Just one question

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Niva1

@Niva1

Voyager

+ 5

Posted: 8 years ago

I have a very small question with all the esteemed members of this dear Forum -

Time and again discussions happen siding either Dev or Sona, laying blame at one feet or another, But one statement that is largely used by TMs on either side is Dev's statement "I am difficult man to live with" and side supporting Dev uses it as a justification that Dev already warned Sona, the Side which supports Sona says that yes above statement is true and Sona agreed to it but Dev could have done some things differently still.🥱🥱🥱🥱

Overall this statement seems to hold. My question is can a partner in a relationship say such a statement and then behave according to with a 'told you so, told you already' attached? Is it enough to warn like this and not try to change 'your being difficult to live it'. Is it such a great character to have that it can be used as justification for everything and no change required at all.

If so, then one can always make many such sweeping claims before formalizing a relationship - and told you so would be an easy escape later. I know Dev is not doing the 'told you so' thing, but we are. We are saying that Dev already said 'I am a difficult man to live with'. I just want to ask - is that enough? is that even right to lay justifications based on this kind of statement? Is it even a statement worth it to actually give it so much importance?

Please agree or disagree, but do give your views. I would be really glab to get some clarification on it. 😳😳😳😳

Thanks in advance, will feel really welcome if someone does answer. 😊😊

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Jyoti Thakur

@JyotiBThakur

Sparkler

+ 5

Posted: 8 years ago

No its not enough and its not right too. And you said it right Dev is never using it like "Told you so".

But the thing is, DevAkshi need sometime to grow their relationship stronger. Dev will take sometime to change after the wedding. Both of them needs to give each other time. Understand each other and change some habits. Like Dev needs to be a bit calm. It'll not happen in few days.

Yes they love each other immensely, but to adjust to the circumstances around them after the wedding, they surely need some time. Both of them.

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sappushivu

@sappushivu

Navigator

Posted: 8 years ago

Yes, the statement would be wrong if its more abt an individual...When Dev said i am a difficult man to live with, it had nothing much to do with his personal self but abt his obligations, responsibilities, family and his past..he said my life isnt as simple as it looks , its complicated..

So however he tries to change himself for the gud, circumstances and the people around him neednt change..they wld remain the same and try to pull him back as we have been seeing since the time he got married.

Whenever, the TM uses the statement, am sure they jus mean to say that he had already made it clear.. abt thngs not being that easy and sona absolutely knows his family very well know..she can make decisions practically and he can learn from her and do that too like he did in Vicky's case but did his past allow him to do that? he was contantly reminded of his obligations and made to feel guilty for his decisions and rework on it...whereas for Sona, everythin seems easy..she wants to do something her way..she can get it done..but he cannot...

And its absolutely not his problem...he can change for her, but can change his circumstances? can he erase his past? can he ignore his family? NO ...and Sona was well aware of it all the time...she jus needs to help him , she just needs to pull him out of his past .With a mother like Ishwari constantly pulling him back, it is indeed a difficult task but with time they wll learn..they jus need to be together and understand one another ..

Edited by sappushivu - 8 years ago

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Niva1

@Niva1

Voyager

+ 5

Posted: 8 years ago

Originally posted by: JyotiBThakur
No its not enough and its not right too. And you said it right Dev is never using it like "Told you so".

But the thing is, DevAkshi need sometime to grow their relationship stronger. Dev will take sometime to change after the wedding. Both of them needs to give each other time. Understand each other and change some habits. Like Dev needs to be a bit calm. It'll not happen in few days.

Yes they love each other immensely, but to adjust to the circumstances around them after the wedding, they surely need some time. Both of them.

You are very right, they do need time to adjust with each other, but due to this statement Dev seems to have gotten a lot of leverage as compared to what Sona has. So far the adjustment part seems to be Sona's responsibilty. While Dev does have his own share of tortures, they are largely not Sona's making, but Dev has contributed enough in Sona's pain by storming off, shouting, going to urgent work the very next day of marriage.So I do think so far Dev has been allowed tantrums while Sona has not been, except for the night one, wherein Sona's concern was Dev's own making again.

bdw - plz call me Niva😳

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fangirl-rt

@fangirl-rt

Explorer

Posted: 8 years ago

Forget about this one statement...

