Hello all,
So the current track is disturbing me... I love Aditya and Zoya both, and I feel terrible for both.😔 They have been right and they have been wrong too... But I had to vent out Zoya's feelings somehow. I feel inadequate and inept to make analyzing posts like many brilliant people here..😳. So I decided to write an OS on Zoya only...a song fiction basically,based on "Qismat" by Amy Virk. Its a beautiful song and if you guys have not listened to it yet, make sure you do ASAP! Heres the link to the song:
LINKS TO MY PREVIOUS FAN FICS.:
BURNING OUT, FADING AWAY!
The weather was changing, and the blowing cold breeze or the ripples caused in the otherwise naturally peaceful water of the lake were the only signs of any apparent life...around...because there was no human being there, and also because the one person sitting by the banks of the lake was anything, but alive in that moment!
Sitting by the same lake where she had come many months ago with him, where they both had bid farewell to their past... she was feeling everything...and yet nothing! She was numb...shook...and yet, there was an inner turmoil that felt like a storm brewing inside her mind...and inside her heart.
Like a mechanical doll, she lifted a small, sharp stone from the ground in her hand... and then she clasped her fingers tightly around it, until the stone pinched into her skin...making tiny droplets of blood to appear on the surface of her palm. The hiss that escaped her mouth was followed by some forlorn tears, that escaped her eyes...and rolled down on her cheeks.
She looked at her now bleeding hand and felt a tiny wave of satisfaction. This was the same palm that had struck the face of that one person, whom she had trusted with her own life!
As it was, the mistakes of her past had made her already very speculative of everything and everyone... to the point that she had started doubting her own decisions. The betrayal of her dead husband, for whom, she had fought with the world, and especially her own parents... she had defied them all just to be with him... and he had left her with so much pain, that it still hurt her...even after all these months! She still ached...and her soul still cried in agony on the haunting memories of the pain of cheating and the humiliation she had to face because of his infidelity... It was extremely difficult for her to find the strength to try to heal herself... The only good thing that her husband's death did for her, was that destiny made her cross paths with the only friend she had ever made in her lifetime... The one person with whom she had fought for right or wrong...but she had fought with him... shown him her anger... The one man who had come into her life to make it hell... he was her arch enemy once...and yet, somehow, he had become her mentor...her savior, her confidante... and then her best friend! He had been like an anchor to her drowning ship... the one person who had saved her from herself... from the demons of her past... He had given her the courage to fight back... to pave her own way instead of losing herself in the sea of human beings... people whom she could never trust...
TRUST... yes... that was what she had lost... The ability to trust anyone...especially herself!
She wiped her tears... She had trusted him... He had made her capable of trusting himself... With him, she felt re-juvenated... she felt re-modeled...re-structured! She had finally gotten the confidence it needed to lead her life with dignity. He had taught her that... And then, when she had finally started to trust her decisions and capabilities to judge people, it was him who took that all away from her!
Her mentor...her friend... her everything...had betrayed her! She felt cheated...
She also felt as if she had lost her entire world!
Zoya Siddiqui was once again proved wrong in front of her parents and strangers like Arshad...
All she ever needed from him was his selfless, unconditional friendship... because with trust, Zoya Siddiqui had lost one more ability...
She had very carefully, very deliberately 'forgotten' how to LOVE! She had actually taken a very painful path to forget all about the feeling called Love.
She had been so brutally disillusioned by this one emotion that she had eradicated it from her heart and mind...
She had lost the ability to ever love someone again.
She had lost all her hopes of finding a true soulmate when all her hopes had crashed when her husband had died holding the hand of another woman.
She had gone an extra mile just to avoid ever getting near that one emotion that had destroyed her entire life...
And here she was... sitting alone by the lake that reminded her of him only... crying over the death of the purest bond of friendship... mourning the loss of her best and only friend...
Aditya Hooda had snatched everything from her today...
She only wanted his whole- hearted friendship... For once in a lifetime, she wanted to prove to everyone that she could become a great friend to someone. Subconsciously, she wanted to prove Yash, her dead husband, wrong... He had wanted friendship from her and all she had to give to him was her useless Love...
Yes... her unconditional love had been useless...worthless for Yash! She had done everything for him, but it was all futile. He had proved in front of the entire world that she was meaning-less... her emotions, her feelings, her innocence to trust him, everything had been destroyed so ruthlessly by Yash that all she was now left was... emptiness... nothingness...
And Aditya had done exactly the same thing with her today!
She had come a long way, walking on broken glass and burning coals... to find some of her self esteem back. Aditya was that Sun, that source of Light that had brought her out of her darkness... and today, he had taken all that Light and Warmth in which she had been basking all this while.
Aditya Hooda made a joke of her... Pushed her back in the darkness. He said he had fallen in love with her when she was yelling to the world defending him, proclaiming how pure he was, and how pure their friendship was!
This time, it was Aditya who had proved her wrong... who insulted her by making everyone know how dumb she had been... and how naive, again! She could not endure the look her father and Arshad had plastered on their faces. They had been right all along...and she had been wrong.
