Sidharth-Shivaay SS: Because You Promised - Chapter 4 10/25 [Pg. 6] - Page 5

Eight Years Ago

Shivaay was stretched out on the couch in Sidharth's loft while the man himself sat cross legged on the floor in front of him. The television was on and the movie they'd been watching was coming to an end.

"I was serious about earlier, you know?" Sidharth said, leaning his head back to look at Shivaay.

"About what?"

"About telling my parents and everyone else that will listen about us," Sidharth answered. Shivaay shifted uncomfortable then reached his hand over his head to pick up his phone.

"It's late. I should be getting back home," Shivaay said. Sidharth and him stood up at the same time; Sidharth's gaze was hard while Shivaay avoided looking at him altogether.

"Shiv, why are you so adamant on not wanting your family to know?" Sidharth asked, his tone sharp. Shivaay sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Here we go, he thought. The arguments about this same topic had been normal for the past couple of weeks and Shivaay was nearing his wits end.

"Why are you so hell bent on wanting everyone to know?" Shivaay asked.

"Because I want to be able to touch or kiss you when I want, wherever I want. I'm sick and tired of hiding, Shiv. I just want to be with you as a whole," Sidharth said, the anger and impatience clear in his voice. The mere thought of telling his parents about what he felt for Sidharth sent chills through Shivaay's spine.

"Why does it always be about you? When will it be about me?" Shivaay asked. Sidharth stared at him before his gaze turned angry and he narrowed his eyes at him.

"I haven't said anything yet because of you so don't you f**king dare make this about me forcing my decisions on you," Sidharth growled.

"Isn't that always the case, though? We got into this relationship because of you, Sidharth," Shivaay snapped back.

"Last time I checked, a relationship worked with two people and not just one. I have no shame in admitting to people that I prefer men over women, f**k it, I think about 80% of the people we know already know about my preference. But you, you can't even grow the balls to tell your parents you don't want to move back to Chicago," Sidharth hissed.

"Really? You're going to pull that on me?" Shivaay asked.

"Yes I am! Shivaay," Sidharth grabbed onto Shivaay's shoulders and forced him to look at Sidharth directly in the eye. "I want to spend my life with you. Why won't you give me that?"

"Because I can't okay?!" Shivaay yelled pulling away from Sidharth. "You may not have any morals but I do!"

"Then why'd you fall for me?" Sidharth countered. Shivaay's eyes were spitting fire and Sidharth clenched his fist.

"You know what, I can't take this shit anymore, Sidharth. Every day it's you trying to push me to tell my family about us and I just can't take it anymore," Shivaay growled shaking his head.

"I'm not pushing you into doing anything except being happy and if tha-."

"I'm done, Sidharth. This...I can't do this anymore with you. I'm calling it quits," Shivaay's voice was menacing while Sidharth felt all the anger drain from him as he stared at Shivaay with his jaw hanging open, his brain trying to process what had just happened. When he found he could speak again, he strode forward and gripped Shivaay's wrist.

"This is a joke right? We're not calling it quits because you're too afraid to want your happiness," Sidharth said, his voice hard. Shivaay's green eyes turned to him and narrowed before he pulled himself free.

"No. I'm calling it quits because I need to sort out what I feel for you and more importantly, I need to sort out my career," Shivaay said, shaking his head. Sidharth felt a burst of pain in his chest as he heard those words.

"And what about me?" Sidharth asked, his voice small. Shivaay's green gaze surveyed him before he turned and strode out the door and out of Sidharth's life.

"You'll manage." Were the only parting words.

Shivaay hadn't come back the next day, or the day after. For two weeks, Sidharth waited for Shivaay to walk through that door and tell him that he'd made his mind up and wanted Sidharth in his life. Weeks turned into months and months into years. Life moved on and Sidharth put his head down and set to work for his father's business.

The next time he met Shivaay was two years after he walked out on him at a business meeting. Sidharth had initially thought it would've been Tej Oberoi leading the meeting, but it had turned out to be the eldest Oberoi son staring at him with those incredible emerald eyes of his from across the room and stealing his breath away.

They hadn't talked, rather, Shivaay had ignored him altogether and while it had stung, Sidharth's ego wouldn't let him take the step forward and speak to Shivaay because after all those years of waiting, Sidharth refused to be the one to bend and weaken. Not many people knew but there was only one weakness that could tear down Sidharth Vikram Rana and that was Shivaay Singh Oberoi.

Then Mallika had come into Sidharth's life. To shut up his nagging parents, Sidharth had agreed for the marriage but his heart was never in it. The pretense of being in love had been too much to handle and his mind kept screaming Shivaay's name over and over again. Thus, here he was. Sitting at the edge of his bed in the Oberoi mansion, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands cushioning his face as he ventured down memory lane.

Shivaay had pushed him away and darted down the hallway while Sidharth had stayed put, watching the man who gripped his heart in the palm of his hand run away from him for the second time in his life.

