Love lost - A Shiva Raavi TS [COMPLETE]

Hello,

I have been following the episodes via Live updates, comments in the various threads, bts and edits on social media and have decided to put my spin on the new entry.

This might be a two or three shot at the most, depending on where my thoughts decide to take this.

As per usual

1) No intention to copy anyone's work. If it is similar high five

2) please do let me know, I'll read and acknowledge

PS: I do quick proofread bit please ignore any spelling and grammatical error.

She stood back, apart and disjointed from the rest, her hazel doe eyes reflecting the flames reaching for the dark night sky, as the effigy of all that resembled evil snapped and crackled under the heat that hastily made its way over it. The disintegration was mesmerising and she had always loved the analogy of good overcoming evil. She glanced quickly at her masi and sister, standing next to her own, it struck her that there were no feelings left. She knew what they were capable of and prayed that whatever they planned in the future would be unsuccessful.

Her temporary family stood right before the statue, paired up, making a beautiful portrait with the orange hues providing a backdrop for their silhouettes; Gautam held onto Dhara's waist as she leant her head on his shoulder, Dev stood slightly behind Rishita, with his arms around her waist, chin tucked into her neck, Krish had knelt beside Suman, heads joined together looking up and Shiva… he stood stoic, with Disha's hand wrapped around his arm.

It was poetic justice, that she had forgotten to deem worthy her place beside him, which was now no longer rightfully hers. She had been replaced, seamlessly, so that no one noticed that she was completely absent from beside them. The unity that the family had shown nine days ago, fighting to keep her in the family had deteriorated just as the statue did now. Disha had made everyone like her, slowly replacing the need for Raavi in the family and with that, she knew her time was up; after tonight she would no longer ever be a part of the household she dreamt of since she could remember. It had already started, with the whole neighbourhood separating them.

The flames started dying, not having any more fodder to feed on, ceasing their reach for the sky, the noise quieting and the crowd that had gathered to watch the destruction of evil started dispersing slowly towards their own homes. She took in the sight of her family one last time before turning and slipping away with the same crowd that had gathered in front of her, she walked to her destination with the music fading in the background.

***

Shiva hurried into the dimly lit aangan, the fairly lights twinkling merrily even as the rest of the house settled for the night. They had watched the Raavan statue burn till the embers glowed soft, then even as the four brothers cleared up outside, Dhara, Rishita and Disha had walked inside with Suman to get all the props and clothes used for the play sorted, laughter from within occasionally echoing in the now quiet street. His mother had asked him to drop Disha home once they were all done and he had agreed because he was bound by the promise he had made.

Suman had wanted him to give Disha a genuine chance to woo him and despite the fact that he didn't want to get married again, he kept his word. She lived across town and it had taken him an hour and half to drop her off and get back home. Tired, he glanced around the house looking for the face that had been in his thoughts all evening. She had stepped in as Sita when Dhara bhabhi had felt faint and had portrayed the role with such grace that he had been mesmerised.

***

Locking the front door and then walking round the aangan switching all the fairy lights off for the night, he peeked into his mother's room to make sure she was asleep, passing the bathroom, the mandir, his eyes restlessly searching as he walked on, reaching the kitchen. It was spotless, but the person responsible was nowhere to be seen. Assuming she had gone to bed in their room, he walked quietly towards it, not wanting to wake her up.

The room was shrouded in darkness; feeling his way to the cupboard, he took out his night vest and tracks, changing behind the screen she had added when they had gotten the bed. He got his pillow and mattress, laying it flat on the floor, he laid down. Turning to face the bed, he wondered if he should speak to her, when he heard the crinkle of paper. He swore under his breath even as he got out his phone to use the torch.

It was folded in half and had his name on it, recognising the handwriting, he opened it up quickly glancing at the bed, wondering what that mami ki behen ki beti couldn't say to his face that she had to write it.

***

Shiva,

I've left this here for you because I don't have the courage to face you. Not because I am not brave, but the shame that has enveloped me disallows me to come before you. I wanted to apologise for everything that you have had to go through because of me. My friends. My family. Your family. Everyone in the town. It was never my intention to hurt you, any of the times I said something about you. We had always been that way with each other and I forgot, speaking to you that way doesn't reflect well on either you or me. But now I know and it's a lesson I will never forget. My head was always in the clouds, oblivious to the happenings of this world, I lived in my land of princes and happy endings, but I forgot the most important part, real life starts after the happily ever after. I failed at that.

