Of Individuality and Compromise

Originally posted by: ...Maham...

Remember me?

I know it's been ages since I wrote here. Hope you guys are doing great. :) I haven't been very happy with how the show progressed post Dev & Sona's breakup and since I don't really like to invest whatever time I have in critique I chose to stay away. Though in retrospect, maybe the track wasn't handled as abysmally as I thought (Mainly thanks to Sam for sharing a different perspective).

So anyway, while it's not exactly the most positive phase of the show I still found the last two episodes interesting. These issues were always waiting for us anyway so one can't really complain about the show being too dramatic. I read the post Sam recently made on Sona and her constant struggle with her own pride and need for validation from Ishwari. Interesting viewpoints on the thread. I think I somewhat agreed with everyone there.

Sona does have this inherent issue of pride being her fall. She also fears failure and needs to be declared perfect by everyone around. It's why she agreed to marry Rithvik. As much as she personally tried to move on, at the end of the day Sona was mainly fuelled by the need to be the perfect daughter and prove that she can put Dev aside just as casually as he seemed to have had. "Ache bachche" you know? All that went for a toss ofcourse when Dev collapsed during her engagement and for the first time you openly saw Sona embrace her true feelings and ignore all notions of practicality. She listened to her heart rather than her mind that day but her struggle with her flaws still continues.

In a way, I do feel that Ishwari really is trying her best to be patient with Sona. She openly warns her about jumping into unfamiliar territories so quickly, to give it time but Sona doesn't take this in a positive way. She wants Ishwari's approval and that is all she knows right now. But I can't say that Sona is simply doing this for her own self-satisfaction or that she is driven by some half-baked notion of achieving perfection and feeling worthy only when a figure of authority (In this case, Ishwari) acknowledges her efforts and loves her for the same. I think Sona is also afraid of the power Ishwari has on her relationship with Dev. Dev once left her because Ishwari didn't approve and couldn't accept her as her daughter-in-law. So maybe Sona also wants Ishwari's approval and affection for the sake of 'strengthening' her relationship with Dev. Or atleast feeling more secure about it. What if tomorrow Ishwari tells Dev to leave her again? I know they are married now and Ishwari herself begged Sona to come back in her son's life but we have seen Sona become aware of the fact that Ishwari only did this for her son's happiness, that she still hasn't accepted Sona in her heart and so her insecurity lingers on. Instead of actually giving her relationship with Dev time, Sona has chosen to focus her energy on the person who was responsible for them breaking up and reuniting once again. If she can just win Ishwari's heart she will no longer have to live with the fear of losing Dev again.

It's not right, I'm not saying it is but it does make sense to me. I, like everyone else, would like to see Sona investing more time in her marriage but the characters in this show are far from perfect and Sona is one of them. It was good to see Dev deliver a reality check to her yesterday, that she is trying too hard to be someone she isn't. Again ofcourse, I do understand the concept of a girl trying to live according to the ways of her in-laws simply because she wants them to accept her as one of their own. It's a perfectly real thing and not entirely wrong either. A little compromise is always needed.

Sona is in pursuit of a right way in this new journey .. As you explained there are so many reasons for Sona not being herself , and trying to be someone else now a days ... From the day of marriage she is being constantly reminded of how different is she and her culture and how she is a misfit in Dixit family . Even when Ishwari is advising her to give it some time and not to jump into unknown territory which is obviously her weak area , she is taking it as her failure ..And she is not at all ready to give up ... All her efforts are for, not to be left out or, rather to be an "insider" there... After all she is doing this for her love ... Even though she is trying to fit in, more than anything she is struggling hard to get the approval of one person who is the most important person for her husband ... As you said hurt of her rejection is still fresh in her memory , and unfortunately she could no figure out the reason till now ... If you remember initial days of her employment Ishwari was being very judgmental and was questioning her capabilities .She was very much vocal about her lack of knowledge in cooking , stitching or necessary skills to take care of a house hold ...I remember , Ishwari being sarcastic about how Sona would play sithar instead of making food 😆 , and she was already feeling bad about her future in-laws ... Sona may have mistook reason for Ishwari's rejection , being not able to meet her expectations of an ideal bahu ... She is yet to find out the real reason ...But she is totally ignoring, the reason for Ishwari's likings towards her later on . It was her composed , matured behavior ,that made her way into Ishwari's heart ... In fact we cant blame her for trying to fit in and more over to be in the good book of Ishwari but she is choosing the wrong way to do it ...And in the process she is taking her relationship with Dev for granted ,because she has faith in their love. TBH this is a mistake we all do ,sometimes we make our loved ones a lower priority thinking they could understand why we are doing it , but in reality we would be failing in our judgement and would be hurting them instead ... I hope Sona realize it before it is too late ...

