1. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you have to forget, too. - We don't forgive and forget at all. People who have been terribly abused, neglected, and victimized don't forget their traumas and they really don't need to do so. They can learn to forgive, yet remember quite well.
Naina being reluctant earlier to forgive him as she believed that she had committed a crime by loving a wrong person...so she was finding it difficult to forget the pain that she suffered through him...bcoz of the bet...so she wasn't able to forgive him😔 She was going through this kind of an experience for the first time...she couldn't bear that pain.
2. Forgiveness doesn't mean you're minimizing your victimization experience.- By engaging in forgiveness you aren't saying "it's okay...it wasn't that bad. Not at all! You can forgive yet still admit that the victimization and trauma was very real and very bad.
She believed that loving him was her biggest mistake...so probably she was relating the forgiveness to accepting that it didn't mean much to him...which probably isn't true. Her pain and suffering was terrible but at the same time not forgiving him was further increasing her anxiety.
3. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you're a chump. -Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness, naivete, or foolishness.
She probably wanted to show to him her strong side while she was not forgiving him.
4. Forgiveness doesn't depend upon the other person apologizing and accepting your offer of forgiveness.- Sadly, you cannot expect that the person who wronged you can fully understand or appreciate that what he or she did was wrong. They may never admit that they did anything problematic at all. That's okay, because you can engage in forgiveness for your own benefit, not theirs. You don't need anything from them to forgive them.
Here although the situation was different...he had this sense much before she came to know the truth. But obviously she wasn't aware of that. So probably in my view...forgiving him was important for her own self rather than him.
5. Forgiveness is a process.- Forgiveness isn't an all-or-none, black-or-white kind of thing. It is a process. You may never be able to completely forgive another person but you can work to get closer to do so. You may never get to the 10 on my 10-point forgiveness scale, but you can turn a 6 into a 7 or to an 8.
It obviously has to be a process as we have seen in the show that she gradually melted because of his efforts and finally Arjun's truth was the final push needed for her to forgive him😊
6. Forgiveness is for your health and well being. -Since research shows that holding onto anger is toxic for your health and well being, and since no one wants to be around those who are chronically angry, bitter, resentful, and unforgiving, then forgiveness is something that you do for you. It is in your best interest to forgive others for their transgressions, not necessarily theirs. You are not engaging in forgiveness to do them a favor, but to do one for yourself.
This I have always believed and once i mentioned this in Zulekha's post as well that forgiveness is much more needed for your own peace of mind and mental stability as compared to the other person. So if she had forgiven him earlier...it would have been easier for her to come out of it.
7. The secret sauce in forgiveness is letting go of anger.- In clinical practice there are many people who have been terribly victimized and traumatized by physical, sexual, emotional, and financial abuse. Those who do well and cope best in life are those who have found some way to forgive themselves and others. They have worked hard to let go of the anger and resentment and moved on. They don't forget and they don't allow themselves to continue to be victimized. They let go of the anger and choose to forgive (deserved or not).
Letting go of anger and frustration is important for your own growth as a person.
In short, much of the self-help world has suggested that forgiveness does not mean you become best friends with the person who wronged you. Forgiveness is not saying what happened was ok. Forgiveness is not saying you accept the person who wronged you. Instead, forgiveness is choosing to accept what happened as it happened rather than what could or should have happened. Forgiveness can mean that you let go. Forgiveness can mean you step into your present rather than anchoring in the past.
For Naina to forgive Sameer she had to accept that whatever had to happen has happened and there is no pint in anchoring to the past.
Shock and anger often comes before forgiveness. We must first deal with the hurt feelings before moving into forgiveness. Let us respect that process - a process that can happen without us even realizing it. Sometimes by simply exploring the situation and acknowledging the impact of the betrayal, the reasons and context behind the betrayal can be the beginning blocks of forgiveness.
Although there are a variety of definitions of forgiveness, research has suggested they all have 3 common components:
- Gaining a more balanced view of the offender and the event
- Decreasing negative feelings towards the offender and potentially increasing compassion
- Giving up the right to punish the offender further or to demand restitution
Both research and experience has suggested that one roadblock people face with forgiveness is the idea of being seen as "weak" and saying that what the offender did is excusable. In many ways, it actually takes more strength to forgive. Staying angry and bitter is easy a lot of times. We can accommodate and get used to our angry feelings. It takes a lot more work to forgive. So to suggest that forgiveness equals weakness is actually false, forgiveness is powerful.
I have always believed that forgiving someone needs a lot of strength while many relate it to a sign of weakness which actually is not true😊
P.S Sorry for the long post...I hope I made sense...please share your views😊
