Chapter 39
Blood And Tears
Find me a dagger,
Pierce my heart
Let the blood flow
Help me depart
Dawn breaks gently
Lighting the floor
Body broken and bloodied
I am no more
~My soul bleeds and the blood steadily, silently, disturbingly slowly, swallows me whole.~
"Don't ever need anyone Khushi?, Garima had warned her daughter once. "It's when you start getting dependent on someone, you begin losing control over your life, you start handing ammunition to the person whom you need, her voice had been filled with sadness but the deeper meaning in her words had been lost on her six year old daughter. It had only been after a lot of years and seeing her father cheating on her mother that she had understood how f**ked up being dependent on someone is. Nothing is more lethal, or poisonous then the thought that you are a helpless and weak person...
Vulnerable to those whom you love...
I had come to realize at a very young age that there is no place for weak people in this world who have no ambition,or those who doesn't seek power. Sure power corrupts but who doesn't like the heady taste of success that power brings them. It's better than strong and corrupt than being a helpless and forever victim of ambitious people, who use you for their own benefit and once you had served their purpose they throw you out on your ass.
I had been helpless once as a teenager, a victim of this cut throat world, trodden on, ridiculed, mocked due to my flabby body and because of my non-existence fashion sense...
I was the girl from the wrong track, who didn't mix well with the world of socialites, and who was unable to support a size zero...
I felt the pain, the anguish of rejection, of ignorance but was unable to quit the ice-cream cakes and various assortments of desserts that I kept on piling over my stomach in my frustration. My school mates looked at me with mockery and disgust, boys jeered my flab while men lusted after my curves. They made me think that maybe I might somehow had lead them on in my naivety...
My mother once caught my father's married friend touching me inappropriately, thinking that I would be able to accommodate him while his wife of twenty years won't as I looked years older than my age.
Many days after the horrendous incident that left me with scars and a deep disgust against men, I had thought that was it my mistake that at 13 years of age I looked to be about an adult...
Perfection, that was the goddess that society looked upon to. But that is just an illusion of course. People are superficial, they try to find that goddess when it doesn't exist. It's a guise to hide their vulnerable self. Thus it is established to me that they are weaker even when they try to show themselves as powerful. For them perfection is like having a beautiful body, perfect marriage, perfect love, career and kids.
Such an irony it is that they don't know what power is...
For me the meaning of power had been quite different...
Not being helpless, not dependent on someone for my needs had been my way towards ultimate power. Getting successful at any cost was my revenge.
Hadn't someone said success is the best revenge. I took that quote seriously. Promised myself that it was the end of me feeling stupid and helpless. I desperately needed a makeover. So I began my journey...
But it didn't come without pain. I had my own share of feeling low, wanting to give up and sometimes I would be too weak after a workout to lift myself up and try again the next day. It had been a grueling routine that I put myself into, exercising, battling with my poly cystic ovarian syndrome body, my thyroid and hormonal problems. Sometimes I would pull a muscle, hurt my knee or bruise my spine but the fire of revenge kept burning inside me. I kept on going, until I was fit, mentally and physically. And then I began my revenge...
It's fun to play with people who had been there all your life, trying to demotivate you, throwing snide comments or mocking you for your imperfections. I manipulated their minds, teased and tortured them then seeing them reduced to jealousy and burning before my eyes, I enjoyed their plight. My classmates who had mocked me once and most of them who were married now, I tore away the semblance of their so-called happy marriages, showed them the mirror by seducing their husbands...
It was only the beginning of my revenge...
Their darling husbands had hated their wives fat, pregnant bodies,and were out for some fresh young blood...
Men love what they can't access and once they can access it, the glory, the challenge that comes with that object is lost to them...
And after all what are women, if not an object to a man...
But I am no fan of cheating, so I kicked them out after having fun with them. I had never played dangerously, whenever the game would become too risky for me, I would withdraw my hand from it...
I pitied my classmates for what they had become. The fire was gone from their eyes, the cold ashes of their dreams, lay scattered in their tired faces. They were discarded women, soulless, passionless, who had lost themselves under the shadows of their husbands. Karma is sure a bitch and that bitch had given me immense power. They saw me as they had never seen me before, a woman who feared nothing...
A woman who was powerful enough to carve her own niche in life...
