Posted:
Hello people... I have been relatively silent reader. But wanted to share my views regarding the current track with you all.
Well, after the last two episodes, what has really got me thinking is what is most important thing in any marriage to make it work? Is love everything? According to me, the relationship cannot survive only on love... To make a marriage work you also need trust, commitment, patience, communication and understanding.. Also, the other thing that had me thinking is what is Love? Because meaning of Love changes from person to person like for some people love is passion, for some its commitment, so on and so forth..
Now coming to Pooja and Aditya's relationship, what I have seen and understood about Pooja is that, she was a kind of woman who believed in platonic love. Filmy kind of love like dancing in the rain, whispering sweet nothings to each other, quoting poetry to her, etc whereas Aditya is more of a analytical and practical kind of guy who believes in reality. That was the main reason why Pooja felt that Adi did not love her, he just treated her like a friend. Because we have all seen time and again how much Adi actually loved Pooja. So in my opinion Pooja was wrong in thinking that Adi did not love her, the correct statement would have been Adi did not love her according to her definition of Love. Because let me confess that even my husband is somewhat like Adi, not that kiddish or happy go lucky, but yes he is very practical and analytical guy. So he really doesn't believe in giving surprises or red roses or things like that. He is of the opinion that you don't necessarily need to do all this just to show love. You love someone then you just love them. Its that simple, what is the constant need to show it and prove it? And I am not completely like Pooja living in la la land but yeah, who doesn't like bit of pampering and attention? So now, I cannot just assume like Pooja that he doesn't love me, he just treats me like a friend... Agreed, that sometimes you need to take care of your spouse's needs and it wouldn't hurt to do something just for her even if you don't believe in it or you don't find it important. But for that to happen you have got to COMMUNICATE woman. True that he is your friend so he should know what you like; but the thing is, Adi did knew Pooja likes things like poetry and all but how the hell is he going to know that these things are SO important to you that without them your marriage would face a risk at survival. You have to TALK, SCREAM your lungs out till he understands that you need these things. Period. And still if he doesn't understand then I can sympathize with you Pooja. Because any sane man who loves his wife would definitely try to change and would put efforts. BUT YOU HAVE TO COMMUNICATE. No matter what!! You just simply cannot assume things and draw conclusions. Also, coming to my question, is love everything? Looking at Pooja, she seemed like a woman who always liked to see the glass half empty. Because agreed that Adi had flaws, but at the same time he had some really good qualities and strenghts. He was loving, caring, he trusted her blindly and gave her complete freedom. You can find lot of women out there who crave for these qualities in men. But Pooja chose to concentrate only on flaws.. I never saw her appreciate a single quality of him. All she ever did was complain and crib. So, there comes my doubt, whether she would have been really happy with Yash? In my opinion, she wouldn't. Because no matter how romantic and passionate a person is, after the honeymoon period is over and the realities of life starts to sink in, the romance and the initial spark tends to fade. And with Aditya, there came some bydefault comforts and luxuries of being Hooda which she seemed to take for granted, but with Yash I am quite doubtful how much she could have coped with the crude realities of life. Agreed that she was MBA and she used to work, but there is no denying that she liked to live in fairy land. She had the priviledge of expecting romance and passion and all that from Adi because of the financial comforts and security. Being Hooda assured that you dont have to struggle and slog like middle class working people. Whereas with Yash, obviously, the romance phase was bound to end after certain time when more urgent problems like finances and daily struggles would have cropped up. Just because she understood his problems unlike Zoya doesn't necessarily mean that she was ready and capable to face them.
