Plot Credit: -shopaholic- !! 😃 Thank you for trusting me with your idea, I hope I have done justice to it 😳
There are a couple of scenes guys, where you will doubt is-it-or-is-it-not but that's completely intentional. 😆 But its been tough to write this one, you'll know why as you read on
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Plot: Set a few months after Shahzaib and Isra have been living separately. While Shahzaib is engaged to Nimra, Isra makes a life-changing decision. However at such a turning point of her life, she bumps into the one person she never expected to see again. With them stuck in one of the most clichéd situations, what will be the outcome?
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Pain. The only emotion running in my veins. Burning every cell in my body. Aching my soul.
Have you ever watched those movies and television shows where the protagonist goes through a break-up with her boyfriend, or a divorce from her husband? You remember the pain you see? You see her crying and being in her own little bubble, not being able to move on, not being able to make sense of anything. I had no idea it hurt that bad.
Since that fateful day at the café, I did not know how many days it had been. Normal everyday activities started to feel like a never-ending and difficult task. Eating, sleeping, even breathing hurt. It felt like a bunch of nails were embedded in every organ of mine, that would plunge deeper into my muscles and bones every time I did something slightly productive.
And the person responsible for this: Shahzaib.
The same Shahzaib who had vowed to love me unconditionally, support me no matter what the circumstances had now left me to nurse my wounds and a shattered heart. I still remember how the world froze when he announced he would be marrying Nimra. I could not believe my eyes when he had held her hand and walked out of the café.
His mother finally got what she wanted, Shahzaib would marry the girl she had chosen for him. All her manipulation and lies had done the deed. It separated me from my husband.
And call me a fool, but how I missed him. His smile, his eyes, his little gestures that would make me giggle around others, his hugs, the safety and comfort…him. After all that had happened, I still loved him very much. Every fibre of my being was burning and aching for his presence around me once again. Without him, I felt lifeless. My entire body had gone numb since the café incident.
Alas, that is not how I was supposed to live the rest of my life. A part of my brain was screaming at me to do something productive. I could not just spend years wallowing and grovelling in pain. Even if the heartbreak would not go away, and hell I might never be able to get over Shahzaib, was it right to sit at home and give my family even more pain. No. I had to get up and get going.
Further studies seemed to be the best option. I had always wanted to complete my Masters, so what better opportunity than now? Plus, the only sane solution to keep others away from my pain would be to leave the country, have a fresh start and never look back.
So that is what I planned. Canada was a welcoming country and I would be a citizen in no time. Pakistan was miles away and no one could just drop by to see me. I could schedule video calls with mumma and Bhai at very specific times. And most of all, no one judges you based on your past experiences.
It seemed to be the perfect option.
I applied for my Masters and got in immediately. Bhai knew that Baba had more than enough money saved for such a situation. Soon enough, accommodation and travel was booked, and I was scheduled to fly to Vancouver within a few months’ time. There was just one request I had— not to let anyone know where I was going. I was leaving the country to start a new life, not to involve anyone of my past yet again.
Which brought me down to the one thing: shopping for winter wear. And I decided to go alone. Mumma was anyways disturbed, Bhai had work and Bhabhi did not want to be involved in any part of my life. I did not want to be a burden on anyone now either. Time to take my life into my own hands. After all, I would have to do this by myself abroad.
The shopping mall was nearly empty, making it easy for me to pick what I wanted. The soft music was actually soothing as I picked up heavy jackets, cardigans, full-sleeve tees and jeans. The store had ankle length boots too, something I had seen people wearing in those University pictures.
After a long time, a smile made its way to my face. I was imagining a new journey altogether, having my own room, cooking my food, meeting good people, having a study group, making friends. The anticipation of moving onto a new better chapter in my life was making me giddy.
‘Hi Isra.’
I felt my blood ran cold, bubble bursted, as I knew the source of that voice.
Turning around to look at an all-too familiar face, I spat out, ‘Haaris.’
His smile sent chills down my spine. I shuddered internally and turned away from him, hoping he would go away. Of course he started to follow me once again, ‘Great to see you here.’
I continued to ignore him as I picked up a packet of socks.