I had earned my success and my independence with my blood, sweat and tears at the thought that no one could take that away from me. I had been my own motivation, my own support and like a lone wolf I had traveled the path towards glory...
If someone would ask me how did I survive? My answer would be revenge...
I had to live because I wanted to return the pain with interest to those who had done nothing but mocked my existence...
For years I woke up crying, in pain, due to the nightmares that they gave me. But I carried on, my revenge gave me breath and life. I wanted to become their nightmare. They had no right to destroy my sanity, my belief in humanity. They took away my innocence, destroyed my childhood. I am broken but I do know how to gather up my pieces and fight back...
Animals fight, when they want to survive, so does humans...
I am no hero, I am a monster. To fight them I chose to be like them...
Heartless and manipulative bitch...
It's so ironical that I don't even depend on men for sex, whenever the desire struck me, I would masturbate myself to sleep...
But I am not invincible, I am not powerful enough to have what I have always craved. I still fear losing my independence...
I know I can bear any pain, any hardship except the fear that someday I might have to be helpless before a human being...
That would be the end of my life, I wouldn't want to live anymore...
Khushi regarded Arnav's shocked surprise with a satisfied smile. The loss of his control had only lasted for a minute. He was still now, his arms that were caging her body, rigid at his sides, the muscles tensed, vying for self-control. In the incandescent glow of the lightning filtering through the windows, his eyes looked almost black, pure unadultered lust glittering clearly in their ebony depths. The buttons from his torn shirt had pinged away, some of them rolling away on the floor to vanish in the darkness... 
"f**k me, her crude command registered in his paralyzed mind and a wave of uncontrollable desire, rouse inside him, causing his arms to almost buckle beneath him with the onslaught...
Blood pounded, sweat broke out on his forehead and his heart seemed to be like a hot poker, branding his ribcage...
Lightning forked down outside, like a giant white snake, its tongue, almost touching the window panes...
"You know you want to, Khushi was purring, arching her body beneath him like a feline cat, testing his control. He closed his eyes in pain, wanting to get away from her, yet wanting to f**k the life living daylights out of her. "What are you waiting for handsome?, she growled running her instep along his trousered calf, impatient with his inactivity. He could feel her hot breath whispering across his face as she rouse on her elbows, staring penetratingly into his haunting visage, looking for a weakness, a chink in his armor...
His eyes opened, glaring back at her, vulnerable, reflecting the turmoil he was trying to hide inside him...
The thundered shrieked, windows smashed against the walls, and a giant tree uprooted somewhere, its groan vibrating in the darkness as it crashed down, depicting its echoing pain of loss...
Her arms snaked around his neck, pulling him downwards, stroking his cold lips with her tongue, trying to prise them open. And he knew he could no more amputate his arms than turn away without responding to her caress. After all he was a man and he could only curse at his weakness. But regret would come later, he thought clenching his jaw...
The wind howled like an angry mother, after the rain that gushed inside the room, like an uncontrollable child, huge droplets pelted Arnav's back, soaking through his torn shirt which flapped around their heads, like a flag. He gave a coarse oath and tore his shirt of his body. Khushi writhed beneath him, her naked body wrapping around him like ivy. He could only detect the faint shadow of hair between her pale alabaster legs, illuminated by the lightning. Transfixed, he placed his fingers over the unguarded flesh and it throbbed, its heat calling for him like the call of the siren...
"Come on, Khushi hissed, egging him on, fingers busy, unbuckling his belt. Arnav raised his eyes to her face, her own eyes looking at him impatiently, a feline smile curling over her lips...
Clouds thundered, and the wind screeched as if in approval, carrying great gusts of rain inside. Soon they both were drenched to the skin.
"Damn you, he whispered, his rage matching the thunder roaring outside...
"You wanted this didn't you?, his tone was accusing, face filled with condemnation. "Yes, her smile widened. He gritted his teeth, trying to control the beast that floundered inside him...
But he was only flesh and blood and there is a limit to what a man can take...
His hands grasped her throat, the fingers bruising the fragile flesh. Khushi gulped, but her taunting smile didn't waver.
"So be it...this is going to be a long night, his words were filled with rancour, resenting her, hating the control she had over him...
