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**** If Only... *****
He felt hollow. He was an empty shell. Even grief didn't stand a chance. There was this emptiness seeping through his veins and engulfing every cell of his being. The world was dark to him.
Shrouded by a black fog. The world was lost to him and he knew of nothing that would bring it back into focus. There lay Gauri Kumari Ssarma Omkara Singh Oberoi in a deep sleep oblivious to the happenings around her ,heedless of the man at her bedside ,impervious to his agony and misery. She was so delicate and fragile, a tiny wisp of this girl who had created a storm in his heart- a storm which undid his entire world.
He could see her tiny hands peeking out of the blanket. She indeed looked porcelain and breakable, but he knew she was the very epitome of stength. In her gentleness there was a fierceness, a passion which no woman he had ever known could match. And yet there she lay with no hint of an awakening. Ohh how he wished she would wake up and look at him with that mesmerising hazel eyes of hers. Her eyes that was the colour of honey with subtle hints of green swirling in their depths.
How he wished he would be dazzled by the warmth and glow of those chocolate brown eyes. How he wished he was at the receiving end of her favourite "ek jhaap pe..."
How he hoped that she would one day show him the art of perfectly tossing and gobbling that "kampat" of hers.
How he hoped that he could kiss away the tears of anger from her eyes.
He would willingly donate a thousand cars for her to destroy with the JCB. He would do anything she wanted if only...
If only she would come back to him.
If only she gave him a chance to redeem his thousand misconceptions.
If only she would give him a chance to treat her like the princess she really is.
Om had died a million deaths these past three months. He had gone through purgatory. He had apologised infinite times. He had beseeched her with his words, tears, his whole heart , his whole being but she wouldn't hear any of it. She was in another world of hers where there was no pain, no torment ,no hatred, none trying to kill her , in fact none at all. It was a world of brightness where she couldn't fathom a way out . She couldn't feel the heart wrenching pain of a young man who had erred in his judgment, he who was indeed an angel estranged as a result of his prejudices. She couldn't feel the guilt racking him, shattering him and ultimately destroying him. She couldn't feel his pain, his anguish. She couldn't feel his longing, his yearning, his craving for her. She was impervious to everything around her.
If only she could hear...
If only she knew what happened that fateful day...
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Omkara had rushed to the pool side to save his darling Buamaa after witnessing that sight from the window. But the sight that welcomed him sent shivers through his spine. He could see a crazy Buamaa forcefully pushing Gauri underwater. For a fraction of a second Omkara thought that Buamaa was acting in self defense. But all his doubts about the scene unweilding before him went away the second he saw that unholy glint in her eyes , the creepy chanting" tu bhaanj hai. You are useless". That seemed to push away his doubts which prompted him to run to Gauri's help.
Buamaa was flustered to see him but she quickly regained her composure back. She was still pushing Gauri underwater. Om had to push away Buamaa due to which she fell into the water. But Gauri didn't resurface which immediately sent him into panic mode. He had a difficult time finding her body while restraining a crazy Buamaa who was trying to pull him away.
Later when Gauri's seemingly lifeless body was laid down by the poolside it was the same old nightmare which revisited Om. He was madly giving chest compressions to her but there was no sign of a pulse. He was frantically trying to revive her when he was pried apart from her by the medical team which had arrived by then whom Jhanvi had beckoned. With terror he watched that frail body of hers beingwracked by the tremors of the intermittent chest compressions. He couldn't watch it . All he wanted was for her to wake up. She had helped him countless times . But the only time she asked his help he couldn't give it to her.
Gauri was declared to be in a coma. To top it all, the whole conversation between Buamaa and Gauri was recorded in Om's voice mail which made Om question his very existence. He was devastated beyond redemption. The knowledge that Gauri had always been telling him the truth from day one he met her-that she was never the woman he thought her to be, that whatever she said about Kali Thakur was cent percent true and that Buamaa had lied to him and used both him and Gauri for her crazy revenge crushed him. The countless times he had insulted her, the times he had wounded her heart, the times he had made her feel like dirt, the times he had snubbed and slandered her, the times he tried to banish her from her life, each and every moment rushed into his memory. The fact that he had reduced himself into this prejudiced, biased bigot tormented his soul. He never was prey to bigotry in his past but his circumstances with Svetlana made him blind. Blind to this gem of a woman whom he didn't even give the benefit of doubt.
His heart bled when each and every moment spent with her came to him -be it Chulbul or as Gauri. He had fought this attraction he had for her. She was the embodiment of beauty, passion, stength, gentleness, humbleness. All those virtues combined in one woman which was a heady mixture. Slowly every memory of that incident when he tried to seduce her under Buamaas drugs influence had come to him. He could remember that though he was under the influence of drugs, every action of his was prompted by the need of his heart. His heart and soul wanted her in every way. It was never lust. It was a need deeply emblazoned in his soul. The need which he couldn't even explain to himself.
He very well remembered how she shoved him away when he tried to take an unwanted liberty. Even his brain betrayed him. The last memory of her shoving him away came very late. By then He couldn't apologize to her in the truest sense. She had already gone into the world of oblivion.
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Three months he had lived in this self made hell. He had this hope that she would come back to him. He had apologised to her countless times. He had pleaded her to come back in a million ways. He had envisioned a thousand scenarios how he would treat her like a princess, how he would make it up to the insults and grief he had given her.
He had poured out his heart, his life, all his pains , all his secrets, all his fears, his desires, his dreams to her. He had never wanted anything more than her waking up and giving him an earful of her anger. He wanted to see that tashan aspect of her character which he had witnessed in Bareilly. This wonderful tiny woman being a Wonderwoman - to see her nose red with anger, to seethe playful glint in her eyes, to drink in the beauty of her lovely face, to be in the embrace of her tiny frame, to rest his face on her breast and listen to her heart beats, to explore a lifetime of togetherness.
The doctors had wanted to take her from the life support system and that was the day when Omkara saw red. A violent Om was restrained by Shivaay and Rudy. Om made Shivaay promise that he will never allow Gauri to be taken away from the life support system. Shivaay wouldn't dare to think of it. He knew Gauri was the light at the end of an endless tunnel for Omkara. His brothers life depended on her. He wouldn't dare to do it.
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Gauri woke up from that sea of brightness. She woke up to the sight of the sleeping form of her handsome husband on a chair near her bedside. He was still the most handsome man she had ever seen but he looked world-weary.he had dark circles around his eyes. His face seemed that a smile has never visited the vicinity of his face.
Gauri could remember Buamaa trying to drown her. The rest she didn't. She didn't know how many days or months or years had passed. All that she knew was that this man had always been with her every moment. She called softly " Omkaraji"
He woke up startled. He looked confused at first. Then she saw the changing myriad of emotions in his eyes. It changed from confusion to shock to disbelief to happiness and exhilarating joy. The emotions flitting through his eyes made her feel warm and welcomed. In a second he was off the chair. He gathered her in his arms and covered her face with kisses. He buried his face into her hair and wouldn't let her go. She was his past, present and future.
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From the time I heard about the coma track, I wanted it to be the reverse. Harneetwanted Om to be in coma and I wanted Gauri in a coma. The only way to fulfill my wish was to write an OS.
I am a regular stalker of Shrenal AT . Ideas courtesy - to the members of Shrenal AT. I have put their ideas and feelings into words. Thank you- Shaima
PS: Buamaa got admitted in a Mental asylum!.
I would be honoured if you would press the like button and drop in your comments. Would reply when I get the time
Bade Achhe Lagte Hain
