Today's meaningful Mishaan conversation - Page 4

Originally posted by: -phoenix-

Superbly analysed 👍🏼

@bold ... Quotes from an article...

The silent treatment is a way to inflict pain without visible bruising literally.

Research has shown that the act of ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the brain that is activated by physical pain.

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The silent treatment can tend to present itself as a response more fitting of the high road', one of grace and dignity, but research has shown it is anything but.

Kipling Williams, a Professor of Psychology at Purdue University who has studied ostracism for twenty years, explains, Excluding and ignoring people, such as giving them the cold shoulder or silent treatment, are used to punish or manipulate, and people may not realise the emotional or physical harm that is being done.'

The ability to detect ostracism is hardwired in us it doesn't matter if you're being ignored by a group or a person you can't stand, the pain still registers.

The silent treatment, even if it's brief, activates the anterior cingulate cortex the part of the brain that detects physical pain. The initial pain is the same, regardless of whether the exclusion is by strangers, close friends or enemies.

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Findings from his in-depth analysisrevealed that the silent treatment is tremendously' damaging to a relationship. It decreases relationship satisfaction for both partners, diminishes feelings of intimacy, and reduces the capacity to communicate in a way that's healthy and meaningful.

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The silent treatment should not be confused with taking time to cool down after heated or difficult exchange. Williams suggests that instead of reverting to the silent treatment, try I can't talk to you right now, but we can talk about it later.'
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Generally, it's called on as the weapon of choice because it's powerful and it's easy to get away with. There is nothing subtle about a physical or verbal lashing, but an accusation of the silent treatment, Are you ignoring me?' can easily be denied.

Silence can feel like a dignified, high road response but it's not. It's a way to inflict pain but without the physical marks.

Being noticed is so close to being loved, that sometimes they feel the same.

Being ignored is just as powerful.

https://www.heysigmund.com/the-silent-treatment/

Originally posted by: mili9

Good morning girls !!!

I hope everybody is good. First off, I had very little sleep for the last 48 hrs and if I am sounding goofy, you know why. Just came back after an arduous night, watched the episode and got irritated at different people. Tania, I hope you don't mind me talking nonsense on your post😃 And I hope your condition is coming along beautifully🤗

For once, I liked Arnav guy. He decided that he will stay strong, face the heartbreak and get on with his life. No grudges or unnecessary dramatics. Very mature indeed for a seemingly immature guy. This is why human spirit humbles you again and again as to how much grace and resilience it packs in the face of adversity. Of course, he is doing his temporary relief thing of drinking and smoking, but at least he says he doesn't care whether it is Ruhaan or somebody else for Pari, he won't be the one causing her any trouble👏 I liked parts of Su bua's gyan today, especially the stuff she said about what girls usually look for, independent, responsible guys with an identity for themselves. She raises a great point, you are responsible and you help Pari in your own ways just as Ruhaan does, but what makes you different from Ruhan is financial independence and purpose in life. These words are worth their weight in gold👏👍🏼 And it definitely should apply for both genders and I hope that she imparts the same gyan to Mishti too. The rest of the " fight for your love and make it your destiny" is bullcrap😡

I agree parts of Ruhaan's conversation to Mishti is thoughtful and meaningful, something she needs to listen, contemplate and understand. The good thing is that he waited till she cooled down, so she is receptive. But, bas karo yaar, everybody is putting her on the spot and talking to her as if she is the instigator of the third world war😡 Yes, she jumped the gun on Ruhaan, that was THE mistake/ blunder she made😲. Other than that, if she reacted violently about Pari's molestation, that was absolutely her right and duty. If she reacted to Ansh's habits, she could have toned it down. But remember, she is no parent, she herself is a young woman who doesn't understand how adolescents behave and how strong peer pressure is, to be as rational as Ruhaan is explaining her to be. Shukar manao that she didn't catch him watching inappropriate content or his drinking. But just look at it from her perspective or any one of us. If we saw a drunk guy trying to misbehave with our sister, friend, acquaintance or even a passerby, would any one of us wait to see how the victim is going to handle it, as after all they have to learn it someday or would you pounce on the guy and drag him by the collar and knock the living daylights out of him?😕 FYI, I don't condone physical violence😃, but what I am saying is wouldn't that boil your blood enough, to spring into action? Especially in your own house? But, no worries, I am OK with a more mature Ruhaan explaining to her another perspective👍🏼. That is how your loved ones and well wishers should behave and handle. My husband constantly gives me this kind of gyan as I can fly off the handle very easily in certain circumstances.

Don't care about Radhika and Pari's useless attempts and superficial conversations about appeasing Veer🤔 That is not how it works, you support your child and trust her to make the right decision. She is not some irresponsible nut for those around her to try and fix things for her. So, moving on...

What can I say about Veer guy? I think I am now able to put a finger on what I makes me so annoyed with Veer. He is your quintessential, stereotypic, garden variety male of the yester generation masquerading as a contemporary guy just because of his age. This guy is very superficial in understanding, who likes everything to be good on the surface, no matter what lava may be boiling underneath and his wish/want be carried out in all situations. I will give some examples which make me come to these conclusions.

First off, he made light of the efforts made by Mishti for the care of his mother. Think about it guys, how does that go if we were in Mishti's place? 1. If she is really faking her concern, what does this slight from Veer do to her? Humiliate her? Where is the opportunity for her to save face? 2. If she was truly concerned, as she was, can she take this lightly? You do something earnestly and the guy flippantly states that you were doing some dramatics😡I mean I would have been as mad as a hatter if I were in that place. Secondly, the gift of a car. Yes, superficially it all looks nice, but you need to know your giftee too. If she is a proud, hardworking girl, she would feel absolutely taken aback? What if she gifted that car to him? Would he have liked it? Thirdly, this fight he is dragging on. He just made Ruhaan and his self respect as a seeming data point. But in reality, he neither cares for Ruhaan nor his self respect. They had an echo of his " that is final" in one of the episodes. She rejected his suggestion of not throwing out Ruhaan from her house with a " that is final" and went on with the action. He couldn't stomach the fact that she ignored his suggestion and his ego got hurt. How dare she speak against him, do things that he forbade her to do and in the process make him lose face. This is what is bothering him. He didn't care to find out how Ruhaan is taking his humiliation, he only cared for his own humiliation. Lastly, I am totally against the silent treatment/ blackmailing the other person into submission and admission of guilt. What is Mishti apologizing to Veer? That she humiliated Ruhaan? Nahin naa? Ruhaan deserves an apology for that blunder, not Veer. Then,what is she sorry about? For her bad behavior? Towards whom? For hurting Veer's ego? She apologized and apologized ? What else is she supposed to do? Promise him that she will NEVER go against his word? We all know that is impossible😡👎🏼 If he only needed time to digest Mishti's behavior, he could have picked up that phone call or send a simple message, asking her to give him time rather than acting as if he is sulking because Mishti had betrayed him and that he needs to shun her from his life. THIS IS ALL A BUNCH OF BALONEY😡👎🏼 He had blown everything out of proportion, with the hope that Mishti remains submissive and won't dare to go against his word/wishes in the future. I hope she wakes up and doesn't give in to this nonsense now, or she is toast for the rest of his life. Imagine, when there comes a time when there is a REAL ISSUE, how is he going to deal with that? Will he go away to the Himalayas for penance, so Mishti can suffer in guilt and feel like crap for driving him away? 😡 Did I say, I can't stand this guy? Too pretentious👎🏼

OK, done with my rant. Sleep is overtaking my consciousness. Please forgive me if I wrote a bunch of nonsense, nobody can make sense. Tania, so long, my friend and take excellent care of yourself❤️