She replied by placing her palms over his hand, wrapping her legs around his torso, rubbing her aching flesh against him. "You wanted the beast princess...you'll get the beast, his words were so chilling that Khushi could feel her blood congealing in her veins, the desire to pull him to her momentary lost. She hesitated, her palms flat against his chest, then pulling on a confident smile she raised her chin to look deep into his dilated pupils...
His hot breath filled her senses, like a wild beast, rage and pain poured off him and his chest shook beneath her fingertips...
"Don't hold back, you want to crush me do so, break me and I won't protest today, tear me apart or just throttle me to death, but you won't have the triumph of seeing me cry or beg for mercy, she hissed into his face...
His eyes narrowed, lips parted over clenched teeth as he slid his hands from her throat to her head, finger knotting tightly in her hair, tugging her face upto his frowning one. Khushi clenched her teeth with pain, as some of her hair, gave away from the roots. "Yes unleash all the pain on me, all of your hatred today, I want to see you loosing control, she jeered...
The beast inside him howled in challenge, its eyes glowering red, in its sockets...
Arnav threw a merciless gaze at the girl lying beneath him, naked, her pale skin glowing like white pearls in the incandescent light...
Laughing at his weakness...
And it began all over, the monsters were laughing in his head, jeering, catcalling, as they played with his mother and sister, toying with their bodies. Thunder shrieked outside and he could feel his shrieks mixing with it, dying in his throat, as two men hold him down on the floor, one of them forcing him to watch the blood play while the other one clapped a hand over his mouth...
Khushi cried in pain and pleasure as Arnav dragged her legs apart, forcefully, then raising them upto her waist, so she was open and vulnerable to him, he thrust himself inside her, roughly, coarsely, without any preliminaries or mercy...
He clawed at the floor, like a desperate animal fighting captivity, his nails breaking against the hard surface...
He didn't even check if she was ready or not but went on hammering inside her, crushing her body beneath him, like a pestle would pound a mortar...
But she was more than ready for him, as she let loose a string of keening cries, urging him on, by wrapping her legs around him, clutching at his naked back, clawing, raking her nails, digging furrows in the flesh, so the blood flowed freely from his back...
His eyes bloodshot, and filled with salty water, he moaned and gurgled, choking on his screams, trying to block out the begging voices of his mother and sister, but the monsters laughed and mocked among the wisps of tattered clothing fly in the air...
"Beg for it, beg for mercy, his voice rasped across her skin, teeth biting along her neck, fingers bruising the fragile flesh.But she was in a delirium, unable to reply, her mouth open and panting, eyes rolling, head swinging to and fro, body arching into the flesh impaling it...
His demons screamed inside him, raking their nails across his innards, and he started to bleed, the pain of past and present, mingling together...
"Never, she screamed, clawing at his chest and he retaliated by bending his head and sucking at the aroused tip of her breast...
The light came back inside the room, blinding their eyes, the whirring of a generator somewhere down indicated the restoration of electricity...
Blood glittered like red shining paint in the sunlight, along the tiles of the veranda.
Eagles floated above, blackening the day sky with their wings, the sound of their keening cries, and rustling feathers sounded sickening, echoing his helplessness...
He doubled back her knees, throwing her legs over his shoulder, so he could access every nook and cranny of her, opening her more to him in her new position, as he pounded inside her, hitting at various angles, the cloth of his trousers chaffing her inner thighs, bruising them, peeling off the delicate skin...
He dragged a hand across the wet floor, the tangy and metallic scent of blood making his flesh crawl and stomach lurch. His hands shook, as he raised them to his face. Saliva dripped from his mouth, and his eyes burned with tears. Smearing the blood across his face, he threw back his head and howled at the flying eagles...
His shrieks had the eerie sound of an animal in pain...
"Harder, Khushi panted, exulting in the violence, her eyes crazed, fingers clutching at his shoulders in frenzy. "Only if you look at me, he replied hoarsely. "Please, she ran a tongue along her drying lips...
Her breath was coming in hot pants, fire was flowing inside her veins instead of blood and the pain he was inflicting on her body, was increasing her ardor minute by minute, second by second...
The agony drowning in a cascade of pleasure...
If he was possessed, so was she. The drying blood under her fingernails, were telling their own mad story, and she could feel through her pores the gashes along his back, that her talons had made...
