Hey all,
So I wanted to share bit of my story and how I feel connected with Anupamaa and I can understand what she is doing and why. I am seeing a lot of frustration here about why still Anu is in Shah house and why she is still so much controlled by that family.
Bit about me, I have been part of I-F since early 2000s and spent some good years here, made some wonderful friends. But as grew up, life moved on, so did I. Now I only appear on I-F once a year or even years later depending on if I like certain show's track or not. My friends here knew about me and my life and I want to share bit here.
So, I live in UK, brought up and lived most of my life here. Was quite young when our dad left us and didn't bother to look back until it was for his own selfish reasons. I was barely 10, moved to UK, started to build life here. As I am the oldest, 2 younger sisters, youngest one has been practically raised by me, I am known as her mother more than our mum.
Looking back at my life now I realise how controlled I was by my own family, especially by own mother. We are quite close knit but still, I also grew up in toxic environment, not as extreme as Anupamaa but still. The level of control family had and to extent it still has not only almost killed me but crippled me and left with so issues, including lowest self esteem. And that is someone who graduated from university, been working and what you would call 'independent woman of today'. Despite being independent, educated it becomes less of value if your family doesn't value you or your achievements.
I have been through issues like height, looks, being nerd, being too nice and even accent. My issue has been that I saw my family breaking apart, so I gave up my childhood to being son, daughter, mother, sister, brother, elder, all in one. Despite mum being here, I handle and still handle the household and make sure my family doesn't fall apart.
I didn't realise how many issues I had or how much I was controlled until 3 years ago I met the one person who will change my life around (my husband now, Alhumdulillah). Meeting him, marrying him was the best thing that could have happened to me because he truly showed me my self worth and increased my self esteem by having faith in me and encouraging me. He became buffer in my life to buffer out all the toxicity. Sometimes you do need another person, outsider, who can help you recognise your true worth. It took me more than good year of marriage to even realise how I was controlled and how easy I felt with my husband and this made me truly fall for him more and more.
Coming back to Anupamaa, a girl barely in 20s, first year of her college, gets into arranged marriage who has been taught the same lesson, in laws and husband is God like. She did what almost every married woman does, accepted his family as hers, fell in love with the man she was supposed to fall in love. Till date, most desi family prefers young girls with less attitude because they are easier to mold as how they want them to be. Anupamaa gave best 26 years of her life to that home, family and that man.
She turned that house into a home, bore children, gave everything and became the person who they would accept. But remember Vanraj and Baa's first choice was never Anupamaa. The financial difference between Anu and Vanraj family also was a factor and then Anupamaa's innocence and staying true to her roots. Vanraj being superficial and to add male dominace with which he was brought up all play a factor to turn him into this male chauvinist he is.
It is right, Anupamaa should have left the house when she was planning to but stayed back because of Babuji. Since day one, apart from Samar, only Babuji stood by her side as much as he could. Over the years, he truly became father for her. She was taught to treat MIL as her own mother so despite all that for her Leela is like or moreover her mother.
But keeping these factors on side right now when things are getting worse why isn't she leaving the house. First, she is barely recognising her own worth and still battling with self esteem issues but finally taking stand for herself. She has no love or respect for Vanraj, he is done and dusted the day she found out he was cheating. But Anu is also a mother of 3 kids from this man. She already sees the affect of Vanraj in Paritosh. Samar is there for her but he also battled for her and his own worth over and over again. Pakhi as we all know how easily can be influenced as she is the youngest and only daughter.
If Anu leaves family will fall apart within minutes and it will affects the kids more than anyone else. Babuji also knows this and so does Anupamaa, one of reasons she us unable to leave. It is easy to move out if your kids go with you or support you but here kids support changes day by day.
Anuj enters in her life as her guardian angel to help her gian more confidence and move forward. She is more vocal now because she has someone who is an outsider, believing in her, defying the so called believes of family that she will not be able to handle or do anything in the real world.
She is right in saying she has no place for new relationships yet as her plate is full. Also, because, she has 26 years worth of baggage and I can tell you from personal experience you require a lot of therapy and help to be able to move on when you had bad relationship/marriage. I see what it did to my mum and to us. It not only affects the parent but kids too. Especially when every single day Anupamaa is being questioned about Anuj and his crush on her. In her head, this has no place right now because she wants to focus on herself. Anuj is being the medium here nothing else.
Anu is standing up to Vanraj for herself but still controls herself alot as he is father of her kids. Over the years, as our hatred grew towards our father, our mum always tried to be neutral and kept saying despite what he did to her, he is still our father. Mothers still try to make sure the kids have bit of respect left for their father, Anupamaa is doing the same thing.
Anupamaa might open her heart for new possibilities (Anuj) but not now, not right now or anytime soon as she needs time to recover and recollect herself. Even if she finds out his feelings for her, it'll take time for her to get there, if she does. She is happy with Anuj, the friend, the guardian angel who gets her break from all negativity and provide some positive light in her life.
Leela Baa is nothing more than the toxic mother in law who deapite verbally saying Anu is her daughter but never able to accept her in true sense. She is a mother who differentiate between son and daughter and end up raising sons like Vanraj who return the favour in form of Paritosh. Anu is slow in realising it but she is getting there that Baa will always be Vanraj's mother first and her MIL second, not her mother.
I am so sorry for such long post and all the blabbing. 🙈 I lost my thought track somewhere in middle. Lol. Bottom line I was trying to make that if your own family of blood, can control you so much, this is in laws. It will take time to get out of this.
❤️
Kumkum Bhagya
Tu Dhadkan Main Dil
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
35