'4 days. Its been 4 days since the day Mr. Shaurya Sabherwal confessed that he is in love with me.
"I am in love with you, you stupid girl", echoing in my ears since these words escaped his mouth.'
She let out a faint smile and observed her surroundings, she was sitting on the second last stair after completing her work in canteen. Every single student had either left for home or hostel. And that is when she sent him the text, after typing and deleting it enough number of times to showcase how anxious she was, how anxious she had been since past 4 days.
PS, I want to talk to you. I am waiting for you at the staircase.
'Yeah, i think this is fine, whatever, just press send nikki, aisa bhi kya likha hai, stop being so anxious.'
*sent*
Anokhi let out a sigh, and lets herself depart back to her own world, chaotic yet dreamy.
'Sometimes, I can't help but wonder, how did he even end up falling in love with me. I was probably his least favorite student, he always sent me out of class for smallest of issues, never missed a chance to taunt me, was always angry at me or was he?
He still was the one who never left my side, who always supported me, saved me while putting his own life in danger, took a stand for me, fought with me, yes, but also for me'
'I don't know what made him fall in love with me, but, at the moment even more important question is Do I love him? '
'This is the question I have been asking myself every single second since that moment.'
…
Shaurya was in his cabin, as usual. He didnt want to go home, since it just felt suffocating, everyone nowadays just asks him shagun related questions, specially badi maa. He just didnt understand from when did badi maa became so fond of shagun and why. Neither did he understand why has shagun come back now; everything was going so right, and now, everything has turned upside- down.
'Its been 4 days since we both haven’t spoken a word.
"Main...mujhe nahi pata... kuch samajh nahi aa raha, sab itna complicated hai"
"Kuch complicated nahi hain anokhi...", he softly holds her cheeks in his palm trying to reassure that everything will be alright
"Mujhe kuch waqt chahiye..."
He knew he had no other option since this was tbvh expected, who was he kidding? She would obviously not reciprocate his feelings right after she had seen him with his ex fiance, also anokhi looked quite vulnerable and shocked, he had no other option but give in, afterall it is natural to take time to process such feelings, I did too,
"Take how much ever time you want okay, do inform me if you need any kind of help"
And this was their last conversation after his confession. They did see each other in the college but didn't exchange a single word. He wanted to, no, he craved to talk to her, to be with her, to spend time with her. His mind had thoughts about anokhi and his heart needed her presence. he also had this fear, fearful of what if anokhi goes away from him, his insecurity getting better of him in few moments but he had to collect himself albeit with difficulty.
As much as he wanted to go initiate the conversation and he knew anokhi would not turn her back on him, he didn’t want her to feel pressured by his presence, he truly wanted to give her time and space. If anything he has learnt in the past few weeks happenings is that he has to be secure since insecurity is going to take him nowhere, specially when one is already feeling so insecure...
His thoughts were broken by a notification on his phone.
Anokhi:
PS, I want to talk to you. I am waiting for you at the staircase.
And, well he didnt even care to reply since what was important now was to see her as soon as possible.
...
PS ne kuch msg nahi bheja, I know in 4 dino mein kuch to baat kar leni chahiye thi unse but nahi kar payi, samjh nahi aa raha thi kya baat karu? Mujhe pata hai woh bahut pareshaan hai, jab bhi unko dekha woh mujhe pareshaan dikhe, shayad kar leni chahiye thi...
"Anokhi"
And she recognizes the voice, how can she not? She wanted to turn back to look at him but couldn't bring herself upto it.
Getting no response, he felt something is wrong and quickly takes a seat beside her.
"Sab thik hai? Tum thik ho?
She looks at him, her eyes were a little moist and he sees it, and he knows the reason why, the same conflict of emotions that he went through. For her infact a lot more harder with shagun in picture. After seeing her so vulnerable, he wants to go back in time and somehow prevent shagun from coming back to his life.
"I am sorry anokhi, I really didnt want to confess my feelings to you in this manner, but i didnt know how else to convince you of the importance you hold in my life and the place you hold in my heart. I..."
"Main samjhti hu PS" Anokhi interrupts, she knows that her PS could never have wrong intentions, he might say some things in the wrong manner but his intentions are not wrong.
"Woh actually... bahut socha maine iss baare mein, woh kiya jo kuch waqt se kar hi nahi rahi th, sirf woh kar rahi thi jo dil keh raha tha. Isi liye jab uss din aapko shagun ma'am ke saath dekha toh...
