The trappings of a wedding

Desi culture is so utterly immersed in the pageantry of weddings, that people many times lose sight of the larger picture of what marriage is.....because a wedding is just a ceremony....marriage is a bigger project.

Even now, I see the characters in this show and ofcourse, many of the fans so very excited about the wedding ceremonies....lol....forgetting that there is a much larger picture at play here.....the marriage itself.

Mini is excited about the wedding because it's symbolic of a new beginning for her mother.....it's almost like organizing the wedding of your fav. doll.....for Mini, it's a bit like that.....her mother is her jaan....so she wants to decorate everything as beautifully as she can, make it as pretty as possible.....make the ceremonies happy.....because she hopes that will give her mother happiness.

Babita too has been brought up like every girl to weave dreams of weddings, the clothes, the jewellery, the ceremonies, the trappings.....all of it is designed to make you feel like you're living a fairy tale.....but that isn't exactly how it goes.....which is where many ppl falter....they get so focused on the ceremonies, the trappings that they forget to focus on and brace themselves for what actually lies ahead.....it's easier to focus on clothes and jewellery and decorations than think about how to manage relationships I guess.....lol....but all these trappings are fleeting....sab 2-3 din mein khatam.....marriage continues on for much longer.

So now Babita is fretting about mehendi ka rang....because it's supposed to be your fairy tale and everything needs to be perfect, mehendi needs to be dark warna oh no, sab khatam....pati pyar nahin karta....lol

And HS on the other end is also enjoying the ceremonies cuz his Veer Balika is working so hard to organize everything.....everyone seems happy....toh aage ka abhi kyun sochna? 😆

I suppose these ceremonies are designed precisely to distract people....so that rituals give ppl something to focus on beyond their own life ke real issues.....lol but reality comes calling sooner or later.

Because Babita too is using the rituals and whatever they symbolize as an extension for her insecurities....what happened during her wedding with Ashok is weighing on her wedding with Hanuman simply cuz of a ritual....the color of mehendi.....the rituals that are supposed to give you happy distraction for 2-3 days instead become the cause for further stress? Phir kya faayda is sab pageantry ka? 😆 I wish that was the message the writers would give.

I still haven't watched the episode so my reply will be short.

While these rituals may have had a significant meaning for the older generation, nowadays I see it as nothing but a business. The maiyyan, mehndi, haldi, sangeet etc., they all exist to make the woman feel more relaxed and welcomed into the new family. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't see any of these rituals designed for men. Any woman will feel scared leaving the comforts of her own home and entering a foreign space.

In Babita's case, I don't see the physical space as being the problem. Rather, it's psychological. She has to mentally move on from Ashok and rest of the Khuranas and enter into this relationship whole heartedly. As you mentioned, these rituals exist only for two to three days. But when you really look at it, even that's not necessary. If they desired, HS and Babita can get married in court. These little functions isn't what's making them happy. It's the fact that they have chosen to commit to one another. Of course, there's a lot of wrinkles that need to be ironed out, but with time, patience, and effort, they'll make it through.

Originally posted by: asmaanixx

I still haven't watched the episode so my reply will be short.

While these rituals may have had a significant meaning for the older generation, nowadays I see it as nothing but a business. The maiyyan, mehndi, haldi, sangeet etc., they all exist to make the woman feel more relaxed and welcomed into the new family. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't see any of these rituals designed for men. Any woman will feel scared leaving the comforts of her own home and entering a foreign space.

In Babita's case, I don't see the physical space as being the problem. Rather, it's psychological. She has to mentally move on from Ashok and rest of the Khuranas and enter into this relationship whole heartedly. As you mentioned, these rituals exist only for two to three days. But when you really look at it, even that's not necessary. If they desired, HS and Babita can get married in court. These little functions isn't what's making them happy. It's the fact that they have chosen to commit to one another. Of course, there's a lot of wrinkles that need to be ironed out, but with time, patience, and effort, they'll make it through.

Yes, that was probably their original purpose....to ease the apprehension of beginning a new life, going to a new place. But today, it's not just about the business.....Babita is almost from a generation ago when it wasn't a business and it wasn't even ancient days like she's going from one village to another after marriage.....she literally got married into the same city.

No, the issue is about conditioning again....girls are conditioned to put way too much stock in the "fairy tale" aspect of the ceremonies and rituals rather than simply enjoying them as a means of joy and laughter with the family.....so that creates a kind of pressure I think.....the pressure to have a "perfect" outfit, perfect mehendi, perfect jewellery etc.....and if anything doesn't match up to perfect, haaye main toh gayi types.

