Adi surrenders to his emotions some more - Page 17

Originally posted by: pamk06

I agree that he always had an emotional connection with Imlie and many of his actions were due to his subconscious awareness of it but I do not think that his PDA with Malini was overcompensation. He totally and fully believed that he loved Malini and Malini is the only correct partner for him. and the PDA was the result of that truth. His desperation to get rid of Imlie was also due to this fact that he could not afford or did not want to lose Malini. The bike scene was also a result of his fear that Imlie's presence might affect his marriage.

In my opinion, his true conscious emotional struggle and awareness for Imlie only began after the bike scene and it escalated from there to the first doubt with the alter ego scene that things are not as he thought they are. Even now he is just questioning his action and still is in denial.

The reason I say that PDA was real and he did not think that it was wrong or that he did not have any clue consciously that he was toeing the line is because there was no jijak in his interaction with Malini vs now after the first doubt crept him. In the phone call, he could not say things that used to come naturally to him in the past. He deflected because he could not lie. Second was when Imlie brought up Malini, there was true uncomfortableness there and again he deflected unlike where in the past he would have said something thus asserting the point that Moon is the only wife for him.

I think both things are partly true. His PDA with Malini was overcompensation as well as the truth as he believed it in the moment. Adi is such an expert at hiding from himself that it can be simultaneously true that he was suppressing his feelings for Imlie so much that he was able to deny their existence and feel completely comfortable that what he is expressing to Malini is his truth.

So we may never get a clear answer on how long he has suppressed these feelings for Imlie and when they moved into the conscious realm.....the bike scene was a big trigger point, yes....but it's not like he suddenly developed feelings for Imlie from that point only and there was nothing before......Imlie's loss broke through the solid mental/emotional barriers he had built inside himself to compartmentalize his "truth" as he was comfortable with it.

Adi was able to do so much PDA with Malini precisely because he thought his conscience was clear then.....and the reason it was clear was also because he was so successful in suppressing his true self. The reason he is struggling more now is that the door has been opened to the truth in his heart and mind and now his conscience isn't being able to hide from it anymore.

Originally posted by: AreYaar

I agree that him stepping back from the promise to Malini won't be the selfish part.....selfish would be if he wants to forge ahead without accounting for his decisions.

The tricky part with Adi is that he can be very black and white/righteous about the TRUTH sometimes.....so if he decides something is the ABSOLUTE truth, then he doesn't back down from it....that is how he rationalizes it to himself also then....ki yeh sach hai aur ab hum iske liye hi ladenge.

That said, I don't think he's yet reached that point of "absolution" regarding this particular truth of him and Imlie. My sense still is that yes he's growing closer to her, closer to his realization of what she means to him.....but some bigger guilt will crop up to put everything in a grey zone again.....Adi will yearn for a black and white choice....but milegi nahin.

Regarding his attraction for Imlie that was in his subconscience all this while and is now just reaching the conscious space.....the issue is actually more complex than that.....it's not just that he was attracted to her all this while and suppressed it by pushing her away brutally....it's also that he did indeed accept her as his wife subconsciously from back then too and was too terrified to face it so blundered into another marriage to deny that he felt that attachment to Imlie as her husband. And that second part of this problem is the bigger deal.....if it was an attraction, love jo bhi....he could still say, oh but I'm still married to Malini only so that is the only commitment I can keep......the problem is that his heart tells him not just that he now loves Imlie, but also that he wants Imlie as his wife......and this monumental realization is slowly building up that he also made a commitment to Imlie (a commitment he made BEFORE Malini) when he married her with rituals and that is what his soul is now pushing him towards consciously admitting.

How do you even begin facing a commitment whose validity you yourself denied so adamantly for so long? That's the conundrum.....lol

Mhm true, the issue is how good is he at convincing HIMSELF that what he believes at that moment is THE truth. "I didn't accept that marriage, therefore it wasn't a marriage"... ok but something very much happened that the people around you deserved to know about.

He's one of those people that fix all the issues himself, the guy is a bit of a loner. Which in general circumstances is one thing, but what happened to him was extraordinary and he needed to come clean to his family about it not hide it. Avoiding the truth the way he did is downright ridiculous.

@Bold and on: this is so spot on! there are so many factors to this issue, yet no one has sat to think about it. Adi is going to have a tough time sorting it out and he's going to cause nothing but pain in the process. Hopefully though, if it is all properly done, we get to see some serious development for everyone, the main trio as well as all the other people they know and love.

