Thank you everyone for such overwhelming response. Before I start I would just say this is not just an ordinary story. Neither Maan nor Geet are perfect people here. they are both imperfect and here's a story of few people who are no where near perfects. This is the story of their flaws...their imperfections...their incompleteness. Do comment and press like. They inspire me to write better. In case anyone wants pm please add me as buddy.Awaiting your honest opinions.
I am safe. Few of you asked me and thank you for that. I am sorry for the delay but I was out of station and had few busy days at the beginning of this month. I thank God I returned back safely before the lockdown started in India. I request everyone to please stay safe and practice social distancing. Wherever, in whichever part of world you all are, please be safe. Let's pray that we can soon control this pandemic and start getting back to what used to be normal life. Frankly Normal sounds awesome right now.
Part 34
Self awareness
Geet finished her dinner almost silently. Maan had his in between feeding Muskaan. It seemed that Muskaan had not slept in the day because her eyes were droopy. After washing her mouth Maan carried her to the living room. He knew that Muskaan needed sleep. Annie could read her brother’s unsaid words and took an almost sleepy Muskaan in her arms.
“I will take care of her bhai. You need to take Geet back to hospital.”
“Thank you Ann. I will ask Rehaan to collect a bag for both Muskaan and Geet. I have a feeling Geet needs to stay here.”
“For her father or for you?”
“For herself Annie. I have a feeling she needs time and space to make some life choices. She cannot do that while still worrying for Muskaan, her father or anyone else.”
“I don’t understand Bhai but I will help you if you need.”
“Just lay off on Geet to be with me and that will be help enough.”
“You don’t want something more with Geet?”
“The question is not about me Ann. Geet is not ready for anything. There is a lot of stuff about Geet that you don’t know and no, I am not going to tell you about it. You will just have to trust me. What Geet needs right now is a friend. I want to be that friend.And I don’t care if that’s all I am to her even in future. Geet needs to heal.I will do my utmost to make sure she heals.”
Annie smiled and nodded before taking Muskaan and going towards her room. Annie thought,” Maan bhai don’t have any idea how much he loves Geet or even Geet loves him back. But with time maybe they will see the truth that is right in front of their face.”
Maan took Geet to the guest room she was in.
“Geet, get ready. We need to get to the hospital.”
“Why are you so good to me Maan?”
“Do I need to have a reason for being a decent human being Geet? You have been hurt badly by your parents, Dev and Meera. I think you forgot that what I am doing is nothing out of the ordinary.”
“You helped me in NJP with Muskaan when you could have gone alone. You helped me by baby sitting Muskaan when Dev and I needed to talk. You are helping me now and you want to help me get counselling. You say that nothing of this is out of ordinary?”
“I am your friend Geet if not anything else. Friends do these things Geet. They help other friends. Why did you help out Pari cope with Yash’s passing away when your own marriage was facing trouble? Because you cared about Pari. Why is it so difficult for you to realize that I care about you and want to help you?”
“Because nobody could care about me. If my mother can reject me, my husband of ten years can reject me then nobody can care about me. I can’t depend on anybody else. Maan, don’t you get it? People leave me like my mother, Dev, Meera and even Yash bhai. I am alone Maan.”
Maan just knew his words won’t matter so he pulled her towards him and pressed his lips on hers impulsively.Her words had proved how shattered she truly was and he wanted her to know that he was there holding her till she can walk alone again.
The kiss caught Geet by surprise. She wasn’t ready but soon she started responding. Kissing Maan while they were intoxicated was good but kissing him now was even better. She could taste him without tasting the whiskey. The kiss soon turned intense as Maan pulled Geet into his arms. He didn’t want to let her go but he knew that he had to. He slowed the kiss and soon was pecking her lips. He held her in his arms.Her hair was in disarray and her eyes held the trepidation.
“I don’t care what you have believed for so long but you are wrong. Brij and Pari loves you and they are by your side. Yash would have done almost anything to survive and be there for you and Pari. Even I guess your father is there for you in his own ways. But most importantly, you deserve love my dear. You deserve to be loved and cherished so much that all your doubts can be put to rest.”