I'm sorry Shiva. I really am. I never defended you against all the vile things my friends said about you, things that I previously thought and spoke of about you; albeit unintentionally, I gave them the right to talk about you that way. I truly am sorry for that. You have always been unapologetic in the way you are and in the many years of knowing you, it was the first thing that drew me towards you after we got married. It may be too late to say this, but do not ever change. That is what made you unique; made you different; made you, you.

I regretted instantly, the time I slapped you. I wished that I had never done that, but every action has a reaction and the one act has created such a storm in my life, that I feel lost and purging this regret on paper has given me an anchor to hold on to. All I ask for is your forgiveness, for everything I said and did after that. It is a big ask and I know it is difficult, but I hope you find it in your heart to eventually forgive me.

I thought I could do it. Live in the same house, treat you like one would a relative they don't know well. The truth is that I do know you. Our lives have been so intertwined that every expression shows your feelings. So I know, it's time for you to move on and because that time is here, you need to let go of this distant relative. I also want you to know that I am so happy for you. Disha is the perfect person to be your consort, your Gauri. She has seen the diamond under the coal, realising what I have never seen despite knowing you longer; how blessed you both are to have found each other. Looking at her, I can say, she is the most beautiful girl in all of Somnath and the most fortunate to be tied with you. I wish you both the happiest and most successful marriage and future.

There is one last thing. I have spoken to the lawyer and she has requested that our divorce get fast tracked. The application is being processed so we should be divorced by the end of the month. Please let kaki know, so she can start the wedding preparations. I have left a list on the bedside for Rishita and Disha with all the chores so it's not too taxing on Dhara di. Take special care of her and my little star.

Once again I am sorry Shiva. I will always be repentant of the way our relationship ended.

Raavi.

***

He saw the ink smudge and his hand wandered to his face, feeling the wetness on his cheeks, he realised he had teared up. Panicking, he stood moving towards the bed, switching on the lamp to find a perfectly made bed that was cold. She wasn't in the house. The foreboding tone of the letter worried him and just as the thought came to his head, he pushed it away; she wouldn't try it again. No.

Trying to calm himself down, he thought back to how long it had been since he had seen her. She was at the play. And when their neighbours were talking to the brothers after it finished, she had excused herself. Racking his brain he thought harder, but images of his mother, brothers, bhabhis, Disha, Anita and even mami flashed by, but not her. He didn't even know if she had come back to the house. The thought led to another and he walked back around the bed to open the wardrobe. It opened effortlessly and was empty bar the neatly folded pile of t shirts, vests and bottoms. Her clothes, her personal belongings, everything she had placed in the wardrobe was gone, as was her jewellery and makeup from the dresser next to it. He couldn't even smell her perfume, the orange blossom and jasmine he had gotten used to. She had effectively erased herself from his life.

***

His heart felt heavy. The first rays of the sun had started peeking through the windows, yet he paced, calling her phone, over and over, hoping and praying that this time she would pick up, but like the previous numerous calls, this one too went unanswered and straight to voicemail. Changing again, he re-dialled as he walked out of the room, into chaos. Dhara bhabhi was making breakfast hurriedly, whilst Rishita bhabhi was cleaning up, Krish helped setting the table for breakfast and Dev was helping Dhara bhabhi make the rest of the food. He heard his mother call out "Ae markundi gai, where is my tea? I need to go get ready, are you coming to get me or not?"

Finally putting his phone away, he went to help his mother to the bathroom to get ready and then got stuck doing chores. They all heaved a sigh of relief, as they sat down for breakfast. Dhara was the first to bring up the question,

"Shiva where is Raavi? Is she okay? Is she unwell from last night?"

"She's gone."

"Gone What do you mean?"

"Shiva now is not the time to joke!"

"Where will Raavi go? She was here till last night.."

"Impossible, she would never leave Dhara bhabhi and go…"

"I knew it, she spent too much time with this bhagodi ki beti and she's learnt how to run away"

"Maybe she's gone to college?" Krish piped in, looking hopefully at Shiva, willing him to nod in affirmation.

"No. She's gone, gone. Forever. I've been trying to call her since two in the morning, but her phone keeps going to voicemail. I found a letter. She's apologised and ma, she's said to tell you that the divorce will be finalised by the end of the month, so you can start the wedding preparations. I'm not hungry. I'm going to the store. I'll see you there Gaumbi." accepting defeat, he walked out leaving worried faces behind.

"She was in the play. Where did she go? Should I call Anita and find out?"

"Yes bhabhi, why don't you call to see if she's gone back home."

"Okay I'll try. Can you think of anywhere else she could be?"

