Part 2A
Here's the first half guys! Took me a long time and was very emotional for me, so I hope you like it too. š³ It deviates completely from the show and while there might be a few startling differences, I promise it will all tie up at the end š
The second part will be out tomorrow morning!
Happy Reading!
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It has been a few months since that fateful encounter in the mall. Isra's moving to better opportunities in life, finally trying to heal herself. But there seems to be a different plan for her.
After all "bas mein na ho jo kar jaana ishq hai, jaake udhar se laut aana ishq hai" ā¤ļø
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Disclaimer: Given that I am not Muslim, I am not very clear with the rules of Khula and divorces. I did read whatever material I could find, and did the best I could. I hope it does not hurt anyone's sentiments here. In fact, if there is anything wrong, please let me know so that I can change it.
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The University of British Columbia, Vancouver. Probably the best choice I had ever made in my life. The initial change and culture shock had settled and life could not have been better. Honestly, having been here just a month, I could not believe how different the world was. Here nobody cared if I was a divorcee. Nobody wanted to know why and what went wrong. Nobody had called me a materialistic opportunist. In fact, it was the opposite.
All my friends seemed to support me and called me a strong individual for having made such a decision in my life. They had all been very warm and welcoming. And slowly I had managed to realise there was so much more to life than deciding when and where to marry, how to behave like a lady, whether or not it was time to have children.
I had finally begun living and enjoying the Gift of Life. But how did I get here? Excellent question.
The day before I moved here, I had made sure everyone from my old life was blocked on all Social Media. And that included my ex-husband, Shahzaib. Yes, he did sign the Khula papers without any arguments. I had made sure to return the property papers he had written off to me, the blank cheque and every item he had gifted me after marriage. That had to be the toughest thing I had ever done.
I can never forget the pain on Shahzaibās face when I had gone to his house one last time to return those items. Given how insulted I had felt, I did not get inside the property. In fact, I waited for him to step out of the gates so that I could hand him everything.
He was crying, literally, but not saying a word. His dark circles had gotten more prominent since the time I met him at the mall. His hair was all over the place, he had stopped taking care of himself. Razaa, who had accompanied Shahzaib, pleaded to the both of us to not go through with this. But I was adamant and nothing could change my mind. Better to be single and let the pain go away gradually than to be in immense pain imagining that your husband and the love of your life will be giving his name to another female who will now touch him every night.
Our conversation in the elevator never left my mind, even when I boarded the plane to Vancouver. And neither did his appearance at his own house gate. But I was making sure to put all of it behind me, after all, this was a new chapter in my life. There was no need for any past negativity.
My Studio apartment was very cozy and perfect. The sitting area, kitchen, bedroom, en-suite were so well made and the price was such a steal. I still remember the huge smile that spread on my face when I had seen the place in person for the first time. And when the accommodation manager left, I had jumped on the bed, squealing in excitement.
It took me some time but I completely settled in. Hammad Bhai and Mumma would call once a week. Naina Bhabhi had also started warming upto me given that I would lecture Bhai that he was not being a good husband. Gradually the scattered family had now glued itself together. We were stronger than ever.
Exceptā¦I did think of Shahzaib often. There were nights when I would wake up, breathing heavily. Because of some crazy dream I had had in regards to him. Mostly it would be flashbacks of the last time we had met, or the elevator ride. On other days, it were memories of the good times we had sharedā our dates, sneaking around, him running into the bedroom just to kiss me goodbye, me making eyes at him on the breakfast table which in turn got him late for office. And then the rare days when the nightmares had Shahzaib kicking me out of his house, Haaris trying to touch me inappropriatelyā¦
The nightmares did reduce considerably, thanks to my newly-made friends. The first night I had got them, I called my flatmate and first friend, Elise, to my room. She came running in with ice-cream, listening to me talk about everything, rubbing my back. Soon, there were a couple others who knew, my classmate and flatmate Harpreet, a Punjabi Canadian and a Wellbeing counsellor, Adam. He was also a student, studying a different course in the same school as me, so the four of us would hang out a lot.
