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So,...SURAJ RAJVANSHI...
why he did so?
why did he himself destroyed his marriage?
why did he easily let go off the girl,he claims to love?
why did he did not understood her love?
why did he did not trusted her with his noble act?
why did he not realized her pain?
why did he himself inflicted on her,such a terrible heartbreak?
The answer to all his questions is-a relationship,which he shares with Imli...a relationship of "GUILT",which probably has possessed his soul,and until and unless,he releases himself with this burden,his soul would not feel any other thing whole-heartedly so that he could focus himself fully on any other emotion,even love...!!!
Yeah that is the sad catch in here...
'Guilt' is a feeling that could really take you to great lenghts,if it really possess you,and once you are deeply affected by a sin of yours,which is unchangeable,it lays a burden on your soul,and no matter how hard you try,that burden remains in there,nobody ever gets the chance to free yourself from that burden...but luckily,if life gaves you one...you take it as one last chance to undo the sin...jsut with one wish at the end...TO RELEASE YOUR SOUL FROM THE CHAINS OF GUILT...AND FEEL FREE,TO LOVE...ONCE AGAIN...
I had already discussed about the feeling of gulit in another post of mine,months ago.
as viewers,we never really,got to know,how Suraj's growing years have been like...all I am writing further,is purely based on my speculations...that I felt after watching few things in the show,regarding Suraj.
Before the leap,we got a 14-15 year old teenager,and after the leap,we got a maybe 28 year old,young man...
What must have been his,growing years be like...as once told by him,he used to hate Chakor,for hsi father's attention,coz he was always behind him,,he held that little girl responsible for his father's lack of attnetion,at his side,which he as the only child,was vying for.
I know Suraj has always been the bad person...but we all know,how all his virtues was hidden inside him,we all know how vulnerable and emotional,he is inside,how perfectly he camouflaged his overly-sensitive heart,with a veil of fake ego and stone-heartedness.
who was with him in his growing years...the most sensitive phase for an adolescent.
A father...who was always more interested in his own needs,happily married to his aunt.
A mother...who was much more interested fighting her,'souten',and her son.
A cousin brother...with whom,he never really got along.
we were never shown these things,but who was there with him in those days,to share some sweet-nothings of the heart...
after leap,he was shown as the right-hand man of his father,with two trusted assistants...whom he considered as more as his friends...Imli and Shikhu.
yeah,we never got to see such buddy bondings,but they were his fav,and we all know that...one of them betrayed him just as Brutus betrayed Julius Caesar...
who was the other left...his "sabse pyaari karam-karam chaari"...as said by him,the one girl who had a one-side love on him.
she had always been her child-hood friend of his growth years,yes he was never behaved propely with her as a friend,because of their 'master-slave" relation,or beacuse of their status gap...but he did cared for her,from always...in a very restarined manner.
can anyone imagine...how must he have felt,when this relation,which was indeed special to him,,,gave him THE BLACK SPOT...of his life,for he did involved in the most unchangeable bitter truth of his life,,,,he slept with her,making her pregnant.At first,he was least bothered about it,but once he realized it...SURAJ RAJVANSHI WAS LEFT TOTALLY BRUISED AND SCRATCHED DEEP INSIDE,NEVER TO BE REPAIRED...
yeah,I do agree that Imli was equally responsible in that unfortunate pregnancy,due to her own faults...but as a girl,especially hailing from an indian,rural background,we know,how it must have been feeling...
To lose your virginity,before marriage...
To become an unwed mother...
To feel motherhood,a blessing turned into a curse,instead...
No matter how,happy the life turns out to be,later on,this is a BLACK SPOT in the life of Imli,...who was responsible for it,the answer is...SURAJ!!!
This is the guilt that holds him,that is not allowing him,to move on,smoothly..!!!
When Imli had told Suraj,regarding her pregnancy,the first thing he immediately,tolh her to abort it...brutally kill a still unborn life.
this thing he remembered when he walked out of the hospital,after her miscarriage...I remember he looked upwards the sky and shouted..."haan,hum chaahte the ki woh bachcha mar jaaye,pat tune hamaari baat itni jaldi kaise sun li..??"
He felt that his harsh words,striked god,and the child was no more...
The day,he was preparing the date for Chakor,and imli had came there,he remembered her accident and said,that she would not have come there,but when Imli told him about her good news...how happy he was...!!!
I sensed a strange calmness on his face,the way he put his hands on her head and hugged her,followed bu blessing her...how realeased he must have been feeling inside,coz God is finally giving Imli,what she wanted with most desparation,what she had lost once,probably because of his harsh words,that too at the same very spot...
That day,I sensed a calmness,a peace,,,,that oh finally,my soul is released from the guilt,that has been haunting him...
A SINNER WHO REPENTS LIKE THIS IS WAY MORE GREATER THAN AN ANGEL,WHO HAS NEVER EVER COMMITED ANY FAULT...
This is what keeps connected Suraj with Imli...I feel that the day,he sees her with a born child,playing,giggling in her lap...HE SOUL WOULD SELL HIS HEART,MIND AND BODY,,,FREE.