But he continued, oblivious to my anger and discomfort, ‘Shopping all by yourself? Oh, Aunty and Hammad must’ve been busy. You could’ve called me, I’d have—’
‘Can you please, SHUT THE F**K UP!’ My volume caused Haaris to jump and step back, startling him.
He was back to his overbearing self, within a few seconds! ‘What’s the matter, Isra? I am just being—’
‘No,’ I snapped. ‘You are not being anything. Now stay the f**k away from me.’
‘Isra,’ he said calmly, having the audacity to touch my hand and step closer to me. ‘I know what happened with you is unfor—’
‘I said, stay the F**K AWAY FROM ME!’ Before I knew it, my hand had made its way across his face, causing him to stagger. He held his cheek, looking at me in shock and disbelief. But I was not done with him, ‘Haven’t you done enough shit already? Aren’t you happy with your oh-so-great achievement? Trying to show the world there was something going on between us, when it clearly wasn’t?’
‘Isra, I—’
‘Back off!’ I pushed him. ‘Get out of here before I call Security!’
‘You’re mist—’
‘Ma’am, is everything okay?’ Two sales assistants, one male and one female, had made their way to me, concern evident on their faces. The female stepped closer to me, an attempt to become a barrier between Haaris and I.
‘No,’ I said directly. ‘Could you please call Security? This man has been harassing me for a while now.’
‘Certainly ma’am.’ The male assistant said. ‘Sir, I am going to have to ask you to come with me.’
‘Nonsense!’ Haaris snarled. ‘I am not going anyw—’
‘Sir.’ The man said firmly, a hint of anger in his voice. ‘You will come with me.’
Meanwhile, two security guards had reached us. They grabbed Haaris and literally pulled him away from the spot, while he continued to kick and scream.
‘This isn’t over!’ He yelled in anger.
‘F**k off!’ I retaliated, my nostrils flaring in anger.
The female sales assistant took my basket of clothes and escorted me to the counter, helping me with billing. Her sympathetic smile and kind nature calmed me down, but I felt my throat choke up, remembering old memories.
‘Thank you for shopping with us,’ she said kindly.
‘Thank you,’ I said softly.
She seemed to hesitate for a moment, ‘Ma’am, I know this is probably not my place to say or do anything, but that man over there…it was a serious offence what he did.’
‘I know,’ I nodded in agreement.
‘I do not know what the situation is ma’am, but for your safety…I’d suggest you take some actions.’
She was making a lot of sense, ‘I will. Thank you.’
As I made my way out of the store, I made a mental note to ask Bhai help me file a restraining order against that vile man.
But my problems were going to increase.
Making my way towards the elevator, I stopped-dead on my tracks when I saw who was standing there. Those curls, the signature denim shirt, the stature…
No no no no no.
Quietly I turned around, towards the other elevator…which was Out Of Order.
Just my Luck.
With no option left and five bagfuls of clothes hanging on my arms, I walked shakily towards the elevator. My heart was pounding so loudly that I could hear it in my head. My breathing turned laboured and my palms turned sweaty, causing the bags to slip out of my hold.
He turned to see what the problem was and froze. ‘Isra?’ He whispered.
‘Shahzaib,’ I choked out. Merely saying his name had caused tremors of pain to shoot throughout my body. It was so bad that I should have become a mess on the floor.
Shahzaib stared at me, his eyes screaming in agony. They seemed to mirror mine, a mix of pain, loneliness and love. I looked at him, a small sad smile on my lips, noticing the dusty pink denim shirt he had worn…and remembering a very significant incident in our life which involved that very piece of apparel. It brought back memories from his car accident, when I had helped him change, seeing him uncovered for the very first time.
Had this been the old days, I would have been in his arms right now, clinging to him like a koala, never wanting to let go. But it was not.
‘I should go,’ I muttered, turning around. Unfortunately for me, my shopping bags whacked me, causing me to wobble a bit.
My cheeks turned red in embarrassment as I heard Shahzaib sigh, ‘You can use the elevator too, you know.’
‘I know,’ I said adamantly, turning to look at the man who broke my heart yet again. ‘But I am choosing not to.’
‘I’ll just take the stairs,’ he announced.
