Drowning by Whatever we are
# do listen to the song whilst reading.
Drowning
How do you survive this? Geet wondered as she rubbed her palm across her chest. The ache sitting heavily and intensifying each passing second.
Geet’s stomach churned, her vision blurred as tears filled up in her eyes and her skin tingled with clawing itchiness. She clenched her jaw squeezing her eyes closed wishing the earth would open up and consume her.
She grasped her forearms, her nails biting down on her scream and she dragged them. Red lines marking on her pale skin as she drew blood. She crumbled onto the floor, her knees hitting the hardwood floors with a slam and a wrangled sob escaping her lips. Tears that had gathered were now cascading down her cheeks freely. With her heart break, her head throbbed painfully as she rocked back and forth sobbing.
Take it away. Take away the pain please she begged internally. Please. Please.
Memories assaulted her, they flashed before her eyes.
Way too in my head see now it got me fcking drowning
All my words been said so there ain't no more talking 'bout it
Homies trying help me but that shit be too surrounding, Devil in my head he got me drinking out the fountain
“I love you, Geet” he whispered as he waltz around the dance floor with her in his arms. She tilted her chin, her eyes locking with his. She found herself drowning in those brown hazels of his that shone with love for her.
She smiled and her cheeks heated as he lowered his head brushing his lips across hers.
“Your family are watching” she murmured.
“I don’t care” he grumbled. “I would’ve eloped with you if I could” he nipped her lower lip teasingly.
She laughed and said, “Of course. Then your mother would’ve definitely wasted no time to remind everyone that I am not good enough for you”.
“I think it’s the opposite, darling” he cradled her cheek. “You deserve better than me” he brushed his fingers across her cheek gently as if he were stroking a kitten. He leaned forward ignoring his friends catcalling as he kissed his newly wedded bride once again.
Come down, come down, come down, come down bitch I'm fcking drowning
Counting up my problems that look like a hundred thousand
Me trying be happy like I'm climbing up a mountain, ask me if I'm good, i be like bitch i fcking doubt it
I'm Drowning, I'm Drowning
I'm Drowning, I'm Drowning
I'm Drowning, I'm Drowning
I'm Drowning
“I don’t like it when you’re away” Geet wrapped her husband from behind pressing a kiss to his shoulder.
“It’s work, Geet” he sighed heavily as he finished up buttoning his shirt. “I’ll be back in a week” he turned around to face his pouting wife. “Sorry, darling” he cupped her cheek kissing her firmly on her lips. “I’ll make it up to you”.
“I’ll be waiting” she mumbled against his mouth.
He chuckled promising once again to make it up to her. “Make up sex is always the best anyway” he wiggled his brows teasingly. She laughed shaking her head and bid him bye once again with another kiss.
Every time you leave it got me feeling like I'm drowning, you left me broken so many times I cannot count it
Took too many shots so I said fck it and rebounded, pushed too many times but I can't blame you I allowed it
Pain inside my head, I don't know how to live without it, my anxiety is going on a hundred thousand. Are you still thinking of me I really fcking doubt it. Drowning I can't breathe but I guess silence speaks the loudest
“Geet” Ashmita rushed to her perplexed seeing her daughter in law crumbled to the floor sobbing loudly. “Geet… Bete… Geet… What happened?” she enveloped her into her arms and patted Geet’s cheek.
Take this pain. Take this pain away. She begged, her chest heaved as she was unable to stop sobbing. She couldn’t even bring the words to her lips.
“Geet, bete… Kya hua hai?” Ashmita cried in concern. “Geet…” she looked around and it seemed no one else was home. “You’re scaring me, Geet. What is it?” she pleaded picking up the phone she’d dropped and dialled her son’s mobile.
Each try to his phone went straight to voicemail.
With no choice, Ashmita left a voicemail. “Come home as soon as you get this message. Geet is crying here” she cut the call tending to a still sobbing Geet. She stroked her hair and wiped her tears. But nothing helped.
Nothing could pull Geet away from the sensation of drowning.
