Raman was stunned to read that ishita lost their first baby.he crushed on the floor lifelessly reading this while tears made ways down his cheeks.he held his head in sheer worry and said-aisa kaise ho sakta hai,meri jaan meri biwi pregnant thi,aur phir usne hamara bachcha bhi kho diya anc I dont even know .aur ishita ne kabhi mujhe bataya bhi nahi yaa phir shayad Maine hi usse kabhi mauka nahi diya hoga.he thought and start reading the diary again ,as he want to know what else she has shared with her diary but not him.actually he was never with him to hear and sooth her pain.
I lost my baby,hamara bachcha nahi raha .main Raman ko kya jawaab dungi that I couldn't take care of our baby.itni bade mishap ke baad aaj ek aisi khushi milli thi ki main Raman ke chehre par muskaan dekh sakti thi but I lost it also.I am sorry raman,I am so sorry.I couldn't protect our happiness, I couldn't protect our baby.
Raman was crying reading that even after going through such a big loss,all she can think was him.he turned the page to read further.
With trembling hands,I took phone to call him and pour my pain on him,so that he can sooth all my pain,but he didn't picked the phone.after many calls he finally picked the call and before I say anything ,he said- jaan why u didn't come to the party.u know what happened a client came with shivam uncle.he want to sign a mutimillion project with our company ,so I didn't think for another second and we all came to Singapore.sorry couldn't inform u and pick ur call.actually everything happened so suddenly that I couldn't inform u.abhi bhi bahut mushkil se baat kar paa raha hoon.everyone is calling me,OK bye baad mein baat karenge.saying so he hung the call without listening to me.I was shattered ,shattered beyond words.ek taraf mains hamara bachcha kho diya,aur dusri taraf Raman is also not with me.bilkul akeli pad gayi hoon main.I tried to call him but soon his phone got switched off.I cried throwing the phone.the day passed in a jiffy and so was the night,whole day and night I cried cried and cried but there was noone to wipe my tears.next day I got discharged ,I came back home,our empty home,jahan naa Raman the aur naa hamare aane wale bachche ki aahat,thi tih sirf khamoshi.I went to our bedroom and cried for longer hugging Raman's pic.bahut baat ki ,shikayatein bhi ki.but naa unhone mere aansu poche naa mujhe gale lagaya.
Raman couldn't read further as his view got blurry due to contant tears ,he kept the diary aside and start crying hiding his face in his palm.
After he felt little light,he took the diary and start reading again.
Days start passing,everyday I call Raman and he talks only about his ongoing project,a project which will make him more rich then appa and abhi.I tried to tell him about my miscarriage many time but stopped hearing his excitement about his new project.unki khushi kaise cheen sakti hoon,unki khushi ke liye hi toh jeeti hoon,so I decided to tell him about my miscarriage only when he come back.he came back after twenty days.twenty long days of sorrow and loneliness.I so wanted to go running to him and hugged him tight,cry my heart and let him consume my sorrows,let him consume me.but aisa kuch nahi hua,Raman ghar aayen hi nahi.he went directly to his office sending lots of gifts for me through the driver.kya meri bas itni hi jagah hai unki zindagi mein.kya mujhe sirf unse gift chahiye.no Raman I want u,I want ur time.I want ur arms around me.mujhe sone ka ghar ,chandi ka bister nahi chahiye,I want u and ur arms around me Raman.I just want u.
And then he came at midnight,all exhausted .I ran to hug him but he stopped me and said- I am tired jaan.will talk later.saying so he went without hearing my reply.aisa lagaa jaise woh mere Raman mere appa ho.he was not my Raman,he was not soft and gentle like my Raman.he was heartless like my appa.who couldn't see the hurt in my eyes.sab kuch badal gaya,Raman ke liye unka business mujhse jyada important ho gaya .main kahin nahi reh gayi.we hardly talk,actually he hardly talk to me.he was so busy in his work that he came home after I sleep and go when I was still asleep.most of the time he is out of country leaving me alone.I started missing him badly but can't do anything.Raman mujhse dur jaa rahen hai aur main unhe rok bhi nahi paa rahi.main nahi kehti ki paisa kamana galat hai but uske liye unhone mujhe akela kar diya.woh itne aage badh gaye ji main peeche chut gayi.kabhi kabhi jab paise kama kar thak jaate then he came to me to seek solace and we get lost in each other,but those moments were so less that I can even count them.