"Beg me, he hissed, his eyes glittering with cruelty, holding her body on brink. "Look at me...who Am I?, he clamped a hand on her cheeks, so her slack mouth was transformed into a bow...
"Arnav, she whispered dazedly. "Take my whole name, come on, he bit out savagely, shaking her, his fingers digging into her cheekbones. The woman in her shrank back in fear at the display of dominance and strength, but the monster inside her cheered her on. Her senses gone beyond relief she whispered, "Arnav Singh Raizada. "Again, he hissed. "Arnav Singh Raizada, her voice broke on a sob...
His eyes gleaming viciously, he pulled her face to his, until her neck strained and then clamped his mouth firmly on her lips, his tongue plundering roughly inside like an invading conqueror. At the same time he thrust himself back inside her core and watched with cruel satisfaction as she fell apart beneath him...
"If only Sashi Gupta could see this, he thought cruelly. His little girl writhing like a bitch in heat beneath his enemy's body, her screams dying in her throat, as he pillaged her mouth and body at the same time...
Like a dog they beat him, grinding his face in the dirt, breaking his fingers beneath their booted toes, kicking him in his ribs.
Hours later it still wasn't over, as he unclasped himself from her arms, his own body shaking like a leaf in the storm, perspiration coating their skin. Khushi refusing to let him go, clung to his body with both arms and legs, like a limpet. And they rolled over and over until both of them hit the floor with a thud...
The monsters were taking turns over his prone body, laughing, swearing vulgarly. His insides were on fire, as they f**ked him, leashing their power, their dominance over his frail form...
Crawling over his body, panting helplessly, Khushi impaled herself over his still turgid manhood, her body arching over him like an odalisque serving her master, helpless tears falling from her eyes, her mouth opened wide, teeth bared, the flame of desire refusing to extinguish inside her...
His own eyes wide with hatred and anguish, he tumbled her on the floor and rouse above her, his wide shoulders slick with sweat...
Holding her thighs apart, his hands pinching her breasts and buttocks, whispering crude words in her ear, he hammered inside her again and again. "Look at us, he whispered savagely, raising her buttocks, and her eyes fell along her body to the point where they were joined, his manhood working deeply inside her core, plunging in and out like a piston, her juices clinging to him like damp threads of satin...
Her head fell back on a desperate moan and she closed her eyes in an agony of need, the image of her surrender branding on her mind's eye...
"Open your eyes, he smacked her cheek and startled she opened them, glaring at him, hating him, yet hungering after him...
"You've got to see and feel many things before this night will be over, he announced in a pitiless tone. And through the many hours to come he stayed true to his threats...
Khushi had no idea if it was day or night, her senses had shrunk to just the room and the man f**king her as if there was no tomorrow. Her throat was hoarse from screaming and unshed tears. The pleasure was so taut that she could feel herself walking on a barbed wire, its razor sharp edge cutting through her senses...
She had been demented with pain and rapture, sometimes pulling at his body, lashing out at him and sometimes pushing at his chest, trying to escape him as he worked along her sensitized flesh. She had begged him to stop, shouted at him to go on in the countless hours of their mating...
Crazed, frenzied with desire she had writhed in his arms as he had pushed her against the wall and rammed himself inside her, the pictures and ornaments falling around them. She had curled her legs around his waist, arching herself against him, until her spine had creaked with exertion and her head had lolled against the wall. They had knocked over the table, fighting like two carnivorous beasts and on the floor he had dragged her roughly beneath him and had taken her from behind like a dog, while her fingers had scratched against the carpet, nails breaking off with the impact...
Snarling, biting, pushing each other to the limits, they both had let their demons done things to each other and with each other which no normal sane couple in their right mind would do. He had taken her in so many ways, done unspeakable things to her body that had torn the last vestiges of her innocence from her mind...
And in turn she had relived his nightmare, forcing him to feel and accept the pain that had been curdling inside him like a sore wound...
What they were doing was not making love, neither it was sex, it wasn't even closer to making war...
But it was abuse, pure and simple...
Abuse of power...
The storm had passed away, leaving in it's wake crushed leaves, uprooted trees and plants. But it was still raining, probably the sky was still devastated over the rape of earth...