‘And carry all those heavy boxes alone all the way down?’ I scoffed. ‘I don’t think so.’
At that moment, the elevator’s doors opened. Shahzaib, still the gentleman, gestured me to walk in, following me wordlessly.
The doors shut and awkward silence engulfed us as Shahzaib stared at me, his eyes trying their level best to mask the pain. I looked away, unable to get my brain to function in his presence, mentally kicking myself. What was the need to show the slightest bit of concern? He made it clear I was not a part of his life anymore, so why the wife-like attitude?
‘Silly Isra,’ My Mind told me. ‘You’re still in love with him and are feeling the hollowness from the lack of closure.’
I knew that was true. I had imagined forcing him into a chair to talk to him openly about Haaris, Nimra, Nafisa Aunty and Sameera numerous times, honestly I lost count after ten. But day by day, those multiple scenarios would haunt my dreams, invade my thoughts while I was day-dreaming, hoping that it would become reality.
‘Unfortunately,’ My Mind rolled its eyes at me. ‘That is not how it works. You can still talk it out you know? And still get a divorce after that.’
‘Nope,’ My Heart said. ‘He should’ve understood.’
‘Seriously?’ My Mind mocked me. ‘He’s supposed to read your mind?’
‘Whatever it is,’ My Heart retaliated. ‘He should’ve never pushed you out of the house.’
‘F**k the emotions, let’s talk logic, okay?’ My Mind said. ‘How was he to understand when your creep and psycho of ex-fiancee would be invading your personal space? Couldn’t you slap him earlier?’
‘He chose to listen to his mother and believe his eyes over you,’ My Heart whispered. ‘He doesn’t deserve another chance.’
‘Lol you idiot,’ My Brain laughed. ‘He isn’t even asking for a second chance, even after the visible pain on his face. And not believe his eyes…what are eyes for, to see right?’
‘But the heart and gut knows the truth always,’ My Heart argued.
My Brain snorted, ‘If he is responsible at places, then so are you at places. Stop putting your half of the issues on him.’
‘STOP!’ I screamed, dropping my bags and covering my ears.
‘Isra? What’s wrong?’ Hearing Shahzaib’s voice at such a time felt like a knife slice my heart in half. Fresh pain seared through me, this time the veins in my head throbbing. And before I could do anything about it, the lift shook violently and stopped, lights off.
Holy shit. This meant—
‘No no no no no no,’ I rambled. ‘Get this thing to start again!’ I flung my arms around hysterically, pushing the Emergency button repeatedly.
‘Isra—’
‘I gotta go home! I need…’
‘Isra—’
‘…to be home by lunch time, I promised…’
‘Is—’
‘…Everyone’s gonna worry and I need to get my work done and…’
‘ISRA!’ I jumped violently as I felt Shahzaib’s hands grabbing my shoulder, pulling me to him. My eyes locked with his, my arms trying to create some distance between us, alas he was way too strong for me.
‘Get away from me,’ I muttered weakly.
‘Not till you calm down,’ he whispered. ‘Getting hyper will not help you claustrophobia.’
Couldn’t argue there now, could I?
My hands rested on his chest as he tugged me gently, pulling me closer to him. He raised his right hand, massaging the skin between my eyebrows. It was an old trick he used every time I got claustrophobic. Immediately, I felt my shoulders relax and head hang back, even though I hated how close I was to him. My Mind was screaming at me to move away…but for once the Heart overpowered.
Involuntarily, I moved and rested my head on his chest, my arms falling slack to the sides, eyes closing. Shahzaib hugged me, rocking us gently as I felt his cheek pressed against my forehead. His scent invaded my senses, a part of me smiling when I realised he was still using the same fragrance I had gifted him. This was so…familiar and warm, it was home. And yet, it was not.
‘Breathe Isra,’ Shahzaib murmured, planting a kiss on my forehead. The gesture made my heart leap. ‘Your heart’s racing.’
‘Who is to be blamed for that…’ I kept my voice as low as I could.
He did hear me though. Shahzaib brought his right hand under my chin, propping it up so that we were looking at each other. My breath stuttered when I noticed his face up close— the dark circles developing, puffiness on the face, lack of colour on the cheeks…he looked just like me.