For Babita, it's again a mix of feelings....she's been married before....and the last time she got married, she went through all these fairy tale rituals....that conditioning is so strong, it weighs on her second wedding too....didn't she mention in some scene that the first time she got married, no one asked her choice in anything from clothes to jewellery? So she is putting so much emphasis on clothes, jewellery, mehendi this time because she seems to think that if she fixes that by doing it on her terms, everything will fall in line, she will feel better......and if a small thing goes wrong....like a mehendi ka color not being dark, then again it's a bad omen which supposedly doesn't bode well.....because she had bad mehendi last time and subsequently a bad marriage, so it must mean the same this time also......I just feel it's sad that girls are conditioned to put so much stock into all these cosmetic things.

I don't doubt that HS-Babita will iron it out with time, patience etc.....but I was just struck by this thought today while watching the precap.....and just Babita's general demeanor in these ceremonies....despite getting to make her choice for the cosmetic trappings of the wedding this time, she still isn't being able to fully enjoy herself....it's not just the Lovely thing.....I feel she is falling into the same vicious cycle again.....looking for validation from the wrong sources.....ab mehendi se validation chahiye.....lol

Ah well, the journey continues.

i agree with both of you.

marriage is such a big step into another world that a bride and her family use these rituals as an assurance.

everything from calling a pandit to fix the date, to the color of the dress - usually red as a symbol of suhag, to the bangles, payal, sindoor, mangalsutra, mehndi, blessings from God are designed to assure the bride and her parents that she will stay happy and blessed.

all these assurances become very important to the bride specially in an arranged marriage or second marriage.

babita is still scared which is understandable, she cannot forget everything in such a short span of time.

and we need to remember that men have always broken her trust - whether her dad who could not stand up to societal pressures, her husband who ditched her, or her brother who humiliated her.

despite how much she loves HS and trusts him and knows he feels deeply for her, she needs these symbols to assure herself. even after that call with HS she needs these assurances. she wants everything to be different from her marriage to ashok and hence her fears.

Originally posted by: AreYaar

Yes, that was probably their original purpose....to ease the apprehension of beginning a new life, going to a new place. But today, it's not just about the business.....Babita is almost from a generation ago when it wasn't a business and it wasn't even ancient days like she's going from one village to another after marriage.....she literally got married into the same city.

No, the issue is about conditioning again....girls are conditioned to put way too much stock in the "fairy tale" aspect of the ceremonies and rituals rather than simply enjoying them as a means of joy and laughter with the family.....so that creates a kind of pressure I think.....the pressure to have a "perfect" outfit, perfect mehendi, perfect jewellery etc.....and if anything doesn't match up to perfect, haaye main toh gayi types.

For Babita, it's again a mix of feelings....she's been married before....and the last time she got married, she went through all these fairy tale rituals....that conditioning is so strong, it weighs on her second wedding too....didn't she mention in some scene that the first time she got married, no one asked her choice in anything from clothes to jewellery? So she is putting so much emphasis on clothes, jewellery, mehendi this time because she seems to think that if she fixes that by doing it on her terms, everything will fall in line, she will feel better......and if a small thing goes wrong....like a mehendi ka color not being dark, then again it's a bad omen which supposedly doesn't bode well.....because she had bad mehendi last time and subsequently a bad marriage, so it must mean the same this time also......I just feel it's sad that girls are conditioned to put so much stock into all these cosmetic things.

I don't doubt that HS-Babita will iron it out with time, patience etc.....but I was just struck by this thought today while watching the precap.....and just Babita's general demeanor in these ceremonies....despite getting to make her choice for the cosmetic trappings of the wedding this time, she still isn't being able to fully enjoy herself....it's not just the Lovely thing.....I feel she is falling into the same vicious cycle again.....looking for validation from the wrong sources.....ab mehendi se validation chahiye.....lol

Ah well, the journey continues.

I won't speak from marriage POV but from what I have understood is that (bear my incoherent thought process) ...

As you all say, Babita has been conditioned from that young age .. this conditioning has been so superficial .. to behave a certain way, to please all, log Kya kahenge .. cosmetic behavior of being all good .. that leaves anyone's personal feelings repressed .. And she was merely 17 .. when a girl child marries it's like a mitti/clay that can he given the form that you like .. She was never taught to reason with or raise her voice to ask even ..

Unfortunately that has only LED her to stay in that time .. in that mindset .. she could never evolve into a woman that she needed to be for this marriage..

Hence, somewhere I feel that CVs are trying to bridge that gap by addressing those insecurities/feelings .. It's like a step by step advancement in feelings to reach a level (breaking the shackles) for this marriage ..

But honestly, I am now interested in watching this progress of HS as well .. he too needs to break free the shackles .. khair this is second topic ..