... pata nahi tabhi se dimag ne sochna shuru kar diya. Engagement ke baare mein jab suna, woh hi ek shock tha, Kabhi iss angle se socha hi nahi ki aapki life mein koi ho bhi sakta tha, lekin woh aapka ateet hai, yeh apne aap ko kehkar mai aai aapse milne, aur waha aapke ateet ko aapke samne dekh kar, laga jaise kuch door ja raha ho, yahi soch rahi thi agar aapne move on kar liya hota toh woh waha nahi hoti, mujhe aap pe koi shaq nahi hai shaurya sir, bas itna hi soch rahi thi ki kya pata unke aane se aapko yeh ehsaas ho jaaye ki aap abhi bhi unse.... "
At this point anokhi started sobbing a little and shaurya's eyes became moist too seeing his love caught in such a whirlwind of emotions. He saw that she was not able to continue but he wanted her to, its seldom that anokhi opens up to him. he has opened up to anokhi several times, sometimes in anger, sometimes in his vulnerable moments. But, Anokhi, she talks about everything in this world while her inner emotions are still something that is totally hidden from shaurya.
He very firmly but softly held her hand in his and placed another hand on top of hers and started caressing it trying to console her.
She looks at their hands, and faintly smiles through her tears, 'how does he always know when i need his support?'
"Mujhe nahi samajh mein aa raha tha ki meri jagah kya hai aapke life mein jab unko uss waqt pe dekha aapke saath jo waqt aapne mujhe diya tha."
Shaurya closes his eyes. He didn't get the gravity of her insecurity that night but in these 4 days, when he had not seen anokhi smile even for once, he slowly grasped just how insecure she was feeling about their relationship, about herself. Though, She did question her place in his life, he couldn't describe how he was feeling seeing her doubt her importance in his life. He just wanted to wipe away all her doubts and fears and replace it with love and security.
"Naa hi main aapki dost hu, naa hi aapki girlfriend, ab toh aapki student bhi nahi hun, phir main aapki kya hoon aur aap mere kya hain? Isi liye aapse puchne ka haq rakhti bhi hun ya nahi ye bhi nahi pata tha par phir bhi man nahi maana aur puch hi liyaapse shagun ma'am ke baare mein, hum dono ke rishte ko dosti ka naam deke lekin andar se pata tha ki hum to dost bhi nahi hai"
Anookhi turned towards him and continued, "Aur 4 din se yeh hi soch rahi hun ki agar mujhe aapke baare mein aur pata hota toh mujhe shagun ma'am ke aane par aise react na karti, aur na jaane aisi kitni baatein hai jo main aapke baare mein nahi jaanti aur main aapko yeh bata sakti hu ki aisi bahut saari baatein jo aap mere baare mein nahi jaante hai. Kya Aapko nahi lagta ki pyaar tak jaane se pehle hume ek doosre ko thoda aur jaan lena chahiye? Thoda aur time spend kare,apni marzi se na ki kisi situation ki wajah se, aur atleast aisi baatein toh share kar hi lein taaki kal ko yeh naa lage ki ek dusre se pyar karte hue bhi mujhe uske baare mein yeh to pata hi nahi hai"
Shaurya knew in his heart that she was right. They don't know eachother well enough to be friends. He also knows somewhere that his I Love You didn't exactly sound like confession of his feelings. It was more like he said it in a rush to convince her of her importance in his life.
"Mujhe abhi bhi nahi pata ki main aapse pyaar karti hun ya nahi kyu ki pyaar toh bahut logon se karti hu mummyji hai, babli di hai, papaji..." she drifts of with papaji sounding very faint almost dissolving into the air, but shuarya heard it and this is probably one of the first things he wanted to know about her, since it seems to disturb her a lot.
After a little pause as she reminisces some of those bitter memories and finds herself again craving for that love, care and protection of a father but brings herself back to reality and persists,
"Lekin yeh waala pyaar? Mujhe koi idea nahi hai kyuki kabhi mehsoos nahi kiya, aur nahi kisi ko pasand kiya hai iss tarah se. Main bas itna jaanti hun ki main aapko...pasand karti hun, acha lagta aap jab bhi kuch sirf mere liye karte ho, jab bhi aap mujhe special feel karate ho, jab aap mujhe appreciate karte hai, jab bhi aap mere saath hote hain... Lekin nahi pata ki yeh pyaar hai ya nahi"
She said the last sentence in such a cute manner that he wanted to engulf her in a bear hug and never let her go, but regaining his control, he speaks up, "Yeh cheez maine nahi dhyaan di honestly, ki tumhare liye yeh pehli baar hai, yeh sab feel karna. Pata hai, ek baar pyaar hone ke baad bhi main jo tumhare liye feel kar raha tha naa, woh bilkul different hain."
He comes a little closer to her, and anokhi's heart skips a beat like it always does whenever he comes so close to her while he proceeds, "Jo tumhare liye mehsoos karta hoon, woh din par din gehra hota jata hai, jaise har roz tumhe kal se zyada chahne lagta hoon. Lekin main yeh bhi jaanta hun tumhe woh sab feel karne mein waqt lagega aur realise karne mein bhi, tumne kaha naa ki kaise hume ek doosre ke saath time spend karna chahiye, isi liye tumhe apni feelings batane se pehle main humare interest, hobbies, passion, likes, dislikes, our past, ek dusre se share karna chahta tha, and that date was the first step. I wanted to take it slow, But...."
