Thank you everyone for such overwhelming response. Before I start I would just say this is not just an ordinary story. Neither Maan nor Geet are perfect people here. they are both imperfect and here's a story of few people who are no where near perfects. This is the story of their flaws...their imperfections...their incompleteness. Do comment and press like. They inspire me to write better. In case anyone wants pm please add me as buddy.Awaiting your honest opinions.
Please stay safe everyone. Let's do everything that is in our power to help people who need it in these turbulent times. Take care everyone.
Part 35
One step forward
It has been a week from the night Maan had impulsively kissed her but Geet couldn’t forget the night even if she tried. She had refused to notice their growing intimacy. If Geet was being honest with herself then they had always had this strange connection between them. Even that night in Darjeeling they had felt the pull.
Geet considered herself a moral person. Yet, even in the face of inexplicable pain she did give in to her baser instinct. But was it just that? Sex? And nothing else? Then why did it feel like so much more.
Pari was observing Geet minutely. Geet was disturbed. And somehow Pari knew that her father’s health was not the reason. Something else was disturbing geet.
“Geetu, are you well?”
Geet looked up startled. She had been so deep in her thoughts that she had forgotten that Pari ws in her rooms.
“Pari, I don’t know what is going on.”
“I assume you are not talking about your father?”
“No. Papa is …. If not okay,then getting there. He doesn’t need our constant supervision. Brij bhai is handling Mother dearest. No, I wasn’t talking about either of them.”
“Then may I assume that you are talking something about your little two-day stay at the Khurana's?”
“Yes, I am. Maan’s sister Annie was so welcoming. His Daadima was so loving and considerate of My and Muskaan’s need. I don’t know Pari. I don’t know why they were so good to me? Were they expecting something from me in return?”
Pari smiled sadly. She had a guess as to why Maan Singh Khurana’s family were so good to Geet but Geet wasn’t ready to hear them.
“Geetu, being kind and nice to your house guest is the normal thing to do. People does not always have ulterior motive to be kind.”
“You know Pari what I understood staying at Maan’s?”
“No. What?”
“I have no idea how a normal family functions. I watch Daadima support Annie and I feel as if I am in a fantasy world.”
“Not everyone is like your mother Geetu. You have seen how my mumma has always been there for me? “
“I confess I always thought you to be exception. It was a blow to my attitude to realize that I was the exception. I… Pari, I need to understand how normal works. If not for myself then for Muskaaan. I think I am going to take up on Maan’s advice. I need some professional help. I hope…. I hope people don’t think I am crazy or something.”
Pari just scooted near to where Geet was sitting and smiled a sad sort of smile to her.
“Geetu, there are a lot of people in this world who are daily seeking therapy to help them. It is not a sign of insanity. It is like talking to a friend and getting things into perspective. Only because your therapist is a stranger he or she will not judge you. Sometimes, it is easier to unburden yourself to a stranger. Just promise me, you will give it an honest shot.”
“I promise Pari. I think I am realizing everyday that our upbringing had affected me in more ways than one.If I am ever to function like a normal human being, I need to get over my past traumas.”
“I think the fact that you are even acknowledging your trauma instead of accepting your guilt as you had been trained to by your mother is a step forward. You were so used to being blamed for everything that you blame yourself for everything that goes wrong. That you acknowledge the culpability of others makes me happy.”
“You always did try to make me accept that it wasn’t my fault. I am grateful for your friendship Pari. I always had been.”
“There’s no ‘thank you’ in Friendship my dear. I was merely being your friend.”
They each smiled tentatively. Pari wanted to change the topic to something lighter and what better than The Maan Singh Khurana.
“Hey Geetu, so tell me something? What is really going on between you and Maan huh?”
Pari had meant to only tease Geet and lighten the mood. But Geet’s blush suggested that something was truly going on.
“No..nothing is going on between me and Maan. We are just friends.”
“Uhuh! I totally believe you.”
“Sarcasm doesn’t suit you Pari…”
“And you are a horrible liar Geetu…...Come on, it’s me. I have known about your most embarrassing moments. What could be worse than you having crush on Yash’s friend and falling down the stairs because you weren’t paying attention?”
“Did you have to bring it up Pari? I didn’t even know you knew about that.”
“Yash told me. Come on, tell me.“
“The thing is Pari, I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t know what is going on. All I know that in his arms I felt a kind of safety that had eluded me for years. I am confused.”
“Well, there’s no hurry. It’snot like you have a deadline. You take all the time you need to figure this out. “
“But what about Maan? Is it fair to make him wait only to deny him?”
“Did he ask you to hurry up or give positive response?
“No… On the contrary he wanted me to get well. He did not want me to pressurize me into anything.”
“Then what is the problem Geetu?”