Not sure if I made any sense here

Originally posted by: AreYaar

Yes, that was probably their original purpose....to ease the apprehension of beginning a new life, going to a new place. But today, it's not just about the business.....Babita is almost from a generation ago when it wasn't a business and it wasn't even ancient days like she's going from one village to another after marriage.....she literally got married into the same city.

No, the issue is about conditioning again....girls are conditioned to put way too much stock in the "fairy tale" aspect of the ceremonies and rituals rather than simply enjoying them as a means of joy and laughter with the family.....so that creates a kind of pressure I think.....the pressure to have a "perfect" outfit, perfect mehendi, perfect jewellery etc.....and if anything doesn't match up to perfect, haaye main toh gayi types.

For Babita, it's again a mix of feelings....she's been married before....and the last time she got married, she went through all these fairy tale rituals....that conditioning is so strong, it weighs on her second wedding too....didn't she mention in some scene that the first time she got married, no one asked her choice in anything from clothes to jewellery? So she is putting so much emphasis on clothes, jewellery, mehendi this time because she seems to think that if she fixes that by doing it on her terms, everything will fall in line, she will feel better......and if a small thing goes wrong....like a mehendi ka color not being dark, then again it's a bad omen which supposedly doesn't bode well.....because she had bad mehendi last time and subsequently a bad marriage, so it must mean the same this time also......I just feel it's sad that girls are conditioned to put so much stock into all these cosmetic things.

I don't doubt that HS-Babita will iron it out with time, patience etc.....but I was just struck by this thought today while watching the precap.....and just Babita's general demeanor in these ceremonies....despite getting to make her choice for the cosmetic trappings of the wedding this time, she still isn't being able to fully enjoy herself....it's not just the Lovely thing.....I feel she is falling into the same vicious cycle again.....looking for validation from the wrong sources.....ab mehendi se validation chahiye.....lol

Ah well, the journey continues.

I understand your point to a certain extent. I think I'll understand it a lot more when it's my time to get married. From where I stand right now, I'm not in favor of all these rituals. It's more of a hassle really, but that's besides the point.

When Babita was looking at some lehnghas online, she told Minnie how no one had asked her for her opinion and just did whatever they wanted. Which I find strange considering it was her wedding. But even for this wedding, I don't see Babita anywhere. It's just Minnie running around doing everything while Babita cries. 🤔 I get that the bride is supposed to relax but thoda sa toh kar hi sakti hai na? 😕

You're right about Babita seeking validation from materialistic items. She has a rocky faith in the people around her, so she has resorted to getting it from objects, thinking she can exert a certain amount of control on them. Alas, these objects too will fail her as in the case of the mehndi not being dark enough. 🤔 Babita needs to learn that these so called signifiers like the color of one's mehndi have no bearing on the depth of people's emotions. Whenever I put mehndi on, it comes out so dark and I have yet to find someone who likes me, let alone loves me. While in her case, her mehndi may be light but it's not reflective of HS' immense love for her.

These social conditions, as you put it, have been ingrained into us so hard and into the tiniest of things, it's actually quite shocking. I hope Babita tackles this and is able to break out of it.

Originally posted by: AreYaar

No, the issue is about conditioning again....girls are conditioned to put way too much stock in the "fairy tale" aspect of the ceremonies and rituals rather than simply enjoying them as a means of joy and laughter with the family.....so that creates a kind of pressure I think.....the pressure to have a "perfect" outfit, perfect mehendi, perfect jewellery etc.....and if anything doesn't match up to perfect, haaye main toh gayi types. - apart from conditioning, it is one of the happiest days of your life, starting a new phase of life, so you want everything perfect. every bride goes through a lot of emotions and fears. babita is no different. i dont think here it is about conditioning, it is more about starting a new phase of life without any glitches.

For Babita, it's again a mix of feelings....she's been married before....and the last time she got married, she went through all these fairy tale rituals....that conditioning is so strong, it weighs on her second wedding too....didn't she mention in some scene that the first time she got married, no one asked her choice in anything from clothes to jewellery? So she is putting so much emphasis on clothes, jewellery, mehendi this time because she seems to think that if she fixes that by doing it on her terms, everything will fall in line, she will feel better......and if a small thing goes wrong....like a mehendi ka color not being dark, then again it's a bad omen which supposedly doesn't bode well.....because she had bad mehendi last time and subsequently a bad marriage, so it must mean the same this time also......I just feel it's sad that girls are conditioned to put so much stock into all these cosmetic things. - i feel all brides put a lot of thought into what they want to wear and since she didnt get to fulfil her dreams the first time, she wants to fulfil them now. the mehndi color is actually used a lot in marriages so it is understandable that she is worried.

