FF: PALLAVI by Jalebi Jane SEE NOTE PAGE 117 - Page 11

Originally posted by: JalebiJane

Gosh, Sister---I loved reading your episodic analysis. You've provided me several ideas for development. Particularly about Mandhar's motives and how that might affect R&P in later episodes. Thank you for taking the time to note down your points.

Thank you for giving us this story - PALLAVI. 

Even though you give us an episode update on a day to day basis, I find myself wanting the story to never end. Each chapter seem to end quick - a greedy situation for every reader out here ;) 

Originally posted by: SONIA441

Yes, it does. Thanks 😄

Super!

Originally posted by: thebluewhale

So good to see you back Jalebi Jane. Love love love this. Like all your FFs telling the story from our heroine's POV is always fresh. Engaging writing as always.

So ragahv is 10yrs older than Pallu. Love the hint of mischief in Pallu in her plans to learn about the ring shows us after all she is still young.

Thank you for your note, Sister. Lovely to hear from you.

I'm glad you are enjoying the story. 

Yes, I decided to make RR a decade older than Pallavi. The level of success he enjoys will be more convincing in my view if he is in his thirties. One of the aspects of the show that I enjoy is that he has things to teach her about business---I want to expand that and show he has much to teach her about all aspects of life. 

NOTE:

Sisters, you might have noticed that I've have edited the first seven episodes of -PALLAVI-. Nothing has changed substantially in terms of plot, but I've added more detail to make it more reader-friendly for my writing buddies who are not MHRW viewers. 

I'll post EPISODE 8 later today.

Thank you for your appreciative comments.

I am loving this FF so much!! It is intriguing to wonder what happens next, and also what is in store to discover about the past. Kudos on the style of writing and look forward to reading more! Please do pm if possible 👍🏼

I usually don’t read FFs which have dialogues in English 

especially when the characters are not English speaking 

But your writing is so transportive I must say I am ignoring my usual preference 

I am still on part 1 , will post my comments on each part 

Part 1

“So how do I then begin to explain why we find her at Sagar Lake Resort & Casino this evening resembling a high-class escort?”

you started with a third person narrator, 

Will we be coming across that again? 
if so, who is that? Would love to know more, it adds to the intrigue of the ring you have already started off on 

I love how RR makes no mention of her looks 

I love how you don’t make him into a typical ogling buffoon 

I love that classiness you have created 

Again that aura and intrigue is lovely 

Thought that must work for my company because you can spot a rare jewel is such a blowing it out of left side 

Love 

Part 2 

My favorite lines 

“For a jeweller, you speak very prosaically,” she snapped, unable to keep disgust from entering her voice.

“For a whore, you speak very sentimentally,” he retorted.

How they speak is essentially who they are. 
What they do is the mask they wear 

For PD it’s apparent 

For RR it’s under the surface 

Part 3 

You return with the third person narrative 

Therefore, I will not attempt to hide from you that all the way from Sagar Lake to Krishna’s home, our Heroine silently wept. 

It’s like a secret blanket over an intriguing story 

While I may not be super thrilled to be addresses as sister - gives off a nun vibe 😆 I love the drama attached to it, love it .

Part 4 

Un protesting Pallavi has un intentionally stolen the ring!! 

I think that kind of sums her up 

She who never protests, wants to keep peace 

falls into situations 

however, she does protest being called a whore 

Even though she intentionally dressed like one

The classic 

I am not what I seem 

lovely! 

Part 5 

A jewel thief! 

Soon a heart stealer!?
especially when the heart is a jewel itself! 

Farhad’s perspective of RR 

Tells us we are in the midst of a ruthless man 

With heart of a jewel.

Nice going