“I feel guilty. I feel guilty for not reciprocating his feelings. Though he had never said the words Pari I feel like his every action is an act of love. But I can’t love him back. And that makes me feel guilty.”
“Stop this nonsense at once Geet! What is there to feel guilty about?”
“I don’t know Pari. I can’t tell you why I feel what I feel. I just… I just feel so guilty.”
Geet was silent and thoughtful for sometime. It took a lot of effort to organize the chaos that was her head.
“I think, what it comes down to is myself, not him. I have always craved a deep abiding love. And I feel like Maan… Well maybe it is a wishful thinking but I feel like Maan has the strength to love me like I want to be loved. The fact that I cannot even think about returning the sentiment makes me feel guilty because I guess I know the pain of being unloved by your loved ones. I never thought I would inflict that pain upon someone else.”
Pari took her time to reply Geet. She knew that the answer was important for Geet.
“Geetu, Love doesn’t come with conditions dear. If it was conditional, then you would have stopped loving your mother years ago.”
“I feel nothing for Mrs. Handa Pari.”
“That’s a lie and we both know it. If you didn’t love your mother so much, she wouldn’t have the power to hurt you. But let’s talk about Maan. Geetu, the fact that you cannot even think about being with him means you are not ready. Don’t rush your feelings. Let them develop and if someday you can feel like you love him you guys can plan a life. But let it be because you love him and not because you feel guilty of not loving him. Maan had his own set of problems in his first marriage that I am sure he needs to overcome. So stop worrying and just concentrate on healing first.”
“Why does everyone keep telling me that?”
“If everyone is telling you the same thing maybe you should listen to us. Geetu, for once in your life prioritize yourself please.”
Geet nodded with a pensive expression. Pari left her to her thoughts. She was late for her work.
*******
Rehaan hated legal formalities.But Maan was busy updating Annie on the project at Darjeeling. It is going to be Annie’s first project and she needed all the help to understand the things.Annie was leaving Mumbai. Rehaan didn’t know why but both Maan and Ann had promised to fill him in tonight.
There’s just two years of age gap between him and Annie and he tended to act more like an irritating friend than supportive elder brother. No, that was Maan’s role. But he couldn’t help but feel that Ann is going through some internal struggle. Was he really soused to having fun and hoping Maan would take care of everything that he didn’t even know what was going on in Ann’s life?
That thought didn’t sit well with him. Maan had always been a pillar of support to both of them, always taking care of everything. It was easy to let Maan do it but recently he could see the effect of all this on Maan.
Rehaan decided that it was time he took more responsibilities in the running of the company. The empire was huge and Maan needs his support. More importantly, for years Maan had been taking care of everyone around him. Time has come that somebody will take care of Maan for a change.
Hence, here was Rehaan at Arjun’s office dealing with things he hated. Legal formalities regarding a construction site.
He came out after two long hours and he was tired. How did Maan make all this look so effortless was a magic in itself. Suddenly he noticed the rather frazzled receptionist. She was no stranger. It was Pari.
Smiling he went and stood in front of her deciding to make a bit of small talk.
“Hey…”
Pari was not having a good day.The other receptionist was on leave and she was the one handling everything singlehandedly. She was too busy and did not notice who exactly was talking to her.
“Hello Sir, May I know if you have an appointment or are you here to make one? What kind of legal help do you need?”
“I don’t know about legal needs but what do you think of having lunch with me? Your lunch break is about to start right?”
Pari looked up to see Rehaan smiling at her. During their vigils at the hospital they had forged a tentative friendship with each other. She smiled her first genuine smile since coming in this morning.
“Rehaan! did you come to meet Arjun or something?”
“Yes, I had a meeting. Quit stalling. Let’s go and grab a quick lunch.”
“I can’t. The other girl is on emergency leave. Maybe some other day.”
“Okay. But I will hold you onto that promise. How about on Friday? “
“Friday sounds good.”
“Okay madam. But I won’t hear any excuses that day. I will be here and we can have lunch and talk.”
“Okay Rehaan, we will. But you look troubled.”
“I won’t lie to you. There are things that are troubling me. Maybe, I will tell you all about them. I feel like I am going to need a friend.”
“We all need a friend or two sometimes Rehaan. I promise to listen.”
They smiled. Sometimes having a friend to listen to your problems is all you want.
Part 36
Different ways of moving on
Annie was impatient. It has been a week from the day she had broken Vicky’s heart. She was busy learning so she could help Maan Bhai with his Darjeeling project. The project was well on its way and all she would need was to supervise. Maan bhai had assured her that he was just a call away in case of problems. She will leave Mumbai in another week or two. She needed to meet Arjun and have a talk with him too.