Those wellbeing sessions helped me, made me a stronger person. Adam not only showed me where Shahzaib went wrong, but unbiasedly taught me how to handle the situation if another Haaris was around. I knew better now, I was smarter and soon enough, I was assisting Adam with other students who were going through similar experiences. Harpreet and Elise were my Monica and Phoebe, and I was so blessed to have them in my life. And yes, my academics had improved, impressing the professors and surprising me.
But of course all of this being said and done, it was not easy to forget Shahzaib. It had almost been half a year since that day at the mall and I still could not forget him. There were moments of such pain in the middle of the night when I would wake up covered in sweat and no amount of ice-cream and binge-watching FRIENDS could take that away. My pillowcases would be stained on certain nights and sometimes I got a feeling he was around me. And a part of me had accepted it now. My friends did try to set me up on dates but I knew I could not do it. Even though my ex was probably honeymooning in some exotic part of the world.
Before the pain from that thought could overpower me, I got a FaceTime call. It was Bhai. Breathing in one huge gust of air in order to calm myself down, I connected the call and smiled at the screen.
āIsra!ā Mumma said. āHow are you beta?!ā
āI am fine Mumma, look I am making Mutton Nihari!ā I moved the camera to show them the simmering pot.
āSo cool, you sure you havenāt just bought it from the store?ā I heard Bhai voice.
āHa ha ha very funny. I know how to cook now!ā
āHammad, why do you trouble her? Canāt you see sheās doing well?ā I saw Naina Bhabhi pop into the frame, with her son fast asleep in her arms.
āThank you Bhabhi. Aww, Farhan is sleeping?ā
āYes he slept about 5 minutes ago. I was telling Auntyji to dial quicker so that you could see him.ā
I grinned, āIts okay, no problem. By the wayā¦how did you guys decide to call today? I mean, we normally speak on Saturdays when I can sit and chat properly. Not when I am sweating in the kitchen.ā
āActually Isra,ā Hammad Bhai said nervously. āThereās something we want to talk to you about. Its kind of urgent.ā
I frowned, āNo marriage proposals okay, Iāve said no.ā
āIts not that Isra,ā Bhabhi said. āJustā¦listen to us, okay?ā
I waited for them while chopping some chillies. Finally Bhai said, āShahzaib called. And thereās somethināā
āNo,ā I said too loudly, silencing everyone on that side. āNot another word.ā
āIsra trust meāā
āI said no mumma. Does no one understand that?ā I felt the pain rising. āNo one uses the S-Word around me, or gives me any information about it. I gotta go. Donāt call me for a couple of days.ā
I disconnected the call and continued cooking, while my throat was choking up. I thought I was strongerā¦then what the actual f**k happened? His name, only his name did this to me? As my body shook and I switched off the stove, I heard a knock at the door.
āComing!ā I yelled, wiping my eyes and splashing some water on my face. It was Charlotte on the door, another flatmate.
āIsra!ā She exclaimed. āThereās someone down to see you. The Security was trying your intercom.ā
āYeah thatās not been working, Iāve put in a complaint,ā I replied. āWho is it?ā
āI canāt pronounce the name, but you should go down,ā she said. āAll Iāve been told is to send you downstairs.ā
Weird.
āThank you Charlotte,ā I smiled at her. Picking up my keys, I locked my door and made my way downstairs. It was only until I spotted the all-too-familiar figure that I froze.
āIsra?ā He looked at me, relief filling his face. āYouāre here!ā
āShahzaib?ā The name passing from my lips was giving me another pain rush. Quickly switching to my mother tongue I said, āWhat the hell are you doing here? I think it was perfectly clear that there is nothing between the two of us. Then why are you here?ā
āI am here to talk,ā he said feebly. āI know you probably hate me right now as you should but there are things you should know.ā
No, I love you, you idiot.
āGo back Shahzaib.ā
āListen Isra, Iāll be happy standing in the cold outside if you walk away. And Iāll stay there till you agree to talk.ā
āAnd youāre back with your madness. Youāll freeze to death.ā
āFor you. All of this for you. And Iāll prefer freezing than walking away from here without telling you everything.ā
I contemplated my choices. Either I could take him upstairs and talk to him or let him stay outside while there would be some Security issuesā¦and major problems from him.
