Chapter One
"Who am I? A victim of religion or misguided thinking?
Who am I? A victim of terror and fear psychosis?
I was uprooted from my own home,
I became destitute in my own country,
My own turned against me; my own neglected me;
I am a refugee!
I wander here and there like a nomad;
I hardly figure in any of your memories!
I am still alive, struggling, suffocating,
Calling out for help, trying to reach out to you!
I am trying to make my voice heard;
Still I am unheard!
It is my saga of pain, loss and betrayal!
What happened to me was not an accident
To be forgotten in apathy!
It is a living nightmare!
Don't I have a claim on all of you;
Your thoughts, your memories and your humanity?"
A few days later,
Sister Christina had just arrived after her attending the Christian Peace Conference in Mumbai and Sister Susan was preparing to leave Kashmir once and for all to the very place Sister Christina had come from, Mumbai, which would be the new place she was assigned by the Ministry to take the message and purpose of the Almighty forward.
Christina: Now that I am back, it looks like home now. I just could not stand the crowds or the dirt or the noise of Mumbai. How silent and calm our valley looks!
Susan: Say how deathly, Sister Christina! If you came looking for peace and calm, our valley is the last place you will find it. After seeing the things I have seen in the past couple of days, I am glad that I am leaving this place forever.
Christina: I was busy with the conference and did not keep track of what was happening in the outside world.
Susan: It was all over the papers. Have a look at these newspaper clippings and pamphlets! You will get to know. Kashmir is not what it used to be.
Sister Christina glanced at the headlines and the pamphlets and looked greatly shocked. She was unable to make sense of any of it.
*One newspaper headline screamed, "Mass exodus of 300000 Kashmiri Pandits"
*Another line from a pamphlet menacingly incited, "Convert, Leave the Land, or Die!"
*Yet another pamphlet threatened, "Recognize the writing on the wall! This land is not yours!"
*"Hindu political leader in Kashmir, Pandit Tikka Lal Taploo gunned down by armed intruders" ran a newspaper headline
*One account said, "The black night of 19th January, 1990 passes; hundreds killed, women raped, houses burnt and thousands find themselves in refugee camps in highly pitiable conditions"
*Yet another newspaper article ran like this, "Complete breakdown of law and order in the Kashmir valley as mobs go on a rampage; Section 144 and Curfew imposed to bring the situation under control"
Susan: This is the ground reality of Kashmir!
Christina: What are the police and administration doing? Aren't they trying to control it?
Susan: They are but it is still not enough. Inspector Ahmad Khan tells me that it has been many days since he has even slept. Their phone hasn't stopped ringing. He has been continuously on duty without a break. They go to the places from where they receive the calls but it is too late by the time they reach there.
Christina: I never thought things would come to such a pass!
Susan: Nobody imagined anything so terrible before this. There are many times when I lose faith after the things I have seen in the past few days. I just want to get out of here. Except for that child, there is nothing more left for me here.
Christina: Which child?...
Susan: I'll tell you later! Now I have a very urgent phone call to make! I'll join you later!
A couple of minutes after this conversation, Sister Susan was found speaking on the phone in this manner, "Ji, Inspector Saab! Bachchi mere saath hi hain! Koi aaya uske liye? Koi uska apna? Maine aapko sab kuch bataya hain! Aapko patha chala uska ghar kahan hai?" (Yes, Inspector Saab! The child is with me! Did anybody come for her? Any of her relatives? I told you everything! Did you trace where her house is?)
The reply at the other end didn't seem to be very favorable because when Sister Susan hung up the phone, her whole face seemed very dejected and disappointed. If there was one thing she wanted to do before going away to Mumbai, it was to find the little girl's home or parents.
In these few days, the small girl had clung to her like a vice. She wouldn't talk to anybody but her. She would eat food only if she was present. She would remain confined to her room all day long. She would shut all the doors and windows of her room and close all the curtains. She sat the whole day, stand-still like a statue, staring listlessly at the wall opposite her or at the ceiling.
The doctor who had been summoned to examine Jodha said that there was nothing physically wrong with the child. The traumatic incidents which she had witnessed had left her mentally and emotionally scarred for life. The girl was in urgent need of psychiatric counseling and help such as would help her get over whatever she had seen and experienced.