Annie pondered on her feelings for Arjun. While she was sure that Arjun will always have a place in her heart she was not sure she can ever handle the way Arjun treats her like a little girl. Arjun had always been around her as Maan bhai’s best friend. It was understandable that Arjun had some protective instinct for his best friend’s little sister.
But the problem is that she is not that little girl anymore. She had grown up and Arjun still seems to treat her like she was a teenager. Their relationship cannot have a future in such unequal footing.
But more importantly, did she want a relationship with him anymore? Frankly, she was not sure anymore. Annie stopped her mind from going down that route and started to focus on the present. Arjun was supposed to be here by now. She will give him another ten minutes before leaving. She asked the waiter for a cold coffee with icecream hoping Arjun would show up.
Arjun walked in five minutes later. He looked exhausted and Annie felt a bit remorse for her unkind thoughts. Annie smiled at him as he sat opposite her.
“Hello Esha.”
“Hello Arjun. Please call me Annie if you don’t mind.”
Arjun was silent for a bit before nodding in aquisence.
“Okay Annie, now will you tell me why you asked to meet me here?”
“I came here so we could talk.But you look exhausted. I would postpone if I could but this discussion needs to happen.”
“I won’t deny, past few days have been very hectic for me. But I can see that what you have to say is important. Please continue.”
Annie took some deep breaths to collect her thoughts. A part of her wanted to bail out but this discussion needs to happen.
“Arjun, you remember that the last time we talked about us I told you that we can’t just continue from where you left off.”
“I do remember. And I understand I guess.”
“Well, I did a lot of soul searching. And I have come to a decision. The fact is Arjun that a lot has happened after our break up. I am not that naïve little girl anymore. I grew up a bit; enough to know that I have some more growing up to do. It was wrong of me to jump into a relationship with Vicky when I knew that I hadn’t dealt with my emotions regarding us. “
“So are you saying that you broke up with Vicky?”
“Not for the reason you think.”
“What am I thinking?”
“You are thinking that my breakup is so that I can go back to us.”
“Aren’t you?”
“I am not.”
“Why?”
“If you let me finish instead of this rapid fire you would know.”
“Sorry Annie. Please continue.”
“I won’t deny Arjun that I still have a soft spot for you. You don’t forget a serious relationship. But a lot has happened. I won’t nag you about my complaints but let me just tell you this much; you hurt me. You hurt me in a way that had me questioning my self worth.I was so badly shaken that I had absolute no confidence in myself. And the reason you hurt me stems down to in some part because you still saw the little girl I was when you became friends with Maan bhai. You still see me as someone you should protect. Basically you don’t respect me as an individual and you don’t see me as a strong woman. “
Annie took a sip of her cold coffee. The ice cream had almost melted but she drank it just to have something to do.
“I get it Arjun. It’s difficult to think that the little girl you knew grew up. But I did. And I need a partner who would respect me and treat me as an equal.”
“I promise I will change Annie.Just give me a chance. After all Vicky is out of picture now.”
“That is the thing Arjun. Vicky is not out of picture.”
“You just told me you broke up with him. I am confused.”
“So am I. On one hand I have you who I must concur I love but who treats me condescendingly. On the other hand,there is this amazing friend Vicky who is a dream come true and almost perfect partner except that I seem to have a build a barrier that I can’t cross. So I have decided that I am going to stay single for the time being. I need to sort out my emotions. I need to stop feeling guilty for breaking Vicky’s heart. I need to let go of my anger for your actions. And only then I can decide between you guys.”
“So that’s it then? You want to have some time?”
“Yes. I need time and space. I ask you to give me that. I have already told Vicky what I told you. Just one thing. I can’t offer you any hope right now. I don’t know what I will decide,whether I will ever come back to you. I am not emotionally capable of making that decision right now. I need to heal. I am not even sure what I will decide once I come to that point.”
“How long will this go on Annie?”
“I don’t know Arjun.”
“How is it fair to me? You want me to put my life on hold for you for an indeterminate time and at the end you will decide whether or not you will give me a second chance? It may as well turn out that you go back to Vicky and I will be left with nothing.”
“It doesn’t seem fair does it?But I must do right by myself. I need this time. If you are unwilling to wait for me or take this risk, then there will be no hard feelings. I will remember our past happily and move on. I am not offering you any hope and if you don’t want to put your life on hold on a mere chance then I will respect your choice to move on. But whether you wait or not, I will need time away to sort myself out. Rest is up to you.”
Arjun watched Annie. This was the first time Arjun realized that Annie had truly changed. She was not that girl he thought she was.
“You have changed. The old Annie would have acted differently.”
“True. But nobody remains same.We change everyday a little. I hope I have grown up more matured in the past year. I know what I am doing might not make sense to you Arjun but I think it is important for me. And while I am away please give a proper thought as to whether or not you are invested enough to make some changes.”
