Posted:
Hi there, my self Dr.Don.
Before I start the post a few pointers or disclaimers: (Important)
- This post is the perspective of the feelings of boys in response to the predicament similar to Sameer.
- I request the readers no to get carried away and make it a gender war or personal.
- When discussing human relations (which can be as fickle as a hush of wind) no one or no point of discussion can be absolutely right or absolutely wrong.
- Please feel free to state your points if you wish to, without asserting to aggressive gender wars.
- Every person's perspective comes from their real-life experiences he/she has regarding love.
- I am not against any particular character. In fact, I am always more in support of Naina (as it's evident in my real OS)
- Real life scenarios are not always rosy when it comes to young middle-class lovers. So, this post may not be up to your liking.
My apologies for the pointers as I feel discussions related to love can sometimes take a rough route. So, felt like clarifying.
Let's start with the discussion:
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One line from Naina hit the point for me in the previous episode.
The line she said to Preeti.
"Main Sameer se Pyar Karti hoon par Itna Nahin ke Main Chacha aur Chahiji ka Bharosa Tod Doon.
This immediately makes me notice the statement she said during the back hug - "Sameer Aaj Tak Kisine Kabhi Mujhse Itna Pyar Nahin Kiya
These are two very contrasting lines delivered by the same girl in a span of few days.
Coincidentally I have seen many such real-life instances many times over since teenage over the years.
I personally went through a similar teenage phase that lasted for more than a decade.
The instances of consciously leaving your Love (with whom you have experienced joys of being in love & the affection of being cared and placed at the top of everything) are done by both boys and girls. (Due to various pressures and situations)
Due to one reason or other, they decide that all that enormous amount of love, affection, and care needs to be left behind.
The irony is there is a lot of focus and discussions when a girl is wrongly or rightly left behind by a boy.
In my school to college years, I have heard thousands of discussions where a boy was gossiped red, blue and black for leaving a girl with whom he promised a future of love.
(Please mind that I am not defending the boy's action here. I am stressing it as many will assume otherwise. My entire urge to explain my story also came from the situation of Naina in the betting phase)
Coming back to the point, I always heard so many stories on how the girl was wronged in love.
How the boy cheated on her? How did he play with her emotions? How cunning he was? Why he loved her and did not support her? How the boy did not stand for the girl in front of his parents? He is the Boy right! Why he gave tall promises in love when he cannot fulfill those? Did he not know the nature or his mom and dad before falling in love? ... The questions are endless ...
But in my experience, I hardly came across many discussions in the opposite scenario, where a boy completely in love and dedicated to fulfilling it was unceremoniously left behind or consciously abandoned by his Girl.
I am not counting my story as the experience as I was involved in it. But, barring a few, I never came across many hues and cry when a boy was ditched all of a sudden. Boys have to be strong! Right! (which is a misnomer)
From my teenage till I was professionally an established surgeon (an era from the late 90s till the point 2014) I have come across (directly, not from news anchors) 15 late teenage to early twenty love related suicides, and a dozen of professionally and personally unhappy persons - all boys.
The reason was unanimously the same: The love of their life broke the relation in the pattern of Naina.
"I do love you, but I cannot be with you because I cannot go against or break the trust of my parents"
In the same scenario if a boy gives that reason (for leaving a girl) he is immediately accused of being the puppet for his parents or vices. (Case in point Sameer or Arjun at various points in their love journey)
But a girl is considered to uphold the family tradition by sacrificing her happiness and also sacrificing the happiness of the person waiting for her.
In fact, I have noticed many girls taking pride in that fact. (Which again they have all right to put their family ahead of the so-called love)
In one such instance, my junior in the medical college was asked by her lady love of 4 years - Please, can't you understand my situation? Don't you love me enough to realize the situation of my parents?
Junior: I love you enough to stand next to you and ask your hand to your parents
Girl: No ! I cannot do this to my parents. I love you to bones but you also love me to realize that I cannot break my parent's trust. It's for your good! They will not agree
Boy: Give me a chance to fight for our love. How can you just let it go?
Girl: I will never be happy without you but, I am doing this for your good.