Now, coming to her issue about taking responsibility, I agree that she expected him to share responsibilities and rightly so. But the problem there I think was not because Adi was childish. Infact I dont completely agree to Adi being childish. Yes, he was a bit kiddish at times but not as much as he is painted to be. In my opinion, Adi was more like a happy-go-lucky guy, who takes things and situations lightly until forced to behave otherwise. Because, we have seen him behaving maturely and taking control of the situation many times with Zoya or family when the time needed. So, regarding the issue of taking responsibilities, I feel it was more of a case of taking someone granted which happens many times in relationships after certain years of togetherness. Adi took Pooja for granted which was wrong for sure but then again the key here is communication. Taking your spouse for granted is again a common problem in many marriages because after certain years of togetherness there comes certain level of comfort and habituality which results into taking your spouse for granted. So again, you need to sit and talk!! Make the other person understand that dude, enough is enough!! You cannot keep on pushing everything on me and take me for granted!! Dont always assume that I will be there to take care of everything because someday I might not be able to handle it anymore!! Instead, all that Pooja did was assume and crib. Rather than cribbing and bitching about her husband it would have helped if she would have just expressed and communicated with him... Aditya is a bit kiddish but not outright stupid for gods sake!! If she would have put in that much of efforts, I am sure he would have atleast tried as much as he could!!! She knew him since he was 12, so why couldn't she trust him with her problems and needs? Why couldn't she believe that he would do everything possible to make her happy. He did not try because you never expressed your unhappiness. What was the need to paint a fake picture of happy marriage with Adi. How did Yash and Sakshi knew she was not happy? Because she bloody opened her mouth and spoke about it. So why couldn't she do the same with Adi?
Also, our indian patriarch society and customs are to be blamed here somewhat!! Because in our society, irrespective of education, social status, financial status, we are taught since childhood that financial responsibility is the primary responsibility of the male whereas other responsibilities needs to be taken care by the woman. So even in reality, its observed that woman even if she is a working woman tends to get overweighed by the increasing responsibilities coming with the marriage whereas men of the house are happy to take care of the finances. Ofcourse this is not the case in all the families and homes. In todays modern times, couples do share responsibilties as women work and earn equally like men but the point is sunconscioudly, we have been instilled these values since childhood. So unless and until you speak up, there is no solution to it!!
One last thing which I think Pooja lacked is patience and acceptance. Because marriage is always a work in progress!!! No marriage can ever be perfect and no two people can be 100% compatible. So you need to accept that yes your spouse is not going to change completely as per your likes and wishes. And you need patience. You have to be vocal about your needs, priorities and dreams and once your spouse knows about it, you have to keep patience and you have to give them time to understand and change. Even if she knew Adi since 12, its different after marriage. How could she just assume and conclude in merely 3 yrs of marriage that he would never change!!! Even after 4 years of marriage, I still argue with my husband and try to make him understand my POV. And he still does not do everything that I want or like. So I cannot just give up on my efforts and conclude that he will never change.
So to sum it up, yes I agree that Adi has flaws and he took Pooja for granted but for the heavens sake how is a person supposed to know about his flaws unless he is TOLD clearly. Now , when Sakshi finally confronted Adi and told him everything, he understood and realised where he lacked as a husband. So why couldn't she or Pooja do it when it was needed the most? Instead of throwing that useless diary on his face now, it would have helped if they both would have opened their mouth at that time. If he could realise it now, why wouldn't have he realised then when he still had time in his hands to save his marriage?
P.S. : 1. For whatever reason, right or wrong, Pooja was not happy and satisfied with Adi, there is no way her cheating can be justified. She could have just walked out of the marriage with dignity and could have done whatever the hell she wanted with her life.
2. I don't even want to comment on her abortion and blaming Adi for it. It was plain stupid and selfish on her part. She had no right to abort the baby just because she assumed Adi wouldn't be enthusiatic enough and Adi did not love her enough!!! What kind of dilusional world do you live in woman!!!!
Phew!!!!!!! I'm finally done with my rant. Sorry for such a looonnngg post😛
These are just my opinions!!! Not intended to offend anyone. Please share your views and opinions.. Kindly No Bashing. Lets agree to disagree😃
Sorry for the typos. Not proofread😊
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