Aati hai saans mein saans
Jab tum hote ho
Jab tum hote ho
Main jeeti hoon mere paas
Jab tum hote ho
Jab tum hote ho
Mera hasna pagal jaisa
Mera rona badal jaisa
Sab lagta hai mujhe khaas
Jab tum hote ho
Her mind wandered back to that cursed night,when she in all her conscious, broke the heart of the only man who loved her irrationally irrevocably nd passionately without having any blood relation,her confident, best friend, her soulmate,husband, whom she once declared she loved, loves nd will keep on loving forever. The look in his eyes haunts her till date, everynight she prays durga maa to let her sleep in peace just for good 4-5 hours, nd everynight durga maa sends those mesmerizing but haunted eyes in her dreams,who knew that those same dreamy eyes will be a reoccurring nightmare for her? She certainly not.it still breaks something inside her when she remembers him begging her to listen to him nd not give up on them, how he forgot all his previous hurt nd dropped his pride just to stay close to her, he kept his heart infront of her,begging her to cherish it nd keep it close, nd what did she do? She walked all over it nd squashed it in front him mercilessly with cold eyes destroying the precious string they had between them. God knows how much she was breaking within while commiting the sin, her heart was bleeding, soul screeching not to destroy that beautiful soul that loves her with all his might, but whats the use when despite knowing it will break him for good, she still went ahead with it. She bloody knows he can nevr be the reason of her sister's pain, not because he cant, but coz he knows it will hurt her, nd world knows sanskar maheshwari can fight god but wont let himself hurt her.its not like she forgot all what their so called family did to them, she very well remembers all the accusations for their current misery as well as the traumatic period of them against whole family, she just chose to let it go. She forgave ragini, daadi, badi maa, baba everyone despite them wronging her severely, then y couldn't she give a chance to sanskaar to prove himself? Its her fantasy to try and keep her loved ones happy, to do every possible thing to keep them close nd let go fo their mistakes nd loving them unconditionally, since when she started forcing her whims nd fancies on him? She knew at that time that if anyone can bring lakshya back nd heal ragini's misery, then that's sanskaar. Swara always admired his strength, his determination,knowing he gives nothing or everything to the point that it consumes him, he is her superhero,her man who always proved to be her guiding light, encouraging her right decisions nd righting her wrong ones, did she forgot he had his own limits? Did she forgot that she is his strength nd if she snatches herself away from him than he will become what she is now? A mere shell?
Rehte ho honthon pe zikr banke
Dil mein ho tum hi fikr banke
Tumse hi toh mila pyar saara
Kya mujhme hai mera sab tumhara
Mera hasna pagal jaisa
Mera rona badal jaisa
Sab lagta hai mujhe khaas
Jab tum hote ho (x2)
Aati hai saans mein saans
Jab tum hote ho
Jab tum hote ho
Silent tears flowed down her eyes as she remembered his assurance to uttara's would be mother in law of them never uniting ever. It scared her, she never wants that, how dare he decide that for both of them? Heaven knows she is eagerly waitng for lucky's return so that she can she rushes back to him nd profess how much she loves him, then how can he say they wont meet ever? Swara let out a chuckle at that, didn't she most of the time took decisions for them? All alone? She decided they will fake marry, she decided they will separate, she decided he should marry kavita, she decided he should not be involved in her never ending missions, and again she decided they will part ways, albeit temperory,for whom?her sister nd his brother? Who never for once gave a positive thought for them? What wrong did sanskar do by handing lakshya over to police? That's what a caring sibling do, swara believes in forgive nd forget, what did she gain? Ragini's world still revolves around I me and myself, who is she kidding, this love for her will fly out of window once sanskaar brings lakshya back, she will happily fly back to lakshya forgetting all the sacrifices swara did for her. Nd swara will be left all alone trying to gather pieces of her broken heart with the hope that maybe in future she will too get a chance to run back to him, in his protective arms away from all the miseries of life.
Hope is what is left, but even that is quite far, not visible to her vacant eyes, it breaks her all over again when she remembers that sanskaar has given up on them, that his belief on their love has shaken, nd shaken to the worst. It breaks her heart to know that she has pushed him into darkness from which as he says, she brought him back once upon a time.
Swara knows she has done things very wrong this time, she had taken him for granted since so long and his patience gave up,he cant ear more hurt than inflicted already on him, by her, his family, brother, life in whole. Nd he has turned emotionless now, she knows it very well, being numb protects one from all types of pains, physical as well as emotional. Nd the scars she has given upon him are far too deep nd brutul to heal easily.
She knows only she can repair him, whether he lets her or not, problem is she doesn't know how to, is it her ego that let her hurt him this much or did she expected him to fulfill every expectation of hers to the point where it is hurtig him emotionally? she is surprised to see that his own family is treating him like nothing knowing he is not wrong. Truly its her doings that he is boring such results. Irony is, she knows it all, she knows she is his culprit yet she isn't doing anything.
She remembers his warning of him going to make her life hell once laksya returns. And its her only ray of hope, he doesn't know after what she had done, his every torture every pain will be a salve to the guilt weighing her heart,
she will heal him, she will revive old sanskaar back, she did it once, she certainly can do it back, sanskaar wont know what hit him, she is swara sanskar maheshwari as he loves to say, she is still sanskaar ki swara, let him make her life hell, Mr. maheshwari doesn't knows, hell is heaven when with him...
swara in months smiled from within nd closed her eyes, hoping that durga maa will send him again in her dreams..
and thats it, plz drop in honest reviews, criticism and everything, m no writer but i love the ideas nd have so many of them that cant help but en it down...
PS "hell is heaven with you" i stole this form many of leki"s captions and edits... 😛
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Shiv Shakti