Geet watched him for few moments before asking him a question.
“Why did you kiss me Maan?”
“Because when you were telling me how everybody leaves you and nobody cares about you I wanted you to have no doubt about my feelings for you.”
“Your feelings? What are your feelings?”
‘I love you’… Maan wanted to shout at her but she was not ready for that yet. So he said the next best thing.
“I care for you Geet and I will always be there for you. We can be friends now and when you are ready we can think about being more.”
Geet looked up at him unable to believe what he was saying. If she was hearing right. Maan was ready to have something more than friendship with her and she felt utterly unprepared.
“What if…. What if I am never ready Maan? I am too damaged and I have too much baggage. I don’t trust people Maan. I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop Maan. What if you wait and then I can never be more than friends? What then?”
“Then I will just be your friend sweety. It will be an honor and prieviledge to be your friend. I am not in this with any conditions attached. Now go and get ready so we can go to the hospital. Annie will take care of Muskaan. She is already asleep.”
Maan pressed a soft kiss on her forehead and left the room. Outside her closed door Maan had to lean on the wall for support. He had been actively denying anything more than attraction for so long that it was like a breaking dam when he accepted his feelings.
Maan sighed. Right from the moment Maan had held her in his arms after making love to her, he knew that what he felt for Geet was more. That night he knew her vulnerability, her pain and her heart break. But as the year went by she was frequently in his thoughts. By the time he met her at the court he was searching for her. He had no way of knowing who she was as all he had known was that she was some Geet from Darjeeling. Their meeting at NJP was providential for him.
He was in awe of her strength,her integrity but most of all her ability to get up after a fall. He knew in his heart he was in love with Geet. But he cannot rush. Geet was simply not ready for more. It would have to be friendship for now.
******
Vicky was nervous. Annie had called him to meet at her place. He knew that he had said that he would let Annie decide their fate but he didn’t want to lose her. Annie was special to him. Annie was his first friend. Annie always had a special place in his heart.
It was not that Annie was his first love or even second. He had his set of crushes and two girlfriends but Annie was different. Annie was his best friend. He had never even realized that he loved Annie for the longest time. And now that he knew what they could have togather letting go would be very difficult.
Vicky found Annie walking out on her garden. Annie was not well. Her shoulders were tensed and her smile was missing. Tentatively he walked to her and called out.
“Hey Annie.”
Annie turned and there was guilt in her eyes and shame. He knew right then that his heart is going to get broken. In an almost whisper he asked her the dreaded question.
“You chose him didn’t you?”
The devastation in Vicky’s expression almost made Annie change her decision but no! Vicky is going to get more hurt if she prolongs this any longer and he deserves better.
“Oh Vicky! No my dear, I didn’t chose him. But I can’t choose you as well. I was wrong Vicky. I was so very wrong. The truth is, I didn’t give myself time to get over Arjun. I was lonely and I loved your companionship. I loved how you cared for me and I loved your strength. But I was still in love with Arjun. I didn’t deal with my heartbreak,I just used you as a crutch. But it was wrong Vicky. You didn’t deserve it.”
Annie took a deep breath.Hurting Vicky hurt her as well. His eyes had lost all shine and tears were threatning to spill over. She felt that she was worst sort of monster for hurting him.
“Annie… Can’t you give us some more time? What we have feels so special. “
Annie smiled a sad smile. She held Vicky’s hand softly. He automatically wrapped his fingers around hers. It felt so perfect to hold his hands but he deserved to be loved fully.
“Vicky, I love you. But I am not in love with you yet. The reason is not you, Vicky. You are awesome. Sometimes I wish I had never met Arjun so I could love you fully. But, if I hope of ever loving you truly then I have to stop searching for Arjun in you. I have to let go of my emotions I have locked away after my break-up with Arjun. I need time Vicky and space.”
