Toxicity of Dev-Ishwari's Relationship

saumiee thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#1
Caught up with last two episodes very late so could not make the daily posts guys this is just a rant, so please bear with it😆
Ishwari's behaviour has been surprising us off late. This lady does not treat Dev as an individual identity at all, he is just her son. .His identification is limited to that.. earlier she used to be vocal about her opinions and left it on Dev to follow those advices or not, but suddenly she has turned so assertive and orders Dev rather than talking to him about his decisions.
But the situations then and now are different, Sonakshi's presence making all the difference. Earlier Dev never thought about the advises given by Ishwari from a different perspective so by default, he may have unquestionably done whatever Ishwari wanted him to. Ever since a girl who understands the complexity of emotions and situations better than him came to his life, the perspective of vision widened.
Sonakshi's advice sometimes resonated with Ishwari sometimes it did not. In the initial days, she did not notice. .as time progressed she brushed off the topic.
But, now they are married and Ishwari cannot digest the fact that her slave makes a decision on his own.Yes, I am using the word slave here because Ishwari's affection is what a master has,for maybe, his most important worker, nothing more. She no more keeps his emotions or sentiments in mind, does not consider his individual needs, heck she does not even think Dev owns his own business.
She owns every right to change his decisions because she thinks Dixits have reached this stage because Dev worked hard for her. .for her family.
She cannot see Dev having a brain of his own, having a heart of his own. He cannot take any decision for himself.

Every dialogue of Dev makes sense now,
"I need you for myself"
"Tum sirf meri ho"
"Mai tumhe kisi se share nahi karna chahta"

Because whatever Dev has done, it is for his family. He was irritated when even after marriage, he has to share Sonakshi with the family so much so, that Sona couldn't spend time with him. He can see Sonakshi being consumed in the Dixit family.
Imagine he has to call his wife out for a date in the car for spending some time with her.

Dev and Ishwari share such a toxic relationship. I read a post on the forum a few days back on how this relationship is purely based on obligations. Ishwari the master controller and Dev being the slave, who keeps obliging his master for her favours.
I feel so sorry for him, he cant have a life of his own Whenever he tries to have one, he is made to feel guilty.

And I am sure Dev would never realise how sabotaged he is in his own house, how he is being treated as a money-making machine only because He has been brought up in a situation where he has seen his mother struggle and after his father's death, all the responsibility comes on his fragile shoulders. Dev never acknowledges that his childhood was also lost albeit he knows.
And for Ishwari, Dev is her favorite, I believe not because of her love for him, but because he helped her sail through the tough times. Because he ensures her family is protected.
With Sonakshi's arrival, she can not see him diverting his attention to someone who is not a part of her family. She has not accepted Sonakshi as her family, bahu yes, Dev's wife yes, but not his family, not her family.
It is so heartbreaking to see Dev being caged in this shade of love, where he is indefinitely trapped between obligations, responsibility and his mother's obsession.
Mind you, Ishwari's obsession is not with Dev the son but Dev the provider.
This is why she never hesitates to keep the newly wedded couple away, disregarding his emotions. . Or directly questioning him about his wife's influence but she is careful not to let go of Dev the provider by giving him that object of affection (Sona) without whom Dev cannot live.
Ishwari doesn't give a damn about Vicky, it is her own control she is worried of. If Dev doesn't follow her, Bhaiya-Bhabhi sochenge mera beta mere haath se nikal gaya?
It is her way to check if Dev still blindly follows her when it comes to family.
This is why she wasn't bothered about how Rhea was a trainee and started from scratch but is too worried about the most undeserving person in Dev's office, vicky because it is a matter of her respect, her control. Even of Dev's business suffers from losses, be it. . because Ideally Dev should give up every thing, every molecule of oxygen for his family if needed.

I hope Dev understands that he is stuck in a very toxic relationship with his mother where addressing the issue with affection can only reinforce Ishwari's behaviour.

Sonakshi will have a big role to play. And Neha's entry can be used in a transforming way to open everyone's eyes about Ishwari's hypocrisy.

P.S I hope Dev Sonakshi just move out of this house together, the only time they both smile these days, is when they are together❤️
Edited:Typos
Edited by saumiee - 8 years ago

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romanticgurl070 thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#2
yeah Dev worth in his house is only as a money making machine and nothing else. In the Dixit family, no one knows him as Sona does. She actually knows him in and out.. Remember what Sona told Ishwari days after their break up when she came to inquire about Dev condition. Each and every word of hers was so true. Its just that Ishwari didn't want to believe what she said.
Krpkab_superfan thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#3
This is so well written 👏👏👏
Yesterday, I was convinced that Ishwari may not be Dev's real mother, but I guess reading a number of posts across the forum, it looks like there may be ladies out there who are like Ishwari. I feel so badly for Dev in all of this. Sona has an option of leaving the house in the worst case scenario, going back and living with her family.. ofcourse, she will have to provide for them, but even then the environment will be much better than what they are in now.