Originally posted by: pamk06

I think between love and commitment, he will latch on to commitment because it more easier to accept as it still comes in the boundary of the forced relationship. Love would take a whole lot more for him to accept because that would basically be accepting that he was wrong.

Commitment also is difficult but the way he keeps declaring that she is his wife and with the ease with which he took Imlie name this time (vs last time where he was struggling and took Moon name instead) I think he is halfway there in accepting it. But I am not sure if it’s deliberate and I need to go back and see the scenes but he only questions himself where “marzi” come out of his mouth. Calling her his wife or giving her his name comes under that “forced but still commitment” tag so he is Ok with it and never question himself but “marzi” is whole different ball game and that is where he is struggling and questioning his words and actions.

Dunno, but to me the commitment part is seeming like the harder one right now.....the central argument from his side for a long time has been that Imlie is not his wife, while she has always said he is her husband. This is what they keep talking about when they talk about HAQ everytime....he keeps saying he can't give her any haq....and the implication always has been that it's not just cuz he loves Moon but because he belongs to Moon as her husband too....she is the only wife he accepts. So this is why Imlie also keeps reminding him that she has accepted that he only considers Malini as his wife and will never consider Imlie as his wife or give her all the rights that come with her being his wife.

Whatever he's doing these days has more of a flavor of Adi flowing along with the emotions of love.....this need to be close to Imlie all the time, do things for her, dance with her.....he can do all of this without really giving her a commitment....sure he's going around calling her his wife in PD....but can he defiantly say this to Malini and his family yet? Even his alter-ego reminded him more about the fact that he likes Imlie ka SAATH, not that Imlie is his wife.....so I think that mental block is bigger still....probably even more cuz he's been living with Malini as her husband for a while now too.....how do you just suddenly switch away from that? 😆.....You feel the weight of it....having cohabited with someone as a spouse....which is what he did mainly with Malini, not Imlie.

Marzi v/s Choice is what this is really going to come down to I feel.....Adi CHOSE to make a commitment to Malini....for him, CHOICE has always been attached only to Malini. With Imlie, first it was FORCE, and now it's MARZI....Marzi is WILL....FREE WILL.....he wants to be with Imlie out of FREE WILL. But his choice is now a burden because he didn't make the right choice....so what do you do when you think a choice automatically denotes free will but then you realize you didn't know yourself all this while and are only now realizing what your will actually is......that's where I see Adi right now.

Originally posted by: PyaarDostiHai

Mhm true, the issue is how good is he at convincing HIMSELF that what he believes at that moment is THE truth. "I didn't accept that marriage, therefore it wasn't a marriage"... ok but something very much happened that the people around you deserved to know about.

He's one of those people that fix all the issues himself, the guy is a bit of a loner. Which in general circumstances is one thing, but what happened to him was extraordinary and he needed to come clean to his family about it not hide it. Avoiding the truth the way he did is downright ridiculous.

@Bold and on: this is so spot on! there are so many factors to this issue, yet no one has sat to think about it. Adi is going to have a tough time sorting it out and he's going to cause nothing but pain in the process. Hopefully though, if it is all properly done, we get to see some serious development for everyone, the main trio as well as all the other people they know and love.

Word.....I still laugh and shake my head to this day that he actually thinks that him simply refusing to acknowledge a marriage that happened with full rituals means it doesn't exist? 😆.....this is a child's logic.....ki oh I can't see that scary thing in the corner, so it doesn't exist😕😆

That is Adi's tragic character flaw I think....he is a good/righteous person....but he also has been someone who hasn't been able to face many of his own truths for a very long time so he developed a defense mechanism to stick to the truths that he deemed acceptable.....and now he's realizing you can't go through life like that.....that just cuz you don't tell the regular lies that other people do doesn't automatically make you the only purveyor of what is the truth....if you can't face the truth that is in front of your eyes, you are living a lie. Adi became so busy in deciding what is the acceptable truth for him, he never realized that he had been living a lie for so long.

Originally posted by: AreYaar

Word.....I still laugh and shake my head to this day that he actually thinks that him simply refusing to acknowledge a marriage that happened with full rituals means it doesn't exist? 😆.....this is a child's logic.....ki oh I can't see that scary thing in the corner, so it doesn't exist😕😆

That is Adi's tragic character flaw I think....he is a good/righteous person....but he also has been someone who hasn't been able to face many of his own truths for a very long time so he developed a defense mechanism to stick to the truths that he deemed acceptable.....and now he's realizing you can't go through life like that.....that just cuz you don't tell the regular lies that other people do doesn't not automatically make you the only purveyor of what is the truth....if you can't face the truth that is in front of your eyes, you are living a lie. Adi became so busy in deciding what is the acceptable truth for him, he never realized that he had been living a lie for so long.

