move on. It may or may not work, but it makes me feel I am doing something to improve this karmic balance.

Originally posted by: mltr16

RSBS: I am so sorry that your loved ones are going through such a difficult phase in their life. In my experience, instead of the questions, it is more important for them to know that the door is open if they want to talk. Communicate just that with them. That if they ever feel they need to express, you will be there, a silent, non-judgemental presence. I promise you, no words are needed. Just a handhold, a hug and a cry. Humans connect on a very basic level with touch. That is all they need, to know you are there, to listen should they choose to vent. Some people will take the opportunity and some will not. It is okay, for them not to want to talk either. And it is important for them to know that too.

I also promise you this, do not be afraid of your emotions, cry and let them cry with you. You will come out on the other side, feeling drained at first, but then lighter and stronger. If you can, find a support person who will be there to listen to you, too. I had no one, so I became my own support system ....I think it worked.

As for Neel, he is not calm, he is a mess of emotions, unable to sleep, unable to stop thinking of how he can fix it in his own little ways, maybe he can be a good boy, maybe turmeric milk....his emotions will get topsy turvy in the next couple of chapters. Children, will react calmly, act normally until they don't and just as that storm comes on, it subsides too. The important part there, is to be Present. Let them know, you love them. Is acting out acceptable? If they start throwing glass vases because they are angry and hurt, is that acceptable? No, it is not. But our role as caregivers is to show them what is, and a safer way of venting. Punch pillows, a soft couch, scream, throw a plush toy at a blank wall....and, like Aryan did in this story, keep their mind and body busy.....in this case he is using martial arts to do so. Another safe place to kick and punch under supervision.

Once again, I am grateful to you for sharing your fears and anxieties, for feeling that this was a safe space to do so. You have it in you to help yourself and your loved ones. Offering your silent presence can be your best gift. Don't be afraid of emotions, face them head on. Once you do, you will find your center again and learn to remain steady no matter what. ❤️❤️

Thank you for the advice and explaining🙏🏻🙏🏻. I am really greatful for having many supporting people here. I am afraid because I can't express them properly when I talk, and hurt them by mistake, so I try to stay away, otherwise everyone just starts screaming at me. But, before this also I saw my 2 family members die from cancer, but, I was never allowed to visit them. But this time also, I can only talk to them from video call or voice call, and mess everything up, the most important thing they misunderstand is that, they think I am calling them weak, when I tell them to rest more and do relaxing activities, like watching cartoons or comedy movies, or paint as they like, etc. But, the person that stays with the patient, I always advice them what to do, and repeat myself so no mistake takes place, like cover them up properly, what food they can take and the amount of banned food they can have if they have a wish of having them, etc. This only thing I can do and pray to God for them. I am very thankful for the advice. I will try my best🙂.

Originally posted by: egle

I echo M's sentiments. They likely are never going to forget the fact that they are sick. Whether they are smiling, crying, going about their day to day activities, it's going to be in the back of their minds at all times. And it's a lonely place to be. If you can reach out to them to show that you're there to listen in any capacity that they need, whether it's to talk about the illness or otherwise, then that's the best thing you can do for them. The gift of a safe space, a non judgemental audience and acceptance of their feelings without an advice to change their point of view. A hug, should they require it. Tissues, if they need it.

❤️

Thank you to you also. I am really greatful for the explaining. I really want to go to them and hug them, let them make fun of me, so that they feel netter, like in the past. But, I can't visit them, even if I want, so I try to stay with them, when advising about how to stay healthy, what food they should intake or the amount of banned food they should take, so they can feel satisfied at the same time stay healthy😅. And the people staying with them takes lectures about those things for hours, so no mistake happens. So, I think I will write letters to them, after hearing what you and others advices about it. Thank you so much🙂.

Originally posted by: RSBS

Thank you to you also. I am really greatful for the explaining. I really want to go to them and hug them, let them make fun of me, so that they feel netter, like in the past. But, I can't visit them, even if I want, so I try to stay with them, when advising about how to stay healthy, what food they should intake or the amount of banned food they should take, so they can feel satisfied at the same time stay healthy😅. And the people staying with them takes lectures about those things for hours, so no mistake happens. So, I think I will write letters to them, after hearing what you and others advices about it. Thank you so much🙂.

