An Open Letter to Grandmothers Watching Veere Di Wedding

An Open Letter to Grandmothers Watching Veere Di Wedding

Illustration: Shruti Yatam

Firstly, please accept my heartfelt apologies for the unexpected change in your regular weekend programming. There you were, looking forward to seeing Sooryavansham on Set Max for the 271st time and your granddaughter drags you to watch Veere Di Wedding, a film about four women. The last time you watched a film featuring four women, it was the Nirma commercial.

But unlike the Nirma commercial, where the women get "charam sukh with washing powder, these women seem to go about their business with vibrators. Naturally you were flabbergasted and lashed out at Veere Di Wedding. It's not your fault at all after all, you didn't choose the bhakt life, the bhakt life chose you.

But it turned out to a wise choice. You, dear Granny, turned out to be cooler than you ever intended to be.

Thanks to your sanskaari film critiquing skills there are now entrepreneurs devising "Gran-der an app where moviegoers can match with grandmas and take them for VDW. Online ticketing platforms are thinking of introducing a new popcorn + grandmomcombo for anyone who buys a ticket and BookMyChotu is all set to reinvent as BookMyGrandmom. Sunne mein aaya hai, that even Pahlaj Nihalani is hell-bent on convincing the I&B Ministry to make the Indian grandmother the next Censor Board Chief. In the words of visionary Abhishek Bachchan, "Tera jadoo chal gaya.

I absolutely understand where you are coming from when you say "I'm Hindustan and I'm ashamed of #VeereDiWedding. Veere Di Wedding can indeed be quite a shameful watch: The four female leads do as they want, stay out for as long as they want, and are even given as much agency as the raja betas in the country. Here you were hoping to get a realistic look at the lives of women inside the kitchen or washing clothes, but the actresses in the film do not enter the kitchen even once and there is no sign of Nirma in their bathrooms.

It's no wonder then, that you view VDW as a fantasy film and don't relate to it back in the good old days, women existed in films only to make your pudgy, unfit heroes (shoutout to Chintu!) run around trees by running in front of them in pretty clothes. At that time, the only way four women would be in one frame was if there was a funeral.

How can anyone blame you for being so pissed off with the scene where Swara Bhasker is masturbating and orgasming openly without shame. There must be countless questions floating through your mind: How dare she? Is it even possible for women to have an orgasm? And if it is, why did nobody tell you? All those years that you spent looking longingly at the belan now seemed wasted, don't they?

I'm sure your other problems with Veere Di Wedding are absolutely genuine. For instance, how unrealistic can a film be where a wedding is called off not because the girl's side forgot to pay dowry but because the bride had a problem with ring that was too big? Whoever heard of a woman having a problem with a big, flashy piece of jewellery? Or a woman actually having any problem with anything? Does the film not realise that by giving women the freedom of choice, they are actually polluting Indian culture?

But most importantly, you must be thinking, how dare VDW imply that the future is female?

You're actually right; the last thing this country clearly needs is a film where older male heroes are not romancing actresses half their age. Men should be men and women should be women. You seem to have a lot in common with India's favourite humanitarian who is doing Race 3 just for this cause. Tell your granddaughter to take you for that film next. I'm sure you will finally achieve charam sukh.

Omg if future is female means masturbating and orgasming like a shamelss aurat I don't want future to be female 😭 I want future to be female if female can do great things in arts and sciense and politics 👏 not masturfrustate and give gaali in home 🤢🤢 someone fire these liberal beghairat writers 😡 VDW only shows worse in women and makes them manly we need feminine women 😊

So you're saying women who do great things in arts and science and politics do not or should not masturbate at home? 😆Stop drinking the koolaid. Why can't they do both?😆

I watch a movie like Mary Kom or Mardaani anyday over disgusting movie like VDW where women r like men 🤢 if women want to be like men then do things that change the world like men do 👏so shameless to do what girls in VDW r doing do you really want to be like west countries where masturbate and sex is hapening every single day and divorce every single year in a new couple nd women give gaali and not shave their armpits 😲 phir what is meaning of feminism let us call it menisim if you want to be men 😛

Arre bhai...what is the connection between women masturbating and changing the world?😆 Do you also think men who masturbate are incapable of changing the world? 😆😆

If women need sex to be progressive it is wrong mentality then soon India will bcome like america where women dye their hair 50 differnet colors weigh 250 lbs get tattoos and piercings and smoke and have new boyfriend to free load off every two weeks

women do not need to mastubrate to be progressive, it is teaching wrong things to public,

I will say same thing if film shows men mastubate😡😭

No one grandmother is going.

It was a tweet by offensive meme maker firkii which got lots of retweets ,then a lot of people copied it.

Some left journos screen shot this and shared it calling bjp it cell members doing it,then swara replied or shared and media portals picked up.

Then it become right vs left usual drama.

In meanwhile firkii is offended that his 38 year old grandmother is driving indian narrative.