"Krish might be right, she might have gone to the college or library."

Agreeing that Krish would go check both, Dhara called Anita,

"Hi Anita, recovered from last night? Not too tired?"

"I'm good. My body aches, it's been so long since I've played garba. I wish Raavi was here. She always gives the best back rubs."

"Oh. Yes. Yes she does. Anyways I just called to ask how you were. I'll speak to you soon okay." shaking her head Dhara looked at the rest waiting in anticipation.

"Dhara try calling Raavi, she might pick up if she sees your number" Suman suggested.

"But why ma? You have been so determined to have Disha… no Dishu as your bahu, what does it matter if Raavi bhabhi has left?"

"I just don't want that kagdi to come here blaming us, especially my Shiva."

"Shiva will handle mami, why are you so worried? She's left on her own. We have a letter. There is no need for you to worry. You start the preparations and tell us what you want us to do." Krish said, pushing Suman to her room.

Fifteen days later

He watched the sun rise, the darkness being pushed away by the light, changing the hues of the sky at the horizon beginning with an orange, to a faint pinkish purple and finally the bright blue, as the earth continued rotating slowly. The clouds swirled and moved, as wisps interspersed with heavier clouds changing colour as the light passed through them. The rays warmed up the cold air, making the dewy grass glitter as though there was a carpet of diamonds laid out for him to walk across and he heard the cooing of the birds that had made a home in the trees above. This greeting of a new dawn had become his favorite time of the day, where the hope of a positive outcome came anew with the rising sun.

Standing up from the park bench as the first of the joggers started their way around the path, he turned to walk towards home, knowing very well that his family would question him again as to where he had been all night even though it had been the norm and his answer never varied. Their concern for him gave him the patience to wait, but all he wanted was to be left alone in the meantime.

As he reached the front door, he watched as his family worked together, subdued, in silence, as though the happiness had been stolen and all that was left was desolation. He walked around the entrance, towards the room, thankfully unnoticed and turned to observe the happenings when he saw Disha walking in chirping greetings to both his bhabhis and then his brothers.

Their expressions morphed, too quick for the unobservant, to joy that didn't quite reach their eyes. Memories of another flashed immediately, one who had done exactly the same since his mind could remember and with it came the stab of regret of not keeping her close from the start. Turning back, he walked into the room shutting the door behind him, to delay the conversation that was bound to happen.

***

"Arey Disha, good morning. You're here early. We weren't expecting you till after lunch."

"I couldn't wait. Kaki had called last night and told me to come first thing in the morning, so here I am."

"Oh. Never mind that. Could you please help with breakfast? We're having puri and aloo sabzi. I was just about to start frying them, but if you could get started with that I'll finish a couple of things before I come join you."

"Of course bhabhi."

Dhara looked at Rishita, exchanging a full silent conversation, pointedly looking at Disha, indicating that she was to be kept busy and then she walked towards the room that Suman occupied.

"Disha is here Maa. Is it really necessary to go through with this? We've already broken both Shiva and Raavi, how can we add Disha to this too?"

"What do you expect me to do? She's gone and good riddance. She wasn't right for my son!"

"At least don't lie to me maa. I probably know you better than even your sons. I have seen the pain in your eyes, every time any of us remember her."

"I...don't know what you mean. Look, I've called Disha here because we need to organise the wedding. She gets along so well with everyone, once she's married to Shiva, she will fill the void that Raavi has left in my son’s life."

"You and I both know that's not what Shiva's happiness lies in. Why are you doing this? Will you not tell me at least? Give me a reason maa and I'll help convince Shiva to get married."

Suman turned fully and Dhara saw the tears of pain and sorrow. Her heart dropped. She had never seen this woman in front of her so defeated; Even at her worst she had always been proud.

"Let's stop this madness, only then will we convince Shiva about bringing back the one who has captured his heart."

"Tell Disha to come here."

***

Disha had known it was never meant to be. She had seen it in his eyes on the first day of Navratri, when she had been introduced to him, but at the time she had the one person on her side that could make it possible. She had been obstinate about becoming a part of this family that was well known for the love they had for each other. So she had shamefully used underhanded methods; subtly intervening whenever anyone looked for Raavi, leading to the family warming up to her. And she had succeeded to an extent; Raavi was gone and she integrated herself further into the family, burrowing her way in. But she had been unable to replace her and that hurt, so when Suman had called her, she had an inkling what it was about and mentally accepted that her fate did not have that love written for her.

