"At the end of the day it's about how much you can bear, how much you can endure. Being together, we harm nobody; being apart, we extinguish ourselves."
Tabitha Suzuma, Forbidden
They were both foolish. Both Swara and Sanskar felt that they were saving themselves from pain by being apart they didn't realize that their souls yearned to be together.
Swara had said to him.
"Main tumhara naam ka sindoor nahi lagoon gi"
Sansakr had said
"Zindagi bhar tumahy wapis nahi apnaoy ga"
Both of them were so angry that they didn't even realize what they were saying. All rational thoughts were pushed to the back when their anger took over. Anger at each other. He was angry that she refused to listen to him and she was angry on him for endangering her brother in laws life. For centuries there has been only one enemy of love and that's ego. Their ego was in full force that night logically they should have sat together and talked to each other and tried to understand each other's views. In the heat of the moment they didn't even realize what bond they were breaking. They forgot all the obstacles they had faced before finally marrying each other. Just like that their sacred vows meant nothing. All those promises they had made of staying together forever were forgotten in that moment. So foolishly they resorted to ending their relationship not knowing that destiny had brought them together and destiny would play its part again. Ironic wasn't it that their story had started when they hated each other and presumably ended in hatred. Wasn't hatred too a form of love. Since the person you hated would engulf your thoughts every now and than. They hadn't realised that even though they had separated their pathways one day they will meet again because they were each other's home.
"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it inflames the great."
Everyone was aware of the great love they shared. Time and distance made no difference. Six months had passed since that fateful night when they had parted ways. After their anger had calmed down that night both of them realized what they had done. Sanskar had walked into their room. Their special blue room in which they had shared numerous memories. There pictures still adorned the walls mocking him about a love lost. In his rage he had tried to remove them from the wall there wedding picture was about to fall and the glass would have broken if he hadn't catched it in time. He didn't know what possessed him to lunge forward and save that picture from breaking. However, he needed to put these pictures away somewhere he couldn't see them. He put them in box and shoved the box in her wardrobe. His wardrobe was empty with a jolt he realized that his clothes were still in Swara's parents house. He went into Lucky's room and took his night suit. Sanskar was ashamed of himself if his family wouldn't have stopped him he would have killed Laksh today. Where was his cousin and why hadn't he come back. He walked back to his room but sleep eluded him. The entire night the memory of Swara leaving assaulted his brain.
"How could she leave so easily?" He kept on asking himself.
She walked into her room at Badi his words still echoing in her ears. He had refused to accept her ever again in his life. Why had he forgotten every promise they had made to eachother? Why did he let his anger blind him into sending Laksh away? God knows what he had said to Laksh to force him to leave. She couldn't bear to see her sister in pain. She knew Ragini was missing Laksh and she would never forgive Sanskar for this. For today even after embracing victory she felt like a looser. She was a girl who prided herself in fixing everything but she couldn't even save her own relationship. Her eyes landed on their wardrobe. She could see his clothes still there reminding her of a life in which they shared everything. She furiously stashed them in a suitcase these clothes needed to go and so did everything that was associated with him. Sleep eluded her too. They were so dependant on each other that theu couldn't even sleep peacefully. She had send his clothes bag to his house the other day. After a few days she still felt incomplete. He had left a void in her life that she was sure no one could fill so she thought to open a wedding planning business to divert her thoughts away from him.
Six months passed and their business flourished. In these six months they hadn't seen each other once. Both of them had thought that with time they would forget each other. Sanskar had busied himself in finding Laksh and she was busy in running her own business but at night time when the world became quiet each other's memories refused to let them sleep. Their hearts didn't let them forget each other's laughter they ached to be with each other again.
Than one fateful day they came face to face again. All his leads regarding Laksh mysterious disappearance had gone cold. He had no idea where his brother was. He punched the punching bag again with such intensity that the bag broke from its rails and fell to the ground. His knuckles were bleeding but he ignored this pain. Nothing used to hurt him anymore after she had left. Just than Uttara walked in.