However, Dev is basically caged in this emotional mess of a situation. As a family member, he is going to have to agree to every emotional torture that Ishwari decides on. Ever since he has got married, I think Dev has suffered as much as Sona. Their SR was ruined and Ishwari ensured that she starved and made a huge ruckus about the non-veg situation, so bad that husband and wife fought on their SR. Then made Sona sleep in the girls room when she realised they were coming closer. She sent Dev to drop Bua very well hearing the disappointment in his voice when she asked him to do so. When Dev came to ask about the vrat, the tears started to flow and he had to not only feel guilty but go back and deal with his wife who was crying. The Bose's are not being any nicer to Dev in all of this.

And the saga continues, Vicky of all people has a right! over the company?? And Dev will need to agree because the pills may be brought out of the drawer or in a milder case, tears, guilt and all that Ishwari has in her armour will be used against Dev.

The only reasoning I have in all of this is that Dev is not Ishwari's son or that Ishwari's insecurities are so big that she is not aware of what she is doing. I remember Mamaji saying that even if I had said something you would not have heard. This is the same situation, Ishwari is turning blind to her own actions. I so want Vicky to get into a case ill-treating Tina (sexual harrassment, verbal abuse, something that the CVs can think of) or stealing money from Dev's company and then Ishwari might still say that Vicky had a right to the company's money, just the way she tried to brush of GKB stealing from her drawer months back.

In all of this, I still love the show because it makes us think and feel and very few shows have the capability to do that!
sandyaramesh thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#4
Toxic relationship indeed! The guy was suffocating until he met Sonakshi and what you said about him wanting Sona for himself is of great importance. I personally am looking forward to the day Sona understands this and also comprehends that she needs to be a better wife than a better Daughter-in-law.
Of course, its another matter that she needs to ride the daughter-in-law boat very carefully or else, it would upset Dev, if he ever sees Sona being disrespectful to his mother.

Sona is stuck between a rock and a hard place but it is time she chooses to win the best wife trophy instead of DIL trophy. And time for her unravel Ish's truth...hopefully to Dev. But will it happen in the near future is the million dollar question!
Aazeen02 thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#5
Moving out of the house is the easiest solution Saumya, but it is not politically right.
Privacy is a boon, Family is a blessing.
Choosing any one of the two will make you feel guilty about the other.
I know, sitting here and saying all this is very easy.For a couple like Dev and Sonakshi, they might be going through hell.
But moving out with your husband in their scenario is as selfish as Neha is.
She just can't adjust to the little physical resources she is provided there.
Similarly Sonakshi is trying hard to adjust in the little emotional resources she is provided in her in law's house.
Sonakshi may not have come from a materialistically wealthy family, but she has come from the kingdom of emotional support, which she gets almost nil at her sasural. But she is adjusting. That's the difference of upbringing that the writers are trying to contrast with. It is such a prominent hypocrisy in the Indian culture, that Daughter's every tear weights them down, and the tearfall their bahu is going through is considered as a drama. This is something that should really be treated, this infested thought...

As for the son leaving the house with his wife is concerned, I think this is a highly debatable topic. No matter what you do, you are proved bad and uncaring after the marriage, and the bahu is anyway never right, even if she dies serving the assholes of the sasural, at the end of the day it is the same slogan - If good is done to the house, it's our son who is a gem, If any bad happens, bahu is anyway always wrong.

So, I think, though I want Devakshi to leave this house as well, I will want to sit on the front seats of the drama room with a packet of American Cheese and Onion Lays and a packet of Kurkure and watch what this tedhi-medhi family does, and where the shit will all this land up into. Coz all I know the story is in a mess of a Tornado. Will see after the disaster, how much destruction and what all did the wild winds took with it.
rose4ever thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#6
Completely agree.Their relationship is indeed toxic.The following lines are bang on.
But, now they are married and Ishwari cannot digest the fact that her slave make a decision on his own.Yes, I am using the word slave here because Ishwari's affection is what a master has for maybe his most important worker, nothing more. She no more keeps his emotions or sentiments in mind, does not consider his individual needs, heck she does not even think Dev owns his own business.
She owns every right to changing his decisions because she thinks they have reached this stage because Dev worked hard for her. .for her family.
She cannot see Dev having a brain of his own, having a heart of his own. He cannot take any decision for himself.
And for Ishwari, Dev is her favorite, I believe not because of her love for him, but because he helped her sail through the tough times. Because he ensures her family is protected.
Mind you, Ishwari's obsession is not with Dev the son but Dev the provider.
It is her way to check if Dev still blindly follows her when it comes to family.
because Ideally Dev should give up every thing, every molecule of oxygen for his family if needed.

