Originally posted by: guenhwyvar
This started back in college.
I was friends with this girl - I'll call her Tara (obv. not her real name - pronounced Tear-Uhh not like Tara Sitara). I was a science student, and Tara was into arts, but a few of our GE classes overlapped and that's when I met her. She had a wonderful personality, gorgeous, tall, brown eyes, brunette. Our first meeting was sheer coincidence - we sat next to each other in the lecture hall. Our professor was into the whole "get to know your neighbor" stuff, so the first few minutes of class was basically "turn to your left/right, introduce yourself".
We introduced ourselves and we hit it off immediately. We exchanged numbers and we began hanging out either together or in our friend circles.
Somewhere along the line, my feelings for her changed. But I didn't want to ruin my friendship with her either. I did the only thing I could, confess my feelings in the most cheesy way possible. I ordered a bouquet of flowers (tulips - her favorite kind), dropped it off in front of her dorm room with a personal note - all anonymous.
I got a text a few hours later, "hey, can you call me?"
I called her when I got a chance, and she thanked me for the flowers. I don't know how she knew it was me, but she did. I could just tell, there was no reciprocation in the feelings. It was more out of pity and it stung. Whataburger hurt was I heard a guy's voice in the background.
But, I was young, crazy, and in love. So I did what any other person in my shoes would do - I tried again, convinced that if I impress her enough, she'll change her mind. I know I sent flowers again, I bought her expensive gifts, and even wrote poems for her. I'd leave them on her doorstep. Sappy stuff now that I look back on it, but I don't know.
She gave me another call and told me the exact same thing, with the exact same tone. She pitied me. She sympathized for me. But she didn't have feelings for me. I was a great friend, but nothing more, nothing less.
That was perhaps the worst moment of my life and I'd drive myself wild thinking about it. We still hung out because we had the same friend circle, but our personal relationship was sort of on the edge. I wanted to be mean to her, hurt her with bits of sarcasm for hurting me. But I don't think she even realized it. She once asked the group if it hurt to have s*x without lube (I went to undergrad in America). And I would have imagine her and the guy doing it.
This was freshman or sophomore year, but I knew her all through college. We were still really good friends, and when the guy cheated on her, but I was there for her. I invited her over, and we ended up making out that night. That screwed up our relationship even more because she accused me of taking advantage of her vulnerability. We stopped talking for a year.
We gradually came to be on speaking terms, but by then ... I got busy with my science courses, internships, etc. and she got busy with her arts stuff. Graduation happened, and we kinda distanced. It didn't help that she moved across the US.
About 3 or 4 years later, I get a text from Tara. She was going to be in my hometown to attend a conference and she wanted to catch up. I hadn't seen her in a while and my heart skipped a beat. I agreed.
We met at a restaurant. She had grown her hair out longer, and she looked great. We had a good time, and when I went to drop her off, she asked if I wanted to come up with her. I agreed.
We chatted for a while, and caught up on our lives post-graduation. She leaned in and kissed me. But something didn't feel right. I didn't have those same feelings I had during undergrad. She wasn't Tara to me, she was somebody else.
It took a lot of courage, but I told her that she was right during undergrad. We just don't work. She got a little sad and tried telling me that she's ready, we're ready, we can make it work. I couldn't do it, so I repeated myself.
The mood was kinda off, so I thanked her for the evening, wished her well, and walked out. Deep down, a part of me wonders if those feelings will ever come back and if I will ever regret my actions that day. But right now, I think that was the best decision and I'm going to stick with it.
So sad, I want to cry 😭
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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