If you get married to someone with difficult working hours (say on call or medical/call center professionals) and later get fed up with their working life style, you are told on face that you knew about this well in advance...

what people forget is: Everyone is ready to adjust in initial period of struggle... and agrees that if one needs to build career, the foundation has to be strong and hence put in more hours... then they get used to the lifestyle... the other partner however had thought, if I adjust and co-operate now, things will get better for both of us in future...but that lost time is gone forever ... only to hear, you knew about me...

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ltelidevara

@ltelidevara

Sparkler

+ 8

Posted: 8 years ago

Yes he is a difficult person to live with.He is right in warning her. Having said that I feel he should have done a bit more to make Sona feel her importance in his life.

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Jyoti Thakur

@JyotiBThakur

Sparkler

+ 5

Posted: 8 years ago

Originally posted by: Niva1

You are very right, they do need time to adjust with each other, but due to this statement Dev seems to have gotten a lot of leverage as compared to what Sona has. So far the adjustment part seems to be Sona's responsibilty. While Dev does have his own share of tortures, they are largely not Sona's making, but Dev has contributed enough in Sona's pain by storming off, shouting, going to urgent work the very next day of marriage.So I do think so far Dev has been allowed tantrums while Sona has not been, except for the night one, wherein Sona's concern was Dev's own making again.

bdw - plz call me Niva😳

Hey Niva... Thank you so much for sharing your POV... Loved the way you have expressed your thoughts.😊

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Niva1

@Niva1

Voyager

+ 5

Posted: 8 years ago

Originally posted by: sappushivu
Yes, the statement would be wrong if its more abt an individual...When Dev said i am a difficult man to live with, it had nothing much to do with his personal self but abt his obligations, responsibilities, family and his past..he said my life isnt as simple as it looks , its complicated..

So however he tries to change himself for the gud, circumstances and the people around him neednt change..they wld remain the same and try to pull him back as we have been seeing since the time he got married.

Whenever, the TM uses the statement, am sure they jus mean to say that he had already made it clear.. abt thngs not being that easy and sona absolutely knows his family very well know..she can make decisions practically and he can learn from her and do that too like he did in Vicky's case but did his past allow him to do that? he was contantly reminded of his obligations and made to feel guilty for his decisions and rework on it...whereas for Sona, everythin seems easy..she wants to do something her way..she can get it done..but he cannot...

And its absolutely not his problem...he can change for her, but can change his circumstances? can he erase his past? can he ignore his family? NO ...and Sona was well aware of it all the time...she jus needs to help him , she just needs to pull him out of his past .With a mother like Ishwari constantly pulling him back, it is indeed a difficult task but with time they wll learn..they jus need to be together and understand one another ..

I do agree to most of what you have said, but (sry for the compulsive but😛) warning and knowledge is not enough, even Bejoy warned Sona against many things - but Dev's love should count for more. He does have his past to deal with, but he has a present too, should he not converse his present with more calm considering that after marriage as far as Dev is concerned Vicky's appointment was first real drama, as for Sona, it is already one among many.

Bdw - call me Niva plz

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Niva1

@Niva1

Voyager

+ 5

Posted: 8 years ago

Originally posted by: fangirl-rt
Forget about this one statement...

If you get married to someone with difficult working hours (say on call or medical/call center professionals) and later get fed up with their working life style, you are told on face that you knew about this well in advance...

what people forget is: Everyone is ready to adjust in initial period of struggle... and agrees that if one needs to build career, the foundation has to be strong and hence put in more hours... then they get used to the lifestyle... the other partner however had thought, if I adjust and co-operate now, things will get better for both of us in future...but that lost time is gone forever ... only to hear, you knew about me...

How correct that is in real life, I won't even say I have seen someone else use this excuse. In fact I myself have used previously made statements as 'you already knew it' defence. It is like putting disclaimer and then taking full liberty. In love too one can do that, coz human being always has some selfish feelings even if it just subconscious. I do think that disclaimers aside, its actually in the initial days that girl needs heavy support from husband, both overt and cover, otherwise life has a way of bringing things to balance in natural course anyways - but that journey is long, painful and in case like Sona's, very alone.