In Barfi, was Jhilmil mature enough to give consent for sex? - Page 6

Originally posted by: Stella_001

Ikr .. imagine being forced to have sex and pressurised to have kids when they clearly don’t want that and are asexual ..

My best friend had something in her community like they are supposed to do it on the first night. She was a virgin so it was hard for her. He said he didn’t enjoy and so dumped her. They are Muslims got a second wife so she divorced him. She was in so much trauma for a long time.

I knew a girl, she wasn’t a friend really but she got married and was having problems and the guy went telling everyone that she didn’t satisfy him physically...the trauma is real 🤢

Originally posted by: Mahisa22

Then maybe they come from ultra-conservative/village backgrounds. I see most people around me in happy marriages and/or relationships, even those from small towns. A roommate of mine from a small village, who has been engaged for three years, goes on three-day sexcapade weekends and regales us with tales about it. And she's far from being an exception from what I see.

Ultra-conservative people exist everywhere.

I have seen the most educated and affluent background people taunt. It’s harder if it’s hard on your parents.

Originally posted by: Autumn_Rose

I have seen the most educated and affluent background people taunt. It’s harder if it’s hard on your parents.

What kind of affluent? If it's some big business house owner then it's a whole new deal because then you are expected to marry into moneybags families. That's a whole different story.

Also, I have personally never seen or experienced the taunting part, for me or my close ones. I guess it's more common in North India than in other parts. Not everywhere in India is the same.

Originally posted by: Autumn_Rose

My best friend had something in her community like they are supposed to do it on the first night. She was a virgin so it was hard for her. He said he didn’t enjoy and so dumped her. They are Muslims got a second wife so she divorced him. She was in so much trauma for a long time.

I knew a girl, she wasn’t a friend really but she got married and was having problems and the guy went telling everyone that she didn’t satisfy him physically...the trauma is real 🤢

wtf that’s literally so disgusting 🤢

So many men in this country are so shallow that they will dump their partner just cos sex isn’t great ..

And the trauma that women faces afterwards breaks my heart

I have been part of lgbtqa+ community for quite some time and I have heard so many such stories where a woman is lesbian and being forced to a men or where women is asexual and forced to marry and have sex .. it’s terrible

Interesting question. Indeed setting the boundaries and rules for consent for autistic people can be tricky.

Anyway, there did not seem to be any hint of Barfi being asexual, in fact he seemed like a big tharki from whatever I remember of the movie but then who knows. Jhilmil maybe asexual. There could definitely be a big sexual incompatibility and most likely, Barfi was too impractical himself to think of it. These things never feature in BW because you know BW. It was a typical BW movie which doesn't consider many of the real issues and kind of wants to make us believe the grand and sweet idea of happily ever after.

And yeah there is more and more evidence to consider sexuality as fluid rather than stable, atleast heuristically. Although admittedly, the vague nature of fluidity is hard to categorize with proper empirical evidence. Hopefully a clearer picture will emerge. At any rate yeah, long periods of no sexual attraction can be regarded as asexuality. Sexuality can wiggle, usually the best judge is the person himself because of lack of proper data and a reasonable scientific consensus on the evolving labels and classification at the moment.

Originally posted by: Mahisa22

What kind of affluent? If it's some big business house owner then it's a whole new deal because then you are expected to marry into moneybags families. That's a whole different story.

Also, I have personally never seen or experienced the taunting part, for me or my close ones. I guess it's more common in North India than in other parts. Not everywhere in India is the same.

Yes, in some cultures people get married a little late so its fine I guess. I know some of my Bengali friends aren't worried about being married at 28 so, you can say that.

I'm talking about families with IAS officers, doctors kind of affluent.

If you live in a culture where being unmarried or divorced isn't frowned upon, good for you. Unfortunately not all of us are that lucky.

Originally posted by: FreeTheNipple

Interesting question. Indeed setting the boundaries and rules for consent for autistic people can be tricky.

I have an autistic person in the family and I have worked with a lot of them. They don't/can't know about sex unless they are higher functioning.. they can't have normal relationships at all. Jhilmil wasn't a higher functioning. If you want to watch an autistic person having relationship issues, read Temple Gardin's book or watch Atypical, its more realistic. Barfi is all kinds of silly.

How do you know they had sex?

Originally posted by: Mahisa22

EXACTLY. Asexuality is not having sexual desire, period. By that definition, "greysexuality" and "Demisexuality" are bullshite and do not qualify to be under that spectrum.

I wouldn't call anyone's identity bullshit.

Greysexuals and demisexuals are not asexual - but it is possible for people to experience minimal sexual attraction.

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I find that each individual has their own unique gender identity and sexual orientation. The reason we have so many new terms pop up is that every time someone is slightly different - society alienates them and makes them feel less than. So people tend to seek people with similar experiences and create an identity around them.

The day people stop getting alienated for being different and get embraced for who they are - new identities will stop spawning.

Gentle reminder folks - use person-first language. 😊

'Person with autism' is preferred over 'autistic person.' Each individual is more than their disability and cannot be defined by their disability alone.