***

The store was unusually busy for two in the afternoon, when most of the people in Somnath closed their doors so they could put their feet up and catch some shut eye. He looked forward to that time, mindless restocking, cleaning up from the morning rush and prepping for the evening crowd left him ample time to ponder in thoughts that were forbidden in his current situation. Outwardly, his appearance showed no care but the constant battle fought internally was tearing him to pieces;pacifying his soul led to his mind creating havoc and when he finally calmed his mind, his soul became restless. His temper was short, snapping at customers that had dared to exchange pleasantries and eventually Kaka banished him to the back room to check on the re-orders that had come in.

It had only been ten minutes when he was called back to the front to sign for his post. Deep down he knew what it was. He opened the envelope noting that she had kept her promise. It was the last day of the month and she had sent through the divorce papers, signed, waiving all rights to any alimony. Dread filled his chest and for the first time in his life Shiva felt breathless, wondering if this was the end; there was nothing more to be done. He had lost. But even then he searched the envelope to see where it had come from.

The address was that of her lawyer’s office in Somnath and despite knowing the chances of getting any information were slim, he called to speak to the lawyer. What she said slid the ground from beneath him and he fell to the floor, like one of the sacks he so easily dropped to the floor.

***

Raavi had wanted peace and a familiar face that would let her be; she found that in her closest friend from high school, Abha. Abha had moved to Diu, after completing her yoga training and when Raavi had called her up, she had sent her address, telling her that they would solve everything. It had been two in the morning when she had finally reached the grounds of a beautiful resort, a sense of tranquility washed over her as she walked down the path to the accommodation for staff. Freshening up, she had told her everything, tears flowing and ridding herself of all the anger, hate and jealousy she had felt. Her words to Shiva would come true. Her spirit felt heavy, the weight of the remorse she carried pulling it down and her penance began with the rising sun.

Two days later, Abha had called her up excitedly asking her to come up to the reception. She was surprised to find the manager waiting with Abha but wary at the look of distress on his face. Their events coordinator had quit in the morning and they had a wellness retreat booked in for the afternoon. He needed someone to organise the event in three hours and ensure that for the next five days the organisers had everything that they required.

“Remember how good you were at organising and hosting school events? You were in every committee and you always managed to make everything perfect. Please don't say no. My job depends on these types of retreats and I know you’ll be great at it.”

“But I dont know the first thing about resorts. How am I going to get things done in three hours?”

“The previous co-ordinator has left the notes that they had taken for the event. I’ll assign a staff member to show you where everything is. Here is a walkie talkie, that for now, I have set to my frequency. If you need anything at all let me know and I’ll take care of it. If you manage to pull this off and we get positive feedback, we can discuss the possibility of you assuming this position, after a formal interview, of course.”

She needed a job. Her financial security was one of the aspects that she could control. Her college had been paid for the year, but she still needed money for her living expenses. When she had budgeted, she knew she had saved enough for a few months and the account that her parents had set up still required her mama’s signature as well as her own to access. She nodded her acceptance and moved to the staff room to change into the hotel uniform. Determined to be wholly independent, she looked over the event file and worked hard to make sure everything was in place. She was in her element as she arranged everything and made herself available for any queries that the organisers had; making adjustments for last minute reservations and ensuring that all the participants felt welcomed.

***

As she waved off the departing bus, she sighed in relief and sagged onto Abha’s shoulder, exhaustion felt like an understatement to what she felt and all she wanted to do was soak in a bath, to soothe the aching muscles that had been put to work for the first time in four years. Over the five days, she had consciously reeled her thoughts in throughout the day, living in the present, so she prayed for a good night’s sleep, wanting a reprieve from the ghosts of her mistakes that haunted her every night. The shrill ring of her phone pulled her out of the daze, checking to see who was calling before she picked up.

“The final papers are here Raavi. You will need to come into my office to sign them. I can call Shiva and his lawyer to come as well and we can get this sorted out soon."

“No! Don’t call him. I’ll come in tomorrow and sign them. I want him to receive them on the last day of the month. It is the one promise I can keep. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She had hired a taxi the next morning. Driving over the bridge, she felt the unease of going back to the place that she vowed not to look back at, yet here she was, driving towards the life that she had left behind; the only positive was that she would not have to make this trip again till she was ready to face the demons of her past. She had signed the papers and as she left her resolve weakened, asking the driver to take her past the store. She had looked out of the tinted windows and had caught sight of Shiva at the counter, Gautam at the till and unsurprisingly, Disha sitting on one of the stools near Shiva's counter chattering away. She saw him laugh at whatever she had said.

He was happy. With his sethani.