That's a wonderful idea. Write to them asking about all things mundane, all that you think is important. Involve them in your life, ask for their opinions. As they battle with their lives, a knowledge that they matter to someone, that they will live through their inputs that have shaped someone's life will bring them some measure of strength, and peace.

Wishing you all good things as you help them in this journey. ❤️

Originally posted by: mltr16

@bold 1: Sometimes seen as a cop out because there does not seem any rationale behind it. Is it really God's will? I think all God wants is for you to come back to Him/Her. That is his only will. Everything else is a set of actions and reactions. Two things are eternal: god and our souls, since we are part of god. Think of a spark from a fire, or a ray of the sun. Everything else is modifiable.

@egle, I strongly urge you to also read the book Bhagavad Geeta: The Song of God by Swami Mukundananda. What I love about this version is that it does not limit itself to quoting from just traditional hindu scripture, aka the Vedas, but he will take verses from many different philosophies and weave it into the message of Shri Krishna. It is simply beautiful. I have heard his lectures on YouTube as well and some of them are eye opening. He is eloquent and intelligent. I promise you, I am not soliciting or asking you to follow one philosophy, but he is indeed a good writer, succinct and intelligent.

@bold 2: I have been there. I am sure, that my experience was similar to yours but unique just as yours is unique to you. In my case, I can say it is very much a work in progress. You are right, it is a struggle every single day when you are in that dark space. It took me 18 years to be precise. I'd say of those, maybe the last 2 were really when I was propelled into my own personal realizations. 18 long years of contemplating, theorizing, readjusting my core values and beliefs. One may take a whole lifetime or two or ten or a hundred, baby steps are important and someday they will become leaps in our understanding of the overarching purpose of lifetimes. Each lifetime a chapter in the book of our soul.

@bold 3: You are right, sometimes you just have to accept that closure will not be possible, not in this lifetime. That too is okay, isn't it? I have lost loved ones before this realization about our karmic roles hit, hurt people that I will never meet again by virtue of the hurt I caused, that I may never get the chance to apologize to again. So, I say the ho'oponopono prayer of forgiveness, beg for forgiveness from those energies (souls) hoping that on some level we still connect and can move on. It may or may not work, but it makes me feel I am doing something to improve this karmic balance.

My relationship with God has always been personal. I've never been too religious. I'm more of the spiritual bent, its been my disposition as a child as well (classic Aquarian-Pisces combination, I had no choice). I was angry with God or a Supreme Being (however you want to put it) for a long time. A very long time.

It was like I'd been betrayed by a friend, because that's how I considered my relationship with Him/Her. It was never about praying out of fear, rather it had always a prayer of thanks for what was. So to be told "it was God's will" felt like a stab in the back. Suddenly, I had no one but myself and that felt terribly lonely. It has taken a lot of contemplation, and letting go to come back to get to the point where I am open to that relation once more. And I can only liken it to the feeling of coming home to someone who will accept you despite the choices you have made, good or bad. I don't know if I am ready for the hug yet, but I'm inside the threshold again.

I have picked up Bhagawad Gita so many times in the last few years only to put it down because I wasn't in the right headspace. I was still angry and the wounds too fresh. Maybe its time I tried again. Maybe the universe conspired to bring me to this conversation and to you, just so I could take that step.

I laugh when I think of first reaching out to you because I liked the story you were weaving in FC about Aryan and Imlie. I wouldn't have expected that to lead to such philosophical conversations, ones that I have only had with myself. As you've said, our experiences are unique as are our journeys. I am glad that our paths have converged, even if for a short time. It's like finding a spot of shade in the desert before you continue on towards the final destination.

Thank you for creating this space, M.

Thank you for taking the first step in sharing, Lisa.

And you, Pooja, for listening.

I'm better for having met you all (virtually).

Who'd have thought this fandom would provide support for so much more than just an insane lust for Aryan Singh Rathore? 😛

Love,

E ☯️

Originally posted by: egle

My relationship with God has always been personal. I've never been too religious. I'm more of the spiritual bent, its been my disposition as a child as well (classic Aquarian-Pisces combination, I had no choice). I was angry with God or a Supreme Being (however you want to put it) for a long time. A very long time.

