Sridevi's life remains incomplete: Shobhaa De

Bollywood is bereft. A dark blanket of gloom hangs over India's entertainment hub. Understandably so. When the news of Sridevi's tragic and dramatic death in Dubai spread like a prairie fire on Saturday night, more than shock, there was utter disbelief. It sounded impossible. Inconceivable. Even absurd. Sridevi? Dead? Never! Wasn't she the most elegantly dressed guest swaying to bhangra beats at the high-profile, glamourous family wedding just a few hours earlier? And, a few hours later, pooof! she was gone! Well... death has a nasty way of abruptly snatching the world's most luminous stars and placing them in a cold, celestial firmament. Sridevi was death's latest trophynot just a dazzling star, but an entire galaxy unto herself. Bollywood is a far dimmer, far less glittering destination after her loss.

I will not take the usual tribute' route, and claim any special closeness to Sri over the years that we knew each other. Let me focus on her devastated husbandthe portly Boney Kapoor instead. And, provide two comparatively recent incidents that might illustrate the scale of his devotion to the woman he fell in love with at first sight. A month or so ago, I was chatting with a mutual friend in the lobby of a posh Delhi hotel, when Boney walked in, spotted us, and came straight up to me with an accusatory expression in his eyes. "You did not like Mom,'' he declared. It was not a question. He had read my opinion on a blog. Before I could reply, he added, "Sri was so fantastic in that roleshe is the best! It was a flat statement and needed no response from me. I offered none. He was like a wounded grizzly bear, puzzled and hurt that anybody in this world could not see and appreciate what was so evident to himSridevi's perfection. He was obsessed with his wife, and made no bones about it. We exchanged numbers, and that led to a steady stream of images of Sri sent by her fida hubbySri in Russia, Sri at assorted events, Sri laughing, Sri rejoicing. Every single image was accompanied by a gushing description of Sri. I was touched and amused. I chuckled, "The man is besotted after so many years. Lucky Sri!

Soon after that encounter, I ran into Sri and shared the almost daily exchanges between me and Boney. She laughed indulgently, and said, "He also sends the same images to me, in case I have missed seeing them. I feel so embarrassed! Each time I dress up to go out, he clicks pictures and says, "Look! How beautiful you are! This colour really suits you! It may have been our last interaction. I did spot her at Tina Ambani's uber glam 60th birthday celebrations a few weeks later, but we were at opposite ends of the lawn. For a minute I didn't recognise the statuesque stunner, clad in a clinging red gown (with lipstick to match), glossy hair cascading on to her bare shoulders. She looked no more than 30 years old. That night, she was as she remained till the endaloof and silent, not moving around and greeting members of her fraternity. She left socialising to her more talkative husband. The same love-struck man who, according to media reports, had to suffer the ultimate misfortune of discovering his beloved wife's body in a bathtub, after allegedly breaking down a heavy bathroom door.

The songs and dances she made immortal are being watched over and over again, as admirers strive to deconstruct the Sri magic. That is going to be a near impossible challenge. Sri was enigmatic and mysterious. Not by design, I might add. I believe she was painfully shy and extremely diffident in reality. Always guarded, always watchful. It was only when the cameras were rolling that she actually came to life. She had a magic switch within, perhaps. A switch she activated exclusively to perform on film. It was only the reel life she gave herself to sans inhibition, sans filters. This dual identity may have been the biggest unresolved issue in her life.

Such is the irony of Sridevi's story that she remained lonely in life and lonely in death. Surrounded though she was with all the trappings of wealth, she may have been completely emotionally bankrupt within. If one can rely on speculative accounts of film industry people, especially those who knew her as a frightfully young child actor down south, she lived and died in isolation. A trapped, fragile bird. I looked at a photograph of a prepubescent Sri, sitting bare-chested on [former Tamil Nadu chief minister J.] Jayalalithaa's lap, and my heart broke. She must have been six or seven at the time. And, already working full-time in an exploitative industry. We know very little about her as a person, what she went through, what she felt... she preferred it that way. She barely opened her mouth on the sets, and stayed away from parties altogether. When she arrived in Bollywood, it was with a highly controlling, domineering mother in tow. Producers accepted the package deal reluctantly. Journalists keen to crack through her expressionless, stony facade, came away frustratedher standard response to any question was, "Ask mummy. After mummy died, Sri seemed lost for a while, as if she were looking for some straw to cling on to. Well, she found a large rock instead. Boney appeared on the scene and took total charge of her life. It must have been an exceedingly hard period for her, as she was labelled the other woman' who broke up a loving marriage. Sri, unwittingly, was following in the footsteps of her predecessors from the Southgorgeous stars like Vyjayanthimala, Hema Malini, Rekha and Jaya Prada, all of whom had fallen for married heroes after coming to Bollywood. Her meteoric career was pretty astonishing, and hugely successful. This, for a reserved, secretive girl who spoke not a word of Hindi, but was willing to work hard and make it, no matter what it took. Well, Sri certainly made it. And, how! Hema Malini in her tribute said, "Sridevi was born to act. Too true. One superhit followed another, and she became the unchallenged darling of the masses. Some of her item numbers' are iconic today. But when you watch the clips, it is obvious that Sri was bringing something extra to the table that the others didn't possess. Call it the X factor. Or, plain oomph. I call it Sri-ness'an irresistible combination of sexuality and innocence. A voluptuous body with a child's wide-eyed face.

What could possibly have gone wrong in her carefully scripted fairy tale? She bagged the man, married him and produced two lovely girls. The film industry treated her with utmost respect, which she had rightfully earned over the years. In retrospect, perhaps it was too perfect a life! Who knows what demons haunted her, once the make-up came off, and she stepped out of the elaborate couture garments and heavy jewellery that had become her trademark of late? She had no known friends in Bollywood, even though everyone claimed to like her. Did they even know Sri? Did she know herself ? Or, had she inadvertently become a prisoner of her own image?

Someone sent me the link to the last commercial she shot. It will be released posthumously. It shows Sri playing a super cool', happening' mother. She is animated and vivacious, as she dances to rap tracks, her mobile face and expressive eyes, delighting and charming audiences once more, reminding them painfully of the star they had showered unconditional love on for thirty-odd years. The void Sri leaves behind will be hard to fill. Like [Marilyn] Monroe. Like Whitney Houston... she will be deified in death. And, glorified forever. This is how it works for very beautiful, very gifted, very fragile stars who die under mysterious circumstances, and die early. Though, one wonders: what is early'? Would we have responded differently had she passed at 64, and not 54? Most certainly. Sridevi's life remains incomplete, like a book with the final chapters missing. Her young daughters have a gigantic legacy to take forward. Her death has certainly acted like an overdue wake-up call for thousands of women who have been trying desperately to cling on to unrealistic self-images of youth and perfection. Maybe we are all guilty for Sridevi's untimely death. We never wanted her to age. And, she tried a bit too hard not to disappoint us..