It's been six months since I lost my baby,as it was only mine coz Raman don't even know about it.in these six months,I have been through hell.I couldn't eat,sleep and live.ab toh saansein lena bhi mushkil lag raha hai.itne din Raman ke bina reh liya ,samajh gayi hoon now I am not anymore important for him.unhe koi fikr nahi hai meri,ab unhone mere bina jeena seekh liya hai.woh mere bina bhi khush hai,par main kaise khush rahun.meri toh zindagi ki khushi bhi wahin hai aur meri zindagi bhi wahi hai.
Sab kuch kar ke dekh liya,Raman se pyaar nahi karne ki koshish karke ,unse baat kare ki koshish karke,doctor ke paas bhi chali gayi .but still neither I can stop myself from loving him nor I can bear his ignorance.ab toh aisa ho gaya hai ki zindagi bojh ban gayi hai.today I understood why amma committed suicide even after having lots and lots of money.I still remember her last words,murugan kare tumhe kabhi mere suicide ka kaaran na samajh aaye.wish u get someone who will love u unconditionally. But see amma I too got someone who loves his money more then me.toh shayad aaj main bhi ussi mod par khadi hoon jahan kabhi amma khadi thi.Raman ne mere liye bhi koi raasta nahi choda.amma I am coming to u,aapke paas toh mere liye samay hoga naa amma.
Raman was stunned to read this that he took ishita to a level where she was thinking to end her life.he read the last written page of the diary.
Today I am going to Raman's office,appointment liya hai apne hi pati se milne kaa,woh bhi bahut mushkil se mila hai.woh insaan jiski duniya hi main thi,aaj mujhe usse milne ke liya duniya se ijazat leni pad rahi hai.never mind,it's the last day of all my sufferings and last day of my life .going to tell him that I want to divorce him.mujhe pata bahut egotistic ho gaye hai.turant de denge talaak kyunki unhe lagta hai ki woh apne paison se sab kuch kharid sakte hai,apni ishita ko bhi.par woh nahi jaante ki main mausam nahi hoon Jo laut kar aaun.main chali jaaungi unki zindagi se bhi aur iss duniya se bhi.kabhi naa laut kar aane ke liye.
Just wish ki Raman ko kabhi naa pata chale ki main kahan gayi.yaa phir woh mere Raman ban jaaye aur mujhe seene se lagaa kar keh dein,sorry jaan.let's start afresh.main ek pal nahi lagaungi sab kuch bhool jaane mein.
Raman put the diary aside and cried hiding his face in his palm to his heart content.when he felt little lite he got and went to see her.she was sleeping keeping her hand under her head.
Raman smiled in between his tears and lay down beside her.he cupped her face in his palm and said showering kisses on her face- I am so sorry babu,so sorry.Maine tumhe itni takleef di tumhe ki tum mujhe chod kar jaana chahti thi.I don't know when and how I became so selfish and proudy ki main tumhari takleef nahi dekh paaya,tumhara akelapan nahi dekh paaya.tumhe dard pe dard deta chala gaya.aur tumhari shikayat bhi ansuni kar di,tumhe itna akela kar diya ki tum jeena bhool gayi.mere kaaran marne jaa rahi thi.tumhare saath itna kuch hua aur mujhe pata bhi nahi chala.bahut galti ki hai Maine jaan,but still I love u alot.chahe kitni bhi galti ki ho Maine but sachchai yahin hai ki still I can't live without u ,agar tumhe kuch ho jaata toh main jee nahi pata.main maar daalta khud ko.trust me jaan,still u r the most important person of my life.I love u alot.he said hugging her tight while his tears were wetting her clothes.feeling heaviness and wetness on her ishita opened her eyes.
That's all for now.enjoy and do comment and hit like.will wait for it.
Ps- 200+ likes with long comments for next updt.
CID
Anupamaa
3