I'm Drowning, I'm Drowning
I'm Drowning, I'm Drowning
I'm Drowning, I'm Drowning
I'm Drowning
“You are going to be the death of me” Geet mumbled watching her husband working out only in his shorts in their room.
He grabbed the towel wiping his face smirking and returned to doing some more sit ups. “You want to join me, darling?” he asked.
“No, I think I got my sweat on last night enough times” she smiled wrapping her arms around her knees watching him keenly.
“Hmm, we could get sweaty together” he chuckled.
“We could or we can shower?” she suggested climbing out of the bed.
He stopped, his eyes sliding down her naked form as she walked past him into the ensuite bathroom.
He growled hurrying up on to his feet and swinging Geet into his arms and pushing her into the shower. The sound of the showering water mixing with the sounds of her soft giggles.
Hearts been getting colder I got Devils on my shoulder, came up young and hungry now I'm only getting older. Lying got the best of me I wish I fcking told her, every inch I swim feels like I'm dragging on some boulders
“You’re so busy with work these days” Geet remarked when her husband returned late once again. His eyes tired as he lazily shucked off his clothes and climbed into bed.
“I know, I’m sorry” he apologised as he lay on the bed.
Geet sighed shifting close and rested her head on his chest tightening her arms around his body. “I missed you” she mumbled.
He hummed softly stroking his fingers through her hair.
“What is this project that is keeping you away?” she muttered. “Since you’ve returned from New York, you’ve been so busy” she pouted.
“I’ll make it up to you” he responded.
She lifted her head grinning widely, “makeup sex?”
He chuckled softly and cuddled her closer pressing a kiss to her forehead.
“Geet… Bete. Tell me what happened? Is it Maan?” Ashmita begged. “Has something happened?” she repeated and tried calling for him once again.
Again it went to voicemail.
“Maan, where are you?” she begged. “Geet is inconsolable, Maan. Come home. Quick” she left another voicemail then turned to Geet. “Bete, say something at least. Say something”.
She could not even register Ashmita’s words. How could she?
How can she continue even living when her whole world had just shattered?
OHHHH, OH, I’m drowning
OHHHH, OH, I’m drowning
OHHHH, OH, I’m drowning
I'm Fcking Drowning
“Maan…” Ashmita sighed in relief when she saw her son walking through the door.
His legs shook as he walked in slowly, his eyes focused only on the broken soul that was his wife. He kneeled in front of her. “Geet…” he whispered.
She blinked hearing his voice through the chaos.
Those sunken brown eyes boring into hers as it did earlier this evening.
“Geet, I’ve got something to tell you” he held onto her arms gently.
“Maan, you invited me over to the farmhouse to tell me something. Here, I thought you invited me to give me my make-up sex” she winked.
He sighed heavily and closed his eyes. “Geet…”
“Fine, fine” she rolled her eyes as he grew serious. “What’s so important that you need to tell me instead of makeup sex?” she giggled.
“Are you going to say something?” Ashmita looked between her son and daughter in law. “Geet… what’s happened?” she asked gently cradling her cheek.
Geet didn’t look away from her husband.
His eyes didn’t waver away from hers.
Dark spots appeared blurring her vision before she slumped losing consciousness.
“Geet” Maan moved forward pulling her into his arms and patted her cheek. He lifted her into his arms and hurried her out of the doors with Ashmita following quickly.
Maan checked Geet into the hospital and whilst the doctor checked her over, Ashmita turned to Maan with questions.
“Do you know what has happened?”
He kept silent unable to bring himself to tell his mother.
“Maan, I’m asking something” she repeated.
He closed his eyes blocking out his mother’s voice recalling the evening.
“Geet…” He stepped forward.
She shook her head and her lips trembled as she turned away running out of the farmhouse.
I'm Drowning, I'm Drowning
I'm Drowning, I'm Drowning
I'm Drowning, I'm Drowning
I'm Drowning
Bright lights assaulted her eyes when she opened them.