@bold: so many people think like this! "If I can't see it, it doesn't exist" logic is so prevalent. His way of dealing with these things are so humanly flawed, he can die for the truth but he can't face it...

Slightly related note, that's also part of the issue I have with the idea of "sacrifice" sometimes, just because you go to XYZ person doesn't mean you've dealt with the issue at hand. You can't avoid it like that pretending the feelings for another don't exist and just go on. Esp if anyone of the people involved don't know whats happening in that situation. If BBS just tries to go back to normal, pretend nothing that happened in PD happened and be Malini's husband forevermore (either through his own denial now or Imlie's insistence later), it'll be more of that silly logic...

Oh god the sheer number of times now that we've all said and heard that Adi babu is so truthful. I can't even say it anymore the guy has a good heart but he's buried to his neck in lies. To his family, Malini, Imlie, himself, even his boss is bound to confront him for his lies sooner or later... his most honest reporter has totally forgotten the definition of honesty

Originally posted by: pamk06

I agree that he always had an emotional connection with Imlie and many of his actions were due to his subconscious awareness of it but I do not think that his PDA with Malini was overcompensation. He totally and fully believed that he loved Malini and Malini is the only correct partner for him. and the PDA was the result of that truth. His desperation to get rid of Imlie was also due to this fact that he could not afford or did not want to lose Malini. The bike scene was also a result of his fear that Imlie's presence might affect his marriage.

In my opinion, his true conscious emotional struggle and awareness for Imlie only began after the bike scene and it escalated from there to the first doubt with the alter ego scene that things are not as he thought they are. Even now he is just questioning his action and still is in denial.

The reason I say that PDA was real and he did not think that it was wrong or that he did not have any clue consciously that he was toeing the line is because there was no jijak in his interaction with Malini vs now after the first doubt crept him. In the phone call, he could not say things that used to come naturally to him in the past. He deflected because he could not lie. Second was when Imlie brought up Malini, there was true uncomfortableness there and again he deflected unlike where in the past he would have said something thus asserting the point that Moon is the only wife for him.

Ummm - that is always something i find hard to align with. I always got the sense that he married Malini - since he did not want to dump her after 7 years. If he was actually in some kind of love with her and now in 'real' love with Imlie....that hurts Adi's characterization much!

Remember - even on the day of the wedding - he says - what should be the best day of his life - did not feel like it. Did that look like a man in love who did not want to lose his love. He did not really care - he was late for the engagement - prioritized work over Mun. I think he had an idea in his head that he loved Mun and obstinately refused to see another side for fear of coming to a conclusion that he would need to dump her and be seen as a cheater. He may have told himself he was doing it for her - but not really.

I think PG was the trigger for some attachment with Imli and the bike scene when it eventually struck him what Imli could possibly mean to him. I never really saw love for Mun...maybe what he thought love was before he actually realized the difference when he could no longer control his emotions

Originally posted by: PyaarDostiHai

@bold: so many people think like this! "If I can't see it, it doesn't exist" logic is so prevalent. His way of dealing with these things are so humanly flawed, he can die for the truth but he can't face it...

Slightly related note, that's also part of the issue I have with the idea of "sacrifice" sometimes, just because you go to XYZ person doesn't mean you've dealt with the issue at hand. You can't avoid it like that pretending the feelings for another don't exist and just go on. Esp if anyone of the people involved don't know whats happening in that situation. If BBS just tries to go back to normal, pretend nothing that happened in PD happened and be Malini's husband forevermore (either through his own denial now or Imlie's insistence later), it'll be more of that silly logic...

Oh god the sheer number of times now that we've all said and heard that Adi babu is so truthful. I can't even say it anymore the guy has a good heart but he's buried to his neck in lies. To his family, Malini, Imlie, himself, even his boss is bound to confront him for his lies sooner or later... his most honest reporter has totally forgotten the definition of honesty

LOL and that is his tragedy na....he's said it himself many times in that tortured self-mocking tone that I, the oh so truthful/righteous Aditya Kumar Tripathi is living a lie, a double life and I'm not being able to do anything about it😆....well he did blame Imlie for it for the longest time :P.....so he knows the honest label has become a mockery for him in some ways.