It was like I'd been betrayed by a friend, because that's how I considered my relationship with Him/Her. It was never about praying out of fear, rather it had always a prayer of thanks for what was. So to be told "it was God's will" felt like a stab in the back. Suddenly, I had no one but myself and that felt terribly lonely. It has taken a lot of contemplation, and letting go to come back to get to the point where I am open to that relation once more. And I can only liken it to the feeling of coming home to someone who will accept you despite the choices you have made, good or bad. I don't know if I am ready for the hug yet, but I'm inside the threshold again.

I have picked up Bhagawad Gita so many times in the last few years only to put it down because I wasn't in the right headspace. I was still angry and the wounds too fresh. Maybe its time I tried again. Maybe the universe conspired to bring me to this conversation and to you, just so I could take that step.

I laugh when I think of first reaching out to you because I liked the story you were weaving in FC about Aryan and Imlie. I wouldn't have expected that to lead to such philosophical conversations, ones that I have only had with myself. As you've said, our experiences are unique as are our journeys. I am glad that our paths have converged, even if for a short time. It's like finding a spot of shade in the desert before you continue on towards the final destination.

Thank you for creating this space, M.

Thank you for taking the first step in sharing, Lisa.

And you, Pooja, for listening.

I'm better for having met you all (virtually).

Who'd have thought this fandom would provide support for so much more than just an insane lust for Aryan Singh Rathore? 😛

Love,

E ☯️

My favorite hug gif....for you....

https://tenor.com/SBEd.gif

@egle: so much of what you said resonates with me, actually pretty much all of it. Ritualistic hinduism has never been my cup of chai (as you call it 😊), it made no sense whatsoever. I do not consider BG a religious text but rather a spiritual manual. Until I read the two versions that I did (back then Mukundananda's book version was not available, I read it on his website, the other version was BG as it is), I was not really pulled into it either. They say, there is a time and space for everything and until you are deemed ready, you will not be able to grasp any of what the BG says. That is my experience too, 17.5 years to be precise to come to a point where I finally feel, I understand what the BG is trying to convey. 6 months into my journey, I feel enlightened and I do not feel I have even scraped the tip of this particular iceberg.

I wish you peace, my friend. Always. Whatever form that may be. I am always here to listen, no matter how long or short you wish this journey to be. Beware, I do have a terrible habit of advising all the time😆

I too am glad that this space was created. The impetus truly came out of the blue and so insistently and urgently that I, a person who had never picked up a pen to write an essay without grumbling about the unfairness of life that one had to study, comprehend and write English, was motivated to write this story. And so, while the naughties in the story are probably Maya, rajas, tamas whatever, the underlying theme of the story is definitely coming from some place else, not my brainchild at all. Maybe, like you said, it was meant to be.

I have said to Lisa before, if this story makes even one person rethink their stance on life and death, it has served its purpose. I have no intention beyond that.

Originally posted by: mltr16

I am so very sorry to hear about your friend. I have certainly met my share of atheists at the end of their lives and they ponder the very same questions. There are no real answers though. They do not seem to struggle any harder than those who care more spiritual, fo what it's worth. I have always been honest with my patients when they open that particular door. Knowledge is empowerment. Sometimes this means allowing tears and silence, holding steady in that space. 🤷🏻‍♀️ medical students and most physicians will tell you silence is uncomfortable. We are always tempted to ask more questions or simply say something but over the years, I have learnt to hold that silence though. It speaks louder than words. I let our eyes and touch speak instead.

We all will continue to live, egle. Even if you are a nonbeliever, our bodies turn to dust or ashes, that nurture the earth and grow life again. We are all one in a way, made of the very same elements that out universe is made of, aren't we? So even if you don't believe in the soul, and you believe your essence is more elemental, you will continue on. There is a lovely book by Thich Nhat Hanh called the Art of Living. If you do not believe in Karma/Gita, this is another one that makes you think deeply about life and death. I highly recommend it I'd you haven't already read it. 🤗 love M

I resonate with your thoughts on Life M🙂

I have read some books by Thich Nhat Hanh. Egle, you should try his books. He is a wonderful teacher and writer. I was going through a difficult time when I started his first book. It really helped me a lot. It changed my perspective, helped me see things more objectively and appreciate the little things in life.

Hope you find the courage and strength to face this difficult time.