"Bhai I talked to Sameer. I told him we need to postpone the wedding till Laksh bhai is found but he wants to hold the engagement now" Uttara said
"Uttara can't you delay it further" He said wiping the sweat on his forehead with a towel
"I tried Bhai but we could use a little happiness after what happened six months ago." She said
"Okay go ahead"
"Bhai there is something else I want to ask you please don't say no. I want Bhabhi to be there. Actually I want her to organise the function. I have looked at the pictures of some of the events she has organised and they were so good" Uttara knew she was crossing a line
"She is not your Bhabhi. I think she made that awfully clear six months ago. How many times I have told you not to take her name in front of me" He roared in anger
"Please bhai, I just want a normal function after the whole fiasco with Rajat. Please do it for me" She said with tears in her eyes.
"Okay I am only doing this for you."
"Thanks Bhai. You are the best" She ran away happily.
Uttara had always been his weakness. So now he would be meeting her after 180 days. God give him strength to face her again.
Ragini walked into their office. She had just received Uttara's call telling her that Sanskar had agreed. She was unsure how to tell her sister about it.
"Swara we just got a new client"
"Who Ragini?" Swara asked
"Maybe it's better if you meet her. She will be arriving in an hour" Ragini said
After an hour someone knocked on her office door. Swara asked Ragini to open the door thinking the clients had arrived.
She prepared herself to greet them but than he walked into the room followed by Uttara. Time stopped and both of them just looked into each other's eyes. He had lost a lot of weight she noticed. He knew her smile was fake. They were both trying to be normal but their hearts were beating frantically. A part of her wanted to run up to him and embrace him in a hug but she controlled herself. He just wanted to hold her again and never let go. For a time being there mask of indifference slipped and everyone could see how desperate they were to be with each other. They held each other's gaze for what seemed like eternity but they couldn't look at each other anymore both of them were not that strong. She didn't know what to say. Uttara and Ragini gave each other a knowing look they decided finally to break the silence.
"Swara Bhabhi you look so nice" Uttara addressed her
She was still so lost in him that she replied after sometime.
"You too. What brings you here Uttara?" She looked at her completely ignoring Sansakar.
"Well I am getting married to guy called Sameer"
"Haww Uttara you are telling me now" Swara pretended to be offended
"It's not her fault you left" He finally spoke up
"I wasn't talking to you" She said rudely
"Please can we skip everything and get straight to the point. My sister is getting engaged and we require your services." He replied with equal anger
Ragini and Uttara rolled there heads thinking here we go again.
"So Uttara when do you plan to get engaged?" She ignored him again
"In a week" Uttara said
"Than we must start working right now. Ragini can you please show her the design portfolio" She said professionally.
"I think I have the perfect theme in mind. Come with me Uttara I will show you" Ragini gestured to Uttara to step out of the room.
"I will be right back. Wait for me Bhai" Uttara said
Both of them were aware that their siblings had purposefully left them alone.
"So.." He said
"So what?" She asked coldly
"Nice office. You have made quite a name for yourself" He indirectly praised her
"6 months and you want to talk about my office" She asked
"There is nothing left to say Swara" He said
She noticed his bandaged hand.
"What happened to your hand?" She asked
"That's none of your concern Miss Gadolia." He said angrily
"Sanskar please tell me how are you?"
"You have no right to be concerned about my well being. Just make sure that my sister has a perfect engagement." He said and got up
"I will"
Before going out of the room he turned to look at her one last time and said
"Thank you for not refusing to organise my sister's wedding. I guess since we are not friends or in love anymore we can say thank you to each other. Tell Uttara I am waiting for her in the car"
She watched him walking away from her. At that very moment she just wanted to run and stop him but she couldn't. She decided to walk out of her office to get some fresh air. She needed a glass of water so she made her way to her mom's house. However, she stopped when she heard him. He sounded so different while talking to her mother. Shomi was chiding him for coming to meet them after 6 months.