Annie looked around. She was searching for right words to tell Vicky. She didn’t want to give him false hopes but she also did not want him to be hope less.
“Vicky, I need to break up with you. We came togather for wrong reasons and that would always impact our relatioship. You would always wonder if you were my second choice. I would always wonder about ‘what if’s. I am letting you go Vicky. You deserve to beloved fully and I am currently unable to give that kind of love to you. I need time and space to sort myself out first.”
Vicky smiled that sad smile. The tears that were in his eyes rolled down but he was unashamed of his emotions.
“Can’t you have that space without breaking up?”
“No Vicky. I won’t allow you to suffer any longer. I have already hurt you enough. I don’t know if I am capable of loving again. But you shouldn’t have to put your life on hold for me.”
“I will happily wait for you.”
“I can’t make any promises Vicky. It may as well be that I go back to Arjun or meet someone new. Don’t make me anymore guilty by waiting for me. I know I am breaking your heart. I know you deserve better but most importantly I know you love me. But my feelings are to confusing at the moment and I am not capable of making any kind of promises.”
“So in a way you are chosing Arjun? He always had your heart. “
“No Vicky, Arjun has lot less than you have. But I need to be free of any guilt to make that choice. I have already hurt you enough. You deserve either my whole heart or a chance to have that with someone else.”
“There can be no one else Annie.I understand where you are coming form Annie. But you have to understand me too. You need time and space; I give you that. But don’t tell me what I should do mean time. Go. Settle your emotions and do whatever you need to do get better. But my love is not so fickle that few months can make it go away. When you come back I will be here and I will fight for you Annie. Just make one promise. If you feel that you cannot go back to Arjun, you would give me a fair chance of winning your heart. I have never asked you for anything Annie, so give me this.”
Annie didn’t know what to do but this was something she could give to Vicky.
“Okay Vicky, I promise that if Arjun is gone for good I will give us a fair chance. But I am not sure of anything yet. So you promise me, if you find someone new you won’t wait for me,you will move on.”
“You cannot find someone if you are not searching for. I will wait Annie. You have the right to chose whom you love Annie but even you don’t have the right to stop me from loving you. Take care my dear. And do remember, I am always there for you. “
Vicky looked at Annie with a desperation that made Annie ache in a way she was not sure was possible. She went near him and raised her hands. She hesitated just a bit before wiping his tears away.
“Vicky, I am honored that a manlike you love me so much. I wish you would find happiness. I know I am being selfish but I need to be selfish right now. I know a simple ‘sorry’ doesn’t change anything but for what it is worth I am sorry I hurt you so. I hope someday you will forgive me.”
Annie’s own eyes were filled with tears and she closed her eyes trying not to spill them. Vicky raised his hand and slowly wiped her tears.
“I won’t lie Annie. You are too important to me to lie. I am hurt and some part of me blames you. But I also know that I love you. Take care of yourself and if it is not too much do let me know how you are from time to time. I…. I don’t want to lose you completely.”
Annie looked into his eyes and nodded.
“Annie, I know it is not right….That you are no longer my girlfriend, that you don’t love me but…”
“What is it you are talking about Vicky?”
“If this is the last moment we can ever be togather can I get something to remember you by? Can I have one last kiss Annie?”
Annie had only one answer to his question. She put her hand on his shoulders, raised herself a bit and pressed her lips onto his. The kiss was hauntingly intense as if they were sharing whatever was left unsaid with that one kiss. For Vicky it was like collecting the last few moments to last a lifetime. For Annie it was a realization of how much Vicky actually means to her.
They tried prolonging the moment as much as they could but finally their last moment of togatherness came to end. Annie pressed one last kiss on his cheek and said,” Good bye Vicky. Have a great life ahead even if it is without me.”
“Be happy Annie…. Just be happy.”
He turned and left without looking back just so his despair could be hidden from her. But she knew him too well to realize exactly why he didn’t look back.
I will try to update as frequently as I am able...
Pati Patni Aur Panga
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