Six months later

"Breathe in. Breathe out. Fold your hands at the centre of your heart repeating your affirmation one last time, bend forward. Namaste."

"Thank you for making time to come for today's yoga class. Remember if you wish to attend the next one, we request that you book in at the reception. Enjoy your evening and I'll see you soon."

Taking one more breath she opened her eyes and was met with the sight of the sun disappearing over the horizon, the first twinkling star barely visible in the darkening sky. The lights surrounding the property switched on and all the students rolled up their mats and placed them in the basket, chatting as they walked back towards their rooms. Nodding to Abha, who walked back to the recreation room pulling the trolley they used to transport the mats and props, she sat still. Matching her breath to the pushing and pulling of the ocean at the sand on the beach, the crash of the waves breaking the ambient sounds coming from the outdoor restaurant nearby, she relaxed letting her mind wander.

***

It had been so difficult for her to forget them all completely. They had been an intricate part of her life, from childhood to adulthood and if she was honest with herself, she did not want to forget them. They had been the foster family she had wished she had. But she had slowly moved them to the back of her mind, only thinking of them when important dates came up. Remembering the first couple of months when she had moved here, she had religiously stalked Krish on his social media, wanting to know everything that was happening in the family.

Abha and her boyfriend Ashvik had intervened, advising her that she was making it difficult for herself to move on. They had been firm, negotiating how often she would see what they were doing. So, once every two weeks she logged into her social media account and for that one hour, she lived the life of a Pandya through Krish's feed. He hadn't blocked her from his profile and with the number of followers he had, she doubted he remembered. She had not been very active since before the divorce so she had felt secure that she would be well hidden.

She had seen the photos of Rishita's birthday and Krish's inter college festival. She had watched them bring in the new year and celebrate Gautam and Dhara's anniversary. She had dreaded seeing the pictures of Shiva and Disha's marriage and her curiosity had yet to be appeased as to why he had never bothered to put any of those pictures up. Despite that, Disha was visible in many of the pictures in the background, usually talking to one of the family. It no longer hurt, seeing them occasionally together in those pictures and though the twinge of want was still present, it was more nostalgic of what could have been.

She avoided thinking of him consciously, he was after all someone else's husband, but she found herself remembering moments spent with him when she least expected it. Flashes of him still crossed before her eyes at the oddest time and memories resurfaced on instances similar to ones they had shared in the past. Those times were the most difficult for her to hold onto the resolve of moving away.

But with the ache came unbound happiness as she saw Dhara's pregnancy progress. Those were her favourite moments and she would often revisit them when she had felt lonely, praying for a healthy baby that would be the centre of that little universe. So the previous week, she had gone to the mainland and had driven to a post office an hour away to send a gift for her godh bharai, which they would be celebrating anytime soon.

***

Shiva walked towards the front door, shouting out to Dhara bhabhi that he was going to the shop and would be back in half an hour. They had been home the past two days preparing for the godh bharai function, which was to start in a few hours. Suman had wanted a lavish affair so it was all hands on deck.

Disha had pulled up in a taxi as he exited and was waiting for her suitcases to be offloaded. She screamed his name pulling him into a hug, questions coming out a mile a minute. Not paying attention to what she was saying, he instead remembered a comment she'd made once, "If I'm in your face all the time, who knows, eventually you might fall in love with me." jokingly as her fiance, Jai, stood beside them. Those words struck a chord within him, making him wonder if that was the only reason he had loved her. But she had been gone for six months and he still felt like a part of him was missing.

Not answering her questions, he pushed her towards the front door,

"I'm going to the shop. I'll talk to you when I get back. See you in a bit. Bye Jai."

***

"Where is it Kaka? I wasn't expecting it to arrive so soon. Let me make sure it is the right one before I take it home. Bhabhi has been having mood swings like her first trimester and I'd rather not be the cause of her crying."

"I've put it on the desk at the back. Go take a look and get home quickly. You know Sumanben will hold me responsible if you're not home."

"I've told bhabhi that I'll be back in half an hour. She'll handle maa till then. Right now she gets her way more often than not." Shiva laughed as he went to the back storeroom.

The parcel was where kaka said it would be. He tore off the wrapping and opened the box to find a hand crocheted blanket folded neatly, with little booties and a hat tucked in. There was a small note rolled into the booties that simply read.

To my little star,

We will meet one day. Know that I already love you.

Xx

He gathered the shredded paper, looking through it for a return address. He would have known who it was, even if the note had not been handwritten. A scream of frustration escaped from his lips as he found only the store address. He still wanted to find her but his family had stopped him a month after she had sent the signed divorce papers.

