For the kind of person Virat is, he would like to make it a special moment for both him and Sai when he decides to confess his feelings to Sai.
On the day of the holi, Virat hesitated to confess his feeling but he also got into thinking if he should confess or not and then thought "Holi se accha din kya ho sakta hai".
In the past too, he wanted to make the day special when he wanted to confess his feelings to Pakhi.
The Virat who started from Nagpur knew that he had to apologise to Sai, wanted to get her back and kept hoping that she would forgive him. While recollecting the moments of him and Sai in the car, he was thinking about a few events in order, their first meet, the promise made to Kamal, their wedding, their Ghrihapravesh and the way he closed the door on Sai's face.
He realised that he had not kept the promise made to Kamal sir, he also realised that he had been very cruel to her and shut the door on her face and ousted her from the house.
He had gone to GC to apologise to Sai and to bring her back home. He had a fear within him, as he had mentioned to Sai whether she would accept his apology or not. However, he also had hopes that she might forgive him and return with him.
Virat could notice that his realisation or apology didn't affect Sai in anyway, she had distanced herself from him already after the incident. The very little hopes that he had also had shattered after he realised how much he had hurt her and how much his act had affected her.
He also was ashamed of himself for what he had done to both Sai and Usha Maushi. He kept trying to gather some strength to apologise to her, to seek forgiveness from her and also to convince her to return to CN.
He could understand the gravity of the situation as time passed by and came to know that he was too late to even apologise, let alone confess his feelings. He wasn't in a state to think about anything else other than seeking forgiveness and to take her back home. He had thought that once she returns home, he would make up for what he had done and will slowly earn her trust and love, but he had come to know that the reality is that she doesn't want to return at all.
Everytime he tried to apologise or convince her to return with him, he heard every single thing that he had done that night, something which wasn't voiced out by anyone other than Sai before this confrontation. He was made to realise a lot of things in the process.
He had let her down and knows that he can't undo it. Only his Aai stood by her and he noticed her love and respect for Aai even in the state that she was in.
He realised that he had failed to give her the rights inspite of being her husband.
She clearly told that she will never be able to love anyone in house, which includes him as well.
In the past, he always used to think that she used to hate him. It had slowly changed and he started to feel that she no longer hated him. He could sense her liking him too but he was worried thinking, how she would react if she comes to know that he has some feelings for her, if she comes to know that he wants to make their marriage a real one and not a deal one.
Time and again, when she used the word deal, it used to discourage him, make him think that she wasn't interested in him at all. But a few incidents made him think otherwise, he started to openly flirt with her, express his feelings like he doesn't want her to go to Gadchirolli or that he would want her to stop calling him sir. The time when he was away from her, when he had been to Amaravati, he had realised his feelings for her, but he had also seen how much she missed him, her tears and her voice gave away what she felt when they were on a video call.
That gave him some hopes and encouraged him to get a little bold with her and he put on bangles on her hands. Her accepting those bangles and the comfort that he could see in her during their proximity gave him confidence to confess on the day of Holi. He noticed how happy she was and felt the time to be right to confess his love to her.
Whereas, in the present all his hopes had shattered and he knew that it was because of him. She said that it was all over and had asked him to leave, he could see that she was firm in her decision and wasn't going to accept his apology or anything that he would do might not help him to get her back.
"Aai aur Devi Tai se main humesha pyaar karoongi"
"Pyaar kiya toh Aai ki tarah, gussa kiya toh Aai ki tarah"
"Mere dil mein Aai ke liye jo pyaar hai, uska istemaal karke aap mujhe majboor kar rahe hain waapas jaane ke liye?"
While she spoke all of the above, he could see love for his mom in her. One could see longing in him for that love for himself.
And then when she asked him as how he could use her love for his mom to call her back, how will he be able to express his feelings and call her back?
How will that be perceived as? She could think that he was lying, has become so cheap that he was cooking stories and claiming that he loved her to only be able to convince her to return home.
He felt as if he would be acting selfish by using his feelings to reason his behavior. He wouldn't want to use that to justify his behavior. His sole purpose is to apologise to her and for her to return to the house, forgiving him for the act, not be forced to look at his emotions and forgive him.
He was apologising with sincerity as how one should do.
He had come to know what she feels, that he doesn't trust her, it didn't help even when he tried to assure her. And then the final blow was when she had brought Pakhi into picture. He could see that she still thinks that he has feelings for Pakhi. This only means that she hasn't been able to understand what he felt for her, whatever hopes he had and confidence he had gained on the day of Holi had all gone for a toss.
And towards the end, she also said
"Yeh din ek na ek din toh aana hi tha, ek na ek din mujhe aapke ghar chodke jaana hi tha, woh din jaldi aagaya".
This only made him think that she had always considered their marriage to be a deal and cannot see it as anything else. It was as if he was woken up from a dream. Little did he know that she was made to think all of these because of what he had done. His act only made her feel that he could oust her from his house because she meant nothing to him. She felt that he wouldn't have done it, if he had any feelings for her and if he had ever considered her to be his wife.
Anyway, the reason why he used to hold himself back to express any kind of feelings he had for her was still true. It only discouraged him to express his feelings.
He knew that he would do more damage if he had confessed now. He didn't feel it was the right time, not when she was so hurt, broken, when her self respect was hurt by him. This was the time to seek her forgiveness and to convince her to return home so that he could heel her pain. Her hurt and pain had to be addressed, that was much more important than him expressing his feelings.
And then at the end she had also cut off all ties with him by saying
"Ab aap mere zimmedari ke bhoj se, mere Aaba ko kiye hue waade ke bhoj se aazad hain"
He felt that they had made progress in their relationship a couple of days back, but her thinking herself to be a burden on him, was telling him something else.
It is as if she had never made any progress and never considered herself to be anything to him or never considered him to be anything to her, other than a person who took her responsibility after he father's death.
As he has himself said, he was afraid that she might not return but had hopes that she would. He can have hopes for her to return but should not act desperate to make her return. He knew that he was not in a place or position after what he had done to share why he got so mad, why he felt very upset.
Hence he felt that it wouldn't be right on his part to confess his feelings and try to make her understand that it is because of his emotions for her that he had lost his cool, he had lost his senses, he felt so betrayed that he took such a decision.
I felt that it was the best decision.
Edited by laksh - 4 years ago
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