FF: PALLAVI by Jalebi Jane SEE NOTE PAGE 117 - Page 12

Created

Last reply

Replies

935

Views

118.5k

Users

89

Likes

2.6k

Frequent Posters

Harinivas thumbnail
4th Anniversary Thumbnail Navigator Thumbnail
Posted: 4 years ago

Part 7

And truth be told, beyond my current interest.


Beyond our’s too, might we add!
i sincerely hope you don’t bring him back

There is enough intrigue in your writing without the need of ITV tropes

I must admit I was hoping you would bring RR in this part.

But I loved how you are building the case for the mall, establishing PD’s relationships in the family


The 7 episodes were a treat to read and comment on.

I don’t know if you have an update schedule.

Would be nice to know if you do. I came here thanks to enchanted _gurl. Thank you to her


And a huge thank you for sharing your amazing skills as a writer


needless to say, look forward to more

JalebiJane thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail + 7
Posted: 4 years ago

Originally posted by: nautankitadka

I am loving this FF so much!! It is intriguing to wonder what happens next, and also what is in store to discover about the past. Kudos on the style of writing and look forward to reading more! Please do pm if possible 👍🏼

Thank you, Sister.

I'll try to PM when I post :-)

Roroo thumbnail
4th Anniversary Thumbnail Visit Streak 30 Thumbnail Voyager Thumbnail
Posted: 4 years ago

Please update soon

PinkOrchid thumbnail
4th Anniversary Thumbnail Visit Streak 30 Thumbnail Voyager Thumbnail
Posted: 4 years ago

Just caught up by reading last 5 chapters. This makes really good bedtime reading and I’m wanting more! The care and attention you pay to in detailing the characters and setting the scene is brilliant. You can picture it as a version of its own and not even think of the TV version😍

JalebiJane thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail + 7
Posted: 4 years ago

APRIL 10, 2021

EPISODE 8

Phone navigation told Pallavi she was en route to Raghav Rao’s residence but her eyes told her she was on a treacherous winding road with deep forest to one side and a cliff edge on the other. The higher she climbed the more splendid the views became. The city lights twinkled below and from this perspective Hyderabad did seem to deserve its romantic sobriquet: city of pearls.

But it seemed inconceivable to her that a man like Raghav Rao with his glittering casino lifestyle would live in such isolation. She began to grow convinced she was lost. She pulled the scooter to the side and called Krishna.

Krishna was a knowledge bank on Raghav Rao. He terrified her yet she knew everything about him. Everything. From the material to the minutiae.

Had she not known Krishna better, Pallavi might have found her obsession with the local gangster more than a bit disturbing.

Krishna assured her: “You’re on the right road, Didi. The palace is called Falaknuma for a reason. Keep going. Right to the top of the hill.”

Falaknuma. Jewel amongst the clouds.

“And best put on the burqa before you approach the palace gates,” Krishna advised. “There will be high security with cameras everywhere.”

“I already have it on,” Pallavi said.

Indeed, Pallavi had slipped on the borrowed burqa soon after she exited the main road. She would sooner jump off this cliff than risk being recognized by Raghav Rao.

“Why must every encounter with this detestable man involve elaborate disguise?” she continued. “If you don’t hear from me by eight, send the police.”

Krishna gave a laugh.

Pallavi remonstrated, “I’m perfectly serious, Krishna. You keep reminding me how dangerous a figure he is, and then you laugh when I express legitimate fear.”

“It wouldn’t help to call the police. They’re all in his pocket,” Krishna giggled.

Pallavi returned to the path and just as Krishna had promised, within a few minutes the palace gates appeared. But the high security Krishna had warned her of was less than pathetic.

She told the guards she was Farhad’s sister and was bringing him a change of clothing—and the gates of Falaknuma opened to welcome her.

***

Another short drive brought her to the building and in the approach she was—against her will—envious and impressed. Envious that this man lived within such constant beauty at his fingertips. Impressed that this man possessed the aesthetics to match his affluence.

We all know, Sisters, that the wealthy are not necessarily blessed with good taste.

It was evident that Raghav Rao had asked the architect of his new Sagar Lake mall to borrow design elements from this palace—because the façade and the courtyard were traceable in the drawings Baba had shown her earlier.

Pallavi felt a twinge of sadness as she admired the building.

As far back as she could remember, beautiful places—whether manufactured or natural—always evoked a strange sadness in her. She attributed it to her early life when her parents had been alive. Perhaps experiencing beauty now triggered lost memories of beautiful times past.

She had once believed that that sadness would dissipate once she found love. It had not. She smiled at her past romantic naïvete. What a difference a year makes?