It began when the lawyer told him that she had come to her office the week before to sign them. He had been determined to find her at any cost, searching for her like a madman, going to nearby towns, villages and even a few bigger cities, forgoing food and sleep. It was only when he had made himself ill, had Dhara bhabhi asked him for another promise, to not torture himself so. She was gone and all they could do was wait and pray.

Gathering the presents and placing them back in the box, he walked back home dejected that he had missed another opportunity of finding his happiness. He placed it in his room, deciding to show it to the family after the ceremony.

***

Dhara bhabhi had glowed, the smile never leaving her face. The affair had surpassed Suman's expectations, going off without a hitch and knowing it would be the talk of the town. Those same women who had taunted her previously, had given her blessings, there was dancing and laughter and he had heard her whisper to the baby when she thought no one would hear; "You are so blessed to have such a wonderful family that already loves you so much."

As they wound up the last of the decorations in the evening, everyone was in the aangan when he brought out the box. Dhara looked on excitedly, she had found a replica of the first outfit she had worn when she was born and she had wanted to have the same for the baby. Shaking his head Shiva handed her the box,

"That box hasn't arrived yet bhabhi. It's supposed to be coming next week. I'm keeping an eye on the tracking. But you definitely want to see this."

Everyone got curious at his statement and looked at Dhara bhabhi as she opened the box. In awe of the very lovingly made present, she opened the note; not even five seconds later, she burst into tears, clutching them close to her heart. Getting worried, Suman asked what was written,

"It's from Raavi."

That night, the family mourned what they had lost even as they celebrated one of their happiest days together.

***

One year later

Deja Vu. She noticed the similarities in the scene before her. She had arrived in Somnath and had offloaded her suitcase from the taxi in front of her maasi’s house, when she was pushed forward with the rest of the crowd that had started gathering for the Ravan dahant, bringing her to her present spot. She watched as the effigy burnt again and nostalgia swept through her. Today she was at peace; her inner demons having been put to rest, just as the savior of good had destroyed that evil and peace had prevailed.

She debated on closing the distance, wondering if walking through the crowd for a public reunion was sensible; but she was tired and if she was honest with herself, she wanted to prepare herself for meeting all those that were once most important in her life. Dragging her suitcase behind her, she walked towards her maasi’s house. There was no one inside and the lone table lamp left on in the hallway provided the light she needed to move through to her old room. It surprised her that her room remained the same and a wave of familiarity relaxed her as she unpacked, humming softly, going back to the simpler times when she was unmarried.

Showered and fed, she sat with the book Abha had given her before leaving Diu and had gotten through a few pages when she heard her maasi and mausapa as they walked through the door, deep in conversation. She waited for them to notice her presence, their reaction leaving her smiling. Catching up on a year’s worth of news, she told them of all she had done, her plans for the future and what had been happening in Somnath.

She found out that Shivang had moved back to Somnath, with a fiancee in tow and was handling the mills leading to an upturn in the business. Anita had also found a job and through that, had met someone that she was going to be engaged to at the start of the next year. Both the wedding and the engagement were to take place together and Prafulla had tried to talk about Raavi getting married again, settling all three of her charges, but Raavi had firmly denied any new relationships. She was happy being alone for now and if her destiny had someone in store for her, they would meet when the time was right.

Finally bidding them good night, she went back to her room, wanting some time to herself. Neither her Maasi nor Mausapa had mentioned the Pandya family and she hesitated to ask if everything was fine between them. She would have to go see them eventually, knowing that by tomorrow the whole of Somnath would know that she was back.

***

She slept in fits and starts, eventually giving up on a restful sleep. Using the guided meditations that Abha had recorded specially for her, she centred herself, calming the thoughts that had been errant since the previous evening, the sinking feeling in her stomach finally being soothed. She cleansed herself, taking utmost care to keep her mind positive and calm, affirming her confidence whilst in the shower and as she slathered on her body cream and combed out her hair. Looking at her reflection, sighing that she was unable to do anything about the glaze in the browns that stared back at her, she picked her phone off the dresser and walked out. Calling out her farewell to her maasi and mausapa, she walked towards the store, knowing that she would face the one Pandya brother who had always loved her as his own.

***

The shock on Gautam’s face was quickly replaced with an unbound joy as she greeted him; ignoring the customer waiting for their change, he ran around the counter to give her a tight hug. Not wanting to let go, he pulled her beside him by her hand and quickly passed on instructions to kaka, leaving with her in tow towards the house.

