I read the interview today that Sushant gave during Dhoni promotions. He was talking about his mother's death. She called one night at 11:30 PM crying. Sushant was studying engineering in Delhi at the time. She asked him to take some time out to visit her. He refused and said that he will come during Holi which was a couple of months away. The next day he received the news that his mother is no more. Sushant has carried that guilt since then. He didnt say so but I bet he thought that if he had agreed to meet his mom in that call she would still be alive. He also mentioned that he never cried when his mother died. This level guilt is huge to deal with that too by a young man. It wasn't his fault but he still felt guilty. He has said that he is changed person since his mother died and he has never felt the same since that day.
He also said that nothing makes him very happy. He has been battling this demon since a long time. Stop assigning blame to one person. Mental health is very complicated. There is no straightforward reason for something like this.
Sushant actually eventually dropped out of engineering shortly after that. I remember Sushant participated in Zara Nachke Dikha 2 in his earlier days (during KDMHMD days) where his group dedicated a whole dance performance for his mother and he broke down. I felt really bad. I deal with depression myself. It is a struggle but I'm fortunate enough to be living with my family and parents. When you are depressed, living in isolation can make it so much more worse. Why was he living alone when so many people were aware of his depression?!.Especially during this pandemic when you can't really do much to divert your mind.
Let me say this. Suicide is often looked at as a cowardly step and I see many people asking "why did you do this" or "this is not the way out". This is not the way to respond. Suicide is not an easy decision. Imagine being so broken and feeling so lonely that you feel there is nothing worth living for. You go to the extent of harming your longest companion, your own body. That is dark and you require someone to be there with you or check on you. It can be hard to love someone who suffers from depression because at times, they will not be the most pleasant individual. Not because they want to be that way but because they are suffering so much that they don't know how and where to channel their emotions. I speak from experience. I'm just shocked that people were aware of the fact that Sushant was suffering from depression and seeking counselling and on meds and still allowed him to live alone. A trigger only takes a fleet second.
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