Zara and walking out of this marriage.

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sravanthi vangala

@sravss

Voyager

+ 4

Posted: 7 years ago

I'm not married yet, but I always wonder is breaking your marriage that easy?????

I understand it is easy to walk away from a relation if he/she is physically abusing you, because it will very well accepted by society and your self respect will let you do that easily but that about mentally getting abused, even then in some cases like you husband keeps doubting you, abusing you with his words may make it is easy... but what about the suffocation Zara is facing???

I think the words our up bringing,self respect and society plays a major role in most of the decisions which we make in our life..

Coming to up bringing, don't you think that the lessons taught by our parents and the way they think and what they believe have a effect on us.

Coming to self respect what I understood by it is that is very subjective word, meaning differs from person to person and relation to relation...the more close you are to person the level of self respect is that less but yes, no person or relation should have that affect on you that your self respect becomes zero...If we think very practically the level of your self respect you maintain with stranger, is not same when it comes to you office mates, your boss, your friends, your relatives , your parents or your spouse...lets be true to our self...this is what I have observed, I may be wrong...

Coming to Society how much ever we say why bother about society, most of us are brought up that way that we do think of society...it may wrong or right but sub consciously thoughts of the society we live in do effect us.

I have been listening to this quite frequently these days..(my parents are seeing alliance for my sister)

mom: that will you do if this happens to you in your in laws place.

sister: I will divorce him. (she smiles because she knows my mom's reply and she is not very serious about this because we are taught right from our childhood that marriages are meant to be kept for life long and at the same time that only if it becomes impossible to be kept you can break it but as long as you can it is a promise to be kept. No just in my home, in most of the households this is what is taught to the children of the house.)

mom: Even I will see. It is easy to say but difficult to do.

I do believe it is easy to say why can't you/ she walk away from that marriage but every difficult to do it...

And it is easy to say keep quite and let your husband suffer but when you know something wrong is happening and he will suffer, in reality just because he is rude to you and does not respect your feeling, ...At the end of the day the feeling that he is your husband itself is enough to make you think twice before you leave him to suffer...

I believe how much ever a women is independent, educated and strong she can never leave her parents and husband to suffer even if they are wrong... except when things are extremely wrong... she prefers to suffer, get taunted but think about them over herself... women are that way as we are basically emotional (may be emotionally fools)...and this fact cannot be changed... Mostly women tend to adjust more, suffer a little more, deal more patiently and what not just to save their relations (any relation, especially marriages as we are brought up that way.)

Exceptions do exist but practically how must we talk of self respect, walking away from relations , etc but when we are in that situation we will not be able to do that...except in worst cases.

But at the end of the day I agree Zara needs to tone down her emotional and give Kabeer some space, I understand in any marriage there should be me, you and us, not every thing is us...

I think Zara is merely a 19-20 year girl and it will take time for her to realize this and the person whom she married also does not have maturity to handle her... both are overdoing things and what is major problem with them...It is not easy for both of them to say lets break this relationship and move on...and since how long are they married... months??? Don't you think making this decision at this stage is too early..

How can Zara who is brought up with a ideology that marriages are meant to be kept ( when they got marriages they did not think if things does not work they can get divorced, but thought they have to suffer life long ), self respect i have seen women suffering more than what Zara is and that too for years before they divorce as I told your meaning and definitions of self respect changes when it comes to parents, sibling and husband, Society the person who said yes to the marriage even thought she wanted to say no,just to keep respect of her parents is it that easy to divorce for this reason (thought it is indeed a real reason but unfortunately not for the society you are living in)...

what I believe is it is not easy to divorce or walk away from marriage... I may be wrong, maybe many might not agree with me, but this what I observed about marriages till now...every marriage has a problem but yet tried hard to be kept...That is why marriage become a commitment...

Note:

sorry if I offended anyone.I do not have any intention to hurt anyone's feeling...These are only my opinions.

Sorry for this long post and I do not have time for spell check or to check typo error so please do bear...Thank you.

Edited by sravss - 7 years ago

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athai

@athai

Explorer

Posted: 7 years ago

You are right, it is not easy to break your marriage.Society has a huge role to play in this.But also,relationships are not simple, they require hard work and effort. Zaara has not even reached a point in her marriage where she needs to walk out: I am sure if that situation arises, she will walk out or make shre that the situation is fixed. At this point why would she call quits on her marriage? Her husband is not an addict or an alcoholic, he doesn't raise his hands on her or asks for dowry. Sure, he does not love her. But she is as aware of the circumstances of their marriage as him and neither of them hoped for a peaceful and successful marriage let alone love. Because she fell in love so she is now expecting some form of attention and care from him which he should give her but given the context of their marriage and given that she married him knowing he had no respect for her views and no feelings for her, it was not too much of a shock for her to realize that he did not reciprocate her feelings.

Also, it is normal for couples to argue all through the marriage. In the inital years of marriage all the differences come to the surface and couples argue, fight, cry, disappoint, hurt and resolve. I am talking about couples who have known each other, love each other and married each other. And this is a couple who knew very well that they were very different from each other. Zaara didn't expect Kabeer to endorse her views which is why she didn't want to get married to Kabeer in the first place. Now when their differences are surfacing, this is only just the beginning. For Zaara to walk away or for Kabeer to want her to leave, the situation needs to be much worse.

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Zara and walking out of this marriage.

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