I don't doubt that HS-Babita will iron it out with time, patience etc.....but I was just struck by this thought today while watching the precap.....and just Babita's general demeanor in these ceremonies....despite getting to make her choice for the cosmetic trappings of the wedding this time, she still isn't being able to fully enjoy herself....it's not just the Lovely thing.....I feel she is falling into the same vicious cycle again.....looking for validation from the wrong sources.....ab mehendi se validation chahiye.....lol - i feel she wants validation from her inner self. she is happy but confused. happens a lot in second marriages, you get flashbacks of the first time and getting married a second time is more difficult and scary than the first. first time you atleast have an idea of a fairy tale, but the second time around, even that is not there and you are absolutely clueless what to expect.

Ah well, the journey continues.

Originally posted by: shruti_luvs_msk

i agree with both of you.

marriage is such a big step into another world that a bride and her family use these rituals as an assurance.

everything from calling a pandit to fix the date, to the color of the dress - usually red as a symbol of suhag, to the bangles, payal, sindoor, mangalsutra, mehndi, blessings from God are designed to assure the bride and her parents that she will stay happy and blessed.

all these assurances become very important to the bride specially in an arranged marriage or second marriage.

babita is still scared which is understandable, she cannot forget everything in such a short span of time.

My point is that the need for getting assurances from all these cosmetic rituals is a mirage created through social conditioning.....it has zero impact on what actually happens in your marriage, in your future.

Since the show is anyways taking such progressive stances on so many points, I just wondered if they would show an inclination to tackle this as well.....to help a Babita rise above needing assurances from cosmetic rituals.

These rituals should enhance your relationships....not dictate them. That's all I'm saying.

Originally posted by: sanam912

I won't speak from marriage POV but from what I have understood is that (bear my incoherent thought process) ...

As you all say, Babita has been conditioned from that young age .. this conditioning has been so superficial .. to behave a certain way, to please all, log Kya kahenge .. cosmetic behavior of being all good .. that leaves anyone's personal feelings repressed .. And she was merely 17 .. when a girl child marries it's like a mitti/clay that can he given the form that you like .. She was never taught to reason with or raise her voice to ask even ..

Unfortunately that has only LED her to stay in that time .. in that mindset .. she could never evolve into a woman that she needed to be for this marriage..

Hence, somewhere I feel that CVs are trying to bridge that gap by addressing those insecurities/feelings .. It's like a step by step advancement in feelings to reach a level (breaking the shackles) for this marriage ..

But honestly, I am now interested in watching this progress of HS as well .. he too needs to break free the shackles .. khair this is second topic ..

Not sure if I made any sense here

babita was never ready even for the first marriage. had she been more mature her first marriage would not have fallen apart, or atleast she would not have been in the situation she is now.

it is true that such a young girl is impressionable and it will take time for her to let go of these feelings. this is not just from her experience as a wife from the past 17 years, but as a girl for 25-30 years. she has probably seen her mother do the same.

Originally posted by: asmaanixx

I understand your point to a certain extent. I think I'll understand it a lot more when it's my time to get married. From where I stand right now, I'm not in favor of all these rituals. It's more of a hassle really, but that's besides the point.

When Babita was looking at some lehnghas online, she told Minnie how no one had asked her for her opinion and just did whatever they wanted. Which I find strange considering it was her wedding. But even for this wedding, I don't see Babita anywhere. It's just Minnie running around doing everything while Babita cries. 🤔 I get that the bride is supposed to relax but thoda sa toh kar hi sakti hai na? 😕

You're right about Babita seeking validation from materialistic items. She has a rocky faith in the people around her, so she has resorted to getting it from objects, thinking she can exert a certain amount of control on them. Alas, these objects too will fail her as in the case of the mehndi not being dark enough. 🤔 Babita needs to learn that these so called signifiers like the color of one's mehndi have no bearing on the depth of people's emotions. Whenever I put mehndi on, it comes out so dark and I have yet to find someone who likes me, let alone loves me. While in her case, her mehndi may be light but it's not reflective of HS' immense love for her.

These social conditions, as you put it, have been ingrained into us so hard and into the tiniest of things, it's actually quite shocking. I hope Babita tackles this and is able to break out of it.

@Bold - me too 😆

When Babita was looking at some lehnghas online, she told Minnie how no one had asked her for her opinion and just did whatever they wanted. Which I find strange considering it was her wedding. - not at all strange, happens a lot even today in small towns and considering babita was married in 2002, it is absolutely understanadable.

But even for this wedding, I don't see Babita anywhere. It's just Minnie running around doing everything while Babita cries. I get that the bride is supposed to relax but thoda sa toh kar hi sakti hai na? - this time it is more psychological. she doesnt actually want to choose her things, just the satisfaction that she can get what she wants. no one will say you cant have this dress or jewellery, no one will stop her.