He was tugged back at the entrance and looking over his shoulder, he noticed that she had stopped just outside the door, watching the scene that unfolded in front of them. He observed her as she watched; Dhara had the bassinet near the cot where Krish was asleep, Rishita and Dev sat on the seating at the other end of the aangan, eating breakfast , poring over what looked like plans, Dhara was seated next to Suman, cutting up some string beans as they discussed the chores that needed to be completed before DIwali. It didn't go unnoticed that her eyes flitted to the closed door, to what was once her room and he continued to watch silently to see if she would ask about the one person that she unknowingly searched for. Stepping in front of her, effectively blocking her, Gautam called out,

“Dhara! Dhara! I need to tell you something.”

“Gaumbi, you’re back. You just went to the store not even twenty minutes ago. Is everything okay? What do you need to tell me, that you had to come home and couldn’t talk on the phone?”

“I have found someone. She’s very important to me. I can’t leave her so the dilemma is, should I stay here with you and Reeha or with her?”

Raavi stifled a giggle behind him. She had known that Gautam liked joking, but she had never seen this dramatic side before. Everyone was already staring at him in disbelief and on hearing the giggle the expressions varied from anger to curiosity.

“Gaumbi, how could you do this to bhabhi…”

“Ey Petticoat chaap, how have you managed to find time and someone else to run behind?”

“ Gautam, stop joking, we have a child…”

“Who is that behind you?”

"Surprise! Jai Somnath Kaki. Hi Dhara di, Rishita. Dev.”

Raavi finally spoke up, peeking around his arm, eyes sparkling with mischief. It had been easier to come here than she had imagined and the shock on all their faces combined with the look of incredulity and joy made stepping into the house less daunting.

The commotion they created, led to loud wailing from the bassinet which in turn woke Krish up with a start, disoriented from sleep and also caused the bathroom door to open,

“Who made Reeha cry now? I swear to God the next person who doesn't let that child sleep in peace is going to be thrown out of the...house.”

She watched as he walked out, in a trance, as he saw her, towel held against his hair, dressed in the same style as a year ago, making time stand still. It had gone eerily quiet, only the occasional hiccups of the baby breaking the silence that had cast over. Bated breaths and apprehensive looks followed the movements of the two, as though waiting for adversaries to start a war until,

“Hi Shiva.”

“Raavi.”

Sighs of relief followed and everyone moved back to doing their work, secretive glances thrown ever so often in the direction of the two figures who yet had to make a move otherwise.

“We should talk, maybe somewhere a bit more private?”

Nodding he turned to walk towards the terrace, throwing a look of warning at the rest to behave. She followed him, her stomach sinking and that feeling of unease came back two fold as she stopped at the edge of the balcony. He continued to pace, unaware of her hesitancy, trying to gather his scattered thoughts so that he could speak to her comprehensively. Calmly.

“Shiva…”

"You left. With only a note to acknowledge your absence."

"I needed to and you didn't need me. Not then. Not now."

"Is that what you think? I didn't need you? Don't need you? You are doing what I did a year ago and look where that has brought us."

He let out the air in his lungs, calming himself internally as he felt his temper rise, then spoke again,

"Raavi. Forgive me. The regret of not apologising and seeking your forgiveness has been weighing on my chest for over a year. Not a day has passed when I haven't found something else to ask forgiveness for, not an hour where I haven't had a fleeting thought of if only I spoke up earlier, not a minute where I wished I had been braver. The one complaint I had of you was you did not give me the opportunity to test my bravery, for how could I seek forgiveness and redemption from a person that, for a year, didn't even exist in my life?

So now I ask for absolution, for the words I spewed in anger, words that had not an ounce of truth in them; for neglecting to keep promises that I made, to you, to myself, for us; for all the times I hurt you, knowingly and unknowingly; for rejecting your feelings, your words and your actions that wavered my surety. My penance starts now and one day when I have repented enough, your forgiveness will provide the salvation I need from this weight of guilt that I still carry on me."

"I never had a reason to forgive you but as I read the letter, I gave it to you and everyday after that I tried over and over to find you so I could absolve you of the unnecessary guilt you carried but I failed everyday and with that I failed you."

"You released me from this burden, just as I am freeing you, Shiva. We were both wrong and we both carried the guilt. I came here today to talk to you, finally at peace with myself for all that I did to you and all that you had done so that we could leave the past where it belongs, behind us. You look happy Shiva and I'm glad you haven't had to change yourself, after all Disha liked you the way you were."

"I never remarried."