Shrugging off these gloomy thoughts, she refocused on the task at hand.

The plan hatched by her and Krishna was that she would enter the palace covered in a burqa pretending to be Farhad’s sister.

Did Farhad have a sister?

Krishna said everyone had a sister, cousin-sister, sister-in-law, friend-sister, sister’s friend . . . it was generic enough and it would work.

Once within the grounds, she would gain entry into Raghav Rao’s living quarters and leave the jacket and ring in a hidden place.

Where?

Krishna told her that finding a hiding place ought to be the least of her worries.

What should be her highest worry?

Everything else.

Had the task been to deliver the jacket alone, she would have sent it by courier. But Pallavi would not trust her ring to indifferent hands. She had to put it in a place where Raghav alone would find it. And thus there could be absolutely no possibility of it going missing.

Strange though it sounds, she trusted the ring on only two fingers. Ideally, hers. But if not that—than his. As long as he had the ring—the possibility of purchasing it from him in the future remained alive.

The final stage of the plan would be executed once she was safely off palace grounds. She would stop to borrow someone’s phone, call Raghav Rao and tell him where the items were hidden.

What could possibly go wrong?

Edited by JalebiJane - 4 years ago
inlieu thumbnail
12th Anniversary Thumbnail Stunner Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 4 years ago

Loved the update! I am really intrigued ... will she be able to make it out of there without getting in trouble?


Also loved this:

We all know, Sisters, that the wealthy are not necessarily blessed with good taste.


I remember us discussing this on the forum and I completely agree with it. 😉

NESRIA thumbnail
8th Anniversary Thumbnail Voyager Thumbnail
Posted: 4 years ago

I have been waiting for you update 😉

Wonder if pallavi plan will actually work 😃

Poor girl doesnt know she walked into the lions den 😎

JalebiJane thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail + 7
Posted: 4 years ago

Originally posted by: Harinivas

I usually don’t read FFs which have dialogues in English

especially when the characters are not English speaking

But your writing is so transportive I must say I am ignoring my usual preference

I am still on part 1 , will post my comments on each part


Part 1

“So how do I then begin to explain why we find her at Sagar Lake Resort & Casino this evening resembling a high-class escort?”

you started with a third person narrator,

Will we be coming across that again?
if so, who is that? Would love to know more, it adds to the intrigue of the ring you have already started off on


I love how RR makes no mention of her looks

I love how you don’t make him into a typical ogling buffoon

I love that classiness you have created

Again that aura and intrigue is lovely

Thought that must work for my company because you can spot a rare jewel is such a blowing it out of left side

Love

What a gift you give me with these detailed comments, Sister. Thank you.

Thank you for reading. If I could speak Hindi, I would everything in Hindi. That would be the ultimate!

But you know---I think the kind of writing I do is fine in non-Hindi because I'm not attempting to create authentic scenes. Rather, I'm inspired by characters and a premise and then try to tell that story in my own voice.

My narrative voice is consistent in all my writing. It's inspired by 19C writers such as Jane Austen, the Brontë sisters and Henry James. It's third-person combined with free and indirect speech. I think it's also influenced by storytelling culture. I could probably begin every tale I've written with: "Gather around, Sisters, and let me tell you a story about a girl I know."

And---oh yes---I totally agree with you---I couldn't abide a Hero who is ogling the Heroine at first sight.

JalebiJane thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail + 7
Posted: 4 years ago

Originally posted by: Harinivas

Part 2

My favorite lines

“For a jeweller, you speak very prosaically,” she snapped, unable to keep disgust from entering her voice.

“For a whore, you speak very sentimentally,” he retorted.

How they speak is essentially who they are.
What they do is the mask they wear

For PD it’s apparent

For RR it’s under the surface

That's a cool insight, Sister. I never thought of it that way, but you are right. RR is under the surface despite how candidly he speaks his mind. And PD appears an open book but is carrying so many secrets.

JalebiJane thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail + 7
Posted: 4 years ago

Originally posted by: Harinivas

Part 3

You return with the third person narrative

Therefore, I will not attempt to hide from you that all the way from Sagar Lake to Krishna’s home, our Heroine silently wept.

It’s like a secret blanket over an intriguing story

While I may not be super thrilled to be addresses as sister - gives off a nun vibe 😆 I love the drama attached to it, love it .

I'm pleased you are enjoying it.

That strong opinionated narrator will always be intruding with her analysis and advice. I love writing in that voice.

Related Topics

Top

Stay Connected with IndiaForums!

Be the first to know about the latest news, updates, and exclusive content.

Add to Home Screen!

Install this web app on your iPhone for the best experience. It's easy, just tap and then "Add to Home Screen".