"Maa kia karta itni himmat nahi thi meray andhar. App kasiay hain aur baba kaha hain"
"Hum sab theek hain par Swara tumhay bohot miss karti hain Sanskar. Woh ajj bhi tum say bohot pyar karti hain" Shomi said
"Pyar maa woh mujh say nafrat karti hain Maa. Agar humra pyar sacha hota na toh hum ajj bhi saath hotay. App ki aur baba ki tarah" He said
Just than Aayush ran into the room. He looked at Sanskar. He hid behind his mother. Sanskar bend down to his level and gave him a chocolate.
"Uncle you keep a chocolate with you always kia?" He asked while licking the chocolate
"Yeah you never know when in life you need chocolate" Sanskar said while ruffling his hair.
"App best ho uncle" He said and raced out of the room
"Maa Aayush itna bada hogaya hain. Main chalta hun" He said and made his way to the front door. She hid herself behind a pillar but Aayush found her.
"Didi woh uncle kitnay achay hain he gave me a chocolate" Aayush said.
She was however still lost in what he had said. He thought she hated him but she couldn't hate him.
I hate you so much it makes me sick, it even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you're always right, I hate it when you lie,
I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you're not around and the fact that you didn't call
but mostly I hate the way I don't hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.
She walked inside her house. Shomi knew that her daughter was facing a plethora of emotions.
"Why don't you just talk to him. It's so evident that you still love each other. I mean he has even adopted your habits" She said
"Maa he himself said that he will never accept me back"
"Sometimes we say things and don't actually mean them. I am talking from experience living apart like this will give you both pain. You know I read something the other day: "Time will make it worse! You're...the other half of his soul. He's never going to get over you. And no matter how much you hope that you will... you'll never get over him. You're going to wake up one day and realize what you've done, and you're going to regret the time you wasted apart from him for the rest of your life."
Swara had no idea what to say to her mother so she just walked to her room and locked herself inside. At night both of them couldn't sleep again. She went out on the terrace and took her guitar with her.
She looked at the moon and started crooning a song she had heard recently.
Lo maan liya humne
Hai pyaar nahi tumko
Tum yaad nahi humko
Hum yaad nahi tumko
Bas ek dafa mudke dekho
Aye yaar zara humko
Lo Maan Liya Humne
Hai pyar nahi tumko
Tum yaad nahi humko
Hum yaad nahi tumko
At the same time, he took his phone and made his way to the terrace. He played the same song she was singing on the other side of the town. Some how this song captured his emotions.
Lo maan liya dekha hi nahin
Tere kaandhe ka woh til
Lo maan liya toota hi nahin
Tere hathon se mera dil
Chhaaon mein teri beeti hi nahi
Wo garmi ki baatein
Baahon mein teri guzri hi nahi
Wo sardi ki raatein
Lo maan liya humne
Aitbaar nahi tumko
Tum yaad nahi humko
Hum yaad nahi tumko
They both started crooning the next part of the song which basically said they were each other's dream.
Jaao le jaao neend meri
Uff na karenge hum
Jo le jaaoge khwaab mere
Toh kaise jiyenge hum
They confessed to the starry night how they couldn't live each other and living like this was barely living at all.
Jeena humko aata hi nahi
Teri saanson ke siva
Marna bhi ab na mumkin hai
Teri baahon ke siva
They poured their pain and their anguish into the song believing that the other person didn't care about them.
Lo maan liya humne
Parwah nahi tumko
Tum yaad nahi humko
Hum yaad nahi tumko
They finished and looked at the moon cursing their fate. Why was falling in love so painful? Why couldn't they just move on? Maybe because they had loved each other so fiercely that they felt incomplete without each other like two halves of one soul.
References:
Raaz 2 song
10 things I hate about you
Jamie Maguire-Providence
Sports