Girl gets married to another. (either being herself broken or making another guy unhappy as not being able to forget the love she left behind or she happily just moves on after some time)
The aspect of women is that they might appear physically frail but in reality, Women are the strongest emotionally and mentally.
Women know how to take the emotional pain head on and still survive. Majority of the Women are survivors. This trait is inbuilt in them. Happy or unhappy women are strong to survive the time and find joys in it. That's the way God made them. That's why women are the healer, mother, and a more powerful lover. (In an emotional sense)
But the boys are hopeless and weak. Boys boast of physical macho strength but emotionally many are weak and frail. When a boy makes up mind to settle and decides on the girl, there is no way back for him.
Boys do not have the inbuilt trait to adjust or control. Boys just go with the flow. On reciprocation to their love (providing its true settled down love from him) they just start building future. Crush changes to deep love. Platonic love changes to divine and sexual. The dreams of building a family. Their entire being and action are channeled in that direction.
Majority of the boys (barring a few Casanovas) fall deep and deeper into the aspirations of making the love true facing all odds (again considering they are in true love).
A boy in true love would just about do all efforts for a single validation from his life partner. Even change themselves if required.
Same is the predicament with Sameer. From an arrogant self-loving Casanova, he has fallen from deep to a deeper level of love.
With the emotional void he was having previously, he felt the love of Naina so hard that he could not stay away and finally embraced it with all his being. This is more or less the case of most of the boys, particularly the introvert ones.
In real life, the junior fell hard. He saw the girl getting married to an average guy not even settled professionally as well as him. In his mind he couldn't let go of the dreams of loving her, making love to her and raising a family with her. He could not muster the will to survive and prove to her that she was wrong in what she did by being the success he could have been.
His friends did all to Cheer him up. They even mentioned all the money he has (he was from an affluent family) and the potential hotties that will marry him.
The junior committed suicide two months after the girlfriend married. The girl who was visibly unhappy in her marriage went silent and moved on. She had to survive. (In no way I am implying that the girl is responsible. The Junior should have been strong. However, there are people who do buckle down in such situations. She must have known or felt how madly she had made him fall for her that there was no escape)
All knew the reason, but it was all hush hush. Soon people including the girl moved on. In fact, she had moved on much earlier. It's definite that she did love him with all she was. But she had the strength to bypass that love and move ahead with someone else. She seems happy now with 2 kids and her career still in the same city.
(Happiness is relative but at least she is busy in life)
In the course of all my experiences of love scenarios, I have invariably found the boys to be the weakest of all. Boys put on a lot of show, but the majority are incapable of handling the fact when a girl who was all heads in love with them, suddenly decides to put an end to it citing the most unassuming reason that she would not be able to talk to her parents regarding this.
Teenage boys are more prone to or programmed to undergo self-destruction. I don't know how but almost all teenage boys go into this mode after their "Naina" suddenly decides to end all between them. I was in the self-destructive mode for a long time in my teenage. And I don't know how I made out of it.
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It's difficult to separate who is right or wrong in this. Difficult to find the weak among the strong.
The point I am trying to make is that Boys are equally weak and vulnerable as girls. In fact more so.
Boys are usually painted as the stronger one and the Heartbreakers. It is a celebrated notion or misconception.
Boys are not always wrong.
There are many instances where a girl burdened with all the ties and family obligations starts finding happiness and dreams of being in love with a special boy. One day she finally meets that Special Boy.
She lets go of her inhibitions. She becomes the best version of herself with that boy and the boy gets addicted to making her smile and happy.
Then one fine day, when the time comes for the girl to finally make it official, the old Tied Up nature appears again. And she decides to let go of her happiness and move on leaving behind a boy who may or may not cope with the situation.
Such is the predicament of Sameer. In the Tele World, Naina will soon come running to Manao him again (after a lot of twists to irritate the fandom), but in the case of real-life Sameers, many times there are slim chances to get back to the happy zone.
N.B: I and five of my friends (which includes one top Psychiatric) regularly carry out meetings and gatherings to make the teenagers aware of the realities and practicalities of love in India and how to cope if you are in the situation of Sameer (As Naina ditches him for her family) and if Sameer Would have Cheated Naina. So, we see from a close quarter, the sweet pinch of teenage love that sometimes goes too deep.
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Anupamaa