Chakor-
She helds an entirely diiferent position in his life,were Imli cant even reach upto the vicinity...for unlike her,he has loved only once in his life...he has loved her in a way,which no one can...for she is her goddess,her angel,as he says she has made him what he is today,whatever he is...and he owes his life to her.[Suraj's love for Chakor is an entire different topic,I would come to this in "love is always right'..very soon]
till the times,his regard was much more than his love...he never ever even touched her,without her consent.for no matter how much,he felt for her...HE NEVER TRIED TO GET CHAKOR FOR HIM.
but times have changed,now as time is paasing by,separtion,distance,some mu,presence of another man,has inflicted upon him,a different feeling...NOW HE DESIRES HER,HE WANTS HER...
Segragation of respect for both women-
Suraj loves Chakor,and more than anything,he respects her,,,that is a fact.
and his respect for Imli comes nowhere...
Take this...on the day of 'karva-chauth',to save Vivaan's life,Suraj and Imli did an act where Suraj disrobed Imli in public,on her insistence.
Tell me,just suppose if chakor would have been in that place of Imli,and she would have come up with any such idea of dosrobing...what Suraj would have been done then??
The answer is,he would have let Vivaan die,he would have let himself die,,but never ever had done such act with Chakor,so what if it would have been fake...THIS IS THE COMPARISON OF POSITION OF BOTH WOMEN IN HIS LIFE...
still how can anyone think,that he helds Imli high in his life,more than Chakor...
He supposedly fell in love with Imli...just because Chakor said,.."Suraj tum Imli se pyar karte ho..!!!"
He fell out in love with Imli...just because Chakor said,..."Suraj tum Imli se pyar nahi karte,yeh tumhaara pachtaava hai,ji tumse yeh sab karwaa rahaa hai...!!!"
Still need an explanation...???
Forgiveness_
Now many can say,that he did wrong with imli,,,and for correcting that,he is doing so much to her...what about Chakor???...when he had done much wrong with her.
So friends,let me share a persnal experience thing here,,,,there are 4 persons in my life,whom I love more than myself,for whom I can put my life at stake...they are my parents,my elder sis,and my childhood bestie...
lets leave parents,coz they have an altogether different position of regard.
There are many instances in my life,where I had the most heart-wrenching,tearing,extremely hurtful encounters with both of my sis and bestie...many times I have terribly wronged them,many times they pained me greatly...but never ever I remember one single incident that whoever fault it was...that I had ever apologised to them,or they had to say sorry for anything...you know why???
coz 'apologies'...'sorries'...'forgiveness'...these are noyhing but sheer formalities,and the most close,soulfull relations,have no room for formalities,,,,
I n such relations,when you are wrong,you really not need to seek an apology,you just need to go and hug,you just need to show that you are sorry,from your actions,from you eyes,not from your mouyh.
Such is the soulfull connection between Sukor,,,where there should be no room for formality.for how gulity suraj is for her deeds in regard to Chakor...reflects in his attitude.
For instance,he had make fun of her slavery many a times,but when he was himself stamped,and he saw the stamp in her wrist,,,,what he said..."achha hua jo hum us waqt nahi the,varna yeh paap bhi hamaare sar aata..!!!"...not a sorry,no apologies,this one dialogue of him,the guilt,the concern,hidden underneath,,,washed away all his faults,of the times when he made fun of her slavery.
Suraj overall-
so this is him,this is what I have seen in him,for the little I tried to understand him...he had once said to chakor,the day he fought with vivaan for trying to kill her,there was a sukor scene after that,when Chakor accuse him of still not changing...to which he just said..."Kab samjhogi hame,Chakor...!!!"...in that one dialogue there was so much,his helplessness of being wronged each time,of not being understood...
and the truth his,when she did'nt undrestands him,how can I,or anyone else!!!
This is Suraj Rajvanshi...
the one who never disowns his words,
the one who only wants to be accepted,
the one who has forgotten himself,
the one who is left with no ambition,
the one who holds a black spot in his life,
the one who continuously is needed to prove...THAT HE HAS INDEED CHANGED.
why cant we all accept him the way he is,,,,,why???
yes he had always done wrong,he is doing wrong,and maybe continue doing wrong...but one thing is a truth...AT HEART HE IS WAS,IS AND WILL BE NEVER WRONG...HIS ACTIONS,DESICIONS MAYBE...!!!
why we all want a crystal clear life for him,why everybody seeks for the shining stars,and overlook the darkness that surrounds it,when the darkness is more intense,more real,more effective.
My dad always say this-
"DHOOND UJDE HUYE,LOGON MEIN WAFAA KE MOTI,
YEH KHAZAANE TUJHE MUMKIN HAI KHARAABON MEIN MILE''
it means,that one should seek true love in destroyed people,with dark past,coz only they could provide the gem of true love in its purest form..
Suraj Rajvanshi-the best in everything,but a terribbly failed lover and husband,but I have my faith on him,one day he will be rise above everything as the best LOVER AND HUSBAND... for he is the mighty SUN...the one who rises,the one who sets...it's he who brings in the morning,its he who is responsible for the night...
..
P.S-sorry for the spelling mistakes.
-Rabiaš
thanks for the patience to read everything and bearing with me.š
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