The trappings of a wedding - Page 2

Originally posted by: asmaanixx

I understand your point to a certain extent. I think I'll understand it a lot more when it's my time to get married. From where I stand right now, I'm not in favor of all these rituals. It's more of a hassle really, but that's besides the point.

When Babita was looking at some lehnghas online, she told Minnie how no one had asked her for her opinion and just did whatever they wanted. Which I find strange considering it was her wedding. But even for this wedding, I don't see Babita anywhere. It's just Minnie running around doing everything while Babita cries. 🤔 I get that the bride is supposed to relax but thoda sa toh kar hi sakti hai na? 😕

You're right about Babita seeking validation from materialistic items. She has a rocky faith in the people around her, so she has resorted to getting it from objects, thinking she can exert a certain amount of control on them. Alas, these objects too will fail her as in the case of the mehndi not being dark enough. 🤔 Babita needs to learn that these so called signifiers like the color of one's mehndi have no bearing on the depth of people's emotions. Whenever I put mehndi on, it comes out so dark and I have yet to find someone who likes me, let alone loves me. While in her case, her mehndi may be light but it's not reflective of HS' immense love for her.

These social conditions, as you put it, have been ingrained into us so hard and into the tiniest of things, it's actually quite shocking. I hope Babita tackles this and is able to break out of it.

@bold: Aww this just made me smile 🤗😆....You're a cute one😆

This topic of social conditioning is a touchy one....patriarchy runs very deep in society so it's hard for many to even realize what they've been conditioned towards. Everything gets cloaked in romanticism so people don't always realize what they've been conditioned for.

Baaki toh yes, opinions are subjective on this.....some find the rituals and taam jhaam a hassle, some revel in them to feel like a princess😆....I guess I personally don't have patience for superficial taam jhaam....I belong in the camp that feels these rituals only have meaning if everyone is happy together....warna koi faayda nahin and faaltu ka load upar se.....lol

Originally posted by: AreYaar

My point is that the need for getting assurances from all these cosmetic rituals is a mirage created through social conditioning.....it has zero impact on what actually happens in your marriage, in your future.

Since the show is anyways taking such progressive stances on so many points, I just wondered if they would show an inclination to tackle this as well.....to help a Babita rise above needing assurances from cosmetic rituals.

These rituals should enhance your relationships....not dictate them. That's all I'm saying.

i understand what you are saying, but just that when the time actually comes, ppl behave emotionally, not logically.

tackling such issues is needed, but i feel this is on a personal level as well- like what your heart says. heart says it doesnt matter and it will not, heart says it matters and it will.

and these rituals, nobody really thinks about them later - they are just in a few memories, albums and recordings - but at that moment in time they freak you out - seen it man. crazy brides are a pain. even grooms these days can be a pain. 😆

Originally posted by: sanam912

I won't speak from marriage POV but from what I have understood is that (bear my incoherent thought process) ...

As you all say, Babita has been conditioned from that young age .. this conditioning has been so superficial .. to behave a certain way, to please all, log Kya kahenge .. cosmetic behavior of being all good .. that leaves anyone's personal feelings repressed .. And she was merely 17 .. when a girl child marries it's like a mitti/clay that can he given the form that you like .. She was never taught to reason with or raise her voice to ask even ..

Unfortunately that has only LED her to stay in that time .. in that mindset .. she could never evolve into a woman that she needed to be for this marriage..

Hence, somewhere I feel that CVs are trying to bridge that gap by addressing those insecurities/feelings .. It's like a step by step advancement in feelings to reach a level (breaking the shackles) for this marriage ..

But honestly, I am now interested in watching this progress of HS as well .. he too needs to break free the shackles .. khair this is second topic ..

Not sure if I made any sense here

I completely agree with your points....yes, the issue is that she wasn't ready for marriage the first time, she's been repressed for a long time since and this second marriage is meant to be like a catharsis for her to address a lot of bottled up issues.

I guess the epi today just made me think about social conditioning regarding the romanticizing of weddings so I blabbed about it.....lol I know most girls don't think like this.....most people do end up getting too caught up in the cosmetic trappings of things because that is the expectation....ki shaadi ke baare mein aise socho, aise karo etc. etc.

Originally posted by: shruti_luvs_msk

babita was never ready even for the first marriage. had she been more mature her first marriage would not have fallen apart, or atleast she would not have been in the situation she is now.

it is true that such a young girl is impressionable and it will take time for her to let go of these feelings. this is not just from her experience as a wife from the past 17 years, but as a girl for 25-30 years. she has probably seen her mother do the same.

True .. and I see her as the 17 yr old girl in the body of a 35 yr woman/mother .. Hence the girl-child and a woman-child now .. but nevertheless a child still .. Hence all those dreams of having all the frills with the marriage and the beliefs that come with these functions .. It's a twisted feeling .. It's more about these functions and not her happiness .. but then her happiness also lies in fulfilling the unfulfilled dreams from her first marriage/ceremonies

And I won't be surprised when she tries to fulfill those dreams with HS in this marriage

Originally posted by: AreYaar

I completely agree with your points....yes, the issue is that she wasn't ready for marriage the first time, she's been repressed for a long time since and this second marriage is meant to be like a catharsis for her to address a lot of bottled up issues.

