Flashback in red.
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What was she ever to him? Except for an unforeseen responsibility, did she ever matter to him as much as he mattered to her? She mulled, staring into nothingness. It was more than a year since she left the mansion with Usha maushi and also her Aai in tow. Aai, the only pure and real relation she found for herself in the crowd of unknown. If not for the kind woman, she would have definitely made her way to the asylum at least once in those five years of stay at Chavan mansion, owing to her innumerable duties and senseless emotions for that man, she thought jadedly. Aai was adamant at accompanying her despite warnings from the family members and being the unshakeable woman that she was, defied them all just to be with her.
While she did make inroads into the hearts of people living in the mansion and won their affection at least for a short while, she had remained steadfast and kept her end of the bargain in regards to the marriage deal with Virat sir.
She could however, never deny her growing surge of feelings for the man who sheltered and supported her in this journey of becoming a doctor. In the process, she had nearly given up on the deal and had assumed herself to be his wife in truest sense. She did everything that a wife, hopelessly in love with her husband, would do. She had ensured to take care of his smallest needs, acted on his every requests, took full care of his family’s well-being, thus getting them in her stride within the first three months of their marriage.
Even as she looked back through the years, she did not know how or what had kept her going with all the responsibilities on her head. In any alternate universe, she would have considered such a woman to be no less than a television bahu or a demigoddess. It was probably the love and acceptance which she eventually received from all other members in the family in a short span, that kept her going in those years. There was, indeed, one exception, she mused. Pakhi didi, who only had growing envy and contempt for her.
Though Sai was quite aware of the dynamics between Pakhi didi and Virat sir even before her marriage to him, she was awakened to a rude shock when, within a period of six months post their marriage, he had blatantly blamed her for Pakhi didi leaving the house. He derided her for her insecurities towards the woman he had loved and missed. She never gave it a thought that his feelings for Pakhi didi ran this deep. The deal which she had eventually thought of breaking and confessing her feelings to him, returned to slap her face when he clearly reminded her of the ‘samjhautey ki shaadi’ and that she was the ‘farz’ that he meant to undertake.
In a moment, it all became crystal clear. In that moment, she came to a decision with a force that nearly knocked her own senses. She would KEEP her side of the bargain. It was set. As part of her redemption for the error, she thought she made, Sai went the extra mile of getting Pakhi didi back home to Virat sir.
In the months that followed, Sai was sure she would breakdown eventually but she staunchly guarded such emotions or slip-ups in front of him. It had taken humongous strength for her to keep herself in check while doing his chores and also put up the cheerful act in front of all.
The irony of it all was when the people around her had come to accept her jolly attitude and could no longer see her quiet, she found it difficult to keep up the same. With each passing day, she had gone a little distant from Virat sir. She kept their conversations simple, cut down on her goofing around with him and just laughed when he had tried to cheer her up.
She went through both worry and relief simultaneously, when he left for missions for long. Worry – for his safety and relief – for she did not have to stay with him in his room clothed in pretense. Only that she could never decipher in her right mind which feeling was strong while her subconscious mind screamed worry leading her to sleepless nights. These nights, in a way, were also a boon, for she fanatically studied to keep herself sane and driven.
In the last four years, however, she did notice the drastic changes in him. From being a kind and understanding guy to confused to frustrated - which she believed to be due to his workload – to being all smiley, flirty and even getting touchy much to her horror.
One such incident now cropped up her mind.
It was during her fourth year semester exams. Cancelling her plans to spend the day-out with her friends, she had come straight home and rushed towards her room. Cursing the irregular menstrual cycle that she had been suffering since the past two years, she slammed the washroom door shut behind her and got to work. In her hurry, she never noticed Virat also entering the gates of the mansion while she ran past him from the other end of the gate. Seeing her rush past everyone in the hall, he quickly followed her up to his room. If people in the hall witnessed the scene, none commented.
“Sai...”,he called out, once he closed the bedroom door behind him. “What happened? Are you all right?”, he asked with concern. She froze on hearing him.
“I am fine”, she said out loud from inside the washroom.
“Why is it taking so long?”, he again called out. “Sai, please open up. Let me know what happened.” He stood beside the washroom door, knocking it each second. “Sai…”
She sighed. Once done, she looked around satisfied that she cleaned up. Opening the door, she stood facing him. He looked in panic.
“What?”, she asked.
“What do you mean what? What happened? Are you all right?”. He suddenly grabbed her hands, felt her forehead and neck.
That mushiness again. She shoved his hands away slightly, but he was quick to hold her hands back.
“You don’t look good. What’s the matter? Shall I get you something? I will let Aai know and she will…”
“I am fine Virat sir”, she cut him immediately walking ahead. “It was just the exams that stressed me out. I will catch some sleep and then all will be fine.”
“Okay…” he trailed unsure and kept watching her movements.
And somewhere in the middle of their room, she found herself blacking out and braced for the cold floor to hit her. It probably never reached, for she vaguely remembered being caught swiftly and carried by him to the bed.
On regaining her consciousness, she found herself being surrounded by all the ladies of the family and saw Aai fussing over her irregular eating and sleeping habits. She came to know how Virat sir had panicked and had called up the family doctor who came by and checked upon her. She saw him standing at a corner letting the ladies take charge while he kept staring at her unblinkingly.
Something in his stare had probably unnerved and when they were left alone, she couldn’t help but ask about it. “Why did you keep staring at me like that?”
Closing the bedroom door behind him, he climbed straight to their bed and sat facing her, too close for her comfort. The second she looked up at him, he pulled her up by her waist and hugged her tight. She did not know what came over her or him, for she responded with a tighter hug, holding onto his shoulders and he just pushed her more into him. She did not know how long they stayed in that position, but what she felt in those seconds were enough to replay in her memory for a lifetime. His deep breaths below her ear, him sniffing her hair while running his hand through them, his other hand holding her while also running it leisurely through her back, his arms wholly engulfing her body and her chest pushed against his.
This one act was enough to turn her hormones spiraling through her body, heart and head. She again cursed her untimely menses for creating such ruckus.
Difficult as it was, she pulled back before things went too far for her to refuse. He looked confused but when realized what he did, he left the room mumbling about some calls to make. In her mind, his expression had confirmed that he did not like whatever had happened.
However, this one particular memory was a lot precious for her, for he had willingly come closer even if for a short while.
Many such small incidents had occurred post that one moment and she couldn’t wrap her head around his unpredictable actions for the months that followed. Did he want her? Did he too desire her as much as she does? Then why does he go all silent and stay aloof after sharing such moments? She had initially marveled at his steadfastness towards keeping his promise to Pakhi didi and the same marvel had now converted into hurt and jealousy. But she was too full of self-esteem to show her insecurities at this point. She had done so childishly in the initial days of their marriage and then learned to control her impulse the hard way.
Aai had switched on the radio making her come out of reverie. She couldn’t help smirk sarcastically when it sang…” Ghum hai kisi ke pyaar mein, dil subah shaam…”
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Hey guys, this is Anu here!😳 New to the forum, an oldie in IF and back after 4 years. I recently started following the show and couldn’t help write a few stuff about SaiRat. I had written this piece when Pakhi-leaving-home track was ongoing and so not sure about how exactly it has panned out now.
This work would seem incomplete since it is totally from Sai's perspective. And TBH, I am just not good at depicting romantic moments! So all I can say is let your imaginations run wild. ☺️😆
Would love to read your thoughts on this.😃
Most importantly, Wish you all a Happy, Healthy & Safe 2021! 🤗
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