She had gotten better at hiding her emotions and if he hadn't been watching for a reaction he wouldn't have caught the briefest flash of shock before she composed herself.

"You never remarried? But… the divorce…we finalised… my letter… kaki… you lied?"

"ae gha… Raavi… I don't lie. You know that. I told everyone the truth, but I couldn't accept you just having left so I searched for you, for the longest time, till I was almost ill. Dhara bhabhi sat me down and told me some truths that I needed to hear…then I learnt how to be patient, knowing that one day you would come back. Maa knew it would never have worked so she called Disha before I got the divorce papers to break the alliance. Disha is in Ahmedabad. And engaged. She does visit often; we've become… friends."

Turning away from him slightly, she looked out towards the street, her thoughts whirling, causing her breath to shallow out. This wasn't supposed to happen. She had mentally prepared herself to see him with Disha, happily married, willing to accept it and go back to her life, hopefully still having part of the family in her life. She wanted to finally rid herself of that final tether that stopped her from being completely free because it was not hers rightfully; now he made her wish again and they were creeping back to square one.

"Raavi, I'm not good at explaining myself, all that I have said has been bottled up inside me for a year and the weight on my shoulders has decreased slightly. I'm going to be honest with you. One year ago, I thought I didn't deserve you, because somewhere in those few months we were married, your happiness had taken priority over everything else and with everything that was said, I became stubborn in my want to give you a better life. As you said, what's happened needs to be left behind, and with that I also leave the animosity we had. I can't leave behind my attraction though. I need to disentangle my true feelings from those that were contingent on us almost dying. But I don't want to force these feelings on you."

"Shiva...I came here now, when I had reconciled my feelings and my expectations. We are still divorced so you are free to do what you want. I forgave you when I forgave myself."

She had forgotten that just as she knew him, he knew her. He knew what she was doing but didn't stop her. This was what he had wanted last year and his wish was getting fulfilled without the bitterness, so maybe it really was for the best. Giving in to the temptation, he tested the shaky bond,

"Okay….Friends?"

"Friends."

***

Epilogue

She picked up her phone even as she watched the couple getting married in the mandap ahead, her eyes trained on the staff passing round bottles of water and petals in paper cones for the pheras that were about to start. The gentle breeze kept the guests cool and she thanked God for small mercies. She heard the excitement in the questioning voice in her ear and smiled, answering in short whispered murmurs. Disconnecting the call as she watched the rituals nearing the end, she walked back to cross-check the final preparations on her list. This was the last event she was officially in charge of before she left and she wanted it all to be perfect; hoping it would pave the way to a felicitous life together for the newly married pair.

She had been given the opportunity to manage the newest resort in the chain and she had accepted it immediately. Management knew that she had applied for both personal as well as professional reasons, hence they had offered it to her despite not having much experience and she was glad to be making the move.

She had found herself being pulled back to Somnath as she made biannual trips, finding herself wanting to stay longer each time, but she loved the independence working at the resort gave her and she didn't want to lose that. The decision to move had made it simpler for her and she looked forward to the new chapter in her life.

Tagging you so you don't kill me

Also Aaliya.. I hope this is a slightly better attempt 😜.. Im still re thinking the other one and will definitely edit it

ashu's spot

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my poor poor raavi :( I like how she apologized for ever making shiva feel any less and for slapping him - it warmed my heart but at the same time it crushed my heart too because she deserves an apology too

she deserves an apology from shiva who instead of communicating with her, questioned her character and sent her divorce papers

she deserves an apology from suman who burdened Raavi with her misogynistic views and never understood her side

she deserves an apology from dhara for expecting her to move on so quickly from dev and instead of lending a shoulder, always lecturing her

she deserves an apology from her maami for not understanding her bachi's sadness and for taking advantage of their divorce

she deserves the whole world and so much more 😭 I'm glad she decided to leave that toxic environment

amazing amazing amazing update - the way you pen down stories is truly breathtaking

I love you 🤗

Letter was heart breaking💔

Loved it❤❤

Min, perfect chapter 1, looking forward to the next part.

I want Raavi to do the exact same thing in the show after Ramleela is over. Write an apology letter to Shiva and leave for good,

Beautiful minmin

I already know I am gonna love it

Sitting with popcorn and waiting for u to join so u can narrate🖤

Originally posted by: mpks1

Min, perfect chapter 1, looking forward to the next part.

I want Raavi to do the exact same thing in the show after Ramleela is over. Write an apology letter to Shiva and leave for good,

Me too Premzie though it will hurt 🥺but its for good👍🏼