Sister Susan came to pay a visit to little Jodha who was sitting in her room.
Susan: Can I come in?
The little girl did not say anything. But her expressions showed that she was terribly relieved to see the kind and compassionate eyes of the Sister who had saved her. After a while, the little girl spoke, "Why do you always keep going off? Why can't you remain with me?"
Susan: Because that's my work! But I come back to you the minute I am free, don't I?
The little girl spoke nothing in reply to this!
Susan: Koi aur dost bana? (Did you make any friends?)
Jodha: Koi nahin! (Nobody!)
Susan: Then go outside! Talk to people! Make friends! How long will you remain in this room like this all alone?
Jodha: Until you come! Don't you know? It is dangerous outside! See I have closed all the doors, widows and curtains of this room. I have also filled two full buckets of water in my bathroom. Now we are safe in here. Listen to me! You also don't go out! It isn't safe! I am telling you because you are good and not like others outside!
Sister Susan did not say anything. She just hugged the small child tight to her chest. She said within herself, "Will two buckets of water be able to quench that enormous hatred outside? Will these paltry and meager doors and windows protect anybody against all those humongous hordes who are flaying for the blood of their fellow humans? How will anybody be safe in a place where many cannot differentiate between what is faith and what is fanaticism? They have lost their path and know not!They know not reason nor are ready to hear it if somebody tells them! I am happy that I am going away from here. I only wish I could find you a home before I go! I am all that you have for now. If I too go away then..."
Sister Susan shook her head to shake off this disturbing thought. She spoke something else to divert the controversial topic.
Susan: Alright! You can go out when you like and feel safe! Do you know what I brought along with me? I have some fairy tales along with me. You won't feel bored from now on if I have to go out. See these books. They have such beautiful pictures. How wonderful, isn't it? Would you like me to read them to you?
Jodha looked very curious. She nodded her head. Sister Susan began reading the story of Cindrella. "Long long ago, there lived a girl named Cinderella!...
In a big tea estate in Kashmir,
A lady who wore a black veil around her head was searching for somebody. She had a very imposing and regal appearance. Once upon a time, she must have been very beautiful but the lines and creases on her forehead had diminished it to some extent. She came across a few workers who were picking tea leaves and asked them, "Aapne Jalal ko dekha?" (Did you see Jalal?)
The two workers nodded, "Nahin Begum Sahiba! Hum ne Choote Sarkar ko nahin dekha!" (No Begum Sahiba! We didn't see Choote Sarkar!)
The lady whom these workers addressed as Begum Sahiba was Hamida Bano the owner of this vast tea estate and two others like this! The person whom she was searching was her eight-year old son Jalaluddin Akbar who had the knack of getting into scrapes due to his adventurous nature.
He loved everyone around him and was the apple of everyone's eyes. He was so sweet and lovable that he knew not what tears really were. He always loved to smile and keep the people round him smiling and happy. He never cared about stature or associating with people of his own class or religion.
At this precise moment he was saving a roadside puppy from coming in front of a truck. The puppy was hurt and unable to move aside. He jumped in front of the truck! Hamida Bano who beheld this at a distance screamed aloud, "Jalal!..." She shut her eyes and closed her ears with her hands in an instinctual reaction as though this would make the huge truck stop wherever it was. But luckily, the truck actually screeched to a creaking halt. The driver applied the sudden brakes and came running to the little boy to examine if he was hurt!
Hamida Bano came running to Jalal as well, and slapped him left and right as she hugged him and started crying, "Koi aise kartha hai kya? Tumhe kuch ho jatha tho?" (Does anybody do like this? If something happened to you?)
Smiling naughtily, Jalal said, "See here Ammi! Nothing happened to me! The puppy is also safe!"
The truck driver was perfectly incredulous when he heard the little boy's confession of why he had jumped in between his truck, "Bhagwan ka Shukra hai brake lag gaya! Is chotisi puppy ke liye tumne apni jaan Khatre main daala?" (God is gracious! The brakes did not fail! You put your own life in danger for this small puppy?)
Jalal: Haan, uncle! Brake lag gayi aur Puppy bachgayi! (Yes, uncle! The brakes did not fail and the puppy got saved!)
Driver: What if the brakes failed? Both you and the puppy would have been gone!