Anokhi shakes her head in no and says in lower voice, " Koi baat nahi, Sach kahu to kuch aur alag sa ehsaas bhi hua jab aapne umm I love you bola..." she giggles a little and continues, "matlab iss baat ki khushi thi ki aap door nahi jaa rahe hai mujhse",
'I swear she is being so cute today, thoda bhi tease nahi kiya aaj toh kya kiya shaurya'. With that thought in mind he gave her his signature smirk and innocently (not) uttered,
"Waise tum bol rahi thi ki tumne kabhi kisi ko aise pasand nahi kiya par kaise pasand nahi kiya, ye to bataya hi nahi, hmm", he whispered in her ears after coming more closer to her.
And he saw her cheeks slowly turning red, and with every shade darker, it became harder for him to hide his smile seeing the effect he has on her.
"Uh..uh woh..." She swiftly gets up and tries to leave without noticing her hand was between his the whole time and he swiftly pulls making her land on his lap. Both of their breaths quicken while shaurya speaks in his deep and husky voice,
"Tum kab se baatein adhoori chod ke jaane lagi... tum kabse itna sharmane lagi?"
Unable to meet his gaze, she continued in barely audible voice that if shaurya wasnt this close to her he would be able to hear it. "Jab se...
Shayad Jab se aapka mujhe aise dekhne ka ehsaas hua,
....Ya Jab se aapka mujhe yun tawajoo dene ka ehsaas hua,
....Ya Jab se aapka mera yun parwah karne ka ehsaas hua,
....Ya jab se aapke itne kareeb hone ka ehsaas hua,
....Pata nahi kabse...."
Shaurya was stunned would be an understatement. This was the moment where he got to know till what extent has she started feeling the emotions that he has been feeling for a while now. He couldnt help but loose his control this time. He brought his right hand apwards towards her head placing it at the back of it, while anokhi after a long time looked in his eyes.
He slowly brought her head closer while moved his lips towards her forehead to give her a kiss, full of warmth and love, wanting to convey her that he will always be there to make her feel loved, cherished, and cared for. Conveying her his love, and that he will always wipe away her insecurities just like she wipes away his, just like she takes care of him.
Anokhi closes her eyes shut just relishing in this newfound feeling of hers, that as her PS said is getting deeper and deeper with each passing day, is this what love is? Is this the same feeling he is feeling too?
As his lips leaves her forehead, he utters, "aisi bahut saari cheezein tumne bhi mujhe feel karayi hai, miss bhalla, kisi din fursat se batunga, bahut late ho gaya hai, tumhe hostel tak drop kar deta hun"
Anokhi gives him a nod and gets up from his lap while her cheeks by now are giving tough competition to the reddest of tomatoes, whereas shaurya is just feeling at home as everything is clear between them, as they start walking to her hostel.
Anokhi asks him another question that has been going on in her mind since last 4 days.
"Aisa kya hua jisse ki aapko mujhese pyaar hua?" She really wanted to know, with all the self doubts that arose when she saw him with her, she wanted to know what is it that makes him love her?
Hearing this question, shaurya's mind reflects back to the day he was asked 'kaisi ladki chahiye tumhe shaurya' and he just ends up listing every quality of anokhi, the day he realised that he indeed loves her.
And holding her hand he starts describing every quality that she embodies, all those qualities that made him fall for her. With every word dripping from his lips, her faith in him getting stronger, her insecurities about their relationship slowly vanishing, her self doubts running away, and instead her confident self regaining its rightful position as they walk together in journey of love;
Love that makes you fall in love with yourself a little more everyday
Love that replaces every self doubt with self determination
And a love,
That doesn't hold you back, instead sets you free,
A love that makes you feel at home
Reaching to that stage of love isn't easy, infact it is filled with insecurities, tears, and heartbreaks but as long as they are together, everything would fall in place as if it is meant to.
****************************************************
Hey guys! I hope i didn't bore you with extremely long dialogues but i really wanted to write an heartfelt conversation between shakhi where they are pouring their heart, more so after shaurya's confession (though i wouldn't count it as one, and i think makers didnt count it as one either)
Writing something after so long! The last time I wrote some one shots were on Adiya, though that was on Wattpad. So this is my first one shot here on IF and on ShaKhi!! I would love to hear your feedback, it helps me improve, so feel free to point out anything you didn't like.
Also, my name is Isha, just putting it out there since I have made quite a few posts without introducing myself lol.
One thing I have really been wanting to say is that all of you engage in such healthy discussions, i really appreciate it a lot, since that enables me to rant to my heart’s content 😂
I hope all of you and your loved ones stay safe ❤️
Fan Fictions
Anupamaa
