Hello folks! Tannu here. Writing my first OS on this forum
The title is from a Zedd song that I love ~ Clarity
Dedicated to all my new friends on the forum, thanks for such a wonderful welcome 🤗
This story is to remind us that sometimes you should give love a chance, no matter how impossible you feel it is
Hope you like it. Would appreciate any criticism and/or feedback 😳
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Plot: This is an AU story based in the MHRW zone, where Pallavi assumes Raghav and Amruta can be together, and tries to push them to happen, but in the midst she realises maybe she has caught feelings for a certain hazel eyed boy. Raghav and Amruta still are not an item or anything, Pallavi just feels she does not deserve a chance coz she is a widow (yes, that truth is out!). Post 2 months, it is finally the day of Manasi's bachelorette, and all the girls get drunk, and Pallavi manages to convince a sober friend to drive her to RR's place coz she cannot hold it in anymore. She ends up using the back entrance to his place and knocking at his window instead of door, because she is not sure what she is even doing. RR is sleepy AF but to find her here at this hour like this makes him a lil (naturally) concerned, so his usual rude, grumpy self is a little absent. Age clarification: She's 25; He's 27.
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Rut tut tut. Rut tut tur. Rut tut tut.
Who is out there so late, Raghav wonders. He sees..wait..what..Pallavi trying to paw at his window?
Ughh..this Saree ka Dukaan is back at it again, what does she even want now?
He opens the window with one hand, the other still scrubbing at his face. He was sleeping, she can still see how it clings to his face, a shroud of not-quite-awake. His jaw cracks as he yawns but he leans out the window on his elbows and offers her a tired frown. "You sure you're got the right window?"
Her heart is pounding so loudly, she almost can't hear him. "Trust me, I asked myself that a few thousand times before turning up here like this." She thought about backtracking, but here she was, tempting fate.
Brows furrowed, he shakes his head. She seems to be completely drunk, she is almost dancing.
He cannot let her stand out this late. "What's wrong?"
"I need to say something. And it's serious. Like, 'change everything' kind of serious, and I need you to just listen."
"Okay…come in first"
He signals to her to come towards the door, opens it and lets her into the empty hall.
They stand near the sofa for a while. She does not look like she is stable enough to sit. Awkward silence.
Then suddenly she breaks the ice.
"No interrupting, not for any reason," she stresses. "Just… Let me get it all out. And when I'm done, I'll go, and you can go back to sleep, and we can pretend this whole thing never happened."
"Why would–?"
She presses a hand to his mouth, her brows hiked. "Starting now."
Picchi Ammayi. He stares up at her, takes a moment to consider it, and then nods.
Pallavi slowly peels her hand from his mouth, and then she just kneels there, the cold sinking through her saree, with her pallu moving with the wind, and chilling her skin. And part of her wants to run, it wants to turn tail and not look back. But a bigger part of her tells her to stay, to stop running, stop hiding.
"When I was five, I asked my mom what love was, and she said it was forever. It was a promise. And one year later, my parents died. They just... left. And suddenly forever seemed so much shorter than it was supposed to be." Her hands shake, so she presses then down against the table to keep them steady. "And I held onto that. I remembered it, every day, because the look on Dada’s face when we came home every day and they weren't there, when days and weeks and months passed and they just never came home, it killed me. Because he also tried so hard to be strong for me, but I knew he was falling apart. I was falling apart. I could hear him too crying herself to sleep every night, just like I did and we never felt like home again. Until we just stopped and we let them go and I subconsciously gave up on all of it. On love and finding someone and 'forever.' After that, I found Mandar and I thought maybe something I had lost could be found, atleast in terms of finding a family, if not the love of a companion. But he left me too, the very night we were going to become one. After going through that, knowing how much it hurt, I knew I didn't want to fall in love. I never wanted to feel like that 23-year old Pallavi did. Because he broke my heart too and I never wanted to give anybody else that kind of power. And I was doing really good for so long..."