I guess the epi today just made me think about social conditioning regarding the romanticizing of weddings so I blabbed about it.....lol I know most girls don't think like this.....most people do end up getting too caught up in the cosmetic trappings of things because that is the expectation....ki shaadi ke baare mein aise socho, aise karo etc. etc.

it is good that you started this topic. makes me think about it. and i agree about getting caught up. i dont even have a guy in my life and i already think about shaadi main aisa hoga, waisa hoga... i guess it is a dream you want to live - perfect partner, perfect relation, shaadi, rituals, happy life.

personally i know everything will never go so smoothly, and maybe every bride does, so the desire to have atleast a few days which are perfect and exactly as per their wish is strong. like these few days are absolutely like you want, only what you want, no one else.

Originally posted by: shruti_luvs_msk

i understand what you are saying, but just that when the time actually comes, ppl behave emotionally, not logically.

tackling such issues is needed, but i feel this is on a personal level as well- like what your heart says. heart says it doesnt matter and it will not, heart says it matters and it will.

and these rituals, nobody really thinks about them later - they are just in a few memories, albums and recordings - but at that moment in time they freak you out - seen it man. crazy brides are a pain. even grooms these days can be a pain. 😆

@bold: This I completely agree with👍🏼.....we do have the power to decide what matters in our heart but again, social pressures make it hard to truly self-reflect....most people just carried away in the bahaav of general expectations....it's easier than taking the time to know your heart always.....lol

And the rituals....lol wohi toh irony hai.....baad mein you won't even think about them....so why jalaao your khoon so much in the present like the world will end if rituals don't go perfectly? It just doesn't make any logical sense😆

But as you said, I guess it's about emotion, not logic.....lol

Originally posted by: AreYaar

I completely agree with your points....yes, the issue is that she wasn't ready for marriage the first time, she's been repressed for a long time since and this second marriage is meant to be like a catharsis for her to address a lot of bottled up issues.

I guess the epi today just made me think about social conditioning regarding the romanticizing of weddings so I blabbed about it.....lol I know most girls don't think like this.....most people do end up getting too caught up in the cosmetic trappings of things because that is the expectation....ki shaadi ke baare mein aise socho, aise karo etc. etc.

You are absolutely right .. Thats what we all have fantasised about marriage/ceremonies .. big fat wedding, best of clothes/jewelry .. arms/legs filled with dark mehndi .. dance moves .. etc .. all teh frills that doesn't leave us any minute to enjoy ourselves .. the charade is for others than ourselves .. That's our social conditioning ..

But for this show - I was just mentioning above that for her it is fulfilling her unfulfilled dreams/desires from her first marriage .. it was about this and not her happiness in finding the right partner .. but then her happiness also lies in these frills ..

As a child she still hasn't matured to rise up these superficial things and find her true happiness .. which is being with him

Originally posted by: sanam912

True .. and I see her as the 17 yr old girl in the body of a 35 yr woman/mother .. Hence the girl-child and a woman-child now .. but nevertheless a child still .. Hence all those dreams of having all the frills with the marriage and the beliefs that come with these functions .. It's a twisted feeling .. It's more about these functions and not her happiness .. but then her happiness also lies in fulfilling the unfulfilled dreams from her first marriage/ceremonies

And I won't be surprised when she tries to fulfill those dreams with HS in this marriage

yeah, i have time and again said that she is a 17 year old young girl still waiting to fulfil those small dreams in the body of a 35 year old mother.

those dreams could be as simple as her husband speaking lovingly to her, getting a rose, jsut sitting and listening to her talk, listening to old romantic songs together.

it doesnt have to be big dreams, just small wishes and desires. and she should fulfil these dreams with HS - why not? its not like she lost those dreams after ashok left, just that she suppressed them. and those dreams arent related to ashok - they are related to her husband.

now its 2 am and im sleepy. off to hanita dreamland and hopefully some of my dreams will be fulfilled onscreen.

i dont know how the weekend will pass with no new episode.

my ❤️ breaks on every friday. monday it is again in 1 piece🤣

Originally posted by: shruti_luvs_msk

yeah, i have time and again said that she is a 17 year old young girl still waiting to fulfil those small dreams in the body of a 35 year old mother.

those dreams could be as simple as her husband speaking lovingly to her, getting a rose, jsut sitting and listening to her talk, listening to old romantic songs together.

it doesnt have to be big dreams, just small wishes and desires. and she should fulfil these dreams with HS - why not? its not like she lost those dreams after ashok left, just that she suppressed them. and those dreams arent related to ashok - they are related to her husband.

the simple things .. Isn't that what every girl/woman asks for ???