Sighing, knowing there was no way any of us could benefit with me being stubborn, I looked at the Security personnel who was waiting for my reply, āIts okay Ryan, heās with me.ā
Ryan signed him in and we both made our way upstairs quietly. A part of me was worried that he would fall sick and that is also why I agreed to let him come with me. Slowly opening my door, I entered, him following me. I turned up the heating to help his shaking form warm up.
āSit,ā I instructed, passing him an electric blanket. āThis should help you.ā
āYou still care so much?ā He said, his eyes lovestruck.
I nearly whacked him, āShut up Shahzaib. Youāre in my house, I donāt want you to fall ill here.ā Turning on the kettle, I put a green tea bag in a mug, waiting for the water to heat. Shahzaibās eyes were on me while I poured the water, looking at my every move. I gave him the mug silently, making a gesture that he should drink up.
While he did so, I went to the bathroom to change out of my outfit to a lighter pair of leggings and tee, tying my hair up in a bun. The extra heat was too much for me to take, but it was important for Shahzaib to warm up. Who knows what would happen if he were to fall sick on a foreign land even as the pandemic had not ended.
By the time I stepped out, he was done with his tea and had gotten out of his jacket. My eyes took in his weak form. He was still built, but looked lesser ripped than he actually did. The green polo neck he wore still fit him, the colour oh-so suited himā¦but it was not as snug as before on the arms.
āHave you lost weight?ā I asked him.
He looked taken aback at my question, āUhh yes. You seemed to have gained weight. It looks good on you.ā
āMy doctor said I was underweight,ā I shrugged.
āDoctor?ā
āYup. I went for my monthly check up here. Iād lost a lot of weight after theā¦divorce,ā I tried to sound as casual as I could.
Shahzaib looked pained, fidgeting with the hem of his polo shirt, āIsra I am sorāā
āDonāt say your sorry Shahzaib. The time to be sorry was months ago,ā I snapped at him. āJust cut to the chase and tell me why youāre here.ā
He sighed, āFor you.ā
āMe?ā I scoffed. āWe are divorced remember? And you were betrothed to another. Or married by now. Whereās the ring?ā I asked sarcastically, looking at his finger, spotting none.
āNimra and I arenāt married.ā
What?
āHuh?ā Was all I managed to say.
āYes,ā he said, his eyes gentle as ever.
āWellā¦you will be marrying later this year then, yes?ā
He shook his head, āNo. Thereās no marriage at all.ā
Okay. That came as a shock.
I leaned against the wall trying to process the information. Shahzaib stood in front of me, playing with the edge of his green polo tee, waiting for me to say something.
āI donāt get it.ā That was the only way I managed to formulate my thoughts into words.
āThere was never going to be a marriage Isra,ā Shahzaib said. āYou know what, just sit down and listen to me.ā
I was too lost in my own muddle of thoughts that I did not protest when he tugged me by my arm and made me sit on the couch. Then seating himself next to me, he waited for my response. I only nodded in agreement.
āYou see, I had figured out that something was wrong. There were suddenly all these misunderstandings between us and I was receiving these WhatsApps from Haaris, with pictures of the two of you. Initially, I got angry and pained, but then Zareena told me that Nimra had attacked you.ā
āShe did.ā
āAnd thatās when I began thinking that all these circumstances couldnāt be random, there had to be a pattern. So I started to notice that wherever Sameera was with you, Haaris would pop up. Or in the past, whenever I mentioned to someone from my family where we were, that bas***d would turn up. The nail in the coffin was when I spotted you with him in the room.ā
āThe day you kicked me out.ā My voice was laced with venom.
āNo baby, I never wanted to do that. Remember I had gone to Islamabad?ā
I nodded.
āI was in touch with my police friend. I donāt think you know that Haaris was behind the bars for a few hours because of me. But someone bailed him out. I had asked my friend to let me know who that person wasā¦and it turned out to be my mother.ā
What the f**k?
āI donāt believe you.ā
āI have proof, here,ā he rummaged through his bag to get out a file. āSee this. Hammad has seen this too, it was only after I told him about you that he gave me your address.ā
āDammitā¦ā I muttered, looking at the file.