She laughs humourlessly, her eyes stinging. "I was okay without it. I was okay without hope of love. Because as long as it was for suckers, I could convince myself I wasn't missing out on anything and having my family with me was enough. I wasn't walking head first into something I knew would only knock me down in the end. And then… Then you were there. Challenging me. Forcing me to use all of my talent to make the saree shop come back from the depths of the ocean it had sunk in. Do my best. And I did. I took Deshmukh Saree Emporium and managed to set it up in a mall, like Aai and Baba wanted. But even after the challenge ended and I felt like I had finally found my identity, there was still something pulling me towards you. And I told myself it didn't matter. Because in my mind, you were destined to be Amruta's and you were such a Ghamandi Rao and there was no way you would ever look at me like I thought- never-mind. So it was okay. Because you were safe. You were safe to like in the lines of my journal and in between insults and when nobody was looking, because if I could convince myself that it was nothing, then it really was."
She was staring blankly at his portrait and not him, but this was not the right time to tell her that. She pauses, and huffs out a defeated breath. "The thing is, I'm not sure if pretending works like its supposed to. Because I thought if I stepped back, if I just let things happen like they were supposed to, if I helped Amruta get her prince, then I could be okay with it. And I was, for a really long time, I was okay with that. Because Amruta– She deserves the world. And you… You do too. I might not say it, but there it is. You deserve someone great, and maybe that's Amruta for you and maybe it isn't. I don't know. But what I do know is that love isn't forever. Nothing is ever a guarantee. Sometimes love is temporary and sometimes it's not. But what it should be is whatever makes you happy. So that's what I want for you too, Raghav. And I don't have to be a part of it, I don't have to be the reason or the root, but if I help make it happen, even a little bit, then good, great even."
She swallows tightly, her fingers biting into the edge. "And that's it. That's all I wanted to say." Staring at him searchingly, her brow pinches and her teeth scraping at her bottom lip, she nods. "Get some sleep, Ghamandi Rao. We've got to get back to Manasi's wedding preparations tomorrow."
He looks at her with an indistinguishable emotion. Is this the right moment for him to let his emotions speak too? He wonders. She turns to leave, but then his fingers are around her wrist, holding on. Not too tight, just enough to make her stop and look back.
And he smiles, that soft, warm smile of his. "Can I speak now?" he wonders out loud.
She glances away briefly. "Depends."
"On?"
"You don't need to say it if it's going to hurt. I can fill in the blanks on my own." She half-smiles, shrugging. Trying to somehow hide and leave. "You can just let go and we can go back to ten minutes ago, when I never said a thing."
"I don't want that." He shakes his head. "I don't want to go back and I don't want you to break your heart." His thumb strokes across her wrist. "I don't really know what it is I feel for you either, but you do make me want to kill something fluttering in my heart every time I see you around, get mesmerised by the fire in your eyes, and keep listening to your voice when you challenge me. Whatever it is, I am sure I have absolutely no interest in Chipku Ladki. You gotta be kidding me on that one! But I want you to give me a chance, I want to give us a chance. I wanna try to make YOU happy, Saree ka Dukaan..sorry..Pallavi… If you'll let me."
Her heart skips a beat and she draws a quick breath, her eyes a little wide with surprise. "Yeah?" There's a feeling in her stomach that feels a whole lot like the slow, hopeful stir of butterflies.
He nods. "Yeah."
She tamps down on a grin and raises an eyebrow. "You think you're up for that challenge?"
He smiles slowly. "I think I am."
It's a risk, a big one, but she turns her hand over and threads their fingers together. "We're both crazy, I guess," she says.
And he laughs. A genuine laughter that reaches his eyes.
"Let's get you back home now, your family must be worried sick seeing their favorite out so late. I'll drive."
It might be temporary. It might end in tears and heartbreak. Or... it might not. All she knows for sure is that right now, right here, she's happy. And that's enough.
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Clarity ~ Zedd ft. Foxes