Chapter 1
"wounds are too deep to be healed. So make them a part of you."
Chandni has not slept a wink in last 24 hours with so many patients to take care alone with emergency patients. Her head is aching and her body on th verge of falling week to the weakness. She was crossing the operation theater when she saw man from last night come out along with Dr. Raghav, whose eyes looks empty and sad.
"I knew it, he won't survive. He got Diffuse Axonal.there was extreme infuse chemicals, and skull teared at lot of places. His Heart rate and BP was continuously fluctuating during the whole surgery." Advay said running a frustrated hand through his hairs.
As advay words register in her mind, she remembers learning about this in her MBBS.
( A diffuse Axonal, it normally happens case of car accidents. This Injury occurs because the unmoving brain lags behind the movement of the skull, causing brain structures to tear.
There is extensive tearing of nerve tissue throughout the brain. This can cause brain chemicals to be released, causing additional injury.
The tearing of the nerve tissue disrupts the brain's regular communication and chemical processes.
This disturbance in the brain can produce temporary or permanent widespread brain damage, coma, or death.)
"if you knew he won't survive. Why did you keep on trying even afte he lost his heartbeat." Dr. Raghav said looking concerned and sad. His wrinkled face looked lost.
"Because we are doctors that's what we are suppose to do, try till the extreme end.Try even when you know their zero chance of survival, Try because maybe those few moments will give their loved ones the hope. A hope that he fought to survive, he just didn't die so easily. It will eventually turn into will and strenght for his family." advay said as if in different world altogether, speaking words that has been engraved in his mind for so long. Advay went from there not glancing back once. He felt his voice break, his heart exhilarate and his eye tear.
Chandni looked baffled at the words spoken by the stranger. She now knew he was the same doctor that she was calling all night yesterday. But what was he doing at terrace at that time, and especially in that condition.
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Advay sat down with a thud on his couch, every muscle in his body was aching. He don't remember having one peaceful night from last three months. It was as if he was fourteen back again, haunted by nightmares mad from real events.
'don't think about it. Don't think about it.'
'forget about it. Forget about it.'
'it's over. It's over.'
He repeated the words again and again like a mantra.
'you need to live. You need to live.' he whispered
'Nooo... I want to die. Kill mee! !' a sharp voice screamed in his mind, as clear as it was 16 years back. His voice, his pleading, his anger, his pain.
His breathing become more faster, he felt the world fade around him. His mind surrounded deep in memories from past, from present, from three months back. He saw himself seating beside him, stitching every part carefully, try to not let his hand shake for second, holding his tears back. It was too painful, too heartbreaking.
Ahh!! He screamed into the chusion again and again. He rush to his bathroom, washed his face with cool water again, again. He looked at his distorted reflection.
'Man up! Pk.' a firm voice made his way from his memories, breaking the Dam of tears, he was so admatly holding. He sobbed like a baby siting at cool floor of bathroom, he cried.
'Ahh!! Such a cry baby. You should have been a girl, PK!' same voice teased him, just like it used to.
He sobbed more and more, 'No I am not girl. I am stong boy.' he whispered along with 14 year old self who had said those exact words.
'Get up! Be a Man!' that voice again cajoled him even in its firmness.
With shaking step he got up from the floor, balancing his body by keeping his hands on bathroom slab.he looked at the mirror and saw his 14 year old self staring back with injured face and puffed empty eyes.
'I need to live.'
'i need to live' he said whipping his tears.
"I deserve to live." his voice cracking in between, but he didn't stop.
"I deserve to live."