āOnce I figured it out, I realised to what lengths were people going to go to, in order to separate us. It scared me, that I might lose you forever one day. So I made a haste decision to ākick you outā. I know it was a horrible choice but there was nothing else I couldāve done! In order to get my mother and my toxic cousins off your back, it was the only way! And then before I couldāve contemplated my next move, Nimraās parents died in a plane crash. Of course she was devastated and I was sad to lose my relatives. But that was it. The minute my mother started to push the idea of Nimra and Iā¦I knew thatās the only way I couldāve ended this shit once and for all.ā
āAnd what about me?ā I snapped. āDid you ever think what your actions would do to me, Shahzaib?ā
āIsra, nothing was on my mind other than you. But more than having you in my life at that time, it was important for you to be safe. So I agreed to the marriage and knew they were going to create even more coincidences. I played along and said some very venomous things that threw them off track. Believe me baby, I was hurting so much. Every word was like a thorn puncturing my heart.ā
āThatās no excuse.ā
āI know and I am so sorry for everything,ā Shahzaib was crying now, fat tears rolling down his puffed cheeks. āThat day at the mallā¦I wanted to tell you everything. But you werenāt ready to listen.ā
āDespite all this, you signed the papers?!ā
āI didnāt want to! But you were adamant and my mother found out, courtesy Haarisā¦so I had to let them believe I wanted nothing to do with you while keeping your life safe. And finallyā¦on the wedding dayā¦I ended it in front of a thousand people. Nimra was kicked out of my house, Razaa divorced Sameera and we brothers moved into the smaller house. My mother lives alone in our family home now, with no one other than the house helps.ā
āShahzaibā¦all thatā¦I getā¦butā¦you left me.ā
āI know.ā
āNot only left me, but you said such shitty things about me, my character!ā
āI know.ā
āAll this time, it was a stupid plan of yours while I was thinking you hate me, that you have given up on us.ā I stood up angrily, pacing around the room, Shahzaib following me.
āDid you really think I was that stupid?ā Shahzaib grinned at me through his tears. āYou never saw through me, did you baby?ā
'How was I to know?ā I choked out. āYou signed the papers and ended it!ā
āAnd now you know why,ā he sniffled. āI couldn't let anyone harm you, so I had to let you go for sometime.ā
āBut you gave me pain?ā I smacked him across the chest. āDid. You. Really. Think. That. Was. Helping. ME?!ā I emphasised on each word, unable to stop my hands from attacking him.
He took it silently while holding me from the waist. I was thankful for that, otherwise I would be on the floor in a second. Finally he took my wrists in his left hand, pulling me to his chest, tucking my head under his chin. The minute his scent hit me, I knew I was home. The same home that I tried running away from.
āBaby,ā he whispered. āI know you're feeling the pain every moment. Believe me, I've been there, sleeping and waking up with constant chest pains. But I am not going anywhere now. Cuss me all you want, hit me all you want. I did what I had to keep you away from harm's way. But now, I'll be all yours, just as I had promised, if you'll have me.ā
I sniffled at looked at his face, which seemed had aged ten years since I last saw him. His eyes were trying to convey everything to me, good and bad, they were screaming the truth, and it was all making sense to me now. I did not plan to forgive him so soon, but I wanted something he had that could prove that he was right here.
Without a second thought I went on my tiptoes, tugging at his head down, capturing his lips into a searing kiss. There was no resistance from him, it was as if he was waiting for me to make the first move. This kiss was unapologetic, even painful considering the amount of force we were using but this pain did not bother me.
Wanting to be closer to him, one of my legs ditched around his waist, while we devoured each other, trying to feel every crevice through our clothes. Every breathe that I took now felt like pure oxygen firing up my veins. Shahzaib was here, with me and only me. He never stopped loving me, he never doubted me. Only this thought made me press myself closer to him, finding even micro-distances to be miles.
Finally, he broke the kiss and pulled me on the couch with him, breathing heavily. I adjusted myself on his lap, knowing very well why he stopped.
āWowā¦ā he whispered in marvel.
āYeahā¦ā I breathed, resting my head on his shoulder.