But she would have endured his love confession, she would have tried to explain to him gently... that she was not made for love... she didn't even think that she deserved to receive it from anyone. She would have remained calm, if he had not done all the wrongs that he did to Arshad! He said that he didn't want to harm Arshad...but she could not trust him anymore too...
He was not the man whom she had regarded so much...
He was a person who could go to any length, stoop to any lows, just for his own selfish reasons...
And he was selfish to confess his love like the way he did too!
His heartfelt confession had felt like a tight slap across her face...
She had broken all ties with him... She had left him standing like a shattered statue on that pavement where he had tried to explain his love to her...
She was furious... She was humiliated... She had been proven wrong again... It was proven again that she did not know how to judge people... She had been proven as the most daft person in the entire world... She had lost her self-esteem once again...she felt desolate...
She also felt like dying!
Living without Aditya Hooda in her life as her best friend was nothing but death for her!
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There was so much noise within her, and yet, the outer environment around her was the exact opposite of what she was feeling. It was calm...serene, as if it was trying to pacify her somehow, console her and make her realize something else...something very important!
She was sitting there, lost, when the silence of the environment got disrupted by a soulful voice singing a beautiful, heart wrenching song.
For once, Zoya's focus shifted towards the man with the guitar. He was sitting by the lake, just like herself. There was a patch between them, distancing them, and she could not see his face. But his voice and the melodious, painful quality of the song pulled Zoya's attention towards the wordings.
Qismat badaldi vekhi main
Ehhe jag badalda vekheya
Main badalde vekhe apne
Main Rabb badalda vekheya
Sab kujh badal gaya mera
Sab kujh badal gaya mera
Chal jar hi javangi
I have seen fate change
I have seen the world change
I have seen my closed ones change
I have seen even God change
I have seen everything that was mine change Still,
I will bear it
Zoya's breath hitched as the song felt like describing her own feelings, but the next words of the song knocked her breath out! She felt as if someone stabbed her heart with a sharp knife...
Ve je hun tu vi badal gaya
Main te mar hi javangi
Ve je hun tu vi badal gaya
Main te mar hi javangi
But if even you change, I shall die
Tears started rolling down her cheeks as she whispered the words back...
She felt like she was bleeding all over...
She actually felt as if she was dying...
Aditya Hooda had changed... He was not the same person whom she had put all her faith in...
And Zoya Siddiqui had left him...forever...
And the pain of losing him was piercing her heart like a sharp knife!
Tu aakhri umeed meri
Tutt kite jaavin na
Lutti hoyi nu ve Jaani
Lutt kite jaavin na
You are my only hope,
Don't break it
Don't rob the one who has already been robbed!
Zoya was weeping now... Aditya was her last hope... She had found life back because of him... And now, she herself had pushed him away from her, forever...
She was devastated!
Main jhooth badalda vekheya
Main sach badalda vekheya
Main badalde pathar vekhe ne
Main kach badalda vekheya
I have seen lies change
I have seen the truth change
I have seen rocks change
I have seen glass change
Sab kujh badal gaya mera
Sab kujh badal gaya mera
Chal jar hi javangi
Ve je hun tu vi badal gaya
Main te mar hi javangi
Ve je hun tu vi badal gaya
Main te mar hi javangi
Zoya dropped her head in her hands miserably... Her whole body was racking with her uncontrolable sobs...She was inconsolable now...
Aditya was like her shadow... They both shared something extremely sacred... and yet, Aditya adulterated their pure relationship with something she no longer had faith in...
He had known her inside out...and yet he had dared to bring Love in their friendship... and as if that was not enough, he also tore her faith in him... by becoming self-centered in his own quest for love.
And Zoya had torn him in return! She made sure to break his heart just like he had broken hers. She pushed him away, snatched her hand from his firm grasp... left him standing there, rooted to the ground. His eyes were shedding silent tears... his eyes were begging her to listen to the tune of his heart... but all they did was to burn her alive!
Je dena ae te dil naal
Saath devin mera tu
Je rolna vi ae te fer
Changi tarah rol ve
If you want to be with me,
Stay whole heartedly
And if you want to destroy me,
Do it completely
Main chann badalda vekheya
Taare badalde vekhe main
Haaye lod pehn te duniya'ch
Saare badalde vekhe main
I have seen the moon change
I have seen the stars change
I have seen everyone change as per need!
And Aditya had destroyed her today!
She was left barren, bleeding, bruised, and battered once again in the big wide world...
Everything had changed for her...just like before!
Zoya Siddiqui had broken once again...and this time, there was no Aditya Hooda to mend her...again...Because she had torn him into pieces with her own hands!
Sab kujh badal gaya mera
Sab kujh badal gaya mera
Chal jar hi javangi
Ve je hun tu vi badal gaya
Main te mar hi javangi
Her Sun, Her Aditya, had killed her with his fire today. He had scalded her with his heat...and now there were just ashes left of her.
Zoya Siddiqui had faded away...burnt out... Her Aditya had let her down... it was unbearable for her!
And she did not even know why her soul was crying, and why her heart was still calling just one name...
Aditya...Aditya!
😭
--------------The End-----------
(Source of lyrics: KrazyLyrics: https://www.krazylyrics.in/2017/07/19/qismat-english-translation-ammy-virk/)
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Anupamaa
