Originally posted by: tptwi
You touched my heart with this analysis, Neerja. Truly so beautifully written ❤️
The most painful thing about today's episode to me was how glaringly clear it was that Sai and Virat are on the same side... and yet they are so blinded by their own emotions that they cannot see what the other is feeling.
The fact that Sai assumed Virat's story was about Pakhi and Virat, but Virat did not even understand what Sai was saying spoke volumes. Virat does not realize, even a little bit, the extent to which Sai is insecure about his past. Why else would Sai be so impacted by the yoga teacher narrating what happened on the retreat? If Sai felt nothing towards him, none of this would be bothering her even a little bit. She left herself entirely vulnerable today, and yet, the harsh words that she used caused Virat to retract all of his own vulnerability and crawl back into his own shell. He, too, was trying to make her understand- asking her to question why he would bring her this far to celebrate something that was fake to him... but she was so overtaken by her own confusion, guilt, and pain that she was in no state to process his questions.
The most powerful dialogue of the entire episode was when Sai said that Virat says something, but does something different. This encompasses the crux of the problem. Virat wants Sai to understand his love for her through his actions, but Sai is someone who places emphasis on words... she takes everything Virat says to her heart... and hence, she is unable to understand what Virat is actually feeling... because while she sees his actions are full of love, he has never said in words that this relationship is real, he regrets making the vaada, Pakhi is no one to him, etc. etc. What he has said has never been enough....and had he been in a more rational state today, he would have realized that.
Another moment that gave us so much insight into Sai- she said that if Virat ended everything between him and Pakhi, then why is Pakhi still waiting for him? Sai knows that Virat has never been inappropriate with Pakhi. She even sees that he defends her in front of Pakhi... but, all of these things are overclouded by Pakhi's constant tamashas... she shamelessly declares that Virat has shattered her dreams and basically professes her love for him outside of their bedroom in the middle of the night. How is Sai supposed to look past all of this? The disconnect here is that Sai hides her emotions so well and Virat is so blinded in his own feelings of love, that Virat has never realized how much all of this bothers her... again, this could have been the perfect opportunity, but he was too broken...
For everyone saying that Virat lost another opportunity to confess today and tell the truth, I disagree. The man is destroyed. Sai didn't outright reject him, and no matter how true what she said was, her words hit him like daggers. He stopped Mohit from finishing his sentence, because in his mind, there was no way that Sai would accept anything he said. He did not want to push it and lose even more of her than he already had...
Today, Sai was completely alone. Mohit and Sunny both understand Virat and Sunny even helped him realize his feelings. But, Sai has no one... absolutely no one... who can understand the turmoil going on within her.
When Sai said that if Virat wants to see her happy, he needs to stop playing with her emotions, she once again placed all of her emotions on the table. The contradictions between Virat's words (or lack of words) and his actions are driving Sai mad. She does not understand what he is trying to do or what he is actually feeling. This is exactly what she meant when she told him to stop joking that he likes her during the ring gifting. She has let herself believe in the reality of this marriage and been shattered way too many times by now. She is so scared to let herself believe it at this point. And, what emotions was she talking about? Obviously love.... she is in love with Virat, but she will not let herself accept her own feelings because she is absolutely terrified that Virat doesn't reciprocate...so when he sends her signals that he does, she feels as if he is playing with her feelings.
Her monologue on the walk was much needed. She has never been present when Virat has put Pakhi in her place, so in her mind, Virat has always been soft with Pakhi... giving her false hope. This is her guilt pouring out of her. Sai is someone who cannot see even her enemies in pain...let alone Pakhi, who despite the abuse she spews at Sai, Sai considers her family. She thinks that she is the reason that Virat and Pakhi were not able to unite. Had she witnessed the post-GC fight confrontation or the post-accident confrontation, the story would be very different today.
Again, Sai thought to herself that Virat has never said anything to her to show that he might have feelings for her. Virat has in fact told her that he does not want her to leave him, he has no commitment towards Pakhi, and that he wants this marriage to be real (which to me does not count because Sai was in no state to understand him right after she had regained consciousness in the hospital). But, all of these words, Sai has been unable to label as his love for her as a husband. The fact is that Virat has tried very hard to express himself, but he has never been clear enough... due to his own fear of losing her, and today, in his mind, all of his worst fears came true...
Today, during the monologue, Sai was finally starting to try to understand Virat's perspective... she was questioning what his motives are... this seems to be the beginning of her own realization even if she is too immersed in her own pain right now...
The ending absolutely killed me. Virat thinks that Sai feels nothing for him and that she left him because of it... when in fact quite the opposite is true...
It is clear now that Virat will not say anything. After he witnesses Sai and Samrat's conversation, his heart is going to break 100000 times over. From this point on, it will be Sai who is going to have to figure things out on her own, and to me, today marked the start of that. In a weird way, Pakhi was a catalyst for Virat in realizing his feelings for Sai, and now Samrat will be the catalyst for Sai...
Anupamaa