Jalal: But it didn't, did it? Because God wanted to save both of us! Nothing happens without God's mercy! The puppy had to be saved so the Khudah sent me to save it! Everything happens only because of God's design!
Driver: Beta, you saved just one puppy here! What about those thousands of puppies that always keep coming in front of other trucks like mine?
Jalal: Yeh mere haath main tha aur maine bachaya! Kam seh kam is Puppy ko mere wajah seh farak pada! Agar un sare puppies ko bachna hota, kisi aur Jalal ko Allah wahan bhi bhejdenge! (This was in my hands and I saved it! At least I made a difference to this one puppy. If it was written in the fate of all those puppies to survive, Allah would send one more Jalal there too!)
Driver: Kamaal ho tum, Betaji! Aur Bahadur bhi! (You are really great, Son! And courageous too!)
Jalal: Uncle do you know what is the most wrong thing in this world? One who can do something to save somebody just stands and watches doing nothing! When we can make a difference, we have to make a difference instead of standing in the vast crowd and getting lost in it! We have to standout among the crowd!
Hamida Bano lamented, "Yeh aisa hi hai! Laaparva!" (He is like that only! Careless!)
Jalal: Laaparva nahin, Ammi! Bahut parva!(Not careless, Ammi! I care a lot!)
Hamida: Jo bhi ho! Mujh seh baat math karna, Jalal! Tuh kab sudhrega? (Whatever it is! Don't talk to me! When will you mend your ways?)
Jalal cheekily, "Par Ammi, main khab bigda?" (But Ammi, when did I go wrong?)
Hamida caught hold of his left cheek and took him along with her while reprimanding him for his amiable follies, "Jalal tum bhi na..." (Jalal, you too na...)
That evening,
Hamida Bano was giving instructions to her manager, "Jaimal Bhaisa, I have kept some clothes, necessary essentials and sweets for the children of the orphanage over there! Will you please give it to them on your way home?
Jaimal: As you please Begum Sahiba!
Bano: Not Sabiba! Behen! I still remember how when Jalal's Abbajaan passed away and all the estates were under litigation, you stood beside us! You gave me, Jalal and Bakshi shelter and fought the court case on our behalf. I cannot thank you or Bhabhi Jaan enough for all this! You are not an employee for me. Apnon seh bad kar apne hain aap hamare! Bhai hai aap hamare aur Jalal aur Bakshi ke Mamu Jaan! ( You are more our own than our own were to us! You are my brother and Jalal and Bakshi's Mamu Jaan!)
Jaimal: I just discharged my duties like a true Rajput. I did not do anything extraordinary! My work for today is over. I will go now to the orphanage if you want!
At this point, their conversation was interrupted by little Jalal!
Jalal: Ammi, can I go with Mamu Jaan? I have completed my homework! Can I go and play with the kids there?
Bano: Theek hain! Par koi bamaashi nahin! Aur Mamu Jaan ko bilkul thang nahin karoge! ( Yes! But you will not do any mischief! And you will not cause any trouble to Mamu Jaan!)
Just as Jaimal and Jalal were about to leave for the orphanage, Hamida stopped them for a moment. Her voice and expressions were laced with an undercurrent of fear as she said, "Jaimal Bhai Saab, dhyan seh! Baahar mahaul bahut kharab chal raha hai!" (Careful, Jaimal Bhai Saab! The situation outside is very bad!)
Jaimal: What will happen to me? I have lived here all my life. Everybody here know me and respect me. I have nothing to fear from any of them!
Hamida: Phir bhi savdhan rehne main hi samajdhari hai! (Even then, it is wise to be careful!)
She turned to Jalal and said, "Jalal, if both of you meet a group of strangers on the road and they begin asking questions, you will confidently tell that your name is Jalaluddin Akbar and that he is your Mamu Jaan! Will you?"
Jalal smilingly said, "Of course, Ammi! If I will not call Mamu as Mamu, what else will I?"
For some strange reason, Hamida did not share her son's merriment. Her expressions looked strangely troubled and disturbed.
Precap: Jalal asked a scared Jodha whose face hesitantly peered across a tiny opening in the window, "Kya tum mera dost banogi?" He wasn't able to see her full face. All he saw were her full, lustrous brown and hazel eyes which wore a perpetual hunted look.
PS: My FF on Chandini: Written by Destiny and Etched in Blood
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