JOKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Q: "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
A: "Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area."

• The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

• When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped. --Marcel Achard

• Q: Why do people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older.
A: They're cramming for their finals.

• Q: What is a man's idea of helping with the housework?
A: Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.

• Q: What's the difference between women and government bonds?
A: Bonds mature.

• I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
She said, "Somewhere I have never been!"
I told her, "How about the kitchen?"

• Wife is sweet, when she is new. Sweeter, when she is true. And she is the sweetest, when she is someone else's wife.

• Salesman: This computer will cut your workload by 50%.
Santa: That's great, I'll take two of them.