āI had to stop, you know.ā He tried to apologize.
I rolled my eyes, a slight smile on face, āIts okay. I could feel your reason against me.ā
His cheeks turned red as he let out a throaty laughter, it was music to my ears. āAnd your dirty mindās back.ā
āIt was always there, you werenāt around, thatās all,ā I said. He stroked my cheek, staring at me constantly. My cheeks turned red under his gaze. āYou look like shit,ā I commented, looking at his face. He did actuallyā deep dark circles that he could barely keep his eyes open, puffiness on his entire face, and I could feel some weight gain on his belly area, his green tee had a belly bulge underneath.
āI forgot how to take care of myself,ā he said softly. āThe official separation broke me completely, Isra.ā
āWhy did you not make me a part of the plan?ā I asked him. āHad I known, donāt you think either of us wouldnāt have gone through so much shit?ā
āDo you remember what you did to that girl, whom we had met at our mutual friendās wedding? Rabailā¦Ruksanaā¦what was her name?ā
āRabeeca,ā I grinned, remembering how I had nearly attacked her, nearly exposing Shahzaib and my relationship. Just because she flirted with him a little bit. āShe was eyeing you.ā
āWell in the worldās eyes we were both singles. And if you could do that to some random girl, what would you do to Nimra, even if you knew I was yours?ā
Okayā¦he had a point. But I was not going to let him win.
āWhatever. I am hungry, you wanna eat?ā I asked him. āIāve made Nihari Mutton.ā
āYes, thank you,ā he said, leaning in for another kiss. I let him, reciprocating equally because I knew he was thinking this was all a dream too.
āShahzaibā¦this doesnāt mean that Iāve forgiven you. What you did was really bad and Iām gonna need some time.ā
He smiled sadly, āTake all the time you want, Iāll be right here. Just let me be there for you please. Let me help you get out of this pain.ā
āBut youāre gonna go home at some point right? Youāre on a visa.ā
āActuallyā¦I wanted to wait butā¦I have a PR.ā
āYouā¦WHAT?!ā
āAfter Hammad told me where you were, I decided to pack up and move. There was nothing keeping me back in Pakistan anyway and I wasnāt going to take away your ambitions from you. Soā¦here I am. Iāve set up a different business here and have taken a house on rent too.ā
āHow the heck did you manage all this?ā
āUsed my contacts,ā he grinned, gesturing me to get up. āLets eat dinner and then I have to get back to my hotelā¦I get the keys for the house tomorrow.ā
āAnd how do you plan to get back?ā I asked him, walking to the kitchen and serving the food.
āTaxi or something.ā
āIts Sunday, Shahzaib. Plus the charges are gonna be high. You arenāt going anywhere, sleep here tonight.ā
His brows furrowed, āYou said you havenāt forgiven me.ā
āI know what I said,ā I snapped. āBut youāre new here. Besidesā¦I want you here tomorrow morning in order to know youāre actually here.ā
āBut what will peopleāā
āThis is Vancouver! No one cares!ā
āWell if youāll have meā¦ā he smiled at me, raising his hands in surrender.
āNow eat.ā
Nothing happened between us that night. We did spend an awful lot of time looking at each other though. All the pain in my chest was slowly dissipating. With every smile and grin of his, I could feel myself piece back together. Seeing Shahzaib doing basic domestic activities, like brushing his teeth, flossing and doing the dishes was unbelievable for me. A part of me was thrilled he was here, but another part of me could not digest the fact that he was here. I still felt he would disappear the next morning, throwing me into another fit of anxiety.
It calmed down when he sat next to me on my bed to watch FRIENDS, barely touching me though. And when he got up to leave, I grabbed his hand, stopping him.
After initial hesitation, he got under the sheets, wrapping his arms protectively around me. Just that one gesture, and I was pieced back together. The pain of separation was now a dull memory, even though I had not forgiven him completely. But I gave us tonight. Throwing my legs around his waist, I buried my face in his head, not caring anymore.
In your eyes, I'm alive
Inside, you're beautiful
Something so unusual
In your eyes
I know I'm homeā¦
Edited by Ashley.Tisdale - 3 years ago
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