‘Me being close is bothering you?’ His voice broke, eyes glistening with unshed tears.
‘Don’t act like you don’t know. We never separated because there was no love.’
Shahzaib sighed, a single tear rolling down his cheek, ‘How did we get here?’
‘Please Shahzaib, I don’t want go there,’ I replied. ‘We didn’t have this conversation when we should have and now its too late.’
‘Is it? Because I saw what you did at the store, to Haaris.’
I laughed humourlessly, ‘That slap was long due. But it didn’t give me the satisfaction it should have.’
‘Still…you did it.’
‘Took you long enough to see I was saying the truth,’ I scoffed. ‘But honestly Shahzaib…none of this matters anymore to me. There’s been enough trauma in my life. All I can do is wish you the best for your marriage.’
He held my face in his hand, wiping the tears at the corner of my eye, ‘I lov—’
‘Don’t do this please!’ My voice shook in agony. ‘Don’t be selfish. You’re gonna express your emotions and walk away, get married to someone who wants you and have babies. So don’t say what you feel for me now. The time to have a conversation for me is gone, it was a month ago before you kicked me out.’
‘Baby it’s not what you think it is, if you could just hear me out—’
‘No Shahzaib,’ I said as firmly as I could. ‘Not another word. The man I knew could not imagine someone else loving me and could’ve done anything to make me a part of his life. Hell, he kidnapped me on my wedding day.’
‘Isra are you saying all my doubts were incorrect? Was I not allowed to worry who was around my wife and with what intensions?’
‘No, you had genuine reasons to doubt. But not talking to me or hearing me out is just—’
‘Isra please, it is not what you think it is. Just for once—’
‘I want a Khula,’ I whispered, letting my tears spill down my cheeks. Shahzaib took in a sharp breath, which got stuck at the bath of his throat. I felt his heart thundering erratically against my chest. I found him loose balance, falling against the elevator’s wall taking me with him. ‘Shahzaib?’
‘You want us to be legally separated?’ Shahzaib’s shock reverberated through me.
My reply was equally painful and it was time to be honest, ‘Yes. There’s no point in keeping something just for name-sake. You said you could never be able to take it if anyone else touches me. And guess what, no one ever will. What we shared was extremely sacred for me, and that touch…its memories will last me a lifetime. But I wish to move on now please.’
‘Life’s coming to a full circle isn’t it…’ he said, both of us reminiscing about the time I had torn the divorce papers, wanting to make this marriage work.
‘I want to get on with my life Shahzaib and so should you, get married to Nimra and do what’s expected of you. And if you feel for me what you almost got to say today, you won’t say no to this one demand of mine.’
Shahzaib was dumbfounded but before he could say anything, the elevator shook again, moving downwards. I stepped out of his arms, having trouble trying to pick my packets. But he stepped in, grabbing three of them.
We stepped out of the elevator, as silent as we were when we first got on, moving towards the parking lot. I went to my car, Shahzaib following me wordlessly. He placed the bags in the boot for me, not going to his SUV.
I looked at him one last time, his curls caressed by the gentle wind, biting his lip raw. ‘Thank you,’ I said, taking his features in, knowing I would be moving across continents in the coming months, never to see him again ever.
Wanting to etch this in my memory, I raised my hand, one finger tracing his features tender. He closed his eyes, revelling the sensation, as if breathing me in one final time. Smiling slightly at his shirt, the first piece of clothing I had ever taken off of him, I dropped my hand. ‘The Khula papers will be sent to you soon. Please sign it. This will be the last thing I ever ask of you…you’re never gonna see or hear from me again.’
As I sat into my car and started to drive towards the exit, hot fresh tears spilled down my cheeks. I turned up the volume of the radio to ensure no one could hear my wails. Shahzaib become smaller and smaller as I drove away from him, but his hauntingly pain-striken expression was engraved in my memory. I was crying at losing him, the love of my life, who meant more to me than I could put in words.
Maybe this is what it was, our paths crossing but diverging in no time, never to meet again.
I don't wanna live forever
Cause I know I'll be living in vain
And I don't wanna fit wherever
I just wanna keep calling your name
Until you come back home…
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