A knock sounded on the door and broke him from his thoughts, lifting his gaze he grunted a "Come in" and was met with Om edging into his room. An involuntary grin touched his lips and Sidharth stood up.

"Hey Rapunzel," Sidharth said. For the first time since he'd arrived, Sidharth didn't get a blush from Om but rather a questioning eyebrow.

"You don't mind the nickname do you?" Sidharth asked, grinning widely. Om responded by shrugging and sending him a shy smile.

"So, what are you doing breaking into my room?"

"I'm not breaking in. I knocked!" Om said defensively, his eyes looking around for a place to sit. Sidharth stepped aside and signaled towards the bed. That, got him a raging blush from the spectacled man across from him.

"I promise I'll keep my hands to myself, come on. Sit down," Sidharth said holding his hands up in defense. Om shuffled forward before he plopped down next to the spot where Sidharth had been sitting earlier. Sidharth took a seat next to him and gazed at him.

"What's up?" He asked. Om bit his lip before he shifted nervously.

"Do you...Have you known Shivaay for a long time?" Om asked. Sidharth took a moment to answer, contemplating what he should tell Om and what he shouldn't.

"We worked together in the same company after University before joining our family business," Sidharth told Om. He didn't say anymore and Om nodded, happy with that little tidbit of info.

"How come you didn't come stay with us before?" Om asked.

Because you walked out on me and took my heart with him. "Got so caught up in work that I forgot about good friends," Sidharth answered instead.

"So if you're free tonight, I was wondering if you'd want to watch American Horror Story with Rudy and me?" Om asked. Sidharth looked at him and when he found no traces of shyness, he breathed a sigh of relief and grinned at him.

"Sure thing, Rapunzel, but only if you can convince your eldest brother to join us. It's about time he looks at a screen other than his phone's," Sidharth chuckled. Om smiled happily at him before standing up and pushing his glasses up his nose.

"We finish dinner by 7:30 so how about at 8?" Om asked.

"Sounds fantastic!" Sidharth agreed and Om left him to his thoughts.

~oOo~

"So you'll come?" Om asked. Shivaay looked up from the file he was reading and gave him a confused look.

"Shivaay, I've been here for the last ten minutes telling you about tonight's plan. Have you been listening to single word?" Om asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Shivaay put his file down and held his hands up in defense.

"Guilty as charged," Shivaay mumbled. "But I'll do whatever you guys want tonight."

The joy that he saw on Om's face almost made him wonder whether or not if he'd made the right decision in handing the evening to his younger brothers.

"As long as there is no drinking or women involved," Shivaay said sternly. Om rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"I'm not Rudy," was all he responded with and the two cracked identical grins.

"Besides, I don't think it would leave a good impression on Sidharth," Om said. Shivaay froze as he heard the name.

"He's going to be there?" Shivaay asked, the walls felt like they were closing in on him and a sheen of sweat broke out on his forehead. Why was hearing Sidharth's name making him feel like this? He'd never reacted this...well besides that one time Sidharth woke him up with his mouth wrapped aro-Shivaay jerked violently and barred his mind from going down that path in his memories.

"You okay?" Om asked.

"Yes, yes. I'm fine. I'll see you tonight," Shivaay said, hoping that Om would leave him alone. Thankfully he did and Shivaay fell on his back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

The day he'd walked out on Sidharth, Shivaay hadn't even gotten to his car and he'd regretted his decision immediately. But his ego and pride refused to let him return. Shivaay had steeled himself against anything from then on refusing to let anyone in like he'd done with Sidharth. He'd spent the years convincing himself that Sidharth was just a phase, but hearing about Sidharth's engagement had shocked him into oblivion.

His first instinct had been what it had always been with Sidharth. A loud "Mine!" ringing through his head followed by uncontrollable rage that had resulted in him heading into the kitchen and cooking a week's worth of food to cool himself down. Once he'd calmed down, Shivaay had chosen to drown himself into work. But when Sidharth's message finally came, Shivaay's elation had known no bounds. He'd been apprehensive but knowing Sidharth didn't hate him and trusted him enough to come to him after walking out of his own wedding had created hope within Shivaay, however much he tried to deny it.

Seeing Sidharth in all those business meetings he'd been forced to go and sit through had been enough torture but having him in his home was oddly comforting. But even though Sidharth had been very clear on what he felt for Shivaay, regardless of how much his heart soared, Shivaay couldn't bring himself to fall into bed with Sidharth again. He didn't trust himself enough. He'd end up walking out of the relationship like last time and if he did the same this time then Shivaay knew that there would be no third time.

Fear. That was what was driving him away from Sidharth and as much as it was hurting him, Shivaay couldn't bring himself to fight it because all he was doing was keeping Sidharth safe. He'd never hurt the man who meant so much to him more than he already did. He'd refuse Sidharth, he wouldn't give him the chance to get close to him and that way, Shivaay wouldn't hurt him. He'd only just gotten Sidharth back after so many years and he wouldn't lose him because he couldn't keep his emotions in check..