Rolling off from her satiated body, he rouse to his haunches, sweat pouring into his eyes, blinding him. Panting he crawled, over the floor before supporting himself against the bed. Throwing his whole weight on his trembling arms, he staggered back on his feet. Khushi was lying on the floor like a broken doll, her arms and legs sticking out at an odd angle.
Her eyes were closed tightly and lashes flickered over her sweaty cheeks. Sick with pain and shame, he watched horrible bruises forming over her body, scratch marks, where his beard her marred her flesh, and purple welts, where he had dug his fingers into her skin in the frenzy of mating...
There were red bite marks all over her body and her finger nails were broken, covered with congealed blood. His blood, he touched his sore back and and hissed in pain...
Breath freezing in his throat all of a sudden, he clutched at his chest and lurched towards the balcony door, like a drunkard...
He needed fresh air...
Throwing a last glance at the burning corpses, he turned away. Feeling empty all of a sudden, the image of his mother's and sisters wide-eyed and broken bodies etched in his frozen eyes, body covered in blood and soot, he stepped outside...
An eagle swirled over his head, crying out. His feet leaving a trail of blood behind, walking among the silent crowd, his eyes condemning their bowed heads, he turned the corner of the street before vanishing out of sight...
Through the corner of her sticky lashes, Khushi watched the halo of Arnav throwing open the balcony doors to step outside in the pouring rain. But she had no strength to lift even a finger, less call him back as he disappeared in the darkness...
Sure she was dead, she thought numbly. After the storm of insanity had passed away she was beginning to feel like dead weight, unable to move, her mind frozen in limbo...
The sudden howl of pain that came out from the balcony startled her, life surged back into her numb body and she jackknifed into a sitting position. It was a mistake, the pain moved like flaming fire across her sore flesh and she gasped...
"Arnav, she sobbed and rolling her bruised and battered body she tried to crawl towards the balcony...
But dizziness hit her like sledgehammer and she fell back on the floor, the sound of her panting breath echoing in her brain. "Please God don't let me pass out, she breathed...
Gritting her teeth, she rolled over on her belly and rose on her haunches. The pain stung her broken nails, flowing through her body like thousands of needles piercing her skin, as she dug her fingers in the woven carpet. But she shook her head and dragging the bed sheet off the bed, wrapped it around herself, sarong style. Then she staggered to the balcony, perspiration gleaming over her sickly pale face, due to the exertion...
Arnav was sitting on the balcony floor, like a defeated conqueror, his shoulders were hunched, his head bowed, legs twisted beneath him, hands placed on the floor. Rain water dripped from his ebony hair, sluiced over his bruised back, washing away the remnants of dried blood...
He was trembling with anguish and she could hear the wounded sobs breaking from his mouth...
She saw him biting his lips to control back the moans from escaping his throat. Lifting his hands, he dragged them across his cheeks, smearing dirt all over his face...
A terrible feeling hit her midriff and she almost doubled over with the feeling of pain that crawled over her. Unable to see him so broken and lonely, she scrabbled to him, wrapping herself around his back...
He sat still like a stone ledge and didn't react even when she wound her arms around his shoulders...
"I'll marry you, his words were like a bombshell, shocking Khushi into dropping her arms from around him, her mouth open with surprise. "Be ready tomorrow, I'll take you to court, his voice was cold, his words lacking any warmth as if he was announcing a business merger instead of his marriage...
Thousands of words wriggled in her mind, like snakes, wanting to get out of her mouth. She opened her mouth to ask him Why now? Why not before? But the only words that got out of her mouth were filled with concern...
"Come inside, you'll catch a cold, she tugged at his elbow and he hissed with pain...
Startled she, bent down to look at the purple bruise forming over his elbow. He must have hit it against the table when they had fallen from the bed...
Her eyes looked upwards into his harsh profile and it was the moment that he turned his head to look into her concerned face, his own eyes speaking volumes as they locked with hers...
He blinked and the pain was gone from his eyes, flowing away with the water falling from his eyelashes, shutters fell over his eyes and the anguish in his face was replaced by a dead look...
In that moment, with a sinking heart Khushi felt something precious taken away from her. He had shut her out and she had a terrible premonition that it was for forever, he was not going to let her in anymore, not even for a nano second...
Everything has a consequence, he had said once...
But the knowledge had dawned too late on her...
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Edited by mahirmukhtar - 7 years ago
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34