It is not only sad but also infuriating to see this attitude of a mother towards her son.For me, she doesn't deserve to be called a mother. A mother always wants her children to be happy.She always wants to see her children grow and become an independent individual.A mother would appreciate and encourage children to take their own decisions and live life as per their own choices.A mother would never make her child feel guilty for being happy, for thinking about himself.
But then Ishwari never treats Dev like a son,does she? He is only the money maker, the comfort provider,somebody whose world should only revolve around her and who should dance at her tunes and keep her at the pedestal of God.That's all Dev is to her.It's disgusting to see her treating him as a slave and a puppet.It's disgusting to hear her thoughts on how Dev's hard work is only for his family's comfort,so that they never have to even lift a finger to get anything.I see only selfishness,lies,greed,double standards in this woman.
I only hope that Ishwari's behavior towards Sonakshi would be an eye opener for Dev and he believes Sonakshi whenever she voices her concerns on this matter.And I do feel that on a subconscious level, he does understand at least some of his mother's flaws(as evident from his acceptance of Ishwari's unequal love for daughters and his questions to her when he was drunk )but he keeps turning a blind eye and falls for Ishwari's passive aggressive behavior. And frankly, if he fails to understand, I would want Sonakshi to leave that house because it would be wrong if only she has to do all the work.She is also a human with feelings.She also needs his support and if she doesn't have that,if she always has to fight alone, then what kind of a relationship would that be?


Edited by rose4ever - 8 years ago
rcha_bhrt thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#7
Agree with each word written by you 👏 nothing to add more
Ishwari sees dev as a provider not as a son actually she has never done that. If you will notice you will see how ishwari is a constant reminder of dev that he can't think anything other than fulfilling needs of his family.she is always like you just focus on your work and do whatever I say nothing else.

In Vicky case also as you said she doesn't give a damn about Vicky it's about her ego 'maine kaha hai dev se' then how can he say no to her.

I remember when dev had named a ward of hospital after her there was not an ounce of proud for him in her eyes but ya when he took her to inauguration she was full of pride not for him but for her control on him. I was surprised because no mother is like that.remember once sona said 'maa to apne bachho ki galtiya bhi sambhal ke rakhti hai' like asha mothers are proud of their least successful kid also and give every kid same affection and love without thinking about their status.

She made a big thing about when she saw him smiling after confession episode now it looks like she was taunting him "tu office late se jayega aur fir bhi badi raunak hai tere chehre pe" sorry but can't help her every word to dev sounds like taunt now.

I really feel for dev poor guy. I really wish sona forget about whole dixit clan and give him all the love and care which he didn't get in his entire life, I am sure she will get double in return.
stuti123 thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#8
saumiee dear 🤗was waiting for your post ...Very well written ..u have summed up everything very nicely ...My heart goes out to dev ..slave is the correct word..I seriously doubt ishwari has ever loved dev ..I even hate to call her a mother ..shez an extremly selfish woman.who only thinks about herself ..she just fears that her control will slip away on dev if he starts giving sona more importance than her ..and yes she cares two hoots about vicky or his carreer ..the thing which is affecting her is that how dare dev go against her ...how can he surpass her nd listen to his wife ..how can her control over her slave losen .family , relations all this is just am excuse , a shield which she is using to bring out her insecurity
so that can manipulate dev emotionally and make him continue making him dance to her tunes ..
Hate is a very harsh term to be used for anyone.but i so hate you ishwari for doing this to ur own son ..blame it on supriya ji for such a convincing performance





..



sona_naksh thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#9
was waiting for ur posts
i dint watch d show frm start so i m satching d back epis dese daz ..n i agree earlier also ishwari used to advice dev but she never ordered him ...she was hell bent dat dev shud make a decision ...n i really dont understand ishwari's obligatiin to mami n vicky ..earlier mama also accepted he cud nt do much coz he dint have resources n secondly rr dint allow ..so it means rr was nt much helpful ...
sona is noticing dese things n she ll come to a solution soon ...n den d uphill task of convincing dev ll start ..lets c how it goes ...
sjain thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#10
oh i am teary 😭😭
my heart sank after watching yesterday's epi and today again after reading your post😭😭 and Dev being my most fav (you know) it hurts even more..I absolutely cant see solution to this mess ATM 😭 Dev will never realize whats going on with his mothr then how can he ever take any step regarding the solution of it..Only mamaji is left who too looks of no help here..I cant seem to find any ray of hope also Sonakshi which is probably our biggest hope ..she will try to bring Dev out of this trap but somewhere Dev will be hurt in this process which will b again saddening ..oh so demoralized I am right now ..not feeling motivated at all 😔

Why dont you show this to cvs I really wish mamta ji reads it..it will make her aware of how viewers r perceiving it.. If you are comfortable do post it on twitter and I really hope she sees it because its worth reading👏

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