The extra irony is that he thinks his lies only started with hiding his marriage to Imlie from his family/Malini....but he's been lying to himself about what his own truth is, what he really wants from life much longer than that.

LOL well I don't know how prevalent that logic is....I personally don't belong to the "If I can't see it, it doesn't exist" camp😆.....yeah I can be like I can see it so I can't be bothered with it camp....but it's not the same as denying the existence of something😆....and maybe other people do it more casually but Adi has done it for too big a life impacting decision.

The other human emotion Adi is going through is the fear of change.....when you've spent your whole life thinking a certain way, convinced that you've got it all figured out😆.....how do you face the possibility that maybe you got it all wrong for a LONG time?....that is also why Adi fears facing these truths about himself....cuz these truths shake the very foundation of what he knows himself to be as a person.

Originally posted by: AreYaar

Dunno, but to me the commitment part is seeming like the harder one right now.....the central argument from his side for a long time has been that Imlie is not his wife, while she has always said he is her husband. This is what they keep talking about when they talk about HAQ everytime....he keeps saying he can't give her any haq....and the implication always has been that it's not just cuz he loves Moon but because he belongs to Moon as her husband too....she is the only wife he accepts. So this is why Imlie also keeps reminding him that she has accepted that he only considers Malini as his wife and will never consider Imlie as his wife or give her all the rights that come with her being his wife.

Whatever he's doing these days has more of a flavor of Adi flowing along with the emotions of love.....this need to be close to Imlie all the time, do things for her, dance with her.....he can do all of this without really giving her a commitment....sure he's going around calling her his wife in PD....but can he defiantly say this to Malini and his family yet? Even his alter-ego reminded him more about the fact that he likes Imlie ka SAATH, not that Imlie is his wife.....so I think that mental block is bigger still....probably even more cuz he's been living with Malini as her husband for a while now too.....how do you just suddenly switch away from that? 😆.....You feel the weight of it....having cohabited with someone as a spouse....which is what he did mainly with Malini, not Imlie.

Marzi v/s Choice is what this is really going to come down to I feel.....Adi CHOSE to make a commitment to Malini....for him, CHOICE has always been attached only to Malini. With Imlie, first it was FORCE, and now it's MARZI....Marzi is WILL....FREE WILL.....he wants to be with Imlie out of FREE WILL. But his choice is now a burden because he didn't make the right choice....so what do you do when you think a choice automatically denotes free will but then you realize you didn't know yourself all this while and are only now realizing what your will actually is......that's where I see Adi right now.

Exactly right!! Great tie in to Will and Choice!

Adi married Malini to fight destinty because Imlie was not his choice😆

Originally posted by: PPak

Ummm - that is always something i find hard to align with. I always got the sense that he married Malini - since he did not want to dump her after 7 years. If he was actually in some kind of love with her and now in 'real' love with Imlie....that hurts Adi's characterization much!

Remember - even on the day of the wedding - he says - what should be the best day of his life - did not feel like it. Did that look like a man in love who did not want to lose his love. He did not really care - he was late for the engagement - prioritized work over Mun. I think he had an idea in his head that he loved Mun and obstinately refused to see another side for fear of coming to a conclusion that he would need to dump her and be seen as a cheater. He may have told himself he was doing it for her - but not really.

I think PG was the trigger for some attachment with Imli and the bike scene when it eventually struck him what Imli could possibly mean to him. I never really saw love for Mun...maybe what he thought love was before he actually realized the difference when he could no longer control his emotions

I think he married Malini because he felt he had an obligation to do this after committing to marry her before he left for PD......even while marrying Imlie, he was so traumatized not because he was thinking he is losing his love....his main thought then also was that he has broken his promise to Malini to marry her.

As for love....I honestly don't think Adi has understood love to date.....he's still in the process of discovering it with Imlie. Yes, he does THINK he loved Malini all this time so he was affectionate with her because of that....but then he also THOUGHT that he knew HIMSELF all this time very well too😆....as we are now learning, he never really did know himself either.

A man who doesn't know himself....how will he even know love. To love someone else, you need to be in touch with yourself as well.....and Adi hasn't really been in touch with himself for most of his life as he's buried himself in his passion for work. This is a guy who has literally behaved like passion is only meant for work, not relationships......now he's suddenly discovering that he does have passion and for the last girl he ever expected to feel it for😆.