Why was she still living? She thought to herself. If she died, then the heavy ache on her heart would not be hurting like this.
She turned her head slightly as the door opened and her husband stepped inside.
Tears immediately welled into her eyes as she looked at him, her fingers curling into fists and she curled into herself trying to make herself small and wishing the earth would do the favour of consuming her. She wanted to disappear.
“I… I’ve sent mama home. She was insistent on seeing you” he rambled softly. “The doctor said you were going to be fine and she’d finally left”.
Stop talking please. Please. Just stop. She pleaded inwardly but couldn’t bring herself to even open her mouth to say anything.
“Geet…” he sat down on the chair besides her bed.
Geet squeezed her eyes closed in the hopes of blocking out of his voice. Her eyes stinging once again with her tears. Why me? She begged for an answer.
“Geet…” he whispered.
She turned her head away from him.
Maan sighed heavily closing his eyes before he stood and turned to walk away.
“Why?” she questioned. Her voice cracked and hoarse.
He glanced over his shoulder looking at his wife, he lowered his eyes and turned walking out of the room and dropped into the chair outside.
He squeezed his eyes closed latching onto his hair and grasped angrily.
Stretched silence was between them the following day as they walked outside towards the car. Geet wanted to run in the opposite direction, but her husband being a business tycoon meant reporters would be looking for any piece of gossip to type. She’d already made the front news of being rushed to the hospital after fainting and everyone had assumed she had some good news probably. There is no good news here.
She climbed into the car and turned her face away from him as he drove home. She curled her fingers into a fist and tried to maintain her composure.
Geet inhaled seeing the reporters waiting outside their mansion clicking photos just as he had driven through the gates. She inhaled sharply gathering herself together and climbed out of the car, she shuddered when his arms came around her protectively and he walked in.
These were the arms that kept her safe, protected, loved.
Once behind the closed doors, she pulled away from him rapidly shaking her head.
Ashmita and Savitri looked surprised.
“Geet…” Ashmita approached her, she touched her shoulder gently. “Bete, what happened?”
Geet looked at Maan, her throat suddenly feeling tight and closing.
“Please, Geet” Maan whispered.
“Maan, what is going on?” Savitri questioned looking between them.
“Sameera is back” Geet replied hoarsely.
Savitri and Ashmita looked shocked and then looked at Maan.
He lowered his eyes unable to meet his mother’s and grandmother’s gaze.
“They bumped into each other in New York during his work trip” Geet continued slowly walking to the sofa and sitting down. “They met for coffee… And… one thing led to another” she whispered. “Haina, Maan? That’s what you said, right?”
“I’m sorry, Geet” he moved towards her crouching down in front of her. “I’ve regretted and been living with that guilt for months” he muttered.
“Does that make it okay? You regret it so I should forgive you?” she questioned. “My heart is broken, my dreams, my hopes, my love for you… You shattered it all. I’m drowning here with the pain, Maan”.
“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry” he lowered his eyes unable to meet her eyes. He didn’t deserve her. Tears blurred his vision. Geet looked away from him, her heart aching heavily.
The hands, the kisses, the touches that were meant for her had touched another woman whilst she had claim on him.
“Would you forgive me if I go out tonight and sleep with someone?” she asked.
The question tore his heart.
“Geet” Ashmita gasped.
“It’s fair, na? Maan wants me to forgive him so, I should be allowed to sleep with someone else and he should forgive me, right?” she stood looking at her mother in law.
“Geet, don’t speak like that” Savitri shook her head. “Maan was wrong, but bete he regrets it. He’s asking for forgiveness” she reasoned.
“That should make it okay, then?” Geet looked at her in disbelief and looked down at Maan. “I loved you. I… I still love you. But you’ve hurt me” she cried. “I… want a divorce”.
“Geet” Maan’s lips trembled as he looked at her shattered. His mistake will cost him a life time of misery. He slumped back against the sofa cradling his face and cried softly. Hating himself. He’s destroyed his life, his marriage, his wife with a mistake.
