| Closure |
"Haan. Sahi keh rehe ko. Ki thi maine shadi unse, tumhare liye. Haan. Sahi keh rahe ho. Shadi nahi ek deal ki thi unse, tumhare liye. Haan. Sahi keh rahe ho. Paiso se nahi tumse pyar karti thi, isliye mani unki deal. Haan. Sahi keh rahe ho, Anurag. Sab sach hai. Sab sahi hai."
His mind went back to recall the every single incident, right from the moment when Ronit had informed him about her marriage with Rishabh Bajaj to the moment when Ronit spilled the truth of the reality of their marriage, a day ago in the jail. Though he was already convinced in the jail itself, hearing from her filled him with more guilt and he was bowed down with the burden of the woes that were gifted by him, to himself and her both. Had he not impulsively ran behind Ronit, and got himself in a situation, escaping which was impossible without the conscious effort of Bajaj that she had to seek to get him out, life would have been so different for them. She would have been with him. He would have been with her. Together. Happy.
He felt horrible. Perhaps, horrible wouldn't do justice to describe the tornado of emotions rushing inside him. He shifted forward on his chair, grabbing her hand. "Bataya kyu nahi?" Did he feel cheated? Probably, he didn't. Did he feel bad? He absolutely and undoubtedly did for he kept on blaming her all along for something that she had done for him, for she had to go through it all alone. None was with her. Neither he nor her family. At least, back then, when he had chosen to get married to Komolika, his family had stood with him and stood strong with him irrespective of whatever reasons they had for the same but it hadn't been the same with Prerna. She had nobody. Nobody to talk to. Nobody to vent to. She was alone. Absolutely alone.
She let out a small laugh, swiftly pulling her hand to herself. "Nahi bataya. Nahi chahti thi ke tum lifetime khudko blame karo. Nahi chahti thi ke tum life me stuck ho jao. Chahti thi ke tum life me aage badho. I thought it would help you move on."
"Tumne soch bhi kaise liye ke main move on kar lunga?"
"Waise hi jaise tumne maan liya tha ke mai kar lungi jab tumne Komolika se shadi ki thi."
She left him tongue-tied.
"Anyways, chhodo na, Anurag. Kya farq padta hai. Itne mahino baad... iss conversation ka koi matlab nahi."
"Kaise koi matlab nahi? Bilkul matlab hai. Tum chhod do Bajaj ko. Divorce le lo. Ab wo mujhe fasa bhi nahi sakte. Ronit Switzerland ke jail me hai. There is no ground now. Tumhe divorce bhi mil jayega. Unhone tumse jabardasti shadi ki hai. Blackmail kiya hai tumhe meri vajah se. "
Despite being surprised to hear him say those words, she sat firm without letting her face make it visible.
"Kitni aasaani se tumne bol diya na - chhod du unhe. Ek baar bhi tumne Cookie ke bare me nahi socha? Aur kya bol rahe ho... blackmail... jabardasti. Na unhone mujhe blackmail kiya tha na jabardasti. Agar kuch kiya tha to wo thi deal aur jo unhone sirf aur sirf Cookie ke vajah se ki thi. Haan tab nahi pata tha. Nahi jaanti thi. Mujhe to yahi laga tha ke unhone mujhse shadi tumhe neecha dikhane ke liye ki thi lekin nahi. He is not that immature to do anything just to satisfy his ego. Jaise ki shayad tum. Jo kuch bhi tumne meri shadi ke baad kiya - isliye nahi tha, ke tum mujhse pyar karte the lekin isliye ke tum mujhe pana chahte the. Mujhe unke sath dekhar tumhari ego hurt ho rahi thi. Kitna bhi deny kar lo, Anurag, tum aur main dono jante hai - it was more out of ego and obsession than anything."
"Tum assume kar rahi ho, Prerna."
"I am not. Tumne mujhse nahi kaha tha - main tumhare paas vapas aa jaungi agar tumne Mr. Bajaj se jada paise kama liye. Nahi kaha tha? Wo pyar tha? Tumne to maan liya tha na, ke mujhe agar kisi se pyar hai to wo hai paise. 6 mahine, Anurag. 6 mahine lage tumhe ye samajh ne me ke maine jo kiya, kyu kiya. Wo bhi isliye kyunki tumhe Ronit ne bataya. Otherwise, you didn't have that trust on me, did you? Mai tumhe cheeze dikhati gayi aur tum mante gaye. Pyar me vishwas karne ke liye saboot nahi lagte, Anurag. Saboot logo ko chahiye hote hai. Apno ko nahi." She had maintained a calm tone through the entire conversation and she would really give the credit to Mr. Bajaj. She had got to learn a lot from him, in the past six months and one of those bits was, staying in control irrespective of the situation.
"Saboot to tumhe bhi lage the na jab maine Komolika se shadi ki thi. Tumhe tha mujh par... blind trust, like you are putting it?"
She smiled. She was waiting for him to raise that bit. "Exactly. Bilkul sahi keh rahe ho. Tumne mujhse pyar kiya aur maine tumse lekin ham bhool gaye, ke life me sirf pyar zaroori nahi hota. Trust, understanding and respect are equally important. Pyar to hamne kar liya but we had neither trust nor the understanding aur shayad yahi wajah hai, ham aaj sath nahi hai aur yakeen mano, Anurag - I think, this is the best thing for us. Hame unke sath rehna chahiye, jo hamari zindagi me ek thehrav late hai, jinke sath ek sukoon milta hai, jinke hone se mushkile aasan lage na lage lekin unse ladne ki inspiration milti hai aur wo na tum mere liye ho na main tumhare liye."
He hummed, restraining himself from letting out the furious frustration that was rising within him with her every word. "Wo insaan tumhare liye Bajaj hai?"
Another smile crept over lips, having already seen it coming. "Shayad haan. Shayad nahi. Main Mr. Bajaj se pyar nahi karti agar tum yahi janana chahte ho but iske pehle ki tum pucho - tumse bhi pyar nahi karti. I've realized so many things in past months when I was away from you and one of them is that, I no longer feel the same for you that I used to do. Tumhare liye ek soft corner abhi bhi hai aur wo shayad hamesha rahega. Tumhari fiqr aaj bhi hai aur hamesha rahegi. Hamesha yahi chahungi ke tum khush raho."
He inhaled a sharp, deep breath. "So, this is a closure?"
"This is. Okay then, I've to go. It's 4 O' clock. Mr. Bajaj ne Cookie ke school friends ke liye ek party rakhi hai. I wish you all the very best for your life ahead, Anurag. May you rise high as sky and may you get everything you deserve." And with that, she made an exit from the cafe they were seated in and she left with a satisfaction. She felt light. There was no more a burden on her shoulders.
•
"Good job, Ronit. I'll make sure of taking down some of the charges and you would release sooner than you otherwise would have."
She held her feet outside his study from moving further and shifted to the wall. He did it. She should have known it. He deserved a return gift for the peace he gifted her, she smiled to herself.
*
I know, I'm harsh on Anurag and I always will.
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