Which brings me to my next point and that would be Neha. How brilliantly have the writers contrasted Neha's situation with Sona's. On one hand we see a woman refusing to lose herself in the ways of a household to the point that she feels that she can no longer live there, on the other hand there is Sona who is trying her level best to mould herself according to the needs of her new family and be considered as one of their own. It's an interesting conflict. Balance is the key here. Your life changes after marriage, you can't really call it your own anymore. Some decisions, some choices you have to make according to the needs of your new family. However this does not mean that you also lose your own identity in the process and forget your wants and needs. I think the best thing in such situations is to sit back and really reflect over how much you are willing to change. How far can you go before you get too overwhelmed by all of it? That is what Sona needs to do. She is going forward and committing to things without giving little or any thought to the ultimate consequences. She really, really needs to sit back and think about this a little more and ask her Mother about it too. You see the thing is, even if she might be partially driven to do all this to 'protect' her relationship with Dev, ultimately it is this very relationship that will suffer. Dev loves her for her originality, for her independence and forward thinking. Basically Dev doesn't need another Dixit in his life. He needs a Bose. Sonakshi Bose. He needs the woman that he fell in love with and if Sona loses that person in her struggle to be the perfect bahu then the whole thing becomes quite pointless.

Coming to Neha , we cannot entirely say she is at fault, weren't we all amazed at the way she handled some situations during her initial days of marriage .. She did try to fit in there as well , but in turn she was expecting Ranveer also doing some compromises.. I remember seeing a hint of jealousy in her eyes when Dev was standing up for Sona n her family while convincing Ishwari about the menu during marriage preparations , for a moment she would have wished at least once Ranveer does the same for their love and speak for her as well ... But as you said she was not ready to loose herself and clearly knew what she wanted , it's one thing I love about Neha ... And I have to say CVs have timed Neha's return perfectly ... Sona and Neha they both have to take cues from each other, and I'm sure we would get some beautiful moments leading to these realizations ...

Sona needs to understand the real extent of her abilities and accept the things she cannot do and beokay with the idea of being imperfect. Perfection doesn't exist afterall.

On a different note, that scene where Sona tells Dev to wait for things to calm down a bit and that once they do, Neha will come to talk to him contrasted with Ishwari berating Dev for not coming to her to 'discuss' about Neha showcased the different lines of thought that Sona and Ishwari follow so brilliantly. Where Sona openly discusses her issues with her Dada and eventually expects the same from Dev and Neha, Ishwari continues to enforce the insular relationship she has with Dev where she and Dev are the eldest and have to discuss about Neha as if she is not a fully grown woman but a child instead. These are the things that Sona needs to change, to fix in this household. For example in this instance, Dev should personally reach out to his sister, understand and support her without Ishwari acting as a medium.

Oh that was a brilliant take on the scene ... On a different thought , I perfectly get why Ishwari was upset , Dev's visits before going to bed and small talk about how his day went was the highlight of Ishwari's days , so when there was a reason to be upset she would have expected him to show up , as you said in her mind they both are sort of parent figures of the family ... But Sona was the one who made him realize the necessity of tending more than their materialistic needs and encouraged him to reach out to his sisters , and I do hope this would lead to better Neha-Dev bonding in due course ... But for now I'm willing to watch Neha taking her frustrations on newly weds ...

I hope Sona realizes that she has a bigger role to play here and that being subservient will only get her so far. She needs to recognize and celebrate her individuality and see that she is not the only one who needs to change and be introduced to new things.. The Dixit household needs the same just as much.

Cheers,

Maham

p.s: It feels good to write about the show after so long. :)

Once again so happy to read your wonderful insights, please do post here often ...