“Bete” Savitri stepped forward. “None of you will be happy if you do this, Geet. You’re a strong woman, Geet. You can overcome this. Forgive him bete. He regrets this. He’s going to spend all his life repenting it and making up for it”.
“Dadima… How can you ask me to forgive him?”
“Bete” Savitri smiled sadly, “Time will heal your wounds, you’re going to be stronger with this. Will either of you be happy if you’re separate?” she questioned.
“It will be better than drowning and dying every day” she whispered taking step backwards shaking her head. She retreated away from them hurrying to her bedroom.
“I’ve lost her” Maan whispered, tears sliding down his cheek. “I’ve lost her”.
Ashmita crouched down enveloping her son into his arms as he cried.
“It was a mistake, mama. A mistake… She… When I saw her, I just… We shared a life together once as well and… It was just a mistake” he cried. “I love Geet. I love her so much, mama. And… I’ve gone and destroyed everything” he sobbed burrowing his face into the crook of his mother’s neck.
“You’re going to be the death of me”
She had once said that to Maan teasingly whilst he’d worked out. She had not realised that the words would ring true for her.
Today it echoed.
He was truly the death of her.
Maan had killed Geet Khurana.
“What’s so important that you need to tell me instead of make up sex?” she giggled.
“Do you remember Sameera?”
Geet frowned. “Your ex-girlfriend?”
Maan nodded slowly. “I bumped into her in New York and…”
“That’s why you’ve been distant from me?” she whispered.
“It… it just happened the once. I… I’ve been regretting it since” he responded. “Geet…” he stepped forward. He wanted to fall down on to his knees beg for her forgiveness.
She shook her head and her lips trembled as she turned away running out of the farmhouse.
He wasn’t working late, he was avoiding her.
Because he had gone out and betrayed her. Her legs shook as she ran out, she scrambled at the door handle of the car climbing inside and driving away.
Her world was bursting at it seams and it had exploded.
Geet glanced around the bedroom that was hers and his safe haven.
This room held so many memories.
She was showered with love, affection, admiration, respect in this room by her husband.
It seemed like a fantasy now.
As if someone had picked up a rock and threw it on her memories and it shattered like glass pieces scattering the floor.
“I love you” he pressed a kiss to her forehead and pressed his forehead against hers.
Their heartbeats racing rapidly and beating in synchronisation following their lovemaking.
Her heart swelled hearing those words, the soft gentleness in his voice caressed her.
She wrapped her arms around him tightly pulling him tightly.
“Geet, I’m going to crush you” he chuckled.
“I don’t care” she smiled burrowing her face into the crook of his neck. “I love you so much” she muttered. She wanted to hold onto this moment and never let go.
Dried sore eyes yet the tears managed to fill up in her eyes and slide down her cheeks once again. She crumpled down to her knees splaying her hands on the hardwood floors and cried loudly. Why? Just why! Kyun kiya aisa, Maan? I loved you!
The wound he had given her, she would not be able to overcome this.
Time cannot heal this wound.
But she could not walk away either.
Even as she said the words.
She couldn’t.
Maan had moved into the guest bedroom, he’d maintained his distance needing to give space to her. Geet had remained aloof, she’d breathed but she wasn’t living.
He had updates from his mother and grandmother, they’d ensured she’d ate and they tried to distract her from the pain of his betrayal but each passing day, she was dying.
He himself was wasting away.
Regret and disgust clouded his body, it consumed him.
Like Geet, he were drowning every passing day.
Maybe it would have been better if they had separated rather than drowning every day.
But neither of them could walk away.
Even in pain, at least they were together in the same house.
Even if they were separate, they were together.
He’d live this life.
Drowning in misery.
Unsure yet whether there will be a second part, suggestions on what you’ll like to see next...??
![One Shot - Beneath the Broken Sky [When Souls Collide]](https://img.indiaforums.com/userimages/13/7957-650527.png)
Cricket
Chakravarti Samrat Prithviraj Chauhan
Mangal Lakshmi
12