“What do I need to change?”
“You need to start respecting me and treating me as your equal. I cannot be with you otherwise. This is not any promise to come back to you. But if we are to ever have a healthy relationship then we have to be equal. “
“I didn’t take you for a feminist Annie.”
“Arjun I have a feeling that you have some growing up to do as well. So do yourself a favour and grow up. I make no promise that I will ever come back to you. But if I do, I demand respect and trust. If you are not capable of giving that or even waiting for me to come to that decision, then there’s nothing stopping you from moving on. Whatever your final decision is I wish you good luck with the next chapter of your life.Goodbye Arjun.”
Annie rose and started leaving the restrauant. Arjun stood up and held her hand.
“I am sorry Annie; I shouldn’t have said that about you being a feminist crap.”
“That is the sad fact Arjun. We woman asking for equality and respect are termed as feminist as if it is some taboo. I am proud to be a feminist Arjun and I will settle for nothing less.And if you can’t understand that then you truly need to grow up. Anyway there is nothing more left to be said. I hope you will respect my wishes enough not to force any communication between us.”
Annie pulled away her hand from Arjun’s grip, left some money to pay for her coffee and left the restrauant. Ina way she was glad she had this talk with Arjun. Now she can start moving forward in life.
******
Rehaan was sitting alone waiting for Pari. Pari was a punctual one and was right on time. Rehaan was strangely subdued. Pari stopped her useless chatter and asked him seriously,
“What’s wrong Rehaan? You are way to serious.”
“I can be serious.”
“I know. But you are almost sad.Is everything okay?”
“I guess I am suddenly coming face to face with the fact that I am inherently a selfish man.”
“I am sure all of us are selfish. We just vary in degrees.”
“Pari, I don’t remember my mother. I think Maan is the only one among us who has any coherent memory of his parents or my mother. Dad had been so busy protecting a business empire so vast that he didn’t have much time for us. “
“I know Rehaan. I have heard as much from Brij veerji. But these thoughts are nothing new right?”
“I guess. Pari, for as long as I can remember, Maan was the one for me. He was the elder brother I didn’t have.As soon as he could he helped dad with business. I joined as well and tried doing what I could. But in the back of my mind I always had this thought that if anything goes wrong Maan is there to make everything okay again.”
“That’s how elder brothers are Rehaan. They are the support that if anything goes wrong they would be there to sort things out.”
“I am not a kid anymore Pari. Where I should have been supporting my brother by taking away his burdens here I am still expecting him to help me out. Maan never let any of us feel his burdens Pari but I could feel him being wary. My brother looks way older than he is. I don’t even remember the last time he took a vacation. Heck I can’t even remember when he had fun last time. And I am such a selfish piece of shit that I didn’t even notice this. What does that make me?”
“I don’t know you or Maan enough to comment on your dynamics Rehaan. But I do know something about sacrificing elder brother trying to feel the parents’ shoes. Maan doesn’t see you as selfish. I can bet anything that he sees you as having fun before you take up the real responsibility. He is trying to make you take the responsibility gradually instead of having it thrust upon you like himself. I am sure he is just protecting you.”
“So what should I do?”
“Why don’t you talk with Maan. Share with him your doubts and tell him that you are now there for him as he has been there for you all your life.”
“That sounds awesome. You are a gem Pari. Yash was one lucky guy.”
Hearing Yash’s name suddenly surprised Pari. She waited for the familiar ache but nothing came. That made Pari smile.
“Thank you.”
“Nobody really talks to you about Yash right?”
Rehaan’s eyes bore into hers and it was impossible to lie.
“It was too painful at the beginning. And later, I was too selfish with his memories.”
“My dear friend, sharing helps.I am sure you had some wonderful years. How would you celebrate him and the life he led if you keep him hidden? Talk about him, enjoy the funny moment and the loving ones. Just because he is gone doesn’t mean you stop celebrating the life he had.”
Pari’s eyes were filled with unshed tears. Many have told her to move on but nobody understood her core problem like Rehaan. She was afraid that moving on meant forgetting Yash.
Rehaan understood her unsaid words and repeated them.
“Moving on doesn’t mean you forget your past. It means that you remember your past and smile instead of crying.”
“So you are not going to lecture me about moving on with someone and stop wasting my life with memories.”
“Staying single doesn’t mean you waste your life. I am single and I don’t think I am wasting my life. By all means enjoy being single as long as that makes you happy. I am pretty sure Yash would want you to be happy in whatever path you choose. But don’t make him an excuse to be sad. Love him but make that love your strength to live not the reason you stop living.”
Pari smiled. It wasn’t a happy smile that used to dazzle Yash once upon a time. But she had a feeling she was moving in the right direction for the first time in years. It was a first tentative step but a step nonetheless.
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